Owls

Early this morning, at about 3am, the local pair of great horned owls woke me up. They were calling back and forth to each other in the frosty November air, the female's soprano rising above the male's baritone, each a gentle call of love.

It signaled mating season. I listened for a minute, letting the calls wash over me before racing to grab my boyfriend, Trevor, from the living room.

"You have to hear this," I told him, unable to hide my glee. He followed me, unsure of what to find, as I led him back to the dark bedroom. He started to speak, but I shushed him. "Listen."

The owls began again. Question, answer. Question, answer. Choose me, choose me; maybe, maybe.

Trevor smiled at me. "Go," he teased with a shooing motion. "Be free, owl."

I shook my head and grinned. "They're mating," I whispered.

He hugged me then got ready for bed.

Later, laying in bed with his arms around me, I reveled in the owls outside, in their conviction of love. 

Great horned owls mate for life.  They don’t live together year round, but come together again to share a nest for mating season.  This courtship outside, the gentle voices of the owls reconnecting, is just the beginning.  There will be preening, the owl form of cuddling, and nest fixing.  Come February, they’ll both be taking care of chicks.  But once the chicks leave the nest, the owls part, searching for separate branches to rest on.

“If reincarnation turns out to be the way things go when we die,” I whispered into the dark, more to myself, “I hope I come back as an owl.”

Trevor yawned.  “I just hope I bump into you again.”

Hellooooo, Whirlwind.

Hey blog world! 

Long time no see, huh?  It's been complete madness and I finally feel like I can talk about it all.

1. Graduation

 This feels pretty self descriptive.  My boyfriend and I both walked last Saturday at the ceremony for our community college.  It was exhaustive and amazing, and my parents both cried.  (I may have too...)  It feels insanely weird being a graduated college student - with honors, I might add - and not having to do anymore homework.  I've had a lot of people tell me I should go on and get a BA, but I don't think that's what I want to do right now. 

It's not that I hate school, it's just that I'm done with it for a while.  Besides.  If I went to a four year school, I probably wouldn't go into English.  It was fun and I am very happy I got my AA with writing, but I think I want to pursue other things.  Like knitting.  And the environment.  And science.

2. Anniversary

My boyfriend and I also recently celebrated our one year anniversary.  It has been a crazy rollercoaster ride filled with fun and stress - both from inside and from outside sources (who tells their son to find a better girl because her family is broke?)-, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I can't imagine being with another man.  He's not perfect and neither is our relationship, but that's what makes it so amazing - the perfection in the imperfection.

Honestly, we almost broke it off a few months ago.  He was having a hard time and the distance wasn't helping.  But we pulled through and I'm so glad we did.  :)

3. Couch

This is where it gets even more personal, so if you don't want to hear it my readers, turn away now.

My boyfriend has broken ties with his father's family and is living on my couch for the summer.  Honestly, I think it was probably one of the best things he could have done.  (I'm just saying this, either, even though I've always known his dad didn't like me.  There was a lot of emotional strain, control, and verbal abuse going on.  My man contemplated suicide.  It was baaaad.)

Having him on my couch is kind of fun though.  He fits in with my family perfectly.  We all care about him deeply.  Which isn't to say his family doesn't, just in a different way.

(I think the saddest part is that his dad has no idea that I'm wearing his son's promise ring.  And he'll probably never know. :( )

4. Food

Yup, it's a wheat allergy.  Awesomeness. 

It's great going to places and being that person who always has to ask what's in everything.  But on the bright side, I feel better than I have in ages.

5. Knitting

~Green Cardigan - done
~Katie's b-day gift - nearly done
~Purple top - started
~Blanket for my love - buying the yarn today
~Red shawl - done

6. Jobs

I've had one interview so far at Bath and Body Works, but no call back.  I called Tuesday and was told I'd get a call yesterday; nothing.  I'm taking this as a sign to keep looking.

I figure, God knows where I should be.  Right?

I think that sums everything up.  I apologize if I was too personal, but I've been holding this stuff in for a while.  It feels  nice to let it out.

I hope everything is going well for you, dear readers.  :)  Enjoy your wonderful weekend.

~Meaghan

A Lack of Road Signs

I feel like I'm riding along through an unmarked area.  There are no road signs telling me which way to go.  Anyway I go will be fine, but each will lead me to a different place.  Those places are unknown.

