Thursday, March 31, 2011

Music Challenge Day 25: A Song That Makes You Laugh

I can't watch this video without laughing.  Plus the song is catchy.

"A Thing for Me" by Metromony.

Something about random people getting hit on the head with a bouncing ball.  It just cracks me up.


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Music Challenge Day 24: A Song You Want Played at Your Funeral

Wow, weren't we kind of talking about this one yesterday?

So, I did use to plan my funeral for fun.  But as time has progressed, I've stopped thinking about it and have moved on.  Which means I don't really remember what songs I wanted played.  I know I wanted balloons, but I can't remember the music I wanted.

Just as well.

Now, as a Christian, I realize I'm not technically going to be present for my funeral.  Maybe I'll come by while it's going on to say goodbye to people.  But other than that, I will be in a much, much better place.  That being said, you guys could play anything for my funeral and it would be fine.

But if I had a choice, I would choose "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam.

I love this song.  Yeah, it's incredibly sad.  That sadness is part of why I like it.  It's soft compared to a lot of Pearl Jam's other stuff, and it's got really poignant lyrics.  (Not to mention I write while listening to it, too.)

So if I die anytime soon - which hopefully I won't - you can play this at my funeral.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Zombie Speech!

Alright, dear readers.  Here we are. 

This is the zombie speech I gave today in public speaking.  I think I did a fairly good job on the whole, but I also forgot a small part of it and had an insane amount of trouble keeping a straight face.  (The class was cracking up; I'm thinking that perhaps there was something in the water...?)

It was filmed on my camera (it's just a regular camera, not a video camera specifically) by a fellow classmate.  The volume is kind of low.  Just crank it up.

Also, I haven't watched it all the way through yet.  I feel self concious watching footage of myself.


Countdown Time.

I give my speech in an hour and a half.  (Yeah, I'm at school.  Which, interestingly enough, has somewhat slow internet.  Petty complaint is petty.)

I'm a little nervous.  But at the same time, I'm also freaking excited.  How many people get to say that they've given an informative speech on the Zombie Apocalypse for school??  Not many.  Not many at all.

The one thing I've really noticed from this speech is that my desire to watch horror films has gone through the roof.  I think I may cave this weekend and have a zombie flick marathon.  We'll see what I can get from the library. 

There were a few things I was thinking about earlier that I wanted to blog about, but I can honestly not remember it right now.  I think I'm more or less just killing time. 

If I remember it, I'll come back and blog some more.

Wish me luck on my speech!


Music Challenge Day 23: A Song You Want Played at Your Wedding.

Funny story, actually.  While most girls in high school were planning their perfect proms and weddings, I was off on my own planning the details of my funeral. 

Yeah, you read that right.  I had all the details down to a near science: how I wanted the casket to be done, what I wanted my tombstone to look like, etc.

I had issues in high school, to say the least.

But don't worry, cause times change and people change.  I am living example of that.  Instead of wishing I had died before I turned 18, I'm looking forward to a long life.  I want to grow and change and get older and yes.  I want to get married.

So even though I started later than most of my peers, I too have my dream wedding planned out.

Maybe it's been too many episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress".  Maybe it's too much wedding talk among my friends who are in relationships.  Maybe I've just hit that point where I'm finally coming into that stage of womanhood, I really don't know.

But for whatever it is, I have it figured out.  Kind of.

Here's the song I want played at my wedding.  I plan on walking down the aisle to it.

"Just Like Heaven" by the Cure, the Vitamin String Quartet version.

I love the Cure.  I happen to think that they are one of the better things to come out of that era known as "the 80's".  "Just Like Heaven" is possibly my favorite song by them and a close runner up as my favorite song of all time. 

Now, a wedding is a long way off.  As of now, I'm single.  I don't know when a relationship will come my way, but that's kind of the beauty of life: not knowing the way things are going to play out.  But when it does come, I've got the wedding song all figured out.


Monday, March 28, 2011

I Can Skate!

So I've been practicing my roller skating the past week and a half.  You know, in pursuit of the derby dream and all that jazz.

I can actually do it.  I'm so proud of myself.  It's like I've finally found my center of balance.  And it's fun.

Granted, I'm just doing it on a small patch on the sidewalk outside our apartment, but still.  This is massive progress.  I'm thinking that by the end of the week I should be able to skate around the complex.

Which means that by the time I'm ready to do derby, I should be golden. 

(You have to be 21 to do roller derby, which means I'm not able until this summer.  Plus I promised my mom I'd wait until I had my own vehicle and steady job, so we're looking at sometime after I graduate.  I think I'll be ready to go by next summer or fall.  Plenty of time to practice.)

That's been about the highlight of my day, realizing that I do have the ability to follow this crazy ass dream of mine.  It's very uplifting.

And now that I've shared that with you guys, I'm off to pack my backpack for tomorrow.


P.S. - Provided everything goes well tomorrow and I can get one of my classmates to agree to it, I will have footage of my zombie speech up by the end of the week.  You know, in case any of you want to see it. =)

Music Challenge Day 22: A Song You Listen to When You're Sad

I actually named my blog after this song.  That's right. 

When I'm sad, I listen to "Stars and Boulevards" by Augustana.

I like how melancholy (that spelling doesn't look right at all, but I'm going to roll with it anyway) the bass is.  I love how the lyrics allow me to wallow in my heartache and depression.

(You can't go wrong with a song that talks about always being alone.  I think my favorite line is "Just like to hear your voice and pretend to touch / Any inch of you that hasn't said it all or read it all or / Sung my life away..."  So poetic and sad at the same time.)

  And really, Augustana is such a great band anyway. 

Love it.  Don't know what that says about me, but I love it. 


Sunday, March 27, 2011


All my homework for Tuesday is done.  It is an amazing thing.

I went out with two of my friends this weekend, which was awesome.  I needed some girl time; it was well earned.  No details will be given here, though, because I'm fried and do not feel like it.  Oh yeah, I'm one of those people.

My zombie speech is ready to go.  By popular demand of various friends and forum members, I'm going to try to have one of my classmates film it on my camera.  Provided all goes well, it will be up on youtube before the week is over.

Although, why anyone would want to watch footage of me, I have no idea.  I sound like a four year old on video and talk really fast and really loud when I'm nervous.  (Or do the complete opposite and clam up, but it's public speaking, so that won't happen...)

I'm starting to feel nervous about it.  Very nervous about it.  Speeches are scary, no matter what they're on.  But hey.  I want to survive the zombies and I want others to survive them as well, so it's well worth it.

Hopefully I can make it through with a straight face.

Oh, so you guys know how I was kind of concerned about wildfires last week? 

Yeah.  There's one fairly close to us now.  My mom and sister went to get my dad from his second job and got turned away because the road they normally take was closed.  As far as I can tell, crews have it under control and it's going to take a lot for it to get us evacuated. 

But still.  Scary stuff. 

On top of it, my mom was asking me this morning what I would take should we be evacuated.

I happen to have a list:

~ My stuffed rabbit and dog. (Yes, I'm nearly 21 and still sleep with stuffed animals; if this bothers you, get over it.)

~ My violin, because that really is priceless and even though I don't play it very often, I still love it.

~ My computer, because most of my stories and important things that I've written or worked on are saved on it.  (Although, I could back them all up to my flash drive and just save my flash drive...)

~ Various notebooks and journals, all filled with random snippets that would make great stories down the road.

~ My knitting, cause I've been working on that needle collection for years now.

I think those are the most pressing things.  I have a dresser drawer full of "memories" that I might grab if I get the chance.  But really, I just want my family to be safe.  People can't be replaced and I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to anyone I love.

I would go crazy.  I know that much.

Oh, that's such a happy, uplifting topic.  Not.

Let's leave on a happy note.  I had a cupcake with my lunch today.  That's happy.  And rocking out with really loud music and friends are happy things.  How bout some rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns?

Everyone about to puke rainbows from the overflow of sickeningly sweet thoughts?


Enjoy the rest of your weekend, cyberland readers.


Music Challenge Day 21: A Song You Listen to When You're Happy

Can you guys believe is?  The music challenge is nearly done.  It's amazing to me how time flies.

So, happy songs.  Truth be told, I'm a hopeless romantic who listens to a ton of music about heartbreak and death.  I know, I know.  It's good to have a variety of things to listen to.  But the darker, deeper stuff really does appeal to me.

It changes when I'm happy, though.  If I'm in a seriously good mood, I love stuff that is up beat and catchy with lyrics I can sing along with.  And I always end up back at this song:

Taylor Swift's song, "You Belong with Me".

I love this song.  I can belt it out, I know all the lyrics, and it's super catchy.  It's up beat.  It's fun.  And yeah, it does kind of fit every non-relationship I've ever not had.  (Having trouble figuring that one out?  Give it some time and it'll make sense.)

Whenever I'm happy, I go through the realm of music - everything from "Tequila" to Beck's "Girl" - and always end with Taylor Swift. 

