Tuesday Update.

Believe it or not, I don't have a lot to say today.

I'm tired, that's why.  I woke up at 1:30 this morning and didn't fall back asleep until after 4, only to have to get up again at 6 to start my day.  It makes for a long one.

School is school, life is life.  I'm too tired to really write anything else.  If I think of anything to put, I'll post a second update.

~Meaghan

Tired.

I've been waking up at two and three in the morning fairly consistently the past week or two.  I wake up, realize that I either have to go to the bathroom or need to roll over, then take up to three hours to fall back asleep only to have to get up a few hours later. 

Last night was no exception.  Two am rolls around and poof.  I'm wide awake.

Yeah, it makes me tired.  I think it must just be because things are winding down and my brain is over compensating for it.  But really, it would be nice to have a night where I sleep the whole way through. 

So, I've noticed some side effects of the anti-depressant I'm taking.  It makes me very thirsty.  It also makes me less hungry.  (That could be a good thing.)  But the one that is bothering me is the nausea.  It makes me so sick to my stomach. 

I went out with my friend yesterday and we went to Red Robin.  I was eating cheese sticks and doing fine.  But five bites into my burger and it hit me.  I couldn't eat any more.  Same with dinner last night.  My friend is on similar medicine and has assured me that it will go away within two weeks. 

I really hope she's right.  The mental benefits are great, but the upset stomach needs to go.

Also, I'm dog sitting this weekend.  As it turns out, the dog has an aneurysm.  That explains the heavy panting, the seizures, the shaking, and the neurotic behavior.  She seemed happy this morning despite it all.  As long as she doesn't die on me, we shall all be good.

It's going to be a good weekend.

And on that note, I'm going to grab some breakfast.

~Meaghan

I Survived.

My presentation went better than expected, actually.  Oh wait, did I tell you guys about that?  I had a three slide presentation due in psychology today.  I wasn't really stressed about it.  Well, unless you count waking up at three in the morning and running it through my head until I fell back asleep as stress. 

In which case, yeah, I was a little stressed.

I had the craziest nightmare this morning.  It was after I went back to sleep from waking up at three.  I dreamed that the area my family is living in got evacuated due to a wildfire.  We grabbed as much stuff as we could and packed up the car.  My dad was driving, like he always is in my dreams.  Suddenly we were driving on the old outer road in Missouri that I remember and know well.  (Funny way that dreams merge past and present, isn't it?  I very rarely make it through a nightmare or a dream without some element from my old home, neighborhood, or roads...)  We were going the wrong way; as my dad tried to turn around, we were surrounded by smoke.

I woke up to the nasty chirping of my alarm clock.

I think my day could have been a lot worse, actually.  Especially with that as a precursor.  But it went pretty well for the most part.  I'm thankful for that.

I have decided to write my informative speech on how to protect yourself during the Zombie Apocalypse.  I know it's not something practical, but I am so sick of being practical.  I can be practical when I'm old.  I'm young and frankly, I want to do something fun.  I love planning how things are going to go down when the zombies come; this is just an extention of that.

I spoke to my creative writing instructor today as well.  I've been feeling kind of crappy about my skills as a writer this semester; it was a very encouraging thing to talk to her about.  I feel a lot better about where my writing kind of stands. 

I'm really tired.  Waking up at odd hours really doesn't do any good for anyone.  I think it may be an early night.

I found a Stephen King book I couldn't get into.  It's "the Stand" and I was trying to read it at school today.  Maybe there was too much going on (they had gaming systems set up in the area I normally sit in and it was kind of fun to watch groups do DDR - I myself was wearing heels and had no intention of doing it, but I had no problem watching others make fools of themselves, lol...) or maybe I was just too tired.  Whatever it was, I returned it to the library today with only five pages read.

Maybe I need a change in what I'm reading.  I mean, I love horror and I love Stephen King, but lately it's all been feeling a little predictable to me.  I refuse to read romances because I'm having enough issues with it (or lack thereof) in my own life; fantasy is the same old, same old.  Maybe I should take to reading creative non fiction.  That might shake up my book diet nicely.

Oh, and aren't you guys proud of me?  I've been updating every single day since the year started.  That's right, dear readers.  I have been good on my self-imposed challenge.  Granted, I don't feel like I have a lot to say most of the time, but hey.  At least I'm doing it.

Ah, I feel like I need to go read or knit.  Something to unwind.  I'll talk to you guys later.

~Meaghan

Argh.

No.  I am not a pirate.  You know, just in case you were wondering.  (We've already covered this - ninjas are infinitly cooler.  Do you hear them coming up behind you with a clanking wooden leg?  No.  You don't see them 'til you're a goner.)

I'm just a slightly frustrated young woman who attends a college.  Where she likes a guy.  At least, she thinks she does.  And she thinks he may be interested in her, at least as possible friend material. 

