Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years Eve

Time to make some New Years Resolutions.

Normally, I'm not one for resolutions.  I typically think they are pointless and a waste of time and effort.  I mean, come on.  How many of your resolutions do you actually keep?  I think it takes more energy to make resolutions and then try to keep track of them than it does to just live life.

But this year is different.

2011 is going to be my year.  There are three things I want to do this year, three things I am striving toward.  And I'm going to do my best to do them. 

The first goal is to reflect God more clearly in my life.  I realized the past two weeks that I want to be a Godly woman, not a woman of the world.  (Read Proverbs 31 - it gives you an idea of where I'm going with this.)  I want to be the kind of woman who trusts more than she worries, who loves more than she holds grudges, who is kind to everyone.  I want to reflect God.  I can not help but think that it will make me feel better and make life seem sunnier.  I do not want to be worldly.

Which brings me to goal number two: No More Conforming.  I'm the kind of person who tries to please everyone, and in doing so, I lose who I really am.  No more.  I do not need to please everyone.  I do not need everyone to like me.  I am going to instead be myself 24-7.  If people can not accept me for who I am, then I do not need them in my life.  I am going to be me: dorky, funny, odd, talkative, studious, etc.  All the things that some people have tried to change in me; all the things that I find myself changing for others.  This is my year to just be.

And finally, I want to run a half marathon.  I am kind of overweight and I want to lose that extra poundage.  It's not even from a vanity point of view; I actually am ok with how I look.  It's for health reasons.  I don't want to get the diabetes and heart problems and whatever else is lurking on both sides of my family tree.  I want to be healthy so I can live a long time. 

Why a half marathon?  Because I was inspired by the Biggest Loser and by two of my friends who both do marathons.  I am inspired to run, to power walk, to become active.  And if I don't do the half marathon this fall (because training is intense and I'm really out of shape), then I will do it in the spring.  I just want to accomplish something.  So I start training today.  I'm getting on a treadmill and I'm going to work my way up to running.  I'll feel better, and I know it.

So there you have it.  My three New Year goals.  Now it's your turn.  Are you going to do anything?  Why are you doing it?

Have a brilliant New Year eve, my readers, and I will see you on the other side.


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Finally, Snow.

At least, in theory we're supposed to get some.  You know, it's kind of odd, dear readers.  Normally by now I'm complaining non-stop about how much I hate snow and want it to go.  This year has been such a fluke, though.  Very little to no snow; it's kind of driving me nuts.  I want snow.

I think this proves that women are impossible to please.  Myself included.

So today I went to the craft store with my mom and sister.  I got a gift card from my relatives for Christmas and I was eager to spend it, not to mention the fact that all the yarn was on massive "end of year" sale.  The whole isle was covered with orange clearance tags.

I was so overwhelmed.  Some women get overwhelmed by jewelry sales, some by clothing or shoe sales.  I get overwhelmed by yarn sales.  Make of that what you will.

Finally I decided to get some really nice soft yar that was on sale for two bucks a skein (normally it goes for like five a skein) and make a blanket.  My mom and sister helped me pick out the colors; by that point I was nearly numb. 

Of course, I was also kind of in a carb snooze mood too, so that may have played a bigger part of it.

I got some other things too, just to make it clear.  I may be a yarn junkie, but I like other things too.  I got a pack of buttons (in various colors for various projects) and some needle covers (so stitches don't fall off my double points).  But back to the yarn.

The thing about me and knitting is that I typically like projects that are fast and convient.  Yeah, knitting is fun, but I don't have the patience for long term commitment.  I have yet to do anything like sweaters.  In fact, I think this is the first year where I've actually finished everything I've started.  I typically start one project and leave it when another comes my way. 

Not anymore.

This is my first time doing a blanket.  It's done is squares, so that should help.  It's going to be a country blue, a wine red, and a forest green when it's all said and done.  I think the appeal of doing one right now is that it's winter and it's cold (at least, it's starting to get that way now).  Blankets are great keepsakes and are actually useful.

I like making useful things from time to time.

I'll let you know how it goes.  I would post pictures of some of the other projects I've done - the frog I made my sister, the tie for my dad, the socks for my mom, my crazy hat, etc. - but I can't seem to figure out how to post them.  As soon as I do, though, you guys will hate me for it.  Lol.

I think that's about it.  Several more deaths have occurred: Trace Beaulieu's dad passed, James Brown passed, and a few others.  I don't know if I can handle anymore death.  My mom says it's affecting me more because I'm more aware of what it means and of what's going on.  Maybe I'm just really becoming emotional as I get older.  I honestly don't know.

So please, keep everyone in your prayers.  The woman I blogged about earlier this week is having her husbands memorial service tomorrow; the man I blogged about earlier had his father's today.  It's so hard, especially around the holidays.  I can not imagine what everyone who lost a loved one must be going through.

Life is short; tell those around you that you love them and don't take anything for granted.

And on that note, I'm going to leave you.  I have a blanket square to work on.


Monday, December 27, 2010

I Like Mustard.

A lot, as it turns out. 

Something you may not have known about me, dear readers: I used to be a ketchup-aholic.  That's right.  My teen years were spent putting the sweet red stuff on nearly everything I ate - mac and cheese, chicken dishes, beef dishes, pork dishes, hot pockets, eggs, sandwiches, etc.  I could not get enough of the stuff.  I think the only things that I did not put it on were pizza and mashed potatoes.

That's how much I loved it.  But alas, all good things have to end.  After a while, ketchup and I began to grow apart.  Sure, I still like it on the occasional Wendy's burger and fry box.  But as the years progressed, I started to change and drift.  I went through a period of experimenting with different condiments: ranch, bbq sauce, hot sauce.  All were good in passing for a quick, one snack night, but none had lasting potential.

  But then something happened and now it seems like I have a new sauce to love.  A sauce that is tangy rather than sweet.  A sauce that still stains much the same as I dribble it down my shirt in a moment of mindless fry-shoving panic.


I honestly never thought I would like mustard.  After all, if ketchup is one of the sweetest food toppings you'll ever find, mustard was the opposite.  Tangy, vinegar-y, and yellow.  I thought it would never work out between us.

But then  I started eating mustard over the summer.  At first, it was one of those health kick things I get from time to time.  'Mustard cleans you out', 'mustard helps you lose weight', etc.  Naturally I felt the need to try something that would help me lose weight and clean out my system.

I never expected to love the taste as much as I did.

Now I put mustard on nearly everything, much like I did ketchup all those years.  I like the fact that mustard is tangy and adds kind of a kick to everything from sandwiches to eggs.  I especially like the spicy mustard with the bits in it.  Plain spicy is good too, but the spicy deli stuff is my favorite.  It makes a Subway sandwich for me.

It's kind of like banana peppers.  I started eating those because eating spicy helps clean you out and gets your metabolism going - aka, you lose weight.  Now I can't have a Subway sub without them and the spicy mustard.

What a world this is coming to.  Oh well, at least it's tasty and good, right?


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Where to Begin?

Hey again, my dear readers.  So, it's after the holidays and I have so many things I want to talk about.  I can honestly say I have no clue where to begin. 

