Monday, September 27, 2010

Sometimes, I Dream

And sometimes I dream I die.

Like last night.  I dreamed I didn't die, but I almost did.  Or maybe I did.  I'm not entirely sure of the outcome of the dream.  I woke up and it was fuzzy around the edges.

What freaks me out about dying in my dreams is that it's almost always nice.  There's always a pleasant element to the dream, almost a surreal feel about it.  Most of the time, when I die in dreams, it's by some freak accident of sorts.  So what does this mean?  Is it like my subconcious trying to start over fresh?  Or is it that my brain just needs a break from stress?

  Last night was actually almost enjoyable, as morbid and horrible as that sounds.  It's like when you go to a cememtary - it's always peaceful there, so even though you're surrounded by dead people buried six feet under, it's nice and enjoyable.  That's kind of how I feel about my dream last night.  I would tell you guys about it, but I think I'm going to hold onto it for writing material later.  It was that interesting of a dream.

On a totally different note, today is Monday.  Monday, Monday, Monday.  I don't know how I feel about that.  Of course, I never know how I feel about Monday, so it doesn't really make much of a difference, if you catch my drift.

And this is where I'm going to leave you for this morning, my Cyberland Readers.  I promise to have my banned book list up at some point today.  Until then, though.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

I Hate When Insomnia Hits

It's not fun. I woke up at some ungodly hour last night/this morning - I didn't want to look at my alarm clock because I knew it would laugh at me when I started crying - and didn't fall back asleep until right before my alarm went off.

Of course, I then unwittingly turned my alarm off and slept an hour over when I was supposed to get up. That lead to my mom being slightly frustrated. I don't blame her, actually. At the same time, though, I really needed some sleep.

I don't know about anyone else out there, but when I wake up and then go back to sleep, I always have the most lucid dreams. I mean, they range from being odd, happy little things to horrible monstrosities that make me want to scream. I got lucky - this morning's dream turned out to be fairly pleasant, even if it's not entirely realistic.

Reality sucks at times, children. Remember that.


I think this might also be a good time to mention how ironic my current reading choice is. That's right. A few days ago, I bought (my parents did, actually, but that's a slight technicality) a copy of "Insomnia" by Stephen King. Probably not the best thing to be reading while I'm having my own issues sleeping, but still good. I mean, it's that or re-read the Lord of the Rings triology.

Which brings me to another thing. This is banned book week. You guys all need to go out and do your part. What I mean by that is that everyone should go read some banned books. A.) Some of them truly are wonderful, B.) it keeps the government and minority parties from having extreme, communistic control over us, and C.) it really is just good for you. I have a blog in the works with a list of my top 20 favorite banned books that I hope to have up either this afternoon or tomorrow.

We're having a banned book reading at school on Tuesday, and I'm trying to get signed up to participate. How I understand it is that everyone who wants to read will get five minutes to read from their banned book of choice. Should everything go correctly, I will be reading an excerpt from "The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King". My plan is to read the section where Eowyn kills the black rider after her dad's been thrown down and while Merry is watching.

If everything does not go according to how I understand it, I will either be reading what they tell me to read or I will be watching. Watching and listening. Good stuff either way.

Alight, readers. On that note, I need to leave you. Sadly, I've been procrastinating on homework this weekend and I apparently need to get it done.



Friday, September 24, 2010

A List of Random Facts: An Experiment in Blogging

I'm trying something new. Currently, in my creative writing class (it all goes back to that, doesn't it?), we did this thing called a list poem. Basically, you write a list of things such as descriptive terms and events, and then throw them into a poem. I liked how mine turned out, once I actually got it done.

Now, in case you are wondering, this is not going to be in a poem form. I just feel like making a random list about things, my world, etc. and posting it on here. Part of this is because I think it will be fun, and part of it is because I may want to use it later, and frankly, I don't feel like getting hand cramp by manually doing it on paper. The other part is to see if I get anything out of it that I can base a character on. So really, this is also brain-storming.

Yeah, I'm that kind of person.

