Blogging Madness and Optimism

Maybe I'm optimistic because I'm about to see my boyfriend next weekend.  Or maybe I'm optimistic because I've cried all the bad, sad feelings out.  Or maybe, just maybe, I'm optimistic because it's time to be.

Who knows?  Who cares?

It's stormy outside with snow and rain and sleet, but my mood is oddly...content.  I feel like I can finally see some sort of silverlining out there.  Bout time too.

I've given up on the traditional God.  I believe in God, I love God, I believe God loves me and has a plan for me (much like everyone else).  But I am done confining God to a box called Religion.  So I'm faithful and spiritual and religionless.  If that makes sense.  I feel I have a better relationship with the Devine now that I've kind of hit that point.  It's...freeing.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do once I graduate.  Will I go back for more classes?  Will I get that full time job?

All I know is that whatever I do, I'm going to do it to the best of my ability.  I want to be the best Meaghan that I can be.  I don't need to be Elizabeth Zimmerman or T.S. Eliot or Sylvia Plath or Debbie Bliss.  I don't need to be my classmates, my professors, or anyone else.  I just need to be me.

Which is hard, because sometimes I really want to be elevated and great like my peers.  But we all have our own strengths and I'm realizing it's time I start playing to mine instead of forcing them to be like others.

So yeah.  I feel optimistic.  I'm even sitting up straighter, for whatever that's worth.  I'm reading books of poetry and meditations and techniques to free your creative juice from your inner critics.  I'm learning to design better things, and I'm knitting like never before. 

I'm even considering getting a shop on Etsy.  If I do, I'll post a link so you can see and maybe buy what I have up.

I hope that you, my dear readers, are hitting that point of quiet optimism.  It really is like breathing again.

~Meaghan

Plans

I know, it's dangerous to make plans.

But sometimes, plans can be a good thing.  Plans can make you feel like things are going to be ok even when you aren't sure they are.

My boyfriend and I have been making plans.  Moving plans, future plans, life plans.  I know that somewhere, God is probably laughing at us.  But He brought us together, so chances are that He knows we were going to do this.

I'm considering a hope chest.  It's such an old fashioned thing if you think about it.  Pioneer women would start hope chests and fill them with things that they could bring into their marriage - blankets and clothing and cooking things.  And hope.  Lots and lots of hope.

I want to start one.  I'm going to be moving in a year or so (at least provided the plans work out), and I want to have things to bring with me.  Cook books and dishes I like and blankets.  And hope.  Lots and lots of hope.

There's nothing wrong with hoping and dreaming.  I think that without hope and dreams, humans would fade out.  It's a theme you see throughout history.  Once humans became settled enough to stay in one place, they began to write stories and dream of the future.

I can't live without hope.  And even if our plans fall to shreds in the next year or two, I'm going to hope for the best.  Because life is better that way.  Life is better when you see the glass as half full and the hopes and dreams as colorful possibilities instead of black and white realities.

I want you to hope too, dear readers.  Hope in tomorrow.

~Meaghan

Middle of the Week.

I'm re-writing my English paper.  I realized I did the assignment totally wrong.  I thought it would be painful to re-write it, but it's actually not.  I'm a lot happier with what's coming out now than with what I initally wrote.  And it looks like I'm actually going to make the page requirement.

Spring break is around the corner.  It's exciting.  The weather is warm, my attention span is shot, and I'm ready to do nothing for a whole week.

Although, I'll probably get caught up on homework over break.  Maybe try to get ahead.  That would be nice, lol.

I'm re-writing part of my cricket story, too.  Still not loving it, but I like it better than I did.  At least I'll have something to turn in tomorrow.  That's always the goal: even if it's bad, it's better to turn it in and at least try rather than give up altogether.

I feel like I want to do something today, but I'm not sure what.  Maybe I'll go for a bike ride or a walk.  It's really nice outside so I feel like I should take advantage of it.

I woke up feeling really hopeful today.  I don't have a clue as to what is going to happen, but I really do feel like I'm finally on the path God wants me to be on.  It's encouraging.  I feel like good things are going to befall me the rest of the semester.  It makes me feel optimistic.

Tonight, my guilty pleasure show is on: America's Next Top Model.  Normally I'm really into shows like CSI and Bones.  But I love Tyra Banks and America's Next Top Model.  Sometimes when I'm in an aisle at the grocery store by myself, I practice my model walk.  It's silly, but the show makes me realize how beautiful we all are, inside and out.

Maybe that's why I have such a preoccupation with Beauty and the Beast.  She, Beauty (or Belle, etc.), is this really strong heroine who sees things and people for what and who they are.  She doesn't take crap from anyone, doesn't wait around for a prince to come save her from her life, and won't change who she is for anyone.  She's smart, funny, and well read.

The Beast (I don't know if he has a name in any of the versions) is this horribly selfish person who learns from Beauty and begins to grow as a character.  She can see beyond his awful shell; likewise, he respects her for who she is and doesn't ask her to give up who she is.

It is both empowering and beautiful.

(I think I know what I'm watching over break...)

Ahh.  I need to go finish my papers.  Yay for the middle of the week, right?

Enjoy your day, dear readers.

~Meaghan