But she's old fashioned and believes the guy should approach first.

And it looks like he's not going to.

Which means that she is going to have to make the first effort.

It drives me nuts.  I'm not overly shy anymore, but I still get nervous talking to guys.  Plus, I have this huge fear of rejection.  I mean, I know everyone else has it too.  But I've had so much bad luck with guys - guys who I've never even had "relationships" with - that I'm really nervous to put myself out there.

But I have a feeling like the window of opportunity may be closing.  I mean, I think I really do like this guy.  He was in one of my classes last semester; he's didn't talk much in class. I see him everywhere this semester.  I'm pretty sure he sees me.  So I think I'm just going to have to try my luck and talk to him first.
I'm praying about it.  I think that might help.

In other news, I'm exhausted.  Thursdays are so long, it feels like they are killing me.  It's my writing class.  I love my major (Creative Writing) and I like the class, but it's nearly three hours long.  We get a break, but I seriously need caffiene (Spelling?  I don't even know right now...) in my blood stream just to keep me going.

(BTW, random bit here, but there's a Jack's Mannequin song that says the same thing in it.  I can't remember off the top of my head what the title is, but it's off the album with "Dark Blue" on it...)

Ok, I'm clocking out now.  I need some dinner and some sleep.

Until the next time, dear readers.

~Meaghan

I Survived!

The dog is alive.  The boy is alive.  My neighbor is home safe and sound.  My poem turned out fantastic (I think it's the first piece of writing this year - so far - that I actually like how it turned out) and got turned in before the deadline.  My speech is turning out well.

I'm pretty happy.

And exhausted.

It was a long weekend.

I'll write more tomorrow.

~Meaghan

Day One of Sitting

So far, so good.

The six year old and I have only had two minor squables (one involving bedtime) and I haven't fallen even though the dog has insisted on walking on the ice each and every time we go out.

So, I'm taking it as a victory.

I overhauled my speech today, making it much better than it was originally.  I'm also working on revising my poem for my creative writing class.  I'm a lot happier with where that one is going as well.

Mainly, though, I'm tired.  It takes a lot keeping up with a kid and a dog.  I don't know how people do it.  I think moms must be wonder women.

And on that note, I'm leaving for the night.  The morning comes earlier than I would like to admit.

~Meaghan

Weekend!!

Today was my Friday.  I'm pretty happy to be home right now. =)

School was more of the same.  The classes were good, the instructors good.  I didn't eat alone today.  I instead ate with a fellow student who I had taken Creative Writing with last semester.  It was pretty good.  I feel like I zoned out a lot today - that's what you get for being tired.

I saw the boy with the braces.  He saw me, but I'm pretty sure he didn't "see" me.  You know how it goes.  Oh well.  I have another character to write about...

I'm giving my first speech in public speaking on Tuesday.  I'm nervous, but confident.  I plan on practicing the heck out of it this weekend.

I think that's about it.  I'm planning on not doing an insane amount of homework tomorrow, but rather to watch movies and knit.  That's the plan. 

My dad put in for vacation time for the summer.  It baffles me that you have to apply for it so early on.  It really does.  But I'm excited.  We're going back to the Midwest for a while.  It's going to be great.

Until the next time, when I'm more coherent.

~Meaghan

Long Story Short...

...I'm exhausted.

It was a bit of a long day.  I'm dog sitting for my neighbor.  Before she left, she gave me a heads up - her dog was throwing up earlier.

This is the dog that I'm terrified is going to randomly die on me while I'm watching her.  So the fact that she's sick and I'm watching her for the weekend freaks me out royally.

So I've been monitoring her; she doesn't want to really eat, move about, or do much.  She seemed much more energetic tonight than she was this morning.  I'm going to take that as a good sign.  All I can do is take care of her to the best of my ability and pray that God takes pity on me and doesn't let her die in my care.  I don't know what I would do if she did.  I think I would cry and feel awful.

I did, however, get the outline for my first speech written while watching her.  I think it's going to be a decent speech - I'm going to talk for three minutes or so about my violin and how it plays into my life.  I feel good about it.

I went to the doctor this morning.  I ended up seeing the RN who shares an office with my doctor.  I have a prescription for an anti-acid medication that is stronger than the over the counter stuff that I'm going to start taking in the morning.  The RNs big concern is that I'm either suffering from acid reflux or an ulcer. 

So if this medication doesn't work, I'm to make an appointment to meet with a G.I. doctor to have a tube stuck down my throat to see if I have an ulcer or not.

Um, yeah.  Tell that to the glasses that I've had for four years and the six cavities I need filled. 

Hopefully the meds will work.

And today my mom got the contact information for where her older brother - I'm pretty sure that makes him my uncle - is.  She contacted the shelter he's at where he's turning his life around; I may get to know a part of that side of the family after all.  It's very surreal.  The only person on that side of the family that I've met is my great-aunt, who's a nun in Kentucky.  I've seen the pictures and heard the stories; but the fact that I may meet someone else is such an odd feeling.

