Random Blog is Random.

But hey, at least I'm keeping with the "Let's blog every day for a whole year" resolution.  Even if it is a random blog between classes. 

I had the weirdest nightmare last night.  What happened was I woke up at three this morning with the worst stomach ache.  (I know better than to eat Quedoba because it always makes me sick, but I caved yesterday.  Note to self: fight the temptation of soft tacos.  It's not worth it.)  I stayed awake until after four. 

So when I fell back asleep, I had this crazy dream.  I was at school with one of my friends.  We were reading Orwell's "1984" for some reason.  (It's a good book, but not one I particularly feel the need to re-read.)  I said something, and suddenly he got really mad and told me to get the fuck out.  (I'm 99.99% sure this would never happen in real life...)

Then it was like a scene change.  Said friend, myself, and our third speech member were in the speech lab.  I was standing at the podium about to give my portion of the speech; I started and then realized I had no idea what I was saying.  I got embarrassed and fled from the room.

And then I woke up to my alarm.  It was the first time I remembered a dream since I started taking this anti-depressant.  So even while it was a complete and total stress dream, I'll take it.  It's a sign that things are going back to normal.

I could barely stand in the shower this morning.  I was so dizzy it wasn't even funny.  It was so tempting to just curl up into the fetal position and lay in the bathtub.  But I didn't.  I made it to school.  I'm having a decent morning. 

I still feel kind of funky though.  I really hope it is just Quedoba or my meds; I really don't want to get sick.

On a completely unrelated note, I had a really good talk this morning with my English Comp professor.  I think I may have to apply to a four year school to go ahead and get my teaching degree.  I feel like I'm kind of leaning that way.  I want to teach high school literature.  I think there are enough crappy lit teachers that it turns a lot of students off of reading and writing.  I want to break that mold.

More importantly, though, is the fact that I really need to find a summer job.  I only have two weeks of school left.  And while I would love to spend this whole summer goofing off, I think it's probably a good idea for me to work so I can pay for books and tuition in the fall.  So far I've applied at Borders and Home Depot.  I'm in the middle of filling out an app for Michaels as well.  Then I'll apply at Hobby Lobby, Target, and as a last resort, King Soopers.

I refuse to do food service again.  I don't think you could pay me enough.

And now I have to go to psychology to watch others give their presentations.  Apparently we're going to have a test over each disorder presented; I can honestly say that I haven't paid enough attention to even really remember what disorders we've seen.  But I learn by listening and doodling in my margines, so maybe I'll remember more than I think I do.  At this point, I'm not entirely convinced I care.

Oh! And the new issue of the school magazine (the one with my poem in it) is coming out soon.  That's exciting.

Alright, class.  I got this.

~Meaghan

The Girl and the Violin

Once upon a time, I played my violin religiously. Well, I actually complained a lot about practicing and didn't do it, and when I did, it was far from religiously. But the point is that when I did practice, I sounded great (the beauty of being musically inclined) and really did enjoy it for the most part. So why am I telling you guys this?

Because I quit my job.

No, no, no. I am not going to pack up my belongings and play on a street corner somewhere in hopes that some random strangers, feeling touched after a Bach sonata, will give me money to live off of. Not at all. Although, buskering (playing on streets and at fairs and stuff for pocket change) is pretty enjoyable. Truth be told, I like performing in groups and in places where no one is really paying attention. It's fun and not stressful like solo performances at a recital are.

Again, not the point. My bad.

I quit my job for a number of reasons, actually, including but not limited to the fact that I hate working 4 am shifts and that my job was threatened over something that was not my fault.

But the main one is that I am sick of answering to the man. That's right. I am tired of having corporate used as a threat above my head, I am tired of working everyone else's hours, and I am tired of having to act like it's ok. Cause it's not. That is not how you lead or manage people, and I know that from my parents and from my years as a Girl Scout.

So I quit my job and next Wed. is my official last day. Great. What the heck am I going to do and what does this have to do with the story of me and my lousy practice habits?

You see, teaching is one my ambitions in life. I know I am never going to make a fortune off of it, and I know that it's a hard job to have. I know that some teachers get very little respect for what they do. But it is a noble thing, teaching the next generation, so to speak. I see the odds, and I also see the rewards, and frankly, if I can make a difference for one student, then I will feel like my time here has been worth it.

