Hello, dear readers.
Yet again, another delay in posting. I think I don’t have any excuses, except
perhaps the fact that I’ve been incredibly lazy this week.
(No, seriously.
I haven’t made the bed, or done laundery, or really done anything except
work, read, and knit. I’m not proud, but it is what it is.)
This morning was strange. First of all, I decided to get on the
scale. I gained 0.4 pounds, which was a
bit disappointing. I know I can’t win
all the time, but I wish I could. As it
stands, I’ve still lost over 14 pounds since April. I now weigh what I weighed last summer.
Also, I woke up shaking so badly I could barely hold
on to anything. Mom wanted me to help
her cut coupons, so I was attempting to use scissors and cut them out, but all
of them were pretty rough.
So naturally, mom thought it was my blood
sugar. I took it and was at 96, which is
good for fasting. I knew it wouldn’t be
that. The truth is, it’s a side effect
of my anti anxiety medication.
The side effects have become increasingly worse
since I’ve gone back to a full dose of the stuff. The good news: My panic attacks are all but
gone.
The bad news: I’m waking up every morning with
shakes, I wake up at least 4 times a night, and I don’t really sleep anymore.
I’m trying to remember the last time I slept the
entire night in a fullfilling sleep. I
think it’s been at least a month.
Granted, this week is strained because my boyfriend is out of town
visiting friends and family and I’ve had to adjust to him not being here. But even when he was here, I was still waking
up at least twice a night.
It’s like I have to pick the lesser of two evils. I can have minimal side effects, but have
regular panic attacks again, which is no way to live. Or I can have major side effects, but be able
to function most of the time.
I guess I don’t really need to sleep after all.
So after deducing that it was my meds, my blood
sugar really did drop in a single swoop, leaving me with the familiar
hot/clammy/jitter infested plummet. One
Coke later, and here I am, typing a pre blog on Microsoft Word because I know I
won’t be able to upload it until later this afternoon.
It never ends.
Since my boyfriend has been out of town (it’ll be a
week tomorrow, and then an extra week and a couple of days til he returns),
I’ve been doing a lot of Meaghan things.
This includes knitting, reading (but not romances, cause those make me
miss him more), going to work, meeting with friends, and hanging out with my
family. I’m also in the process of
beating both Donkey Kong Country and Batman: Arkham Asylum. I doubt I’ll have either done before he gets
back, but they’re still fun to play.
I’m on chapter two of the novel I’m writing. I’ve been trying to not be overly critical
like I normally am with my writing. So
to achieve this, I haven’t been re-reading what I’ve written. This means that when I pick it up to add to
the next section, I read the last few sentences of the previous section and
continue on. It’s either going to prove
to be brilliant (meaning I’ll actually finish my novel before the year is out)
or it’s going to crash and burn like the plane in the opening of the Dark
Knight Rises (if you haven’t seen it, then I didn’t spoil much – stuff always
seems to explode in the beginnings of these movies).
Only time can tell.
And speaking of risks (which we were talking about,
believe it or not), I’m taking a leap of faith with my business. My mom has agreed to work for me. We’re scouting out consignment places today,
and hopefully will have this thing off the ground before the end of the
month. I don’t know how much I want to
give away though. I’m afraid to jinx it.
(Just know I am so thrilled about it that I can
hardly contain myself. With
determination, luck, and hard work, I hope to one day open my own store front
with this adventure.)
I know this is a long blog, but thank you for
bearing with me. There are so many
things I’m trying to muddle through. I
feel like I can’t see straight at times.
But I know there’s a purpose for all of it, even if I can’t see it or
understand it.
Thank you for listening, my dear readers. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
~Meaghan
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