I think it may be ok.  I'm going to pray though.  I don't want my mom to get involved in anything that's going to hurt her; if that's what this is going to do, then I want nothing to do with it.

And now I have homework.  I'm wiped, but I'm supposed to do forty-five minutes of journaling each day for my writing class.  I'm pretty excited about it.

I just need to wake up a bit.

Until the next time, dear readers.

~Meaghan

The Grass is Very Cool This Evening

...or "Why I need to tell you about not being able to feel my toes".

And for the record, my Cyberland Readers, when I refer to grass, I mean the green stuff that covers lawns across the nation and that HOAs make you cut and water religiously. Not the illegal stuff they talk about on C.O.P.S.

Basically, I have just put in a long day at school. I mean, I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically. And it's fells freakishly warm in my family's little apartment. I mean, maybe I'm weird cause I like being chilled or something, but it is super warm in here today. So, being the resourceful writer I am, I decided it would be prudent to go outside with one of my many notebooks and do some writing.

I find that nature is inspiring for me, much like music is, and so I enjoy being able to write outside. I love fall the best. Maybe it's because I always feel seasonally bummed out around this time and that makes my writing better, maybe it's the weather and the sky and the cooler temperatures, but whatever it is, fall is the best time to go outside and sit in the grass and write.

Which is what I meant to do. I really did. I grabbed my notebook, my favorite pentel, my iPod with my various story playlists on it, and my flip-flops and went outside. I wanted to get on paper this idea I came up with in class (creative writing, ironically enough) while the teacher was talking and I was spacing out. It promises to be good, if I ever get it down on paper.

Cause here's what happened when I went outside to write tonight:

1. I kicked off my flip-flops so my toes could play with the grass.
2. Upon realizing how nice and cool the grass was and how blue the sky was, I decided laying down was the best option to maximize my writing process.
3. Upon laying down, I got distracted by the light on the tree about three feet away from me and the beat of the song I was listening to.
4. Writing became completely forgotten as I found my "happy place".

Eventually, I got up because I got buzzed by some sort of flying thing and because my feet were freezing. As I got up, my mind slowly made the connection that the grass wasn't just cold. Rather, it was wet as well. Which was exciting. Even now, as I type this disjointed blog for the night, I still feel mild dampness on my back. I'm vaguely wondering if I got grass stains on me, and at the same time, I'm pretty sure I don't particularly care.

It was so totally worth it.

On a completely unrelated note, I work my last 4:30 am shift tomorrow. Thank God. I am so over this job, I can't even begin to describe it. I literally can't breathe while I'm there. Part of that could be my asthma, but I think the bulk of it is that I feel trapped there. The whole place feels like it's compressing on me. Wed is my last day. Trust me, I'm doing victory laps inside. You just can't see it.

I think I would update more, but I'm having trouble getting my brain to connect. I'm going to take that as my cue to stop rambling and get off.

Until we meet again, dear Readers.

~Meaghan

Yep, I Should Most Definitely Be In Bed Now...

...why on earth do you ask?

Is it because you know I am about to fill this blog with more useless information than the back of a cereal box or because you can sense through the screens separating us that I am fully exhausted to the point of hyperness?

Whatever your reason, here is my blog post for the day.

I have calculated that in order for me to make paying $63 for a pair of roller skates count for anything, I have to use them at least 10 more times. 10, I tell you! I can almost guarentee that my derby dreams are dashed, but for the love of all that is holy, I had better know how to skate by the end of the 10 + times. Seriously. Or else I am not going to be a happy camper, so to speak.

On a completely other tangent, I am debating about trying RiffTrax. For those who do not know what RiffTrax is, I'll give you a brief synopsis.

Basically, while Joel Hodgson and his gang has their project of Cinematic Titanic, Mike Nelson got together with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett(e) (I said I was tired, that means spelling and grammer have gone to hell for the night. Humor me...) and formed RiffTrax, which is a thing where you can buy an audio commentary full of riffing for a ton of modern movies.

Here's the thing:

I like my stuff to all come together. If I'm going to pay money for someone riffing my movie for me, I don't mind paying the extra to have the movie come with it. I just feel like it's an incomplete product.

But I'm still debating about trying it. Why? Because the little 10 minute blurb on youtube of the three of them riffing Twilight was freaking fantastic. (I love those books, but that movie was just asking to be riffed...) And because they're funny, and because I missed the Mike/Joel debates so I can like them both. And because I love Brain Guy. That's why.

Still, it's all just a passing thought. It takes me forever to agonize over ordering things online and stuff, so we shall see if I actually go anywhere with it.

Okay, now the hyperness is gone. I am going to bed. Good luck trying to make sense of this post, cyberland, good luck.

~Meaghan