Hmmm.

My sister just got accepted to the four year school of her choice for the fall.  I am so very, very happy for her.  She has had her heart set on it for the past few months.  It is incredible.  She's so excited.  I haven't seen her this excited for anything in a very, very long time.

I got back from visiting my boyfriend in Boulder.  It was the best thing all semester.  We stayed in a hotel, ate delivery, went to the Pearl Street Mall, visited a yarn store, talked, watched movies, etc.  It was incredible being so close.  When I left, we both cried, me more than him.  I felt like Rose from Dr. Who in the Doomsday episode.  All I wanted was to go back.

And thus the cross roads.

I have been told that if I go to a four year school, I will be more employable.  But my major would probably be English.  And honestly, I'm completely neutral about it.  I'm neither excited nor unexcited about the prospect of going to school for a few more years.  It's more "Ehhh."

If I get a full time job, I can save, live at home, get a car, and then work on moving out.  I can move in with my boyfriend or move near him to give both of us a support structure and routine.  I like this idea, but I'm not ready to work full time at the moment.

So what I think I'll do is keep the job on the weekends that I currently have.  I'll spend as much time over the summer as I can with the people I care about.  And then come July or August I'll decide what to do.

Maybe I'll have some road signs by then.

~Meaghan

Brief Update

I can't even remember what my last blog was about.  Probably a brief update as well.  Huh.

February is here, and I am relieved.  (And sore in strange places.  But I can't discuss that on this blog - after all, my father reads this and there are things he doesn't need to know.)

Class is alright.  I am ready to be done.  But it's okay.  I'm powering through.

Distance is hard for a relationship, but my boyfriend and I are doing well.  He came down last night and took me to a nice Italian dinner; it was lovely just to spend time with him, talking and hanging and...well.  It was nice.  He's coming into his own and I am so proud of him for that.

He's booking the hotel today or tomorrow for when I come visit in March.  It's going to be a blast!  Celestial Seasonings, a yarn shop, the Pearl Street mall, movies and swimming and just being together.  I can't wait.

I've been giving myself little motivative treats along the way.  Like the sweater I'm working on.  And getting my hair and nails done at the end of this month.  Little things to make it go faster and easier and better.

I think that's everything in my world.  I hope you guys are all doing well, dear readers. :)  I am sorry about how spurratic the updates are.  I'll try to get better about that, but no guarentees.

Until we meet again,
Meaghan

Holiday Update

The tree is up.  I repeat: the tree is up.

It's about time, actually.  Maybe now I'll start feeling the holiday spirit.

We got our car back today.  Yayayayayayayay!  So the rental car (which we've had for like two weeks now) can go back to the dealer.  It is very exciting and about time.  The only thing that made it so slow was the insurance adjuster getting the estimates.  We would've had our car back last week if he had been faster. 

Oh well.  Count your blessings. :)

I have my boyfriend's gift done (thick wool socks in green flaked with gold yarn) and I'm half way done with his brother's gift (a stuffed hedgehog done in Sonic the Hedgehog colors).  Then I have a hat to finish and a tiny whale to make and I'm done!

I even started a pair of slipper socks for myself.  They're on size 9 double points with thick Homespun Lion Brand yarn in a color called Waterfall.  Here's a link.  It's super soft and super pretty.  I think I can have a pair done by the weekend for lounging after work on Saturday.  That's my goal. :)

A friend and I doubled with our boyfriends to the Melting Pot last night. I had never been there before and neither had my boyfriend. Oh my goodness.  It was incredible.  The Melting Pot is a fondue place.  We got a double date special with four courses.  The first course was a garlic cheese fondue that our server made at the table; there were like three kinds of bread to dip in in, plus veggies like broccoli (is that spelled right) and apples.  Apples + cheese = awesome.

Then we had salads, which were pretty good.  I like that they put hardboiled eggs on them.  That was followed by the main course, a variety of meat and seafood to be cooked in boiling chicken broth.  Again, there were veggies too.  Sooo good.  The dessert was awesome too - white and dark chocolate swirled in a ying-yang pattern with rice krispy treats and cheesecake among other things to be dipped in.