At the beginning, I suppose.  That might be a good place.

As you remember from my previous entry, a wonderful woman lost her husband the day before Christmas eve.  I never knew him, but I worked with his now widow - I know he must have been a wonderful man, because she was so sweet and wonderful to me.  I can not imagine what their family must be going through; my heart still aches for them, three days later.  Please, keep them in your prayers.

Christmas eve came.  The puppet show at church was fantastic and went off without a hitch.  My sister was the solo puppet for a cover of Springsteen's "Born in the USA" called "Born in Bethlehem".  She was amazing.  I got to be a sheep dressed as a 1950's secretary for another cover.  Not as thrilled with that song as I was with Kate's solo.

And then came the big one.

We did this thing that I can barely pronounce, let alone spell, which was done entirely in black light.  The song was an African cover of  "Oh, Holy Night".  Our hands had white gloves on them to glow in the black light, there were signs with African masks painted on them in black light paint, and black light puppets.  What we did was form a line on either side of the stage and pass these pieces that were painted in black light paint in rhythm to the song, creating a really cool look.  The person at the end of each line took the pieces and placed them on a board in a set pattern.

When the song was done, a plug in the middle of the board was taken out and all that the audience could see were our hands in prayer and a glowing cross. 

I got lucky enough to go home after helping with two services and sitting through a third - Kate wasn't so lucky.  She had to play handbells at a fourth service.

When I got home, I decided to check my Facebook account before unwinding. (Yeah, I have a Facebook.  If you feel inclined, you can look me up...)  That was when I found out that the father of one of the guys who helps with the youth group had died.  I was heartbroken, because the man who helps with youth group has been such a great support to my sister and myself, and to lose someone over the holidays - on Christmas eve - is brutal.

It was the second death in two days that I had learned about via Facebook.

I broke down.  The deaths, the lack of sleep preppin for the holidays, the fact that I had just gotten over a cold - all of it had taken every dime of emotional energy out of me.  I ended up in the kitchen with my mom, where she gave me a talk about death.

 I'm twenty and I can honestly say I do not know what I would do without my mom.  Yeah, we have our bouts and we have our shouting matches from time to time, and sometimes I swear we're the most dysfunctional family on the block.  But the truth is, she's one of the only people I trust with my emotions like that.  And she almost always makes me feel better about things.

I felt better after our talk.  My sister and dad made it home and we had pot roast for dinner.

Christmas came and it was beautiful.  No snow, but you can't have everything.  My mom liked the socks I made, and my dad seemed to like the tie.  Kate loved the frog and bag I made.  I got some cool stuff too - I got a nice vanilla sugar scrub that my sister made and that smells like sugar cookies, some great handwarmers that my mom made and that I'm wearing as I type this, a copy of the Breakfast Club on VHS from my dad (it's a memory thing, which did not go unnoticed by me), a stylish knitting bag and needle case, and a book of sock patterns among many others.

It was a wonderful Christmas.  I got to relax, knit all day (I completed a penguin that I had started the day before, minus the sewing), and spend time with my family.  Then I got to go to bed in my new pj's (it's a tradition. =D )

Which leads us to today. 

More lounging about and knitting (I'm working on mastering socks), and I did laundry.  I think that about sums it up.  Oh, and I blogged.

You know, it's funny.  I don't always write on here, but I always write something every day.  One of these days, I'm going to be published.  I just know it. =)

And now I must bid you farewell.  Socks don't finish themselves.  Also, please keep praying, both for the two mentioned in this blog, and for the many who lost loved ones.  Thanks.


Friday, December 24, 2010

Life is Short. =(

Hi guys.  Yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a while.  It's the week of Christmas and I've been swamped with trying to stay sane.  And yeah, I realize it's after 1 in the morning.  I'm exhausted, trust me.  But I have to blog about something that's bothering me.

I just found out that a woman I worked with at Sylvan lost her husband yesterday.  This woman is probably one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet, and is one of the teachers I miss working with the most.  She is kind, generous, funny, and just a great person to be around.  She also has two very small little boys.

The fact that this happened to her, that her husband died in her arms from the flu, bothers me.  It really does bother me.  I've always considered myself to be pretty immune to death and the notion of dying.  After all, when most girls my age were planning their weddings, I was planning my funeral (I know it sounds awful, but it's true; I now am planning my imaginary wedding though, so we've moved on...).  But this news makes me incredibly sad.

Can you imagine what she must be going through?

To go through life and find that one person who God has created just for you, your soul mate and other half is a great thing.  To start a family with that person must be wonderful.  But then to have that other half of yourself ripped away suddenly when you think you have more time to be with them.  It must be awful. 

Especially with the holidays so close.  Christmas is technically tomorrow.

It makes me cry, actually.  I'm in tears for this wonderful woman as I write this blog.  I cannot imagine how heartbreaking it is.  I can't comprehend the pain she must be going through.

I know I don't do this very often, guys, but please pray for her.  Please.  No matter what your faith is or what you believe, please offer up a prayer for comfort and strength for her and her sons.  I know that God will help them weather the storm, but she needs all the extra comfort we can provide.

And guys.  Life is short.  This is what I've learned from this.  It can be over before you know.  Don't assume you have all the time in the world.  Tell the people you love what they mean to you.  Hug those you care for.  Touch the life of those around you.  You only have one shot at this thing called life, and it can be over in a flash.

Until we meet again, please do pray for this wonderful woman.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010


It's been a while.  Sorry bout that, guys.  Life has this funny way of catching up when we least expect it.

A quick summary and then we'll move on:

My mom hurt her knee last week.  It appears that physical therapy is going to help, so she won't need surgery; that being said, she's been off it all week.  Which means that I'm kind of in charge.  I've been making two to three meals a day, doing the running, and just helping out as well as I can around here.

It's a lot of work.  I have a new-found respect for what my mom does.

Then my sister hurt her toe.  So, it's been an interesting few weeks.


Yesterday I knitted my first sock ever.  I'm kind of excited about it.  Sock patterns used to freak me out.  I would look at them and get instantly intimidated.  Turning of the heel?  Decreasing the toe?  It's like terror on a page!  The truth is, though, it really isn't that hard.  It's actually kind of fun.

My sister and I affectionately call my sock "Frankensock" because the combination of yarn I used (it's a varigated full of oddness) and the slightly off diminsions of the sock (for a first time, it could've been a lot worse) make it look totally wonky.  I'm in the process of making a mate for Frankensock, because socks are always in pairs.

I call her the "Bride of Frankensock".  Yeah, you can groan.  It's ok.

But I got distracted from making the Bride today because of something even more important:  I'm helping design a Christmas present.

Basically (and I can't go into too much detail here because my dad reads this from time to time), my sister needed something to make for our dad.  We got to brain storming and I had the perfect idea; she liked it.  So now I'm taking a simple concept and creating a knitting pattern for her to follow to make it more personal.

That's as much detail as you get until after the holidays.  I'm pretty excited, though, cause I've wanted to design a chart pattern.  It's another step in becoming a great knitter.  It is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I'm enjoying it.