Which brings me to what I am going to do after I finish at Bagel Hell. I am going to teach violin.

That's right. I am pulling my beloved instrument out (I really do love it; it's a part of me that I will never be able to get away from) and am going to offer private instruction to beginner students. It's not going to be super profitable (if I wanted profitable, I'd stay where I am and be miserable) and it's going to take some time to get set up, but in the end, I feel it is going to be worth it.

I wouldn't feel I could do this if I didn't live at home, if my college wasn't paid for via a student loan, and if my savings wasn't built up. I have the perfect alignement, it seems, to pull this off.

I have not felt happier. I am going to do something my dad has been trying to get me to do for a while now: I'm going to be my own boss. It's going to rock. And I'm doing something that I love, which is a plus. I seriously do not care if I live off of peanuts as long as I am doing something I love and care about. If you don't care about or enjoy what you do, you shouldn't do it.

On that note, I'm auditioning for an orchestra next Tuesday. I think I'm going to audition with "the Swan" by Saint-Saens. I'm pretty excited; playing in an orchestra is like no other experience. It's fun, it's crazy, the music is usually good, and performing is a blast.

And now the homework beast is calling, so I must leave you for now. Until we meet again, dear readers.

~Meaghan

Well, June's Half Done...

...and this is the first time I've updated this blog since June started. Go me, procrastinator to the end.

I'm going to start this by saying that I should have probably waited to update until tomorrow, because I am wiped right now. So why am I doing it now? Well, I'm up charging my iPod (I told you I was a procrastinator), and thought I would go ahead and update while I was thinking about it.

I'm trying to think if there was anything exciting that happened between the last update and tonight. It rained today, which is a good thing cause we really needed it, and I saw a double rainbow. That's the second double rainbow I've seen in two days, cause it briefly stormed yesterday, leaving one behind. This may sound superstitious or whatever, but I'm going to take it as a sign that things are going to be ok. I worry fairly easily, so I like to take my signs when I can get them.

I also saw a funnel cloud yesterday, which was pretty neat. Normally I freak out about tornadoes and really bad storms, but I feel like this year is different. I am ready for some weather, and I'm sick of it missing us. So seeing the funnel cloud was pretty sweet, even if the storm itself didn't last.

We are getting ready to go out of town next week, which I am super excited about. It's a week long trip basically going to Missouri and back. Since my family is from there, we're going to spend time with family and friends and revisit the old stomping grounds. (Am I too young to word that like I did?)

I have been looking forward to this vacation for a long time, and when I was getting burned out last semester, it was part of what gave me motivation. Now, I just have to survive a week more of work and then I'm free for a week. :D

Work is getting better. It looks as though I am possibly going to be a shift supervisor by the end of the summer, which I am thrilled about. I work with some really great people, and I have finally gained enough seniority that I did not work any 5am shifts this week. There's just something about getting up before the sun does...

I also realized in the past month that as much as I like my new job, I'm really ready to be in my chosen field. I don't know if I've talked about this (I probably have, but am exhausted right now and don't remember - humor me), but I found out that for an education degree, I have to have a main major. I've decided that I want to become an English major, so that I can teach English to middle and high schoolers. I feel like I am being called to teach and help the ones who are slipping through the cracks, and as idealistic as that sounds, I want to make a difference somewhere. I feel like this is where I need to be to do it.

It's going to take for flippin ever to get there, though. Because I work part time to pay for tuition and because I want to do well and pass with as close to a 4.0 as I can, I'm only taking the bare minimum credits to be on my parents insurance. So, I figured it out, and I have about two and a half more years at the community level, then another two to three at the university level. I may pick up summer classes again, so that could be shortened, but for now, that's the pace that works for me.

I have no doubt that it is going to be worth it when I get there. No doubt at all. Teaching is going to be one of those things that will satisfy me and get me motivated to get up in the mornings, and I need that. Einstein's is fine for now, but I don't want to be there for the rest of my life.

I think that's about all that's going on. I feel like I'm ready to be back in school, but I also know I need this summer off to recoup. My bowling average has improved and it looks like I'll be able to be on the college league when I get to my university, which is good. I'm pretty excited about it, to be honest.

Ok, that's all. My brain just literally shut down.

Good night, Cyberland,

~Meaghan