The best part, though, was the company.  It's nice to be with people you get along with and can have a good time with.  My friend and I would talk while the guys were talking, then the four of us would join in again.  It was a lot of fun.  I think fun was what we all needed.  This semester was too hard to get through for everyone.

Tomorrow my sister and I are going with my boyfriend to see The Muppet Movie.  I like that the two of them get along.  I'm not sure what I would do if they didn't.  But as of now, they see each other as siblings.  Strangely enough, actually, it was like that from the start.  I think that must mean it's good. :)

Tonight, we ate at Steak n Shake for the first time in over a year.  They finally opened one in Colorado.  We're from the midwest, so Steak n Shake was part of growing up for my sister and I.  Tonight was like a trip from the past.  And tomorrow we get to introduce my boyfriend to it.  I'm so happy I could cry.

I feel like things are finally starting to work out again.  I have a lot of friends who are struggling; I pray for them and help where I can.  I'm still not sure what my faith is exactly except that it rests with a higher, loving being.  I'm ok with that for now. I'm grateful for my family being together and for everything being ok.

Have a great evening, dear readers.  Take stock of your blessings.  It's good to keep it in perspective. :)

~Meaghan

I Told You I Was Going to be Buried.

Didn't I?  Didn't I, dear readers?

Oh, class got cancelled today.  Yeah, that's awesome.  The day my story is up for critiques is the day class gets cancelled.  I vaguely think this happened to me last time, too...

We're learning about life on other planets.  Well, the potential of life on other planets.  I can't help but believe that there will be life out there.  Isn't it arrogant to think that we are alone in the universe?  I think it is.  There is too much to explore before we can rule out the possibility.

I can't really think of a lot that's going on.  I'm probably going to go help one of my friends for a bit when I'm done here.  I'm scheduled to work a table at an event for her from like 2:30 to 4, but I think I might go sooner.  I can knit down there and join the festivities.

My boyfriend is on a one track mind right now - homework.  That's all he can think about.  Doing homework, staying on top of it, getting good grades with it, etc.  I respect him for that, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't drive me nuts sometimes.  I hope he gets things figured out soon.

My parents celebrated their 27th wedding anniversary yesterday.  I hope that we have that long and more together, too. 

My sister had a concussion a few weeks ago.  She's still recovering.  All in all, she's doing a lot better than she was.  I am greatful.

I'm going through a questioning period with my faith.  I believe in God and I like Christianity, but the more I learn about the world around me, the more I feel disillusioned.  I can't believe there's only one wya to get to heaven.  I can't do it.  It does not bode with me. 

I've taken up the mindset of different paths, same mountain.  If a truly loving God truly loves His children, then everyone should be able to get there.  I'm still going to follow the Christian holidays, but I feel like I'm not going to be able to go back at looking at them like I used to.

Ah, but that's stuff for another time.  A different blog, perhaps, or maybe not a blog at all.  I don't know.

And on that note, I'm going to go help at this school event.  Have a great Thursday, dear readers.

~Meaghan

When We Get There

I was talking with my boyfriend, Trevor, today as he brought me home from school.  We were talking about the subject of kids and video games, and how ridiculous it is that some kids are playing horribly violent games at a young age.

"When we have kids, I don't want them to play games all the time," I told him.  "I have nothing against them, but I don't want them to be the only thing they do.  And no violent games or movies until they're old enough to handle it."

"Well," he said, "That will be fine."

And the conversation switched to a different aspect.

It wasn't until we pulled into the parking lot of my home that Trevor said something kind of out of the blue.

"When we get there, we can go through my games and see what's suitable or not."

It took me a minute.  "What?  When we get where?"

He pulled into a space and smiled.  "You know, when we have kids standing there, wanting to play."

"Oh.  When we get there."  I smiled.

When we get there.  Because one day with God's grace, we're going to get there.

~Meaghan

Homesick.

They say home is where the heart is.

Well, my heart is in three separate places right now.

One piece is in Detroit.  My sister - one of my best friends in the world who I love to pieces - is there, on a mission trip.  She's helping make a difference in the lives around her; she's fixing, she building, she's listening, she's growing. She's been gone since Sunday.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  She's coming home to us on Saturday, in the evening on a plane. 

