Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Battles and Victories

Hello again, my dear readers.

I have just had a whirlwind of a week.  My graduation party was Saturday and was amazing, I might add.  My cousin came in from out of town and we totally hit it off - I see her now as a best friend/family/everything kind of person.  Which is good because a lot of my current friends are AWOL or morons or just unavailable.  (Busy lives makes it hard.)

I'm on the downswing, though.

The current battle is one with my moods and weight.

My moods are in the gutter.  I'm tired and I just feel like crying all the time for not good reason.  I don't feel motivated to do a lot of stuff.  It's the onset of a depression curve and I need to kill it before it pulls me under.

Then there's my weight.  Age 21 and 1/2, 5'5", and 215 lbs.  Not good.  Not good at all.  My new summer goal is to lose 25 of those pounds by August.

I'm scared though.  What if I'm going to be fat forever?  What if I can't win this battle?  What if I die young because I was stupid and kept gaining weight??? 

So those are the battles.

But there are also victories.

Like my cousin being completely awesome.  And the fact that I got a job at JC Penny.  And the writing set I got complete with pens that have to be dipped in jars of ink, a wax seal, and beautiful stationary. 

My boyfriend loves me.  My family loves me.  The few friends I have love me.

These are good things.

So we'll see how the next few weeks and months progress.  I want to be super aggressive about everything.  I want to be healthy and me.

Until next time,


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hellooooo, Whirlwind.

Hey blog world! 

Long time no see, huh?  It's been complete madness and I finally feel like I can talk about it all.

1. Graduation

 This feels pretty self descriptive.  My boyfriend and I both walked last Saturday at the ceremony for our community college.  It was exhaustive and amazing, and my parents both cried.  (I may have too...)  It feels insanely weird being a graduated college student - with honors, I might add - and not having to do anymore homework.  I've had a lot of people tell me I should go on and get a BA, but I don't think that's what I want to do right now. 

It's not that I hate school, it's just that I'm done with it for a while.  Besides.  If I went to a four year school, I probably wouldn't go into English.  It was fun and I am very happy I got my AA with writing, but I think I want to pursue other things.  Like knitting.  And the environment.  And science.

2. Anniversary

My boyfriend and I also recently celebrated our one year anniversary.  It has been a crazy rollercoaster ride filled with fun and stress - both from inside and from outside sources (who tells their son to find a better girl because her family is broke?)-, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I can't imagine being with another man.  He's not perfect and neither is our relationship, but that's what makes it so amazing - the perfection in the imperfection.

Honestly, we almost broke it off a few months ago.  He was having a hard time and the distance wasn't helping.  But we pulled through and I'm so glad we did.  :)

3. Couch

This is where it gets even more personal, so if you don't want to hear it my readers, turn away now.

My boyfriend has broken ties with his father's family and is living on my couch for the summer.  Honestly, I think it was probably one of the best things he could have done.  (I'm just saying this, either, even though I've always known his dad didn't like me.  There was a lot of emotional strain, control, and verbal abuse going on.  My man contemplated suicide.  It was baaaad.)

Having him on my couch is kind of fun though.  He fits in with my family perfectly.  We all care about him deeply.  Which isn't to say his family doesn't, just in a different way.

(I think the saddest part is that his dad has no idea that I'm wearing his son's promise ring.  And he'll probably never know. :( )

4. Food

Yup, it's a wheat allergy.  Awesomeness. 

It's great going to places and being that person who always has to ask what's in everything.  But on the bright side, I feel better than I have in ages.

5. Knitting

~Green Cardigan - done
~Katie's b-day gift - nearly done
~Purple top - started
~Blanket for my love - buying the yarn today
~Red shawl - done

6. Jobs

I've had one interview so far at Bath and Body Works, but no call back.  I called Tuesday and was told I'd get a call yesterday; nothing.  I'm taking this as a sign to keep looking.

I figure, God knows where I should be.  Right?

I think that sums everything up.  I apologize if I was too personal, but I've been holding this stuff in for a while.  It feels  nice to let it out.

I hope everything is going well for you, dear readers.  :)  Enjoy your wonderful weekend.