Because even songs about unrequited love/like can be fun and uplifting.


Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hey Hey, It's Saturday!

I think this is the first weekend this semester that I actually have looked forward to.  Normally my weekends are bogged down with homework and trying to get stuff done.

But this weekend is different. 

This weekend I'm going out with friends.  I'm very excited.  It's movie and girl time.  And frankly, I think I've earned it.

With that being said, I still need to get some stuff done.  I have this annotated bibliography due for Tuesday and I need to work out a few kinks in my zombie speech before the weekend is over.  But all in all, it could be a whole lot worse.

It's finding the motivation to do it.  Which is why I'm on here instead of typing out my bibliography or fixing my speech.  I don't feel like it today.

It's a nice day today as well.  The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful... (Are you singing the Beatles yet?)

I don't know where this blog post is going, so I'm just going to end it while I can.  Maybe tomorrow's post will actually be coherent.


Music Challenge Day 20: A Song You Listen to When You're Angry


Ah, getting angry.  I don't know how much of the time I get mad or just frustrated, but I know it used to be really bad back in high school.  (We don't want to look in the closet of high school, dear readers.  Trust me on this.)

I believe it was Sophmore year when I discovered My Chemical Romance with this song, "I'm Not Okay".

Oh yeah.  They are the one group I can always turn on when I'm angry or frustrated (starting with Sophmore year all the way to now, actually) and scream along with.  I always feel better, too, when I do.  I think it has something to do with the fact that the music is filled with so much adrenaline and I'm filled with so much adrenaline that it can't help but make me feel better.

Or myabe it's just Gerard Way.  I love Gerard Way.  I mean, look at his hair and smile.  Listen to those powerhouse lyrics.  Admire the way his voice goes from smooth to shouty in a matter of moments.

Ah.  Anyway.

So when I'm mad, I turn on MCR.  Because honestly, it works.  Always has.  Always will. =)

Your turn, readers.


Friday, March 25, 2011

Zombies Don't Stand a Chance.

Or rather, my speech for public speaking is ready.

I think this is actually the high light of my school week next week.  How sad is that?  But I'm just so excited to inform the class on what to do during the Zombie Apocalypse.  (Don't scoff, non believers.  Do you know how the world's going to end?  I didn't think so.  Be open minded.)

I even made a power point slide (via Open Office) to go with it.  I tried to keep the graphic levels of the pictures at a minimum.  Lots of "Night of the Living Dead" in there.  I need to work on the wording a bit and then give it to my family; they are, after all, the ones I practice on.  Then we should be good to go.

This is going to be a fairly busy weekend.  I'm going out with one of my friends tomorrow, then I'm going out with a different one on Sunday.  I'm excited.  I think I've earned some girl time out this semester. 

I had to get some blood work done this morning.  That was exciting.  See, the new doctor we've started going to was concerned about one of the medications I'm on.  So she took me off of it and told me to get some blood work done after a few weeks.  Then she's going to figure out a better medication to put me on.

Well in the two or three weeks I've been off it, I've had migraines and mood swings like you would not believe.  I do not feel like a happy camper most of the time here.  So I'm happy to have the blood work done if it means I can get on something else to regulate me out.

But being pricked kinda sucks.  It was just a few weeks ago that I was in the ER where they poked both arms (and exploded a vein in one of them) for blood work and whatnot.  I shouldn't complain, cause my mom gets her blood work done every three months or so, but I still hate it.

 I think it's a lot like giving presentations: the anticipation is worse than the actual act.  When I think about getting blood work done, I get that queasy feeling in my stomach.  Actually getting stabbed and sucked for all I'm worth (I wonder if that sounds as bad as I think it does...) doesn't bother me that much.  As long as I don't look.  Looking is terrible.

Tonight is our family night out.  I'm excited cause we're going for BBQ.  Now, I know I've ranted about BBQ on here before, but it's been a while so I'm going to do it again.

I am from south of St. Louis.  I grew up on really great St. Louis style ribs.  My parents are from around the KC area and lived in Memphis for a while too, so they made sure my sister and I were also exposed to the great BBQ of those areas.

We moved to Colorado in 2005 (around the time I turned 15) and for some reason expected the BBQ out here to be really good.

Yeah.  Right.

Don't get me wrong, Colorado has some really great food.  I mean, the Mexican stuff out here is amazing.  But they don't do so great in the world of BBQ.  Very few places out here know how to do a pulled sandwich Memphis style (where you put cole slaw on the sandwich); even fewer know a good brisket.

As the years have progressed, though, we've found some places that do a decent job.  One we recently discovered is called Rib City.  I think it's the best BBQ I've had since we moved out here, I really do.  They are based out of Florida, so they don't do a lot of things (like Memphis style or burnt ends) but they are really good with everything else. 

The downside is that they are really expensive.  So we've only eaten there once and aren't sure when we'll go back.

The other place that has pretty good BBQ is called Dickey's.  I really like Dickey's, mainly cause they have really good beef brisket.  Brisket is a staple of BBQ and to find a "fast food" place that does it well is impressive.  Plus the atmosphere is neat.  It always makes me want to become a cow girl.

So that's probably where we're going tonight.  Good times. 

I love spending time with my family.  It feels like it's so rare for all four of us to be able to sit down and enjoy some time together.  I think it's only going to get harder as the time progresses, as well.  Especially since Katie and I are talking about getting our own place in a few years.

I'm starting to think about summer jobs.  Part of me really doesn't want to get a job, but I don't really want to go to school over the summer either.  Maybe I'll get a job working at Target or King Soopers.  Retail, not food.  I am scared to go back into the food industry. 

Yes, I know.  They aren't all bad like Bagel Hell was.  But I'm just not ready to go back to smelling like something edible every day I come home.  I'm not ready to go back to cleaning bathrooms and trying to keep the soda machine filled with ice.

Put me on a register and let me interact with the people.  That I can do.  Smile?  Oh yeah.  Conversations while ringing people out?  You bet.  I love that sort of thing. 

Oh, and no kahki pants.  I hate those so much.  So, so much.  I would much rather wear black pants, and even then I'm not really comfortable outside of my blue jeans.

Ah, things to consider.

And on that note, I'm off to revise my speech.


Music Challenge Day 19: A Song from Your Favorite Album

It's a fairly rare occurance for me to like all the songs on a CD.  That's why my favorite album is "The Sun and the Moon" by the Bravery; I love every song on that CD.

"Believe" is the one that got the most radio play and kind of help turn me onto the Bravery, so it's the one I'm going to post here.  Plus the video style is really neat.

All in all, I think the Bravery is a pretty talented group.  The self titled album had a few songs I didn't like but was over all good.  I love "The Sun and the Moon" like you would not believe.  I haven't really listened to their new CD just because the few songs I had heard didn't really appeal to me.  I should probably give it a chance.  Eventually.

And that's today's music selection. =)


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Know What the Best Smell Is?

The smell of rain on the sidewalk.

I love the smell of rain and how the ozone just kind of seems to trickle down from the sky to the earth.  It's my Midwestern roots coming out.  Nothing will ever replace the smell of rain. 

It's like a good thunderstorm. I love a good thunderstorm. Especially when I need a really good nights sleep. Honestly, nothing makes me sleep better than a storm.

I came out of my last class today and discovered that it had rained.  It was really refreshing after a long day inside doing nothing but learning things that I'm fairly sure I didn't retain.

It's fire season here in Colorado and there are so many fires around us.  Rain in larger quantities would be appreciated. 

To be honest, the fires make me a little nervous.  Until we moved out here, I had never thought about wild fires.  It was always more of flash floods and tornados instead.  Nearly six years out here and I'm still not used to the thought of fires running rampant.

The nice thing is that we've never been evacuated.  At least, not yet.  I'm still waiting for the day when my nightmare happens and our area is evacuated.  I'm pretty sure it's a slim chance.

Ah rain.  We need you to give us a good storm.

(Apologies if this blog made no sense.  I've been running off of three and a half hours of sleep or so today.)


Music Challenge Day 18: A Song You Wish You Heard on the Radio

Here's an interesting fact about me: I don't listen to the radio all that much.  I like my internet radio (thank you, Pandora, for making homework a bit more managable); but for car rides, I am the master of the mixed CD. 

Oh yeah.  You kids with your fancy smancy cords that let you hook up your iPods to your stereo systems have no idea what you are missing.  Mixed CDs are a blast.  It's like a memory in a disk.


(I find a lot of my music through commercials, movie trailers, and the library.  You know, in case anyone was actually curious.)

So as for a song I wish I hear on the radio, the answer was not obvious.

That is, until it was.

"Grapevine Fires" by Death Cab for Cutie is possibly my favorite track off of the Narrow Stairs album.  Yeah, it's kind of a bummer song.  I mean, he's singing about how everything is going up in flames.  But I love it.  It's soothing to me. 