Anyway, if reading lists, this is probably not going to be a good blog entry for you, and you should turn back now while you have the chance. You have been warned.

A List of Random Facts:

1. My favorite color is violet, and while I'm not sure of the reasons, I've almost always liked it.

2. The only time that I didn't like violet the best is when I was in my teens and was trying so hard to be "goth"; I swore at the time that black was my favorite. I'm pretty sure that wasn't true at the time, that I really was just saying it, but you never know.

3. My first crush was in elementary school on this kid who was a "player", if you can even use that as a term in elementary school.

4. Everytime I take a Harry Potter sorting quiz, I end up in Hufflepuff. Every. Single. Time.

5. Being a Hufflepuff pisses me off. Majorly. Mainly because it means that my family and friends were right - I am a marshmallow with naivety most of my peers have lost by now.

6. Did I mention that their mascott is a badger?? A badger, people. Come on.

7. I have a younger sister who I am very close with.

8. She also happens to have just beat my ACT score out of the water by five points. For some reason, she was also sorted into Hufflepuff instead of Ravenclaw...

9. I think she cheated on the sorting quiz to make me feel better, but I can't confirm that. Yet.

10. I have never been kissed. There are times when I think that I want to be, but that there has to be some sort of serious connection first. There are other times when I am genuinely freaked out by the very idea.

11. I believe in love at first sight, but not in the sense that Hollywood makes it out to be.

12. Guys, gas prices, and physics generally baffle me.

13. I love the rain. A lot.

14. But I also love the sun.

15. My horoscope sign is the crab.

16. I don't know how I feel about it.

17. I will never pass up a chance to go out in the rain, even if it's just for a few seconds.

18. I love music, reading, and writing.

19. Fall is the best season, up until it snows.

20. Sweaters are great.

21. My friends used to threaten to baby proof my room, but they don't have to any more.

22. I love Stephen King.

23. I also love horror movies.

24. Twilight is officially my least favorite thing, mainly because of the whiny heroine and middle school fangirls.

25. Owls are my favorite animal, especially the Barn Owl.

26. Other birds of prey are cool too, though.

27. "Watchmen" is the first "real" graphic novel I've read, and I absolutely loved it.

28. I still do, as a matter of fact. Especially Rorschach.

29. I always eat the icing off of my cupcakes before I eat the cake part. I don't know why I do this, just that I've always done it that way and I always intend to do it that way.

30. I have yet to make a bucket list. I should probably get on that.

31. I tried smoking over the summer, and feel incredibly bad because I enjoyed it almost every time.

32. On top of that, I have asthma. Not smart.

33. I really want a convertable, so I'm saving my money to get one when I finally get my own car.

34. Quitting my job has made me happier than almost anything I've done this year.

35. I like school, but I have no idea what I'm going to do with it when I'm done.

36. I generally clam up when talking to new people.

37. I'm really bad at the art of small talk, and will either talk your ear off or not say two words to you until I feel comfortable with your presence.

38. Whenever I feel bored or in a rut, I change my hair color.

39. Coke will always win over Pepsi, just like ninjas will always beat pirates.

40. I'm on social network sites, but I'm beginning to think that I don't care what my friends think. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

41. I am a huge nerd.

42. "Star Trek", the one that came out in 2009, is probably one of my favorite movies.

43. "RENT", "The Lord of the Rings" triology, and "Watchmen" are on that list as well.

44. Mystery Science Theater 3000 is awesome.

45. I have yet to watch Dr. Who, even though everyone keeps telling me that I'd really enjoy it.

46. I am classically trained as a violinist, but haven't played "seriously" in over two years.

47. What is the deal with those tiny dogs celebrities carry around, and why am I so bothered by it??

48. I love to knit. I think it's awesome. Get over it.

49. I try to change my nail polish once a week.


50. I got called four eyes in the first grade after I got glasses. Turns out, the kid who did it actually had a crush on me. Go figure.

Ta'da! Lists are fun, and they warm your brain up. I for some reason feel like doing homework now. Huh.