I can't believe Christmas is only 11 days away.  It blows my mind.  This year has gone by incredibly fast.  I hope I get everything done.  I'm pretty sure I will. =)

Until next time, readers.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hey Guys!

I got a 4.0!

Just sayin.  That is all.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

No Title is Fine Here.

My last unmarried cousin just got engaged.  It's a wonderful thing, and he deserves all the happiness that is going to come his way.  I love the woman he proposed to - I can't even get into how awesome she is.

But even amid the happiness, one thought popped into my mind: I'm Next.

It almost feels like a sentence.  Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of getting married.  I would be content to settle down, maybe have a family, the whole nine yards.  It's just...

None of the guys I've known have really impressed me to the point of wanting to date them, let alone marry them.  I still want to finish getting my degree and live on my own for a while.  I want to party, to dance, to submerse myself in books and paper and ink.  I want to have a stand-up comedy routine and publish a novella.  I want to do roller derby, break a bone, start my own yarn line. 

Basically, the idea of being tied down right now scares the heck out of me.

Even more than that, this news has made me realize that I am getting older.  Yeah, twenty isn't ancient or anything, but I still can't wrap my head around the thought of being a responsible adult.  No joke.  It's hard.

I think the only guy I would date right now is the Boy-With-The-Jade-Braces.  And even then I'm not sure.

Time to trust God.  And breathe.  And enjoy whatever comes my way.

Ok, cool.

So in other news, my writing instructor told me I should try to enter a writing contest with a piece I wrote.  I think I'm going to do it.  I'm pleased with how it turned out, and I want to try to get published.  If I win the contest at school, I'll be published in a magazine.  If I don't, I still get some exposure because my piece will be read by the judges.  I don't see a downside to this.

Also, I am thinking about applying for a job at a yarn store.  Knitting has been a lifesaver in more than one way the past few months, and it would be amazing.  The position basically means that I sit in the store and knit.  I'll help people with their knitting problems and get to understand the yarn industry better.  Again, I don't see a downside with this, either.  I sent the email and am waiting to see if I hear back about it.

I can't really think of anything else off the top of my head.  I'm massively allergic to cats, which came to light this week as I was cat sitting for one of my neighbors.  I go into her apartment and not five minutes later, my eyes are burning and I can't breathe out of my nose.  And her apartment is kept clean, too, with no cat hair anywhere.  It bums me out.

Oh well.  I can always knit myself a cat. =D

Have a great night, readers. 


Saturday, December 4, 2010


Three blogs in three days.  What is this, a new record or something?  I mean, geesh, it's so rare for me to update this often.  Know what?  I blame school being over.

I feel weird not having any homework to be done or tests to be preppin' for.  And no, I'm really not an over acheiver.  I just happen to enjoy school.  I like learning new stuff, meeting new people, trying new things.  Not a big fan of tests or major research papers, but I seriously doubt anyone is.  I'm ready for the grades to be posted so I'll know what I did this semester; I was hopeful for a 4.0 but after that history final, I have my doubts...

Ok, fine.  I'm an over acheiver.  Happy?  Good.  Let's move on now.

So anyway, not being in school makes me want to blog more.  It makes me feel like I'm being scholarly and productive.  What am I going to do when I get out of school and am working full time without any classes?  I think I may go nuts.  I don't want to be stagnent in my learning.

Thank goodness for libraries. 

Libraries are amazing.  All the books you can read, always at your fingertips.  Each isle is filled with books ranging from humorous to serious to just plain boring.  If left alone, I am able to spend hours just browsing the shelves, grabbing whatever catches my eye or sounds interesting.  I usually come home with a stack or books and then only read one or two of them.  But those one or two are worth it. 

I love getting lost between the pages of a great book.  It's like a mini vacation without ever actually leaving.  I used to be a huge fantasy fan but then I realized that with one or two exceptions, all fantasy books follow the same basic format.  So I got bored and moved on to horror and romance and real-life novels (I think they have a specific term, but I can't think of it off the top of my head.  They aren't creative non-fiction, although I do like those.  These actually follow a character or group of characters in their day-to-day lives in real time.  It's hard to describe.).

 I still like some fantasy (like the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter), but I really love stories the incorporate elements of the fantastical with reality.  The best example I can give for this is any writing by Francesca Lia Block.  She is amazing.  Her stories always mix fantasy with reality and are done in a lyrical writing style.  I love the "Weetzie Bat" book series, "Violet and Claire", and the collection of fairytale re-writes she did called "The Rose and the Beast".  Everything by her is wonderful, though.

Ok, I've rambled enough on libraries.  Next thing you know, I'll be going on about bookstores and new books as if they were a type of fine wine.  I better stop while I'm a head.

Before I go, please be warned, dear readers.  If the past few days have been any indication, I will be updating more and more frequently as break continues.

Until we meet again,


Friday, December 3, 2010

It's Friday.

And I have no homework.  I think I may jump up for joy. 

Or not.  We shall see.

Last night I dreamed about roller derby.  I was amazing - the skates flowed beneath my feet with power.  I woke up twenty minutes before my alarm went off.  No school, no homework.  It appears to be a nice day.

In theory, skating seems so easy.  Just push off with one leg and glide on the other, back and forth until your calves are numb.  Reality is that I have very little balance and therefore have more trouble.  But I think I might be slowly getting the hang of it.  I have to be 21 to do derby, so I'll be eligiable next summer.  To save strain on my mom though and to be able to afford it, I think I'm going to wait until after I graduate in 2012.  Then I'll be working full time, will have my own car, and will be moving out with my sister.

Maybe I'll practice skating today.

Or maybe I'll finish Pokemon Emerald on my laptop.  That's right, I have the original game downloaded onto my computer.  I'm awesome like that.

More than likely, though, I won't do either.  I'll write or read or knit.  I still have a mountain of gifts to finish.

Alright, readers, I'm headed out for the day.  Enjoy your Friday!


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Well, It's Over.

My semester, I mean.  Come on, guys.  What else would I be talking about here?

Anyway.   It's done.  Fall 2010 is over.  I had my finals today, which felt brutal.  Not gonna lie there.  I should probably try this thing called studying.  (No, I don't really study in the traditional sense; yes, I do manage to pass.  Somehow.  Don't hate me, k?  I listen well in class.)

I don't know how to feel.  In a way, I am soo glad this semester is over.  It was long, it was exhausting, it was full of stress and sweat and tears.  I was sick all the time.  I was tired most of the time.

But -

I loved this semester.  I think this was my favorite semester at school, just because I was able to be  I didn't hang with people who made me feel like I was out of place, I didn't work (at least, not after the third or fourth week of semester), I didn't have any obligations except to myself and to my family.  It was nice.

And the classes.  I loved the classes I took.  I finally realized this semester that I am a writer.  Discovering that was great.  I always knew I loved to write, but my Creative Writing class solidified it for me.  And I got to say "fuck" over 100 times in a page long paper for the class.  I got out of my comfort zone. I learned to write more in my own style, and watched my work improve by leaps and bounds.  My history class challenged me to go beyond my typical work.  It was interesting, fresh, and hard - something I needed to motivate myself.  My music class was boring at times, but through it I rediscovered my love of Beethovan and Tchaikovsky.  (I'm pretty sure I did not spell that right, but hang with me, folks.)