(Plus, I want to use it in a movie trailer.  It's a cracked, half-baked idea I'm working on; I'm going to write the novel first and then the screen play.)

They never play (or played) it on the radio.  I only found it because I went on iTunes to get the track they did play all the time on the radio ("I Will Possess Your Heart") and decided to listen to a few of the other tracks listed. 

Seriously, radio stations.  Play more variety.

Oh, and it is kind of appropriate too. After all, this is fire season in Colorado.

What do you wish they played on the radio?


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

So I Woke Up Thinking...

...about all the well-meaning adults in my life and their well-meaning advice.

I know it sounds like a completely random thing to be thinking about first thing in the morning, but I can assure you it's not.  See, the adults I know (outside of my parents, cause my parents actually understand me to an extent) have all started to share "advice" about what I should do with my life. 

I believe it is spurred on by the fact that, provided everything goes well, I'll be graduating from the community college I attend next spring with my writing degree.  Once adults learn about this, they ask the "pressing" question: Where do you plan to go for your four year degree?

My answer?  I'm not.  I really just want to have the A.A. with the writing emphasis for now.

Once they learn that, these adults ask the next logical question.

"So what do you plan on doing with your two year degree, then?"

Hmm, let me think a moment here.  Nothing, actually.  I plan on working full time somewhere, getting my own car, moving out, and writing in my free time.  Which basically translates into being semi-broke but happy.

Which is not an acceptable answer, so I usually bs something like "oh, maybe I'll work for a magazine or a newspaper..."  Actually, those are real possiblities, so maybe I'm not bs-ing as much as I thought.

From here, the conversation takes one of two routes:  I either get the polite smile/nod combination before the adult walks away to more interesting individuals, or I get slammed with a tidal wave of well-meaning advice.

Here are some examples from the past week of advice that I've recieved:

"Don't waste your twenties, get out and travel while you're young!"

"Don't get married in your twenties, wait until you've done all that you want to do."

"Don't bother with boys and dating, just do what you want to do."

"See the world while you can."

"Go and embrace your youth!"

Do you guys see the common theme here?  It's like no one believes I'm happy where I am.  Or maybe they're all having regrets about where their own lives are at.

The truth is, I really don't have any desire to see the world.  I'm fairly content where I am right now and I'm already doing what I love - writing and going to school.  I do plan on traveling in the United States at some point, but I would much rather do it with someone than by myself.  Oh, and I'll date and get married when God sends the right man my way.  So if I'm young, that's great; if I'm older, that's great too.

I just have to wonder about these adults who have children of their own but who insist on trying to mother me.  I already have a mom, guys.  And news flash here - she actually has been through hell and back with me, which is something I don't think these adults seem to understand.

Oh well.  At least I'm good at smiling and nodding.


Music Challenge Day 17: A Song You Hear on the Radio

I'll be honest, dear readers.   I'm not much for listening to the radio.  Most of the time I feel like it's the same five or six songs on repeat.

But when I do listen to the radio, I listen to one of three stations: K-Love (Christian radio), Channel 93.3 (Modern/Alternative rock), or 103.1 (Classic Oldies).  All three play a pretty good variety of music.

I think one of my favorite songs I hear on K-Love is called "What Love Really Means" by JJ Heller.

I find it rings true.  "Who will love me for me?  Not for what I have done or what I will become..."  Aren't we all looking for that?  Some of us are trying to find it in others; some of us are trying to find it in ourselves.  The reality is that God really does love us more than we will ever know.  It's such a hard concept to wrap my mind around - unconditional love in a world where everything has conditions on it.

Plus, JJ Heller has a great voice which makes it easy to listen to.

How bout you guys?  Songs you hear on the radio?


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Survived.

My presentation went better than expected, actually.  Oh wait, did I tell you guys about that?  I had a three slide presentation due in psychology today.  I wasn't really stressed about it.  Well, unless you count waking up at three in the morning and running it through my head until I fell back asleep as stress. 

In which case, yeah, I was a little stressed.

I had the craziest nightmare this morning.  It was after I went back to sleep from waking up at three.  I dreamed that the area my family is living in got evacuated due to a wildfire.  We grabbed as much stuff as we could and packed up the car.  My dad was driving, like he always is in my dreams.  Suddenly we were driving on the old outer road in Missouri that I remember and know well.  (Funny way that dreams merge past and present, isn't it?  I very rarely make it through a nightmare or a dream without some element from my old home, neighborhood, or roads...)  We were going the wrong way; as my dad tried to turn around, we were surrounded by smoke.

I woke up to the nasty chirping of my alarm clock.

I think my day could have been a lot worse, actually.  Especially with that as a precursor.  But it went pretty well for the most part.  I'm thankful for that.

I have decided to write my informative speech on how to protect yourself during the Zombie Apocalypse.  I know it's not something practical, but I am so sick of being practical.  I can be practical when I'm old.  I'm young and frankly, I want to do something fun.  I love planning how things are going to go down when the zombies come; this is just an extention of that.

I spoke to my creative writing instructor today as well.  I've been feeling kind of crappy about my skills as a writer this semester; it was a very encouraging thing to talk to her about.  I feel a lot better about where my writing kind of stands. 

I'm really tired.  Waking up at odd hours really doesn't do any good for anyone.  I think it may be an early night.

I found a Stephen King book I couldn't get into.  It's "the Stand" and I was trying to read it at school today.  Maybe there was too much going on (they had gaming systems set up in the area I normally sit in and it was kind of fun to watch groups do DDR - I myself was wearing heels and had no intention of doing it, but I had no problem watching others make fools of themselves, lol...) or maybe I was just too tired.  Whatever it was, I returned it to the library today with only five pages read.

Maybe I need a change in what I'm reading.  I mean, I love horror and I love Stephen King, but lately it's all been feeling a little predictable to me.  I refuse to read romances because I'm having enough issues with it (or lack thereof) in my own life; fantasy is the same old, same old.  Maybe I should take to reading creative non fiction.  That might shake up my book diet nicely.

Oh, and aren't you guys proud of me?  I've been updating every single day since the year started.  That's right, dear readers.  I have been good on my self-imposed challenge.  Granted, I don't feel like I have a lot to say most of the time, but hey.  At least I'm doing it.

Ah, I feel like I need to go read or knit.  Something to unwind.  I'll talk to you guys later.


Music Challenge Day 16: A Song I Used to Love but Now Hate.

I love Debussy.  In fact, one of my favorite songs in the classical world - "The Girl with the Flaxen Hair" - was written by him.

But seriously, folks.  Stop using "Clair de Lune" in every movie.  It is not always appropriate.  There is other music available for emotional scenes.

Twilight, the Jacket, the Darjeeling Limited, etc, etc. 

This plus the fact that I really did love the song and so I listened to it on repeat a million times has made it so that I can't listen to it now.  I just can't do it.  And I have it stuck in my head now just from typing about it. 

It's an earworm I can't shake.



Monday, March 21, 2011

Music Challenge Day 15: A Song That Describes You

This is hard.  I, like a lot of people, have trouble seeing myself as I am.  I mean, yeah, you see the the you in the bathroom mirror.  But you also see the you that no one else really sees and it's not always a pretty picture.

So it's hard for me to see myself the way that I am.  I see where I've been in nearly perfect clarity and I can kind of see where I am right now although it feels kind of blurry around the edges.  But that's the nature of being human, I suppose.

In the end, I chose "Hands" by Jewel.

The reason I chose this one is because it's so true.  My hands are small: I'm a twenty year old college student; I have no idea what, or if, I even make an impact along the way.  But they are mine and basically mine alone.  I make choices and I hold by those.  I try to reach out, I try to help out, and I try to live the kind of life that is worthy of being a Christian.  (As Jewel sings in her song, we are all God's eyes, hands, etc.)

Plus, I feel like I've proven that I'm not broken.  At least, not easily.  I feel like no one can hurt me because I know I'll bounce back with God's help and my own determination.

So if any song has to represent me, it has to be "Hands". 

(And at any rate, it's a great song.  Jewel is an amazing writer and musician.)


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Music Challenge Day 14: A Song No One Would Expect You to Love

I'm not going to lie here guys.  I make fun of a lot of things from the 1980's and 1990's.  (Yes, I am a child of the '90's and I still make fun of it.)  Some of the music, nearly all of the fashion, the movies for sure, etc.

One of the people I pick on is Rod Stewart.  Now, to be fair, he's not a bad guy.  It's just that most of his music ("Maggie", anyone?) drives me insane.  I flip the station when he comes on.  I hate it when I get one of his songs stuck in my head.  And really, he's like Mick Jagger - just retire already.

But he does have one song I love more than anything and was blown away when I found out it was him.  It's called "Forever Young".

Maybe I'm just realizing how it is to be growing up.  Maybe I'm redefining my music tastes.  Maybe it's just a really good song.  But whatever it is, Rod Stewart has won me over with it.  I currently have it on repeat on my iPod; that's a testament to how much I love it.