One piece is with my boyfriend who lives half an hour away.  He is going with his family on Friday for their family vacation.  He's going to laugh and joke and relax and play.  He's going to get to reconnect with the loved ones in his life, because the only constant things in this life are God and family.  I'm happy for him, and I know that he needs this.  But at the same time, I'm not going to really get to hear from him for the two weeks he's gone.  Last night was the last time I'll get to see him till he gets back.

And the final piece is here, in the apartment I call home.  It's with my parents who have always been there for me and who always will be there for me.  I'm learning as time progresses the one fundamental truth: no matter what happens, family will always be there to catch you.  They support me, they keep me grounded.  They listen to me gripe, listen to my joys.  And without them, I don't know where I would be.

So as you can see, I'm a little homesick.  I want all three pieces back in the same spot.  It's comforting and familiar and smells like home.

But maybe, just maybe, I have three homes.  And while I still miss pieces, I know they are in safe hands.

~Meaghan

The Great Degree Problem

As many of you know, dear readers, I am a college student.

I attend a local community college where I am working on an Associates of Arts with an emphasis in Creative Writing.  The fall will mark my third year there, earning my two year degree.  Oh yeah. It's awesome. 

I originally started as a Bio major, which many of you may not know.  My passion for the longest time was birds of prey.  Owls, hawks, falcons, kites, eagles - I knew them by sight, some by sound, and I wanted to spend every day working with them. I still love them, and it's hard for me to not identify them as I'm driving down the road.

But things change.

I realized last spring that Biology was not the path for me.  It was technical.  And while I have the brains to handle it, it was more effort than I wanted to put forth.  Instead, I re-discovered my love of words.  I have always been a good writer, and I have always loved writing.  Through a literature class, my love of reading and writing was re-awoken.

And when I took a creative writing class last fall, I realized what I want to do with my life: I want to write.

It probably should have been clear earlier on.  I mean, I can't not write.  It is a part of me.  My favorite part of buying school supplies is getting new notebooks and ink pens.  I love the stimulation of taking characters I know intimately or the beauty of the world around me and putting it onto my computer or in a notebook in a way that others can know, too.

But now, my readers, I'm faced with a problem.

You would think it would be easy now that I know what I want to do.  The truth is, though, that the job market is not very open.  I decided this morning to take a look to see what's available for my A.A. degree.  The answer? Not a whole lot. 

It seems that in order to put my degree to good use, I either need to become a very good freelance writer or I need to get my B.A.  I'm not sure I want my B.A.  I'm successful at college and I enjoy it.  But I don't really enjoy it enough to go for another two or three years.  I really want to get a full time job and taste the world of independence.

See, I live at home with my family.  I don't have my own car.  I rely on my parents for pretty much everything.  And while that's fine, there comes a point where I want to know that I can live on my own.  I need to know that I can provide for myself and that I can live in an environment where I will be able to be safe on my own.

(For anyone wondering about it, that was part of why I didn't got straight to a four year school.  At the time I graduated high school, I wasn't convinced that I could trust myself enough to be safe living away from home.  It's a problem a lot of people don't have to worry about; for me though, I still hear the voice in the back of my brain from time to time.)

My sister and I want to get an apartment together before things change.  I want to do that more than anything.  I want that time with her.  I want that time to grow before the changes progress.

On top of it, I've been having a lot of people tell me that I should got to a four year school or ask me if I've considered going.  Professors, friends, family members, mentors.  It makes me question my path.  And I hate that.  I don't think a lot of them mean to put pressure on me, but that's what ends up happening. 

I just need to know that it's going to be ok in the end.  I just need to know that my choices aren't going to define me.  I need to know that I'm supported no matter what, and that I'm loved regardless of what I choose.

I think what finally brought this to a head (because I've been quietly struggling with it for some time now) is what's going on with my sweet boyfriend.  I love him more than anything and I want him to be happy, and right now, he's not.  He's not thrilled with what his path is and he's trying to figure out what to do next.  It's hard to be a third party.  I can't make his choices for him, and I know it.  I can't tell him what to do.

All I can do is tell him the truth: that I'll always be there, supporting him no matter what he does.  That I'll love him no matter what he chooses and that I'll follow him anywhere, even if it means leaving all I know behind. 