I met people.  I met a woman in my music class who not only knits like I do but who also does roller derby, which is my shoot-for-the-stars dream.  I met another woman in that class who's a single mom singing in a rock band.  I got to know the guy who sat in front of me in History and never had a dull moment after that.  The girl in History who I ate lunch with, the girl in writing who sometimes joined us, the other girl in writing who I can't imagine not being friends with.  It was incredible this semester. 

There were laughs, tears, giggles.  There were papers and tests and readings.  I read outloud a piece I wrote in front of a group last night for the first time.  I left my comfort zone behind me and I can't imagine going back now.  And I think I may have gotten over my fear of elevators.  Or at least had it lessen.

Of course, there are people I wish I had been able to get to know this semester.  Like the guy who sat in front of my friend and next to Hollister boy in History.  Or like the guy who sat behind me in Music.  Or even like the girl who sat in front of me in History.  And, of course, Hat Boy, who fell off the face of the earth, it seems.

But that's why there's next semester.  Things that are supposed to be happen.  Things that aren't leave their mark on our hearts and leave like bubbles - no use trying to grab them, just admire them as they go.

So, I am now on break for a month.  Or more.  I'm not really sure.

I plan on knitting like there is no tomorrow, practice my roller skating skills (or lack thereof), and maybe catching up on my reading.  Basically, I just want to take it easy. 

And tonight, it's bubble bath night and then sleep.  Cause as I said before, those tests were freaking brutal.

Until the next time, my readers.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Lessons Learned Through Stuffed Animals

So I'm making stuffed animals for Christmas presents this year.  They are a blast to make: I knit them, then stuff them, then put features on them like eyes and noses.  Anyway, they are great. 

And what I've noticed is that even when I don't make them perfectly, I still absolutely love each and every one of them.  I love the flaws and the effort that I put into making them.  I love the yarn, the stuffing, all of it.

Basically, because I made them.  That's why I love them.  No one else made them; even though I followed a basic pattern, each one is uniquely mine.

I think this must be how God is.  I never could understand how God could love everyone so much, especially since we all have so many flaws in us.  (I know for fact that I am a bucket of crazy myself, lol...)  But now it almost makes sense to me. 

God loves us because He made us.  He followed a basic pattern and each one of us came out a little (or a lot) differently.  And just like I love the stuffed animals I make, flaws and all, God must be the same way.

If that makes any sense.  It made sense to me, but I don't always make sense elsewhere....

On a different note, Thanksgiving is tomorrow.  I have a ton to be thankful for and have started a small list in my head: being on break, bring my grades back up to where they should be (by my standards), a roof over my head, a family who loves me even though I sometimes feel like I can't do anything right, the ability to write and to express myself without censorship, yarn, friends, etc. 

And turkey.  Yay for turkey. =D

So anyway, be thankful this holiday season.  It's good for you.  Stop complaining, cause no one wants to hear it.

With that being said, I'm leaving now to finish gifts.  Happy Thanksgiving, folks.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I Need a Shock Collar.

No, not because I'm a disobediant dog.

It's actually something one of my best friends used to joke about.  Her attention span for things was usually very short, so she would occasionally say that she needed a shock collar to keep her on track.

Based on the fact that my own attention span is starting to rival that of a goldfish, and the fact that my blogs on here never seem to stay on topic (I'm super good at tangents, or at least that's how it feels to me), then I think I may need to second the motion.  That way whenever I get off topic, the collar would give me a quick-but-friendly shock to remind me that I need to stay on topic.

Which means that it would be going off all the time.

Maybe this is not such a great idea.  Hmm.  At least it would look cool.  I could get a black one with spikes or something and act like I'm underground punk.

But then my parents would have a moment.  Which could be funny, except that I really don't want to be responsible for giving my father a heart attack.

So no to the collar.  Let's pretend that I even brought it up.  Let's instead move to - well what do you know - another tangent.

It finally snowed.  As much as I loathe snow, I was so ready for it.  I'm ready for more, actually.  I need it to feel like November.  I loved the fall we had this year.  It was wonderful.  But without snow, my body and mind can't register that school's almost over and that the year is almost done.  The snow keeps me in line, on track.

Kind of ironic, considering I'm not from here originally.

And now for an abrupt ending.  I am tired and can not focus.  I will write when I am coherent, probably tomorrow from school.  (One of my classes is called off for the day, so I'll have plenty of time...)

Until then,


Monday, November 8, 2010

You Know What?

I think it's almost ironic that they make us register for the spring semester while we're still in the middle of fall semester.  I mean, think about this.  You're in the process of getting papers done, pulling your grades out of the proverbial gutter (not like I have any experience with this...), and just trying to survive until winter break. Then all of a sudden, the school expects you to know what you want to do next semester and to get all the necessary paperwork in order before break.

Um, hello?  I'm a stressed college student, and while I happen to like registering for class, I still think it's kind of dumb that we have to do it so early.  Honestly, people.  I only know what I want to take next semester because I've been obsessively trying to figure out what I need to take to graduate sooner.  Otherwise, I'd have honestly no clue as to what I would want to take.

(BTW, guys and gals, as it stands, I should be able to get my degree in the spring of 2012.  So, before the world ends.) 

Another weird rant from the community college level: who decides when fall break is?

I like having Thanksgiving off and whatnot, I really do, but come on.  We get a week off only to have to come back for (in my case) two days of class to finish finals and whatnot.  Again, I'm not really complaining about having Thanksgiving off.  Don't get me wrong, I like being able to have turkey with the family and all that jazz.

But it would also be nice to have a week off in the middle of October.  That seems to be the burnout point for myself and all of my friends.  If we could have a week off in October, I think we'd be a lot more motivated toward the end.  You know, for whatever that's worth...

So now that that tangent is out of the way, here's what I'm taking for the spring semester.

1. English 122

 This is basically the second part of English comp.  It's a necessary evil and I'm not sure I'm looking forward to it.  Which, if you think about it, is kind of ironic in a way, as I am an English major of sorts.  But creative writing is so much more fun that traditional English writing.  So, papers and possibly boring, technical stuff.

2. Psychology 101

 This one knocks out the remaing requirements for my behavioral science catagory.  It was either this, Ethics, or Political Science (which might have been interesting.).  I chose this one because, let's face it.  It's fun getting into other people's heads and messing around.  Again, though, I anticipate lots of papers.

3. Public Speaking

 *shudder* Um, necessary evil.  Major necessary evil.  I do improv and I don't mind speaking in front of people sometimes, but anything that I write and then have to either read aloud or present freaks the heck out of me.  So, this is going to be character building as well as possibly horrifying.  And again, lots of speeches, so lots of papers.

4. Creative Writing II

 This is a requirement for the creative writing part of my degree, so I have to take it.  I'm in Creative Writing I right now, and I absolutely love it.  My writing has improved a lot, and I really want to keep it up.  So even though this is required, this is also a fun class that I am really looking forward to.  Lots and lots of papers/writing.