So there. 


Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Way My Brain Works

It's kind of like on endless loop, I'm discovering.

Prime example for you guys:

I have a presentation and paper due this week in my psychology class.  It's the easiest thing: find three case studies about your disorder of choice, summarize the abstracts in a paper due Tuesday, and create two to three slides to present to the class on Tuesday.  Easy peasy.

So naturally, I've been putting it off.  The truth is, it didn't seem that pressing until now.  I thought about it.  I decided how I wanted it to go down.  My disorder of choice - anxiety - has tons of stuff out there; I casually went down that aisle of the bookstore yesterday just for fun.  Basically, I have it under control.

My brain didn't agree and it let me know.

I had this dream about school last night.  It wasn't a happy dream, like the one I had Thursday night wehre the nice side of school was emphasised.  Oh no.  This was one where I was trying to give my presentation in front of the class and completely and totally failed at it.  My notes were messy, my slides were wrong, and the teacher ended up asking me to sit down and shut up.  I woke up nearly panicky.

That is how my brain works.

So today I did my presentation homework for Tuesday.  It took me just over an hour.  I think my brain and unconciousness just doesn't like the idea of me slacking off.  Bombing my last presentation didn't help either.  And the truth is, I suffer from my own anxiety problems.

See, readers, that's part of why I chose the topic of anxiety to explore further.  Depression was too dark for where I've been; I see enough of OCD when my sister methodically makes sure everything is in even numbers.  Eating disorders scare me.  Multiple personalities bother me.

But anxiety I can handle.  I'm already dealing with my own so much better.  When I first started school, I had to be at class an hour before it started.  I had this fear that I would be late or that I would get lost in the school; my palms would sometimes sweat.  I didn't stack my classes really close together because I wasn't sure I would be able to switch classes quickly enough.

Now, most of my classes are within fifteen minute incriments with a break halfway through my day.  I can get to class as late as ten minutes before hand without feeling panicky.  Granted, if I'm late I won't go and I still get nervous when instructors run over.  But it's a lot better than it was and in effect, I'm feeling a lot better health wise than I used to.

It is interesting to see studies on anxiety.  One I found that I really like and did my slides on is about yoga.  Apparently yoga helps your body create more GABA, which is an acid that helps lower the feelings of depression and anxiety.  I have a book of yoga moves around somewhere; I think I might start doing them again.

Prayer has also helped me a lot.  I know I probably sound like some pious prick, but I can assure you that's not the case.  It's just one of those things that I've found to help me calm down - it's like having a conversation with someone who's always listening and always interesting.  It forces me to slow down, too, and actually see the forest, not just the tree.

Knitting is also a good controller for me.  It gives me something to do with my hands that's productive.  I find that while I'm knitting, I can sort out what I'm feeling and compartmentalize it a bit.  It's helpful as long as I don't over analyze; that's never a good thing to do.  And making something - a sweater, a hat, a scarf, etc. - is really satisfying, too.

But anyway.  Back to where we started here.  My brain is weird, and so I have to appease it so that I can sleep without having endless nightmares about things like school or my old job (oh yeah, I still dream about Bagel Hell when I'm stressed...).  It is a cycle.

Off to the next thing, I suppose.

Until we meet again.


Music Challenge Day 13: A Song That is a Guilty Pleasure

"Beauty and the Beast" is my favorite movie. 

It has so many wonderful elements in it.  First of all, Disney did a beautiful job animating it: the stained glass in the beginning, the colors throughout, the way the facial expressions on all the characters is so fitting.  It has always appealed to me in that respect.

Second of all, how many princess movies do you see where the heroine actually is well educated and well read?  I'm not saying Ariel or Cinderella aren't smart girls; it's just that Belle always has a book in her hand.  She has mastered the walk-while-reading manuver (once you get the hang of it, it's actually really fun to do).  Plus, she has a wide vocabulary - she insults Gaston in the first part of the movie and he doesn't pick up on it.  (She calls him "primeval", which is like calling him a chauvanistic pig.  I laughed once I figured it out.)

Third of all, the resounding theme of love being more than skin deep is a wonderful message.  I have always thought that while you can't escape appearances, you shouldn't be motivated by them.  I would much rather be smart that drop dead beautiful.  I kind of like to think that there are others out there who would agree with me on this.  Also, love triumphs over all things.  Two really great morals for the price of one.

Finally, the music is fantastic.

Which brings me back to the music challenge: a guilty pleasure song.

Oh yes, "Belle's Reprise" is my guilty song.  I sing it and the regular part of Belle's song in the shower, I hum it under my breath, I listen to it when I need to remind myself that things are ok.  I try not to do it when anyone is around - I mean, who wants to hear "Beauty and the Beast" all the time - but sometimes I fail.

Ultimately, though, it is my go to guilty pleasure song.  Love it.  Now I feel the urge to watch the movie again...


Friday, March 18, 2011

More Tax Money!

It always thrills me when I get money back from taxes. 

I currently don't work.  I am a full time student and frankly, that is more than enough for the moment.  But you see, I held a job over the summer.  A job that started off fun and ended with me feeling like I was in hell every time I went to work.

And those summer hours plus those hours that bled into the fall semester (I barely remember the start of last semester because I was so tired from work, if you'll believe that) add up.  And when it came time to file taxes, I filed taxes.

Now I get money back in the form of two separate checks: the state and the federal.

I already got one back a few weeks ago.  I planned out what I was going to do with it, and every dime went to some sort of good thing - taking my sister out for lunch, buying a Mother's Day gift in advance (it was Kate's idea, btw, so let's take a moment to applaud her for thinking in ahead), getting yarn to make a sweater with, and then feeding myself during school.  That's a big one right there.

Then I was just waiting for my second check to come.

Yesterday it did. 

And now I have to plan what I want to do with it.  The bulk of it will go back into my fairly depleated savings account, I think.  Then there's more yarn to buy (my sister's b-day is on the way and I need to get hopping on her gift), books to think about investing in, friends to go out with, and more school expenses.  I think the bulk of this one is gone too.

But that's the beauty of it.  I work, I pay taxes, and the government decides to give me some of that moolah back.  I think Uncle Sam can afford to buy me some extra yarn and a Coke.  It's kind of like guilt free spending.  Granted, I am still my father's daughter - if it's not a good deal, I won't do it.  Just because I have the money doesn't mean I should spend every penny of it on frivolous things. 

Like yesterday.  I went to McDonald's for lunch and decided I wanted a cherry pie.  It was two for a dollar or one for 99 cents.  The obvious thing was to buy two.  I ended up pawning one off on one of my friends because I couldn't eat it.  But that was good, cause she got a pie out of it too.  Even if it was kind of...burned..and...greasy...

Ok, enough rambling.  I'm off to the bank.


Music Challenge Day 12: A Song From a Band You Hate

Hate is such a strong word.

In all honesty, I don't hate anything.  I mean, I strongly dislike some things and I really want to high five certain people in the face from time to time, but I don't hate them.  So it's kind of hard, once again, to pick something.

That being said, there is a group that freaks the heck out of me.  They're called the Black Veil Brides.  Here's their song "Knives and Pens."

Now, screamo and emo music is fine.  I don't really have anything against it.  I mean, when I'm having a bad day, I like cranking up my fair share of Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Metallica, and Marilyn Manson to scream along with.  Heck, I've even been known to listen to Hollywood Undead from time to time.  (Albeit, not very often.)

But this group takes the cake.  I like the first minute of the song, but oh my gosh.  Please.  Stop screaming.  Stop looking at me like that while your screaming.  Stop staring me down like I'm the prey and your the demon possessed hunter. 

Yes, I am aware that there is a computer screen separating me from them but really.  They freak me out.  And that says a lot coming from me.  I can not handle it at all.

So to all the Black Veil Brides fans out there, my apologies.  I just can not handle your group.  They are too much for me to take in and digest.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Pile on That Homework...

...and bring it on.

Oh, I have a million things due for next week, but I'm actually motivated to do them.  It's interesting. 

My day was actually pretty good, all things considered.  It's St. Patrick's day, so I wore green.  I knitted this green cabled scarf over spring break, so I paired it up with a nice kelly green blouse I own.  There are only a handful of holidays I really get into (Halloween, Christmas, Easter, etc.) and this is one of them.  So I figure, live it up a bit.

(This time next year I will be legal, so I'm thinking about getting a group together to go to a local tradition here called "Kegs and Eggs".  It has live music from really good bands; I think one year they got OK GO to come out.  Plus green beer...)

I ended up skipping my psychology class today.  I just could not do it.  I had a headache and I could not put myself through the pain of sitting in a hot classroom full of loud students while listening to a lecture I really don't care about.  Not with a headache on top.

So I slept on one of the couches for a half hour (I hate falling asleep at school, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do here) and then went and got some lunch from McDonald's.  I hung out with one of my friends on the second floor until it was time for Public Speaking.