(If this isn't love, then I don't know what is.  I've never felt so sure of something in my entire life.  And I mean it, too. )

I feel sick to my stomach and now I'm starting to cry.  I don't know what is going on with me, but I feel like I can't handle it right now.  There shouldn't be so much pressure on us, this next generation.  All I want to do is work and write and knit.  Why is that so hard for everyone to understand? 

Why is it all so hard to understand?

~Meaghan

Busy Weekend.

Holy cow, this is going to be a busy weekend.

Today, we are celebrating Father's Day.  I know it's not until Sunday, but we have good reason for celebrating early.  See, my sister is leaving for her mission trip on Sunday at 5 in the morning. 

So we celebrate Father's Day today.  Then tomorrow, we help make sure everything is packed and ready to go, as well as spending time with her before she leaves.  Then on Sunday we take her to the airport.

And then Monday I start teaching Vacation Bible School for a week.  So it's going to lessen the sadness of not having my sister around.  I always get mopey when she's not around.  She's my one of my best friends.  I know she's going to have a great time, but I'm still going to miss her.

Friday, Trevor is leaving.  My second best friend is going to be gone.  So for two days, my two favorite people in the world are going to be gone.  I'm trying not to be bummed.  I've had time with Katie and I'll have more with her before she goes.  Then I'll have several days with Trevor before he goes. 

So it won't be too bad.

Just busy.

~Meaghan

Sometimes, You Just Gotta Eat Some Ice Cream

Last night, I went out with my boyfriend, Trevor.

We had a good time.  He came over and went swimming with my sister and I in the afternoon.  Apart from spotty sunburns - apparently we suck at putting on sunscreen - it was a lot of fun.  Then Trevor and I went out.

We went to the library, then to a bookstore and walked around the mall area, and had dinner.  Then we went to a park and started walking one of the trails; but then we heard a pack of coyotes and decided it was best to turn back.  Especially after a random guy on the street told us that we probably shouldn't bother them. 

Which was just as well.  A huge thunderstorm came in, so we would have been toast any way.  After killing some time, we ended up at a local grocery store.  I found out that Trevor had never had Ben and Jerry's ice cream before.  Obviously this had to change. 

So we got a pint of Cherry Garcia and two spoons, and proceeded to sit outside the store for the next hour, eating the whole thing.  We were on a sugar high, I'm fairly sure of it.  As we talked about Harry Potter, both of us randomly burst out laughing at nothing in particular.  It was so much fun.  I've never done that before, and I'm so glad I did.

It was totally worth the extra calories and pounds. 

If you haven't done it, I highly recommend it.

~Meaghan

Friends before Love.

Last night my boyfriend came over for dinner and hang out time.

It was good.  We went for a walk and I was able to talk with him about all the stresses I was feeling this week - friends who don't actually value my friendship, friends going through break ups, etc.  Being able to get that out was so theraputic.

Yeah, I have my family.  And yeah, I have other friends I can talk about it with.  But talking with him and having him tell me it's ok and that I'm ok, that was perfect.  I think it's part of that bonding between individuals. 

Yes, kissing and hand holding is great.  Yes, goofing off is great too.  But being able to have conversations - about anything - is wonderful.  That's the beauty of where we started.  We started as friends, and we will always be friends.  We are boyfriend/girlfriend, and at some point we're probably going to be husband/wife, but we will always be friends. 

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

~Meaghan

The Value of Reading Signs

So, today was my sister's party. 

We had a lot of people over to help her celebrate her awesome finish to high school, the fun time of turning 18, and her amazing black belt.  There was food, friends, laughter, and a lot of love to spread around.

One of the people to come over was my boyfriend.  Now, after a while at the party, it got very loud and crowded.  So he and I decided to go outside for some down time.  We ended up laying in the grass, me soaking up sun while he tried to figure out the cards in the deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards he got me. 

(That's a story for another time.)

We then went back outside to watch the sunset (in the grass) after the party and after my sister had opened her gifts.

Upon returning, we learned from my mom that there were signs up everywhere, telling residents to stay off the grass.  Apparently the ground was saturated with pesticide. 

(Naturally, I felt itchy after this revelation.)

After my boyfriend left, I showered.  He let me know when he got home, where he also showered.  I'm still not convinced I'm not going to be poisoned. 