It all adds up to 12 credit hours, which is the most I've taken ever.  Normally I work while in school, but this year I'm not, so I should be able to handle it fine.  Spring is going to be fun, I think.  However, I feel like the commone theme is going to be paper writing...

And that's all we have time for today, kiddies.  I need to finish some homework for tomorrow that I pushed off this weekend.  I hope you guys have a great rest of your day.


Friday, November 5, 2010

Oh Man, Really??

So, as you know, my dear readers, this semester has been kind of a rough one in the health department.  In fact, I dare to say it ties with the Summer 2009 semester (I had that stupid viral thing all summer, was sick on my birthday, and still managed to go to school with perfect attendence).  I can think of a two week period this whole fall semester where I was totally healthy.

As for the rest?

Starting the semester off, I had a cold/lung infection that knocked me flat on my back.  I took a while to get entirely over it and then I was able to enjoy my two weeks of relative health.  Then I started off with sniffles and ended up with a sinus infection and strep throat simultaneously.  I recovered but my immune system never quite got back up to where it normally is.

And now, this.  A stomach virus that brutally woke me up this week at ungodly hours and required running down dark hallways while everyone else is sleeping.

Granted, it's fairly mild, but it's just enough that eating is kind of uncomfortable and I'm exhausted.  I really want to sleep tonight without issue.

The funny thing about all of it?  As I'm sitting on the porcelin thrown, my humble bathroom trashcan before me, I realise:  I really need to start emptying the trash on a more regular basis. 

Yeah, that's right.  I was totally sick and all I could think about was how I should probably take the trash out and not let it pile up like I do.  Go figure.

Alright, well, I'm wiped.  Now that I have shared this information with you, I feel the need to sleep.  Have a wonderful Friday night, readers, and I'll report back later this weekend.


Monday, November 1, 2010

Oh my gosh, guys!

So, I've discovered this new show that I absolutely adore.  It's got humor, great music, and wonderful characters who I just loved.  It also has a platypus in it.

That's right, guys.  I'm in love with the Disney show "Phineas and Ferb".

I think the last Disney cartoon I really enjoyed was "Kim Possible" which, let's be honest, is fantastic.  Even though it's no longer on the air.  Disney just comes up with these great shows.  (BTW, is Disney the one that did Teen Titans or was that someone else?  I never know who did it, just that I loved that one, too...)

So anyway.

"Phineas and Ferb" is great.  It's about how these two step brothers, Phineas (the one with red hair, a triangle face, talks all the time, and I'm pretty sure he's the younger) and Ferb (British, green hair, suave, and says like one sentence per episode with few exceptions), and how they spend their summer vaction.  They are always coming up with these crazy schemes that usually involve building (successfully) something out of the ordinary, like a roller coaster or something of the sort. 

Well, their older sister, Candace (she's Phineas' biological sister though the show makes it clear that it doesn't really matter cause she loves Ferb the same), is always trying to "bust" her brothers.  But whenever their mother gets home, whatever crazy invention or thing the boys have done usually has vanished.  Their mom is always non-chalant about the whole thing, secretly thinks Candace is nuts, and almost always offers them snacks.

BTW, their dad (British as well) sometimes sees them, sometimes not, and like the mom, is pretty laid back about the whole thing.

Oh, and the best part?  There's a whole sub-plot in each episode.

See, the boys own a platypus named Perry.  When around the family, Perry is totally normal - a little bug eyed, just kind of sits there, humors the boys, loves his humans, etc.  But when no one is looking, Perry becomes a secret agent with a hat and everything.  He works for this animal run organization that really doesn't have a very good name.  His nemisis, Dr. Doof (it's longer but I'm tired and don't feel like spelling it out), is always up to "evil" plans that are usually more humorous than anything else.  He and Perry have this relationship where they follow the same basic routine each time; one can not exist without the other.  And actually, it's my personal opinion that they would get along if one was not good and the other goofy evil.

So yeah.

And Doof's experiments are usually the reason the boys' inventions disappear.  It's a great show.

I love it so much!  So much.  The music is really great because the guys who created the show are musically inclined, the characters are well done, and it's just great.  I highly recommend you go look it up on youtube.

And that's the scoop for tonight.


Public Service Announcement

My Dear Cyberland Readers,

As you know, I am not really afraid to voice how I feel on this blog.  I attempt to present myself in a way that allows me to come across as the intelligent individual that I (hopefully) am.  However -

It has been brought to my recent attention that someone has been slightly offended by my word choice.  I do not mean to be vulgar and to use words that may seem "rude", but it has been known to happen from time to time.  This is something that I will be attempting to work on as this blog continues to run.

That being said, if it bothers you, please, don't read it. 

This has been a PSA from your friendly, neighborhood BirdGirl90.

Thank you for your time.

Friday, October 29, 2010

It's the Weekend!!

Aka, happy post time.

Oh, this week.  Where shall we even begin?  It was long.  I'll say that much.  Very long. 

I've been looking forward to the weekend (mainly tomorrow and Sunday) that it's made the week snail along.  But hey! It's Friday!

(Insert Cure song here, if you so desire.)

I think on a whole it was a pretty decent week.  We're on poetry now in writing class which is kind of fun.  I, being a perfectionist who over thinks most things, am making the assignments harder than they need to be, but I'm pretty sure that if I can shut up my inner critic (seriously, critic, no one cares what you think, ok?), it'll be easier for me.

And more enjoyable.

I still have that massive history paper due in three weeks.  I'm trying really hard not to think about it too much, but you know how that goes.  I may tackle it today or tomorrow.  Maybe Sunday, I don't know.

Music class is, well, music class.  I kinda sleep through it, to be honest.  That's not a bad thing - the stuff that interests me really does grab me - but it's probably not a good thing, either.

Oh! I voted this week.  That's right, peeps.  I vote.

As a woman, as a citizen of the United States, and as a college student, I take that responsibility fairly seriously.  I vote via mail in, so I can actually sit and read the little blue book of issues and know what I'm voting for.  I also watch debates and try to make an educated vote, not along party lines.

The one thing that always annoys me about elections, though, is the pro-life/pro-choice issue.  Why is this even an issue, guys?  Why are we making decisions for people we've never met before?  Leave abortion legal.  You don't ever have to get one, I don't ever have to get one, but that way it's always available.  Everyone has different circumstances; we have no right to intrude on something that's between the woman, her doctor, and her God.

To me, making it a government issue is like saying that the men in Congress know better than the women actually getting the procedure done.  Fuck off, government, ok?  We fought hard for our rights.  Same with gay marriage.  You don't support it?  Ok, so don't get one.  But shouldn't love (no matter what kind of love) be allowed to be legal? 

Frankly, the God I believe in loves everyone the same, understands what circumstances we all come from, and doesn't condemn us for it.  I mean, if the same God can love me even though I am a recovering self-harmer, then can't He love the woman who had the abortion not because she didn't love her unborn child but because she had no other choice or the man who can't change who he loves?  Isn't that what Grace and Love and everything else the Bible teaches about?  I don't understand sometimes.

Sorry, guys, this election has me worked up.  I try not to subject you to my views, but sometimes it can't be helped.  Moving on...