(BTW, while sitting on the second floor, the guy I thought I had freaked out smiled at me.  It made my whole day.  No, he still doesn't know my name; the only reason I remember his is because we had class last semester and, as a writer, I'm pretty good with names and faces.  But still.  He smiled at me. =D)

I need to start writing my next speech.  I think I'm going to try to get that done this weekend along with the paper and slides that are due for my psychology class on Tuesday. 

I'm kind of resigning myself to having a B in my Creative Writing class.  It's not that I'm a bad writer.  I think it's more of the fact that it's a difficult class and I'm having trouble figuring out my writing style.  But hey, I'm learning stuff.

I'm dog sitting again this weekend.  It makes me nervous, just because I don't want the dog to die on me.  I don't think she will, though.  Like everything else, I need to just take it one day at a time.

And on that note, I'm off for dinner.

Until we meet again, dear readers.


Music Challenge Day 11: A Song From Your Favorite Band

I will always have a special place in my heart and soul for the Beatles.  They were the one group I listened to almost exclusively for an entire year of my life, from ages 11 to 12.  Even when I rediscovered the world of rock and pop, the Beatles were (and are) always on my playlist. 

It's incredibly hard for me to just pick one song by them.  If I'm being honest with myself, I love nearly everything they do.  (There are a few exceptions, like "Michelle" and "Yesterday"...)

So here's the one I've chosen for today, because it's catchy, up beat, and oh so true:

That's right.  "With a Little Help From My Friends" by the Beatles.

Because I get by with a little help from my friends, too. =)


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Hey, Hey, It's Wednesday!

All happy exclaimation marks aside, it is, in fact, Wednesday.  Which, I am happy to report, I have finally learned how to spell.  It's only taken me, oh, twenty years.  There's the proof that you don't need to be a good speller in order to be a decent writer. 

(Although it does help.  Spelling errors really do distract the readers, especially anal people like me.  But that's beside the point...)

So what am I doing on the Wednesday?

I'm procrastinating from my homework.  Yes, I'll have to do it at some point.  It won't magically turn itself in tomorrow, double spaced and stapled.  Oh no. 

But I don't feel like doing it at this very moment.

I'm having trouble finding my motivation, actually.  I'm normally very self motivated where school is concerned.  Mainly it's cause I pay tuition and I figure that if I'm not going to do well, then I should use that money elsewhere.  But man, I'm having trouble this week.

I think it's because we just got off break and now have eight weeks of semester left.  Maybe part of it is the weather and how nice it's been lately.  Or maybe I'm just not wanting to do the work.  That could be too.

Oh well.  It'll get done.

So I took the Jeopardy! test last night.  It was brutal.  I don't think I did very well at all, but I'm very happy I tried.  I guess if they contact me then it means I've passed.  All in all, though, it was a pretty good experience.

I'm planning on calling the local skating rink as soon as I'm done updating here.  I want to get in on their roller skating lessons; mainly, I want to make sure that I'm not going to be the oldest person in the class.  I'm pretty excited about it.  It'll be a good form of exercise and something that's just fun to do.  Plus, my derby skates will actually get some use during the week.

I really can't think of anything else that's going on here.  My sister has a stomach bug, which is not good.  I'm a little nervous she's going to pass it off to me.  I've been doing pretty well not being sick this semester.  I've only had one massive cold so far and that nasty gunky feeling has been in my throat for nearly a week without manifesting into anything worse.  So far, so good.

I'm still pretty excited about being published in the school magazine.  Any time I start to doubt myself, I just remember that and it picks me up a bit.  The chapter of my novel is turning out pretty well.  I'm looking forward to getting some feedback so that I can improv upon it.  Feedback is such a great thing as a writer - don't try to be nice, just tell me how it is, and I can make it better.  Love it.

Love writing in general, actually.  Maybe when I'm done with my homework I'll do some extra writing today.

And on that note, I'm going to leave you so that I can get busy with my day.

Until we meet again,


Music Challenge Day 10: A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

I have a lot of trouble with sleep.  It's one of those deals where I want to sleep - my body wants to sleep - but my mind has other plans.  I toss and I turn.  I flip over the pillow.  I fix the blankets and then kick them off again.  I stare at the ceiling, stare at the walls, stare at my alarm clock.

Basically, it's like sleep hates me.

But there is hope.  And part of it is in this song.

"Let It Rain" by OK GO.

It's been a personal lullaby of mine since I discovered the group back in high school.  The original reason I bought the CD was because of the song "Here It Goes Again" - you know, the one with the video with the group on treadmills.  Little did I know that I would actually fall in love with "Let It Rain" more than the original single.

It's soothing.  Even though it has all the elements of rock in it, I find that it's subtle enough that if I'm having a rough night - stress about my self-image, boys, family, school, etc. - I can put it on and it lulls me into that state of sleep that I so desperately need.  Maybe it's the lyrics.  I find them to be somewhat relateable.  How many times have I been drained in relationships that didn't pan out or come to fruitation? 

And then there's the chorus:  "Let it rain, let it pour..."  Ah rain.  Please, do let it rain.

Ultimately, "Let It Rain" is my one song that I can listen to and be relaxed enough to sleep 99% of the time.


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What a Freaking Day.


I feel like I have been hit by a mac truck and then dragged around by a cat. 

Daylight savings time is killing me.  The lack of sleep is killing me.  The anxiety causing the lack of sleep is killing me.  Mainly, I'm tired.  It's not good.  Granted, I'm usually a little tired all the time, but man.  Today I am exhausted.

But it's going to be ok.  I ended up having a massive meltdown when I got home today.  Why I'm admitting that to you guys, I don't know, but there you have it.  I think my problem is that I get so wrapped up in the trees that are about to slam me in the face that I forget to see the forest from time to time.  It's hard.  I don't know how people who are in perfect harmony with the world all the time do it.  I honestly can't do it.

I can be calm and relaxed about things for a while.  I really can.  I know that God has a plan for me and that I am doing the things I am suppossed to be doing for the time being.  I know that even behind the clouds the sun is still shining.  I know that I don't need to stress and that I can relax and let things be.

Even with all that in mind, I still have my days where the ying is not with the yang.  I still get overwhelmed.  Today just happened to be one of them.  It's the kind of day where I just want to lock myself in a tower with a stack of books and be left alone, actually.

Ah, books.  That's what I did today over my lunch period.  I read.  And you know what?  It was good.  The book was good, the ability to do what I want was good, and the lack of stress of trying to impress or work up the nerve to talk to anyone was nice.

I found out I did not win the writing contest I entered.  I'm trying to be more upset about it, but the truth is, it makes me feel like I'm on the first step to becoming a writer.  Someone once said you can't be a good writer until you have 1,000 rejection letters.

I have letter one.  It almost makes me happy.

Tonight is the Jeopardy! test.  I'm a little nervous, but mainly I'm excited.  I really want to do well.  I really want to see if I know enough trivial information.  It should be fun.

That about sums it up.  I feel like I'm about to drown in stuff: homework, family, friends, life.  Good thing I know how to tread water, I suppose.

And on that note, I will leave you.  Time to prep for my test.


Music Challenge Day 9: A Song You Can Dance to.

I am so proud to say that while you guys are out there doing your macarana and hokey pokey, I can successfully dance this one.

That's right, folks.  It's the "Time Warp" from the Rocky Horror Picture show.

How I love this movie.  I can not even go into it.  Dr. F, Magenta, Columbia, Brad, Janet, and the professor.  And of course, my favorite: Riff Raff.

It is such a trip of a film.  It makes no sense whatsoever, and if you try to make sense out of it, you'll basically end up confused.  I love it.

Doing the Time Warp at a live screening is such a blast.  Everyone is jamming the aisles and seats.  No one cares if you look like an idiot or not.  It's so much fun.  It's fun doing it at home, too.  There are variations you can throw in to the basic steps.

(I want to go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show live again; I need to get a group together.  Any takers?  We can all grab party hats and go as "Party Goers"...)

And that is a song I can dance to with immense enjoyment.


Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring Break Day Eleven: The End of Break

I want to go back to school, but man, I really love sleeping in and doing nothing.  I did not realize how much I enjoyed it until now, when it's time to put the nose back to the grindstone.

I'm really going to miss break.

But I am happy to go back.  My writing gets so stagnant when I don't have anything to shake up my week.  If I had a job, it would be different because work always provides inspiration.  Since I don't, though, a lot of my ideas come while I'm at school.  And school gives my brain that extra push.  By doing homework and participating in class, I'm stimulating my mind which in turns stimulates my writing.

So it's a good thing.

Again, though, I am seriously going to miss sleeping in.  Daylight savings has not been kind to me.  I am exhausted already and the week is just starting.  Not fun, peeps, not fun.

Tomorrow is so many things.  The first day back to school after break.  The "Ides of March".  The day of the Jeopardy! test.