And to think.  This could have all been avoided had we just read the yellow signs.

Word to the wise, dear readers.  Always read the signs.

~Meaghan

Busy Day

But it's going to be a fun day.

The first thing I get to do is hang out with one of my friends who I haven't seen since Christmas.  We're going to go shopping to find her a dress for her cousin's wedding, get lunch, and catch up.  It's been forever, and this is long over due. 

The reason it's been so long is because she goes to school out in California.  Well, she did.  She just graduated and is spending the summer here at home until August.  Then she's moving to the east coast with her boyfriend.

It's amazing how time passes and how we all grow.  I'm happy for her.  I know he takes good care of her and that they are happy together.  So it's a good thing.

But still.  A part of me will miss her.

Then tonight I get to go on date night with my sweet boyfriend.  We're going to go to dinner, see a movie, and just enjoy each other's company.  I love him and I love being around him.  I can let my guard down and be myself without worrying about what he thinks. 

Date night is another thing that is over due.  We had plans to hang out on Monday, but he ended up catching a nasty stomach virus that left him down and out for a few days.  Not good.  I was worried about him; severe stomach pains can be serious.

Thankfully it wasn't.  And now we get to have our night because he's feeling so much better.

I think that about sums up what fun things lay in store for me today.  I hope you guys have a great Thursday!

~Meaghan

It Has Begun.

My boyfriend, Trevor, is a gamer. 

He has like four different gaming systems at home, a hand held PS3 (I think that's what it is) that he takes with him places, and plays computer games.  His game collection is huge. 

I have nothing against this.  In fact, I think it's kind of awesome.

But I realized today that it has bled over onto me. 

Being the cool guy that he is, Trev decided to get us a Nintendo Gamecube.  It was used and he got a really great deal on it. (I did protest at first though, mainly because I'm not used to having people outside my family spend money on me.  I'm gradually getting used to the idea that he likes doing things like that and that it's ok because we are dating.  I know.  I'm an odd one, lol.) 

Katie and I have spent many dirt talking sessions playing Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros. since we got it.  It is a lot of fun, even if I do get my tush whooped on most occasions.  We can be competitive, and he knew that, so it's perfect for us.

Then there's Minecraft.

Does anyone out there play Minecraft?  Because in the past three weeks I have become hopelessly adddicted to it.  It is that crazy fun.  It's just legos and digging and...smacking sheep.  I'm really enjoying it.

Which means that I am becoming a gamer. 

Oh well.  At least it's not drugs.  And with my super cute boyfriend helping me, I don't see how it can be a bad thing. =)

Happy Thursday, dear cyberland readers.  And go try Minecraft if you haven't already.

~Meaghan

Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy.

Now that I've broken my challenge, it seems like I've been getting sloppy with updating.  I need to not let that happen.  Even if I haven't been able to update every day for a year, I need to at least try to stay consistant.  Bleh.

So here's what's been going on with me, dear readers.

I have a sinus infection.  It has knocked me out on my back and won't let me get up.  Happily, I get to stay in bed today as long as possible and lounge in my pajama's.  I don't feel nearly as bad as I did yesterday.  This is a good thing - it means that my anti-biotics are doing what they are supposed to be doing.

My boyfriend is coming over for dinner on Sunday again.  I like that he feels comfortable enough to eat with my family.  It makes me very happy.

My sister is getting her black belt on Saturday.  She's nervous; I don't blame her at all.  I'm nervous for her.  But I know she's going to get it and that she's going to do a great job.  I have complete confidence in her.  Then next week she turns 18.  It's crazy, isn't it?  Maybe it only feels crazy to me.  She is my baby sister after all.

We're going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show with some people from my speech class next week as well.  It's my birthday gift to my sister.  So far, it's her, me, my boyfriend, our friend from our group speech and her family.  It's going to be a lot of fun.  I'm really excited.

And that's all that's going on here.  I'm ready for my ears to stop itching and burning; also need my throat to stop aching.  Note to self: even if playing in the rain seems like a good idea, it's not.  Don't do it.

Have a great Wednesday, dear readers.

~Meaghan

Dinner: Success

My boyfriend, Trevor, came over to eat dinner with my family tonight.