So tomorrow I'm going to a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I am so thrilled.  I'm making a list of all the things that I need to bring: toast, water guns, newspapers, etc.  I'm not dressing in costume cause it's my first time, so instead I'm pulling out all the goth stuff I have from high school.  It's going to be so exciting!  My friend Jen is pretty pumped too.

Then I'll spend the night with her, go to church with her in the morning (I'm trying a church out, we'll see how it goes...), and then come home and pass out Halloween candy.

Halloween is such a fun holiday.  I love it.  =D


So I think I've rambled enough on here.  Onwards to some homework of some sort, and beyond!


Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Whaddya know?  It's Tuesday.

I'm at the library.  That's right, guys, the public library in my good ol' neck of the woods here.  I just modified some things for writing class and got them turned in.  Terribly exciting, I know. 

It was an awesome day, but I am so tired right now that I can barely focus.  I think I may leave the library early and go home.  I mean, I like being independent and all that, but I am so tired.  I used all my enegery earlier.

It was beautiful outside today.  The sky was so blue, it was seriously intense.  A lot of wind though.  It's been nice this fall.  Normally, we have snow already.  Now I'm not a Colorado native, but over the past five years I've become accustomed to the weather patterns here.  This year we actually had a prolonged fall like where I'm from.  It was nice.

But now I think I may be ready for snow.  I mean, I feel incredibly restless.  I've been unable to sit still for the past few days, and I really do believe that the weather has something to do with it.  So really, it needs to snow already.  Or something.

School is going well.  I got my midterm back from history class.  I got a 93 on it!  I'm pretty happy.  And especially considering that I had strep throat and a sinus infection.  Score.

I'm over that stuff, btw.  I promise, you won't catch it through your monitor.

Child and dog sitting this weekend was interesting.  I didn't get a lot of sleep, but that's to be expected, I think.  It was fun. 

Oh man, I've already talked about that, haven't I...I tell ya, I think I'm losing my mind.

Alright, well, I need to go.  4 days to Rocky Horror Picture Show!!


Saturday, October 23, 2010

I'm Alive!


I finally got over my step throat and sinus infection combo.  At least, I finished the meds yesterday.  I still have a slightly sore throat, but I'm also house/child/dog sitting right now and I'm allergic, so I don't know if  it's from that or not.

I made it throught midterms.  I have no idea how I did on the one in History, but I almost aced my music one.  I almost feel bad because I did not study.  Eh, what're ya going to do?

As I blog, I'm at my neighbors.  It's been a pretty fun weekend so far, watching her almost six years old son and their dog, but I gotta say, I'm wiped.  It has reminded me that I really am not ready for my own children.  Not yet.

I carved a pumpkin for the first time in, geez, I don't know how long.  It actually turned out pretty well.  I'm a little proud of it.  He carved one too; lot's of fun. 

So, next weekend is Halloween weekend.  I'm really looking forward to it.  The main reason is that my friend Jen and I (and probably Mel and maybe some others) are going to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight next Saturday.  It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and I'm so thrilled that this is the year we're going.  It's going to be great! =D

Um, that's really all I can think of right now.  I'm a little behind on a history paper, but I'm on track with everything else.  We're starting poetry in writing on Tuesday, so that's kind of exciting.  So yeah.

Ok, well, until we meet again, dear readers,


Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I have a sinus infection and strep throat, dear cyberland readers.  I got diagnosed yesterday.  The Z-pack is my friend right now, it seems.

The really unfortunate thing is that I have midterms today.  I really would like to just stay home.  I have snot running down my throat, my sinus cavities are sore, my head is throbbing, and my throat feels like something died in it.  Not fun.

I'm trying to decide if I should email the professors I don't have midterms in and tell them I'm out sick, and then just go to school to take my test.  Otherwise, I'll go put a full day in and sleep between classes.

I've been on stuff for almost 24 hours and I've already exposed everyone to it (I started feeling sick last Thursday), so I don't think that really matters.

I do know that I will take the History midterm because, frankly, his make up test frightens me.

Alright, I'm leaving again.  Have a wonderful Tuesday.


Saturday, October 16, 2010

Oh Look, It's Another Entry.

Sorry if I sound mildly emo or something.  Frankly, I'm exhausted.  I really am.  I have this stupid ass cold due to midterms (I think I spoke about it in a previous entry, but I can't remember right now) and I've been doing homework for the majority of my day.

Well, except for the part where I wasn't.  But it's all good.


I'm blogging now because - wait.  I don't know why.  I had a reason, but I seem to have forgotten it.  Umm.  In that case, I'm blogging to say hi.

Ok, this is a sign that I need to get some sleep.  I'll write again when I'm actually coherent. (I am coherent some of the time, right?  I never know anymore...)


I Annoy Myself.

It's true.  I think everyone can relate, too.  We all have things that not only make the people around us wonder but that also drive ourselves nuts.

I've got a boatload I'm about to dump on you guys.

First of all, when I get stressed or anxious, I start laughing hysterically.  It totally does not matter what's going on around me; anything can set me off.  Then I can't stop.  Sometimes I laugh until I'm in tears and then start crying in ernest.  It's not ok with me.

Here's an example for you from last week:

Writing class is my last class of the day.  I'm usually worn out anyway before I get to it.  Add to it the fact that last week I was pretty sure I did the assignment entirely wrong and the fact that I think I might like this guy in class (yay - btw, that's sarcasm, in case you didn't know...).  My instructor reads our writing outloud.  I know it's good exposure, but it still scares the heck out of me.  I hate having attention called on me.  I had had my mid-term meltdown the night before and was still slightly recovering from that.  So my instructor reads my "wrong" assignment outloud.  I don't even know how everyone reacted because I couldn't look anyone in the eye.  It was one of those weeks.  So then we do this thing with "sensational headlines".  I started laughing and could not stop.  My friend who sits next to me asked me if I was ok.  I'm pretty sure people were staring at me. 

 I hate it.  I hate it when I start and I can't stop.  It's so freaking embarrassing.  It gets better too.

That night we went to Wendy's for dinner after my sister tested for her Tae Kwon Do belt.  We were laughing about some toy she got in her kids meal.  I laughed so hard I started crying, and frankly, it wasn't even that funny.  It's like the whole day I could not stop. 

Again, it drives me nuts.  Way to scare off the male population, girl, way to go. Bleh.

Here's another thing that annoys the crap out of me:

I snort when I laugh.

Yeah, that's right.  I occasionally snort when I laugh.  Usually when it's dead quiet and I'm nervous laughing, too.  It's the worst.  My friends tease me about it from time to time.  It's awful.

Another one is how I sound on the phone.  I sound like a flippin four year old.  Come on people, I'm 20.  I should not sound like I'm a toddler.  Geeze.  It's like when people used to ask me when I was starting sophmore year of high school and I had to tell them that I actually graduated high school back in 2008. 


But if you think about it, I'm sure you guys have things that drive you nuts too.  So I'm pretty sure I'm in good company.  Right?