I'm actually really excited for that last one.  Even if I don't make it past the online test, at least I can say I tried.  Plus, it's going to be a lot of fun.  As I've stated before on here, I'm a huge Jeopardy! fan. 

Do I know enough trivial information?  No idea.  But I'm still excited anyway.  Nothing is going to ruin my day tomorrow.

My day today was actually pretty good too, except for being tired.  I went to the library and loaded myself up with reading material.  I'm very excited.  Granted, it's been a while since I've been able to actually finish anything.  It's being busy with school and life; it puts a serious kink in the reading world.  But I plan on making time this go.

One of the books that came in is called "The Book of Awesome".  It is amazing.  If you have never read it, I highly recommend you go pick up a copy and start reading.  It's great.

And on that note, I'm going to leave you so that I can enjoy the rest of my last day of break.


Music Challenge Day 8: A Song You Know All the Words to.

I have so many I could pick for this.

You see, dear readers, I'm one of those obsessive people.  Especially where music and books are concerned.  If I find a book I love, I'll read it at least twice.  If I find an author I love, I'll find all of their books at the library and slowly work my way through them.  If I find a musical artist I enjoy, I'll find as many CD's of theirs that I can and listen to them, track by track, analyzing the lyrics and the tempos.

So when I find a song I like, I listen to it over and over again until I know all the words and can sing along.

This is why this is such a hard choice for me.  I know the words to almost all the "Highest Rated" songs on my iPod.  Picking one is difficult.

In the end, I picked "21 and Invincible" by Something Corporate.

The link is for an acustic version which is nice.  However, I still prefer the original.  I just couldn't find a copy on youtube that I liked of it.

Something Corporate is the precursor of Jack's Mannequin.  I found them in reverse order, falling in love with the Jack's Mannequin album "Everything in Transit" before finding and loving the Something Corporate album "North".  Purists would say I can't really be a fan because I didn't know of Something Corporate first; I disagree. 

After all, they are both bands by singer Andrew McMahon, who I adore.  His musical talent is amazing.  His songs all have beautiful piano parts in them and lyrics that give me chills.

"21 and Invincible" feels like a fitting song, as I myself will be turning 21 this summer.  Not that I think I'm invincible or anything.  I know better than that.  But it's such a great song.  It's fun to blast in the car and sing along with at the top of my lungs.

And it didn't take me that long to learn the words, either. =D

So there you have it: a song I know all the words to.


Sunday, March 13, 2011

Spring Break Day Ten: Battle of the Scale

I hit that moment this morning when I realized: a good chunk of the weight I've lost in the past month and a half has come back.

This is what break does to me, guys.  I sit around, unmotivated (and completely happy about it too, actually) to really do anything.  I eat.  I write.  I eat some more.  I read.  I munch a snack.  I make some knitted projects.

And on and on.

I mean, break is great.

But break also means that I've gained back weight.  I guess I'm going back to running the stairs at school.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  Goodness knows I should be doing that anyway.  I've become too dependent on the elevator this semester....

Oh well.  It was worth it.  Especially the doing nothing part.  I love that part.

Only one day left.  Then it's back to school.  Oddly enough, I'm back to having weird feelings about it.  Maybe it's because I'm not sleeping well.  It's not the classes I'm worried about.  It's the social end. 

But really, I should be fine as long as I have a book with me.  I feel like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.  "With her nose stuck in a book, she really is a funny girl..."  Yeah. 

Interesting, random trivia here: I actually can navigate my way almost anywhere while reading.  It's not something I recommend (I've almost tripped over completely flat surfaces multiple times while doing it, but then again, I trip when I don't read and walk), but it's kind of a cool thing to do.  People leave you alone.  Or they look at you like you're a complete odd ball.

I never did get a new phone.  I went to Best Buy and looked at their phones.  In the end, I decided that since the plan I'm on (my parents' plan) is going to be renewed in like three months, I'll just suffer through it and then get the free upgrade phone. 

I just couldn't spend the money for something I realized I could get for free if I waited.  Further proof that I am my father's daughter.

I hope you guys are all having a great Sunday.  I have to go finish blocking a scarf that I made this week.

Until we meet again.


Music Challenge Day 7: A Song That Reminds You of a Certain Event

Don't you just love song association?  It's amazing to me how long it really does last with you.  You can forget nearly everything, but then that certain song comes on and suddenly it's like you're right back where you were. 

Amazing how the human brain works, actually.

"Rainy Days Never Stays" by the Brilliant Green is one of those songs for me.

Every time I hear it, I remember the day my dad flew out to Colorado the week before we moved.  I had woken up at three or four in the morning for no good reason.  I turned on my CD that a friend of mine had burned (which I still have) and walked to the window as this song played.  Sure enough, my dad was pulling out of the driveway in his Escort, heading for the airport.

I waved even though I knew he couldn't see me.

I remember how sparse the bedroom looked at that point.  My mattress was on the floor and nearly everything was packed or moved out.  At the very early hours of morning, it was such an odd thing to take in.

I then went back to bed.

Ever since then, when I listen to the song, I remember that moment.  It may not seem like much.  But I think it was probably very poignant.  I mean, moving is such a big thing, and that kind of solidified it for me.

So that's why I chose "Rainy Days Never Stays" for day seven.


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Spring Break Day Nine: Saturday Already?

I am totally ready for school to start again, but can you believe it's already Saturday?

It's like I've suddenly realized all the things that I have to do in the next week.  I have to give a presentation in Creative Writing on Thursday.  I have to be prepared to pick a topic for English on Tuesday.  I'm taking the Jeopardy online quiz on Tuesday.  I'm dog sitting Friday through Sunday.

And we're all losing an hour of sleep.  I'm not really ok with that.  Ugh.

But it's going to be good.

Today I knitted and worked on my chapter for Creative Writing.

I plan on doing more of the same tomorrow.  Then Monday it's all back to the grindstone.

I'm exhausted.  I'll talk to you guys later.


Music Challenge Day 6: A Song That Reminds You of Somewhere

There really are so many songs that remind me of places.  It's hard to choose. 

But in the end, "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane trumps them all.

Boy, it takes me on a trip down memory lane.

I remember my old home as I listen to this song.  I remember the feel of my old room at the end of the day, of the way the deck kind of creaked when you stood on it in the evenings, of the dampness of the blue porch swing in the middle of a good storm.

I remember the year of Springfield and how this song came out shortly after my dad got the job out there.  I listened to it on the radio nearly religiously, loving every bit of it and how I could hear it on both St. Louis stations and Springfield stations.

I remember walking through the woods along the creek in the area near our home.  I always felt like I was on an epic adventure to Narnia or Middle Earth when I really never was that far from home.

I remember thunderstorms when I hear this song.  Not sure why, but I associate the rainy season before moving with Keane.

Ah, so many memories.  I love them, just like this song.  The beauty of being reminded of places is that it makes it so that you can't forget where you've been.  It's important.  You can't live in the past, but it's important to remember where you've been because it is a part of you.

Man, I love Keane.  Always have.  Always will.  And all because of this song.


Music Challenge Day 5: A Song That Reminds You of Someone

"Crooked Teeth" by Death Cab for Cutie will always remind me of my sister.

It's one of those songs that we used to rock out to all the time.  Both of us knew all the words.  We'd crank the stereo and just party it up. 

So much fun.  So, so much fun.

(I think everyone needs a song to rock out to with their sister.)

Love it.  Always.


Friday, March 11, 2011

Spring Break Day Eight: Red Hair

My hair is now cut nicely (always a nice feeling) and is red.  I haven't done red before, prefering to stay to the violets and dark browns.  I must say, it's nice.  I feel sassy.

Bring it on, school.  Bring it on with your professors, presentations, and oblivious boys.  I can handle it.

I'm also going to get a new phone tonight.  Very happy about that. 

Kate and I hung out today as well.  We went shopping, had lunch, and basically proved how awesome we were rocking out in the car.

All in all, a great way to spend a tax refund.

Another day of break down.  School is looming.  I'm ready.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Spring Break Day Seven: Skipping Day Six

Yeah.  Day six was good, but I was so tired yesterday that it just did not happen.  So you guys get two days for the price of one.

(No need to thank me, you know you wanted to hear about two days in a single post anyway...)

So yesterday I went for ice cream with one of my friends from school.  It was a pleasant change of pace.  We walked around an outdoor mall and went into all the stores, smelling candles and playing with make-up. 

Honestly, sometimes a girl just needs some time with her gal pals.  It's something that I never realize I need until I'm doing it and then it clicks.  Down time to talk about school, family, life, boys, etc.  So much fun.

Today my mom, sister, and I went to the museum.  That's always fun.  They have some really cool exhibits, like one on minerals found in Colorado and one on dinosaurs.  Gotta love it.

It wears you out, though.  They keep the place so warm that it's hard for me to focus past two exhibits.