First of all, let me just say that this is the first time anything like this has happened before.  I've never had a guy over for dinner, let alone a guy who I adore.  I'll be honest - I was a little nervous.  As much as I love my family, all of us can be a little hard to take at times.

I had no reason to worry.

He fit right in with us.  I  knew he fit with me (which is a wonderful realization, let me tell you), but it was great getting to see him interact with my sister and my parents.  He was able to hold conversations, keep up with the humor, and relax.

And all of them like him a lot.  Which is good.  Because even if they didn't, I would still adore him, so it would make it harder.

The next thing is meeting my friends, which I'm not too worried about.

Now, if I could just relax around his family...Time, I think, is going to be the answer there.

Have a wonderful night, cyberland readers.

~Meaghan

Rainy Day Post.

It's raining.  Which is good, because otherwise, it would be snowing.  I've said it a million and one times on here at least, but I'll say it again for good measure: rain is good, snow is bad.  Rain reminds me of home.  Snow makes me want to cry.

Unless it's winter, Christmas, or around Christmas.  That's different.  Then it's magical.

I'm trying to decide what to do today.  Should I make it a productive day?  What is the definition of a productive day anyway? 

On the one hand, I could clean.  I have a room that looks like a twister hit it, the bathroom is kind of a mess, and I really should sweep the kitchen.  Maybe redecorate my bedroom walls.

On the other hand, I could just spend the whole day reading the manga my boyfriend (it's going to take a while for me to get used to saying that...in a good way, of course, lol) lent me, catching up on celebrity gossip (I don't know about anyone else, but I need a healthy dose of it from time to time), and knitting my scarves.  If I go with this option, I might even work a bit on the collection of poetry I started at the beginning of the semester when everything felt like it was going to hell.

Hmm.  Yeah, the second option I think has won.  It is a perfect day for doing nothing.

I got a copy of People's Magazine yesterday so that I could catch up on the Royal Wedding stuff.  I know, I know.  It's very hyped up.  But you know what?  Kate got her fairytale and frankly, I think it's romantic.  I'm kind of a sucker for that anyway, so maybe it doesn't count though. 

I just love how in love they are.  You can tell in all of their pictures that he really loves her and that she really loves him.  The fact that she's a commoner is cool too.  It shows that when it's right, no barriers - social, religious, etc. - can hold it back.  Total fairytale.

Plus her dress is beautiful.  I don't think it's something that I would wear, but it looks astounding on her.  Weddings are one of those things that some girls dream about their whole lives; I love watching them when they work out.

My cousin is getting married this summer.  I'm kind of bummed we don't get to go to the wedding.  He's the last of my family to get married; that ultimately means that theoretically, I'm next.  Although, we could end up doing what my cousins did and my sister could get hitched first.  It could happen. 

I like to think of it as not on my time table but rather on God's time table.  It makes me a lot less stressed and takes an insane amount of pressure off of me.  And really, I waited and God brought me the most wonderful guy, so I don't see a problem in my way of thinking.

My job interview with Macy's fell through.  I got an email yesterday telling me that my interview was cancelled because they already filled the position.  I'm not as bummed out as I feel like I should be.  I think it would have been a good place to work, but maybe it means I'm supposed to be somewhere else.  Who knows.

My phone has also been giving me a boatload of trouble.  Last night I plugged it in; it said it was charging, so I went to sleep confident that it would be fully charged when I woke up.  I got up this morning and turned it on, only to be told that the battery was about to die.  So after talking with my dad, I swapped out my memory card with his. 

Now I have two phones with me this morning.  One is my dad's with my memory card in it; the other is mine with his memory card in it.  Oh, and the trouble phone is now saying it has a full battery.

I can't wait until we renew our contract and can get new phones.  Just another few weeks...

Yup, that about sums up my existance at this moment.  Enjoy you're Wednesday, dear readers. =)

~Meaghan

First Kisses and First Dates.

Yesterday was an amazing day.  After thinking about it, I have decided to share with you, dear readers, why it was so amazing.  Don't worry, there won't be a lot of detail.  (My dad does reads this, after all.)

So, let's start from the beginning.

I was in a public speaking class this previous semester as you will probably recall.  It was a lot more fun than I expected; heck, any class that gives me an A for presenting about zombies and the end of the world gets points in my book.  But that's not the whole reason why it was fun or important.