Have a fantastic day, Cyberland Readers, and I will try to blog again tomorrow.


Sometimes, I Like to Play with Fate and Destiny

It's an interesting concept, if you stop and think about it. It's not even real life I'm talking about. I mean, I have these really odd, whacked out dreams, and in them, stuff happens that would never happen in real life.

Like last night's dream. I dreamed about my grandfather and his farm. He had this old fashioned tractor that had these huge 1900's type wheels on them. When he rode down the gravel road on this tractor, he couldn't go very fast. The sun was way too bright, the corn rows were way too green and yellow, and the sky was way too blue. There was traffic lining up behind him, reminding me that it was, in fact, still modern time.

There's a start of a story in there, somewhere. Maybe I'll write it. If I do, for that brief moment, I will control the destiny of the people involved.

See what I mean? As a writer, I can control what happens. But the truth of that is this: the writer's control only goes as far as the character will let it. A strongly developed character will ultimately be the one driving the story. If you, as a writer, want your character to do one thing, but it's not in the character's personality to do it, that character won't do it. Every time you try to, it's going to come out choppy, or messy, or terrible. Characters have to stay true to themselves.

And that is my morning rambling. I have the Beatles stuck in my head; it would normally be ok because I love them, but it's "When I'm 64", and it's like the track in my head is skipping. Not cool, really not cool. I actually got my homework done this week instead of forgetting to turn it in like last week. Brownie points for me, right? And I passed that killer History test with an 88%. A high B is what that comes out to, in case you were wondering; I'll take it.

I don't know how I want to end this blog entry today, but if I don't end it, I'll keep typing until your eyes bleed, if they aren't already in the process of doing so. That being said, I think I'll end by saying this:

Live long, and prosper.

Until we meet again,


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It's Raining!!!

...that is all.

Oh wait. That and I'm about to devour some pizza.

And my hair is once again purple.


New, in depth, deep entry later. K? K.


Wow, Don't Have a Cow, But...

...this is the second blog update in the same number of days.

I repeat: TWO blog updates in TWO days. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.

Ok, moment over.

So, why am I blogging today? Because I'm bored. Actually, I think bored may be an incorrect term to use here. It's more like I'm procrastinating. What else is new?

In my defense, my homework is almost entirely done for tomorrow. This is a good thing, especially considering that I didn't turn anything in last week. Man, last week, I was so freaking spazed. I think it has something to do with having to give a presentation in front of the class right after you've had a massive test in the class before the one with the presentation. (Did that make any sense to you guys? Cause as I typed, it made no sense to me...)

Um, so I need to clean the bathroom and clean the kitchen and write something for my writing class tomorrow so I can at least get in class points for participating. There are other things, too, of course. But what am I doing instead?

Blogging while listening to my Tom Petty Pandora station. I've been having this war with writer's block lately - in case you can't tell from my inability to stay on a single topic for more than a paragraph or two - and so I'm trying to cure myself of it. I mean, having "the block" isn't fun anyway, but when you have writing intensive classes at school...

So yeah.

I have not have any coffee or soda today, and but I still feel really hyper from the amount of coffee I drank yesterday. Maybe I need to switch to decaf. Huh. I'll let you know how that goes.

My sister is trying to get me to try this energy drink called "Bing". Both of us get horrible headaches from the main ingredient in energy drinks, aspartame, so I'm a little hesitant to try any. I mean, I can't even chew gum any more because I'm so sensitive to the stuff. But Kate swears by "Bing". I've read the ingredient list, and I can pronounce everything in it, so that's a start, but it brings me to the question of: do I really need an energy drink?

Seeing as I'm still buzzed from yesterdays coffee, I think the answer is a resounding "no". Yeah, seriously need to switch to decaf. Geez...

Alright, I've rambled enough. I said this was the second blog update in two days, but I never said anything about blog quality.

Have a great afternoon, Cyberland Readers.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I'm Bored..

..otherwise known as the "I should be studying but" blog.