I've decided that I'm going to make a cardigan.  I've not knitted clothing before outside of socks and hats, so it's going to be a new project for me.  I've gotten part of my tax refund back, so I figure the government can buy me chunky yarn for it.

That's another thing.  My phone is a piece of crap.  Yesterday it died and had to be taken apart and put back together.  Today I realized that I can't hear it ring - it doesn't ring or vibrate when someone calls me.  I went into the sound settings to adjust the ring tone, and the phone turned itself off.  It did that five times to me between last night and today.

So I'm going to go over to Best Buy and see if I can buy a better phone.  Maybe one that will last longer and will be what I want instead of one that keeps falling apart.  Seriously.  This one and the one before it both keep falling apart.  It's really annoying.

I think that about sums it up.  My sister and I are going out tomorrow and then I'm getting my hair re-colored.  It's going to be fun.  I'm very excited.

Spring Break is nearly over.  I'm both excited and sad about it.  We shall see how school goes the rest of the semester.  I'm hoping for good things.

Until we meet again.


Day 4: A Song That Makes You Sad

Ah, sad songs.  There are so many out there.  I mean, just turn on a country station and you'll see what I mean.

I think one that makes me really sad is "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie.

Part of the reason it makes me sad is because the woman he's singing about is such a sad mess and no one understands it.

The other reason it makes me sad is because I've been there, done that, moved on.

"And she fights for her life as she puts on her coat, and she fights for her life on the train/ She looks at the rain as it poors/ And she fights for her life as she goes  in a store/ With a thought she has caught by a thread/ She pays for the bread and she goes/ And nobody knows..."

Yup, that was me not that long ago.  Basket case on the inside, bubbly on the outside; self-injurious tendencies inside, twisted sense of humor focusing on the macbre on the outside.

I'm a ton better now.  School is good, life is good, and even when I'm crashing, I'm happier than I've been before.  But this song is hard for me to listen to without crying.  I've been there.  I know what it's like to not be able to tell people that you're fighting with yourself for your life. 

It's hard.

And people don't understand, either.  It makes you feel like a horrible, weak person.

(I'm so glad that I'm past fighting for my life.  I don't think the feelings and tendencies ever fully go away; I think we just learn how to deal with them and not let them rule us.  It is a struggle I think I will probably have my whole life, but I'm okay with that.  Because I'm here, and I like being here.  Even in the rain.)

So that's why this is a song that makes me so sad.  He hits stuff on the nose so poetically.  It kills me.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Music Challenge, Day 3: A Song That Makes You Happy

I am notorious for listening to a lot of mellow, almost downer-like music.  It's true.  But most of the time, it calms me down.

Every once in a while, though, there's that bright burst of sunshine that blasts through my iPod and that makes me want to sing and dance like there is no tomorrow.

Today's selection?  "Girl" by Beck.

Beck is awesome.  There really is no other way to put it.  He's not afraid to make a fool of himself for the sake of music and entertainment (such as the video for his song "Loser").  He writes songs that are catchy and that are jam-packed with commentary on everything from society to life in general. 

In other words, I love his stuff.

"Girl" is the kind of song that I always want to dance to when I hear it.  It's got that beat that makes me feel like the sun is shining and that things are going to be ok.  I first heard it right before my family moved to Colorado (it literally came out the week before we left) and it's been one of my favorites ever since.  The music video is pretty clever too, I think.

So that's my happy song.  Your turn. =)


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Spring Break, Day Five: The Realization of Homework.

I woke up at four this morning and all I could think was "Crap, I have homework."

Awful timing for realizing that, too.  You know how it is, dear readers.  Everything seems bigger, scarier, and more like a crisis at four in the morning.  Granted, it never is as big or as scary or a crisis, but your mind doesn't know that at the groggily early hours before dawn.

So now I have a choice.

I can face my homework and get it done before break is over, leaving me the rest of the week to waste time.

Or  I can put it off until the weekend.

I think I'm going to compromise and get part of it done today, then push the rest off until later.  It's still procrastinating.  It's just a more...productive...way of doing it.

I feel like break is starting to drag anyway.  I mean, I love being on break as much as the next person.  But school was my flavor packet that shook up the raman of my week.  (You know it's bad when I'm coming up with odd metaphors.) 

But, fun things are going to abound this week.  I'm going out with a friend tomorrow for ice cream.  I'm going to the museum with my family on Thursday (after I survive a doctor's appointment - yay for yearly check ups...).  I'm getting my hair colored and cut on Friday.  And I might be going out with another friend on Saturday.

So it's going to be a good rest of the week.  I just have to let myself enjoy relaxing.

And getting that homework done.  Very important there.

And hey, I got part of my tax refund back today.  Life is good.

Enjoy your Tuesday, dear readers.


Music Challenge, Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song

'Nuff said.

Honestly, though, Rick Astley could be worse.  I mean, he is kind of cute in a weird '80's kind of way.  But I've been Rick Rolled enough times that this song drives me nuts.  It gets in my head and won't leave.

Your turn, readers. =) What's your least favorite song?


Monday, March 7, 2011

Music Challenge, Day 1: Your Favorite Song

Alright, guys and gals.  It's day one of the music challenge from Facebook.  Here's the deal, so everyone is up to speed.  Each day you pick a song based on a prompt.  It goes on for thirty days, with thirty different prompts and thirty different songs. 

Here's the list:

Day 1 - Your favorite song

Day 2 - Your least favorite song
Day 3 - A song that makes you happy
Day 4 - A song that makes you sad
Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone
Day 6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 8 - A song you know all the words to
Day 9 - A song you can dance to
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 - A song from your favorite band
Day 12 - A song from a band you hate
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 - A song that describes you
Day 16 - A song you used to love but now hate
Day 17 - A song you hear often on the radio
Day 18 - A song you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 - A song from your favorite album
Day 20 - A song you listen to when you're angry
Day 21 - A song you listen to when you're happy
Day 22 - A song you listen to when you're sad
Day 23 - A song you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 - A song you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 - A song from your childhood
Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

I will be labeling each blog post as we go.  It should be a lot of fun.  I encourage you guys to give it a go, too. =)

Let's move on.

My favorite song is a toss up between "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure and "Clocks" by Coldplay.  I'm going to say Coldplay wins out just because I've liked it longer.

Here it is for you to listen to as you read this post:

What I love about "Clocks" is that there is so much going on.  The keyboard/synthesizer is playing one thing, the bass is going along with another thing, the drums are keeping a different rhythm, and then the vocals are off doing their own thing.  I feel like there are so many dynamics to the song.  It's got depth and substance.

I've found that I have probably listened to it over a million times at this point and I can still find something exciting in it. 

The keyboard is my favorite part.  It's got that haunting melody that both soothes and fascinates me.  I have a tendency to think of water when I hear it: it's got that flowing feel to it.

I first heard the song in the fall/winter of 2003.  My family was living in the midwest still.  The song had been used in trailer for the new, live action Peter Pan film that was about to come out.  It took me nearly three months to figure out what the song was.  When I did, my friend burned it to a CD (which I still have, Dani, believe it or not, and the label is still green) for me.  I must have listened to it over a thousand times as 2004 and 2005 progressed.

As my family moved first to Illinois and then to Colorado, Coldplay - and in particular, "Clocks" - became like a security blanket for me.  As long as Chris Martin was there to sing me to sleep each night, it would be ok.

Amazingly, I still haven't gotten completely sick of the song.  I think that's what makes a favorite song your favorite song.  You can listen to it no matter what.  Even now, if I have trouble sleeping, I turn on "Clocks".  It works nearly every time.

And that is why "Clocks" by Coldplay is my favorite song.

Spring Break Day Four: Snow and a Challenge

Eww, snow. 

Granted, it's Colorado, so it's kind of expected, but still.  This is Spring Break, folks, not winter.  Emphasis on the SPRING part, please.

Anyway, what are you going to do, right?  Just go with it.  That's the plan. 

And breath.  Cause it's important.

So on Facebook (I'm not ashamed of social networking, you guys are more than welcome to look me up) there's this thirty day challenge thing.  Each day, you pick a different song to answer a different question/statement/thing.  I'm intrigued to see how music affects my life (because I know it plays a huge role in everything for me), so I've decided to do it.

I thought it would be fun to do it on here as well.  That way you guys at home can play along as well.  Plus, you don't have discussions about it on Facebook, but here I can talk (or rather, type) your ears off about each song I pick.

I'm excited.

So here's the list to get everyone started:

Day 1 - Your favorite song
Day 2 - Your least favorite song

Day 3 - A song that makes you happy

Day 4 - A song that makes you sad

Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone

Day 6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere

Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 8 - A song you know all the words to

Day 9 - A song you can dance to

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Day 16 - A song you used to love but now hate

Day 17 - A song you hear often on the radio

Day 18 - A song you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Day 20 - A song you listen to when you're angry

Day 21 - A song you listen to when you're happy

Day 22 - A song you listen to when you're sad

Day 23 - A song you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 - A song you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Pretty straight forward there.  I think it's going to be an interesting experience.