Insert: The Group Speech.

So, I normally have a huge adversion to group projects.  I mean, you either get stuck with a sucky group that makes you do all the work (been there, done that) or you end up with a group where no one can decide what they want to do (also been there, done that).  I wanted to be in a good group, so I asked one woman if she would be in a group with me.  She agreed, then asked a fellow student to join as well to make a group of three.

Insert: Trevor.

Trevor is this wonderful guy who is smart, funny, and likes to read.  He also has a killer smile, although I might be biased at this point. :) Also, I know I don't normally use names here, but this is different.  This is so very, very different.

If I'm being honest with myself, I didn't really notice him as anything other than a classmate until about a week into the group speech prep when I had probably the worst week of my entire semester.

Insert: The Meltdown.

It was a Tuesday when I broke my perfect attendence in public speaking.  I had a mini panic attack; I needed out of the school, pronto.  It was my third day in a row crying and I started before I even left the building.  I ended up crying the whole way home, and I couldn't understand why I was feeling so crappy.  It was awful.

The following Thursday, I saw Trevor sitting at a table on the fourth floor that would later become a hang out point for us.  Feeling idiotic for missing class, I went over and apologized, then asked if I had missed anything vital.  He filled me in.  And then he did something incredible.

He asked me if I was ok.

And when he asked, he was genuinely concerned.  I hadn't really had that happen before.  Sure, your family is genuine when they ask you, but a guy who barely knows you?  That's rare.  It made me feel better about things, even if I couldn't figure out why.

Insert: The Growth of a Friendship

As the semester passed and as we worked on our group speech, I had the opportunity to get to know Trevor better.  We found things we had in common: books we had read as kids, music that we both like, our families.  He was (and is) a gentleman; he opened doors, gave me rides home, texted me goodnight.

It wasn't too long before I started thinking about him as my best friend.

And it wasn't too long after that when I began to think of him as possibly more than that.

Insert: Hesitation

Now, I have had issues with guys in the past.  It's not anything against them.  It's just that I'm a germ phobe, a space freak, and a bit insecure about myself at times.  On top of that, I've been burned what feels like a million times in the past without dating any of them.  None of them fit me.  None of them understood me.  All of them were...wrong.  And it hurt.

Hence, hesitation.

It took me several days to sort out how I felt about Trevor and about the idea of dating him.  Was I ready to commit to something like that should it come up? Could I balance everything? Would I be able to still be myself and not lose my identity? 

More importantly, could he handle me?  Space issues, germ issues, history behaviors including mood swings.  It's a lot for someone to take in.  Was he even interested?  I couldn't bring myself to put it all out there; if he didn't feel the same way, I would have been crushed.

So I played it safe, focused on my grades, and talked to him nearly every day.

Insert: The Start of Summer Break

The last day of school, I attempted to lay it all out.  It didn't go the way I had planned, but he didn't reject me.  Instead, he gave me a somewhat hint saying that his princess wore glasses.  I figured that was a good thing.

We talked the whole weekend and he invited me to hang out with him yesterday.  We made plans to get lunch, go to one of my favorite parks, and watch a movie.  I picked "You've Got Mail" to watch, partially because I love it and partially because I wanted to see what would happen.

I didn't have to wait that long. 

Insert: The Park

There we were, sitting on a bench at the park, overlooking the beautiful scenary around us.  The wind was blowing, the sky was open, and honestly, I felt incredibly content.

He asked me how I felt about him.  I told him, and one thing led to another.  And then...

He kissed me.

Yeah, I would be lying if I said it didn't freak me out a little at first.  But that passed very quickly.  He was very gentle with me, the way that I needed it to be.

And then he asked if he could be my boyfriend.

Obviously I said yes.  I would have been crazy not to.

And that is what happened yesterday.  We had a blast hanging out and spending time talking.  I honestly could not be happier right now. 

Apparently he's liked me a lot longer than I liked him.  What can I say, I'm a fairly confused individual most of the time.  It takes me a while.  The reason he waited was school - both of us needed to finish the semester strong, and this would have gotten in the way initally, I think. 

I'm glad he waited, though.  I have this feeling that I would have taken off running like a scared rabbit if he hadn't.

He was totally worth the wait. :)  Totally and completely.

~Meaghan