Oh there are so many different things I could be doing right now. I could be reading my history text book in an attempt to get (and stay) ahead. I could be writing the short story I've been meaning to write for what feels like forever. I could be doing extra credit homework, getting lunch, talking to random people, walking outside...

Instead, I'm blogging about how I'm slightly tired and slightly bored.

Know a secret? You could be doing all those other things as well, but instead, you're reading this blog.

This is five minutes of your life (and mine, come to think of it) that you will never get back.

Was it worth it? I wonder.

On a positive, bright note, tonight is the night that I audition for an orchestra. I feel so nervous that my stomach is all jumpy like it has dragonflies in it (forget butterflies, those are way to dainty for this problem), and I don't audition for another six and a half hours. This is how it always is for me before I audition for something or perform. I'm usually nervous enough that I could hurl up until I enter the audition room. As soon as I pick up my violin though, it's like my nerves transform me into some kind of super woman fueled by my adrenaline.

Which, of course, means I do great. Most of the time, anyway.

So yeah.

Last night, I dreamed I worked like ten hours a week at a Halloween super store. It was cool, cause that's something I've never done before, and I kind of think it would be fun. I just got out of my old job, so maybe I can apply for an extreme part time position before I get students to teach. We will see. I know for sure that I am ready for Halloween, even though it's only September. I'm thinking I may even attempt going to a haunted house. Again, we shall see. I mean, I'm the girl who screams when toast pops out the toaster, so maybe it's not that great of an idea...

I think I'm going to go now. I really do need to get some lunch and get my day started.

Have a great one, Cyberland readers, and I'll write a better blog when I get home tonight.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Grass is Very Cool This Evening

...or "Why I need to tell you about not being able to feel my toes".

And for the record, my Cyberland Readers, when I refer to grass, I mean the green stuff that covers lawns across the nation and that HOAs make you cut and water religiously. Not the illegal stuff they talk about on C.O.P.S.

Basically, I have just put in a long day at school. I mean, I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically. And it's fells freakishly warm in my family's little apartment. I mean, maybe I'm weird cause I like being chilled or something, but it is super warm in here today. So, being the resourceful writer I am, I decided it would be prudent to go outside with one of my many notebooks and do some writing.

I find that nature is inspiring for me, much like music is, and so I enjoy being able to write outside. I love fall the best. Maybe it's because I always feel seasonally bummed out around this time and that makes my writing better, maybe it's the weather and the sky and the cooler temperatures, but whatever it is, fall is the best time to go outside and sit in the grass and write.

Which is what I meant to do. I really did. I grabbed my notebook, my favorite pentel, my iPod with my various story playlists on it, and my flip-flops and went outside. I wanted to get on paper this idea I came up with in class (creative writing, ironically enough) while the teacher was talking and I was spacing out. It promises to be good, if I ever get it down on paper.

Cause here's what happened when I went outside to write tonight:

1. I kicked off my flip-flops so my toes could play with the grass.
2. Upon realizing how nice and cool the grass was and how blue the sky was, I decided laying down was the best option to maximize my writing process.
3. Upon laying down, I got distracted by the light on the tree about three feet away from me and the beat of the song I was listening to.
4. Writing became completely forgotten as I found my "happy place".

Eventually, I got up because I got buzzed by some sort of flying thing and because my feet were freezing. As I got up, my mind slowly made the connection that the grass wasn't just cold. Rather, it was wet as well. Which was exciting. Even now, as I type this disjointed blog for the night, I still feel mild dampness on my back. I'm vaguely wondering if I got grass stains on me, and at the same time, I'm pretty sure I don't particularly care.

It was so totally worth it.

On a completely unrelated note, I work my last 4:30 am shift tomorrow. Thank God. I am so over this job, I can't even begin to describe it. I literally can't breathe while I'm there. Part of that could be my asthma, but I think the bulk of it is that I feel trapped there. The whole place feels like it's compressing on me. Wed is my last day. Trust me, I'm doing victory laps inside. You just can't see it.

I think I would update more, but I'm having trouble getting my brain to connect. I'm going to take that as my cue to stop rambling and get off.

Until we meet again, dear Readers.