I've decided that for the music challenge, I will do a different post.  So for thirty days, there will be two updates a day: one for regular blogging, and one for the music challenge.  They will be labled accordingly.

In other news, I'm knitting a fish.  He looks a bit like a Franken-Fish.  I'm going to call him Fred.  I'm not sure why, but that's his name.  And he's confused.  Again, I don't know why, but my sister and I have decided he's Fred the Confused (Franken) Fish.

It's a fun world, the world of stuffed toys.  Lol.

My novel is still progressing nicely.  I hope to have a rough draft finished by the end of the year.  I'm procrastinating at answering emails, so if you have emailed me, I apologize.  It will be coming.  Also, because I am on break, I probably do not make a lot of sense.  Giving you a heads up.

Alright, this has been day four.

Until tomorrow (or the music challenge post, actually),


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Spring Break Day Three: Car Ride!

I love taking long car rides.  Especially if someone else is driving.  I love looking out the window, watching the scenary pass by.  Plus car rides always induce stories, laughter, and fitful naps.

Today, that's what we did.  My mom, my sister, and I went for a car ride.  It was awesome.  Even though we knew where we were most of the time, it felt like an adventure.

I love spending time with my loved ones, and I love car rides.  It was perfect.

I think it might storm.  It certainly looks like it could.  Feels like it too.  I'm holding out for rain, but the weather people are saying we should be prepped for snow.  That's the one thing about living in Colorado - it very rarely rains when you feel like it should.

I'm working on revising a chapter for my young adult novel.  I feel like this story has so much potential.  The characters are very dear to me.  The only thing is that the story is turning out to be a lot more complex than I was originally thinking it would be.  I like it.  I like the new developements and the twists along the way.

I just hope I can do it justice.

I'm thinking that even though I'm on break, I should probably be working on my psych paper.  I just don't feel that motivated.  Maybe I'll save it as a back up plan for if I'm bored out of my mind later this week.

My neighbor made it home.  The dog is doing well.  It all works out for the best.

I feel like this is a good afternoon for doing nothing.  Maybe that's what I'll do the rest of the day.

I hope you guys are all having a great day and that you enjoy your weekend! (Or what's left of it...)


Saturday, March 5, 2011

I'm Wound Up...

...and so there shall be a second post.  Bwahaha.

I just completely realized that I can still taste the iodine that they shot me full of yesterday in the ER.  If you have never had a CT scan where they have to use it, let me break it down for you.

First, they flush the line with a saline solution.  You don't feel it, but you can taste it.  It's like very salty water.  How it is that you can taste it without feeling it, I don't know, but it's amazing to me that the human body works like that.

Then they send in the iodine. 

It's like a heat wave that (for me, at least) starts at your ears and runs all the way down your body.  I felt like I was in an overheated car in the middle of July that was parked in the noon sun.  Crazy feeling.  And you feel like you're peeing your pants, which say the least.

But it tastes so weird.  It's like copper and salt mixing.  Everything I ate last night after they released me, especially if it was sweet, tasted awful.  My cherry coke was like drinking a combination of diet soda and lighter fluid.  (Not that I know how lighter fluid tastes, but that's what I think it would be like.)

I went to bed with a bad taste in my mouth, I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth.  I brushed my teeth and it wasn't the refreshingly minty experience I'm used to. 

Granted, as the day has progressed, it's gotten better.  But just sitting here, checking my email, updating my twitter, and whatnot, I notice it. 

Soo salty.  Soo gross.

On a completely different note (I did say I was a bit high strung right now), my neighbors dog is freaking me out.  I'm watching her today and tomorrow on a spur of the moment thing for my neighbor.  So far, no seizures (thank heavens), but she has been acting a little neurotic.  She keeps slamming her nose into the carpet and running around. 

I've taken her outside and run with her.  I've kept her water up.  I've made sure she's had food and treats.  I just don't understand.  I don't think it's a full moon.  Happily, my neighbor gets home early tomorrow afternoon, so as long as she doesn't die or get sick or have a seizure, we should be good.

(I realize, as many of you probably have by now, that I worry about the weirdest things.  But this is coming from the girl who used to be afraid of everything.  Honestly, it is improving.  I mean, I'm riding elevators now, for crying out loud.  Still hate spiders though...)

Mmmmmkay.  This was a random bonus blog.  I'm going to try to go to bed now.

Hopefully the dog will have calmed down by the time morning gets here and the iodine taste will be gone for good...


Spring Break, Day Two: Exciting News

Yeah, I've decided my whole spring break is going to be delineated out like this.  I think I can find something interesting each day of break.  We're going to find out.

Anyway, my exciting news.

I'm going to be a published author.

No, it's not the writing contest I entered (I'm still waiting to hear about it), but it's still awesome.  I'm going to have a poem I wrote published in the school literary magazine.  It gets distributed all over the school and in some places through out the community as well.

I'm very excited.

I actually did a happy dance when I found out this morning.

This goes to show that I am on the right track.  Another block has fallen smoothly into place.  It's fun and I like it.

As for the rest of my day, it's been going pretty well.  My lung and shoulder still hurt, but there's not really a whole lot I can do about that, and let's be honest.  I'd rather have the uncomfortable feeling than the other problems it could have been.  I'm dog sitting.  That's about it.

I'm actually going to be published somewhere.  It's still sinking in...

Enjoy your weekend, folks.


Friday, March 4, 2011

Spring Break Day One: In the ER...

Today did not go how I planned it to go at all.

It started off ok.  Kate and I went to try to make up the bowling we missed on Monday.  But the people put us next to a senior league who made it very clear they hated us for being young and on a league.  It was so discouraging.

So we left, deciding to finish our bowling on Monday after league. 

And that is where the real trouble began.

On Wed, I had woken up with pain in the right side of my chest all the way from my shoulder down.  Every time I took a breath, laughed, whatever, it hurt.  Bad.  I figured I had pulled something somewhere along the way and didn't think anything of it.

Sleeping Wed night and Thursday night was a nightmare.  I couldn't roll onto it; breathing was still painful.

So today, my mom and sister decided it was time for me to go to Urgent Care to see what was going on.  After leaving the bowling alley, we headed over.

An hour and a half plus several X-Rays later, the lady at Urgent Care told me I had to go to the ER.  Her thinking was that it was probably blood clots in my lungs due to my birth control pills.

We went, grabbed my dad, and went to the hospital.  There I spent the remainder of my day up until a few hours ago being prodded, poked, and questioned.  I wore a gown, had a CT scan with iodine (the weirdest sensation, I tell you), and ultra sound. 

The two fears were that a.) I had blood clots or b.) my gall bladder bit the dust.

The happy news?  It wasn't either.  The doctor I saw was happy to tell me that I had inflammation along my right lung and that it should go away on it's own within a week.  In other words, I got to go home.

So it was a crazy busy day.  Not at all how I wanted to spend it.  My poor family was stressed out beyond stressed.  My arms are crazy sore from blood work and stuff.  And I have a cool band that has my name and DOB on it.

I'm exhausted.  I don't know if this made sense, and I don't know if I care.

The only thing I know?  I'm really happy to be home.

What a way to kick of spring break, huh?


Thursday, March 3, 2011

I Yelled at a Goose Today.

Yeah.  You totally read that right.

I - a rational, intelligent young woman of twenty - yelled at a goose today.

Several geese, actually.

The school campus is flooded with them.  They spy on us, the humans.  They drop their little "presents" wherever they want.  And they think they own the place.  As one of my friends today so eloquently put it: "The geese have it coming."

I went to McDonald's to grab lunch with one of my friends today because it was such a nice day and I wanted off campus for a while.  Walking back, these geese crossed in front of us, staring us down.  One of them hissed.

I did something I am both embarrassed and kind of pleased about.

I gave the goose a piece of my mind.

"What?!" I practically shouted.  "What do you want, goose?? Huh?  What did I do to you??"

The goose looked at me, looked at my lunch in a bag, and proceeded to cross the sidewalk to feast upon the yellowing grass on the other side.

"That's what I thought," I mumbled.  My friend was in stitches.

So then my other friend, the one who made the comment about the geese asking for it, and I went outside after I took a midterm.  We both had time to kill before our next class and it was still beautiful, so it made sense. 

On our way in, I had another stare down with a different goose.  It backed down first.  I felt awesome.

I think this only ties in epicness with me nearly getting hit by a bicyclist on Tuesday.  (I was crossing the road, he wasn't paying attention.  An extra half a second and it would've been baaad...)

Thank God for break.  No geese, no boys, little homework, and lots of sleeping in.  No tests, no teachers, no in-class group work, no cafeteria food.

I'm a little excited about this, can you tell?

And now, I'm off to enjoy dinner.