Anyway.  I don't know how I'm going to face class on Tuesday.  I thought about skipping the writing class and just going home after my history midterm, but I won't.  I'll go.  It may not end pretty, though.  Hopefully I can hold it together.

I wish we had a normal fall break like everyone else.  I could use it.  I have to say, though, this weekend is nice.  I like it.  I needed this weekend.

Until we meet again readers,


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Well, I Haven't Died...

Although if I did, it might make this post more interesting to you, the reader.  Let's face it: things are more popular when the actor/singer/writer/etc is deceased.  I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the culture we live in.  No one can appreciate things until they're gone, or so it seems. 

But don't worry readers.  I like breathing and living.  I'm not going to go stick my head in an oven like Plath or die of tuberculous like Keats.  I plan on being here for a very long time.  Which means I get to subject you to my writing. 



I am getting sick for a second time this semester.  Normally I only get sick once a semester, usually around this time.  I'm used to that.  It's like a familiar routine: get nasty sick around midterms, miss class on an excused absence to sleep (after the tests, of course.  Sick or not, I almost always make it for the tests...), and go back to class the following week.  Predictable like clockwork, entirely blamed on stress.

This semester is odd though, in oh so many ways.  I don't even feel like I can get into it and do it justice...

First of all, I got sick the second week of it.  And by sick, I mean sick.  It was one of those things where because of work and school, I waited until I could barely move to go to the doctor.  My ears were inflamed, my lungs full of crap that was aggravating my asthma, my sinuses and throat sore and dripping, and a low grade fever to boot.  Everything hurt.  I missed two days of work and one day of school.

So, I thought that that would be that.  I mean, I quit my job shortly afterwards and with only school to deal with, I've been one happy camper, so to speak.  I like being able to focus on my education and my recreational hobbies.  I like not having to get up at 4 am and being able to sleep until at least 7 again. 

And now I feel like shit.  I started feeling run down last night.  This morning I was alright.  By the time my history class came about, I felt the pressure starting to build in my sinuses and I was wondering if I was going to make it through.  I got a second wind in my writing class, and now I just feel wiped.  My ears are starting to itch and my throat has that gunky, sick feeling in it.

You know what I'm talking about.

I hope to goodness it's just a cold.  I really and truly do.  Those go away fast.  They are miserable, but they don't last as long as say...bronchitis.  Which I've battled with in the past and I have no desire to do it again.

I have more to write about, but it's going to be a busy night (my sister is testing for her second degree red belt in Tae Kwon Do) and as I said before, I'm wiped.  But I wanted to let you know that I was alive.  I'll try to update later this weekend.  It's on my list of things to do.


Friday, October 8, 2010

Know What's Frustrating?

The fact that I am possibly allergic to some of my facial products.  I've started this wonderful routine for both morning and night (brush teeth, wash face, moisturize, etc.) and I wake up this morning to more acne than I've had in a very long time.  Plus my face itches a bit.

Really?  It doesn't seem fair.  First of all, I thought I left acne behind the minute I left my teen years behind this summer.  Wrong.  It appears acne doesn't care how old you are as long as you have pores for it to make itself at home in.  Not fair. 

Second of all, I don't even wear foundation.  Seriously.  I have fairly good, even if it is slightly sensitive, skin.  It's naturally pale and even in tone.  All I wear is a slightly tinted moisturizer with an SPF in it and a little compact powder to prevent shine.  That's all. 

What I find the most odd, though, is that my face is acting this way AFTER I started my super sweet routine.  Before, I would fall asleep still wearing my make-up or wouldn't wash my face consistantly.  And yeah, I got zits and what not, but not like I have this morning. 

Maybe my face needs to get used to being washed consistently.  Or maybe I'm about to enter "that time".  Which would actually explain a lot, seeing as I feel the need to eat an insane amount of chocolate and salt right now.

Ok, so that was kind of my weird rant this morning.  I can't believe semester is half over.  I'm going to a classical concert tonight for one of my classes, and I have mid-terms next week and the week after.  I also have a History paper I need to get done.  Not to mention the writing for Creative Writing.

 Which reminds me, I need to go to advising and get my major emphasis official down this week.

Alright, it's Friday.  I'll let you people get on with whatever it is you do on Friday.  I'm looking forward to an invigorating day of writing, homework, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Until the next blog,


Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday...

Well, guys and gals, I need to apologize.  I never posted my Banned Book list.  Basically, I started it and had trouble stopping.  I'll try to get it up in a bit, but I'm making no promises, and those that I am making, I want everyone to know that my fingers are secretly crossed behind my back.

In other words, don't expect a lot.

That being said, we can move on. 

First of all, this is freaking October already.  I repeat: October.  I don't know why that surprises me.  I mean, this is my favorite season and my favorite month for various reasons (sweaters, cooler weather, leaf/brush changes, drizzle, Halloween, pumpkins, etc.).  I love it.  At the same time, though, it means mid-terms are approaching, the deadline for my huge paper for History is drawing nearer, and snow.

Snow.  The stuff that kids pray for so they can have a snow day, the stuff drivers hate, the stuff that makes Christmas fun.  Oh yeah.  The stuff that for some reason attacks Colorado in mid to early October and that melts in my socks, making me slightly cranky.  It's been really dry this go, so maybe that means the snow is going to hold off. 

Or maybe not.  I don't know.  It's supposed to rain this week, which I'm pretty happy about, but that also means the temps (which have been unseasonably high, I've been told) are going to drop.  Maybe we'll get snow next week.  Maybe it will wait til the week after that.  You never know out here...

Second of all, school.  I am going to change my major yet again.  That's right.  So, it's still going to be an Associates of Arts, but with an emphasis in Creative Writing.  I'm so excited, because it means I can take all the lit and writing classes that I want.  And it's going to help me get a foot in the literary world.  I think I would love nothing more than to be able to be a writer for a living.  I honestly can't see myself in a normal job, whatever that is, and writing is something that comes somewhat naturally to me.  Not to mention that I love to read and write.  We shall see how it goes.

 Semester is like half way done now, too, which is nuts.  I didn't expect it to fly so fast.  I'm really enjoying this semester, which is good.  Last semester kind of sucked from a work load perspective, so this one is making up for it.  I have friends, which is nice, and I'm actually talking to people.  I think it can only go up from here.

Third of all, I still think quiting my job was one of the best things I could've done.  I don't feel the overwhelming stress that I did.  I feel healthier (even though today I feel like I have a cold coming on...), happier, and I'm getting more stuff done.  Even my family can tell the difference.  Kinda miss the income, but hey, I have loan money, so it's ok.

Fourth, and possibly last, of all, I'm in the midst of knitting projects.  That's right, dear cyber readers, I have decided to make everyone Christmas gifts this year.  I can't really talk about it (I don't know who does and doesn't read this), but it's going to be epic. Even if it feels like I'm knitting like crazy.  And all the time. Huh.  Not really a bad thing, though.  It's rather relaxing and fun.  The cool thing about it?  In the midst of presents and projects, I'm making myself a Slytherin scarf from Harry Potter.

Because I am a very big Severus Snape supporter.  But that is a blog for another time.

Unfortunately, this is where today's blog is going to end.  It's Sunday (as the title pointedly says) and I need to do some more homework for this week.

Until we meet again,


Monday, September 27, 2010

Sometimes, I Dream

And sometimes I dream I die.

Like last night.  I dreamed I didn't die, but I almost did.  Or maybe I did.  I'm not entirely sure of the outcome of the dream.  I woke up and it was fuzzy around the edges.

What freaks me out about dying in my dreams is that it's almost always nice.  There's always a pleasant element to the dream, almost a surreal feel about it.  Most of the time, when I die in dreams, it's by some freak accident of sorts.  So what does this mean?  Is it like my subconcious trying to start over fresh?  Or is it that my brain just needs a break from stress?

  Last night was actually almost enjoyable, as morbid and horrible as that sounds.  It's like when you go to a cememtary - it's always peaceful there, so even though you're surrounded by dead people buried six feet under, it's nice and enjoyable.  That's kind of how I feel about my dream last night.  I would tell you guys about it, but I think I'm going to hold onto it for writing material later.  It was that interesting of a dream.

On a totally different note, today is Monday.  Monday, Monday, Monday.  I don't know how I feel about that.  Of course, I never know how I feel about Monday, so it doesn't really make much of a difference, if you catch my drift.

And this is where I'm going to leave you for this morning, my Cyberland Readers.  I promise to have my banned book list up at some point today.  Until then, though.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

I Hate When Insomnia Hits

It's not fun. I woke up at some ungodly hour last night/this morning - I didn't want to look at my alarm clock because I knew it would laugh at me when I started crying - and didn't fall back asleep until right before my alarm went off.

Of course, I then unwittingly turned my alarm off and slept an hour over when I was supposed to get up. That lead to my mom being slightly frustrated. I don't blame her, actually. At the same time, though, I really needed some sleep.

I don't know about anyone else out there, but when I wake up and then go back to sleep, I always have the most lucid dreams. I mean, they range from being odd, happy little things to horrible monstrosities that make me want to scream. I got lucky - this morning's dream turned out to be fairly pleasant, even if it's not entirely realistic.

Reality sucks at times, children. Remember that.


I think this might also be a good time to mention how ironic my current reading choice is. That's right. A few days ago, I bought (my parents did, actually, but that's a slight technicality) a copy of "Insomnia" by Stephen King. Probably not the best thing to be reading while I'm having my own issues sleeping, but still good. I mean, it's that or re-read the Lord of the Rings triology.

Which brings me to another thing. This is banned book week. You guys all need to go out and do your part. What I mean by that is that everyone should go read some banned books. A.) Some of them truly are wonderful, B.) it keeps the government and minority parties from having extreme, communistic control over us, and C.) it really is just good for you. I have a blog in the works with a list of my top 20 favorite banned books that I hope to have up either this afternoon or tomorrow.

We're having a banned book reading at school on Tuesday, and I'm trying to get signed up to participate. How I understand it is that everyone who wants to read will get five minutes to read from their banned book of choice. Should everything go correctly, I will be reading an excerpt from "The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King". My plan is to read the section where Eowyn kills the black rider after her dad's been thrown down and while Merry is watching.

If everything does not go according to how I understand it, I will either be reading what they tell me to read or I will be watching. Watching and listening. Good stuff either way.

Alight, readers. On that note, I need to leave you. Sadly, I've been procrastinating on homework this weekend and I apparently need to get it done.



Friday, September 24, 2010

A List of Random Facts: An Experiment in Blogging

I'm trying something new. Currently, in my creative writing class (it all goes back to that, doesn't it?), we did this thing called a list poem. Basically, you write a list of things such as descriptive terms and events, and then throw them into a poem. I liked how mine turned out, once I actually got it done.

Now, in case you are wondering, this is not going to be in a poem form. I just feel like making a random list about things, my world, etc. and posting it on here. Part of this is because I think it will be fun, and part of it is because I may want to use it later, and frankly, I don't feel like getting hand cramp by manually doing it on paper. The other part is to see if I get anything out of it that I can base a character on. So really, this is also brain-storming.

Yeah, I'm that kind of person.

Anyway, if reading lists, this is probably not going to be a good blog entry for you, and you should turn back now while you have the chance. You have been warned.

A List of Random Facts:

1. My favorite color is violet, and while I'm not sure of the reasons, I've almost always liked it.

2. The only time that I didn't like violet the best is when I was in my teens and was trying so hard to be "goth"; I swore at the time that black was my favorite. I'm pretty sure that wasn't true at the time, that I really was just saying it, but you never know.

3. My first crush was in elementary school on this kid who was a "player", if you can even use that as a term in elementary school.

4. Everytime I take a Harry Potter sorting quiz, I end up in Hufflepuff. Every. Single. Time.

5. Being a Hufflepuff pisses me off. Majorly. Mainly because it means that my family and friends were right - I am a marshmallow with naivety most of my peers have lost by now.

6. Did I mention that their mascott is a badger?? A badger, people. Come on.

7. I have a younger sister who I am very close with.

8. She also happens to have just beat my ACT score out of the water by five points. For some reason, she was also sorted into Hufflepuff instead of Ravenclaw...

9. I think she cheated on the sorting quiz to make me feel better, but I can't confirm that. Yet.

10. I have never been kissed. There are times when I think that I want to be, but that there has to be some sort of serious connection first. There are other times when I am genuinely freaked out by the very idea.

11. I believe in love at first sight, but not in the sense that Hollywood makes it out to be.

12. Guys, gas prices, and physics generally baffle me.

13. I love the rain. A lot.

14. But I also love the sun.

15. My horoscope sign is the crab.

16. I don't know how I feel about it.

17. I will never pass up a chance to go out in the rain, even if it's just for a few seconds.

18. I love music, reading, and writing.

19. Fall is the best season, up until it snows.

20. Sweaters are great.

21. My friends used to threaten to baby proof my room, but they don't have to any more.

22. I love Stephen King.

23. I also love horror movies.

24. Twilight is officially my least favorite thing, mainly because of the whiny heroine and middle school fangirls.

25. Owls are my favorite animal, especially the Barn Owl.

26. Other birds of prey are cool too, though.

27. "Watchmen" is the first "real" graphic novel I've read, and I absolutely loved it.

28. I still do, as a matter of fact. Especially Rorschach.

29. I always eat the icing off of my cupcakes before I eat the cake part. I don't know why I do this, just that I've always done it that way and I always intend to do it that way.

30. I have yet to make a bucket list. I should probably get on that.

31. I tried smoking over the summer, and feel incredibly bad because I enjoyed it almost every time.

32. On top of that, I have asthma. Not smart.

33. I really want a convertable, so I'm saving my money to get one when I finally get my own car.

34. Quitting my job has made me happier than almost anything I've done this year.

35. I like school, but I have no idea what I'm going to do with it when I'm done.

36. I generally clam up when talking to new people.

37. I'm really bad at the art of small talk, and will either talk your ear off or not say two words to you until I feel comfortable with your presence.

38. Whenever I feel bored or in a rut, I change my hair color.

39. Coke will always win over Pepsi, just like ninjas will always beat pirates.

40. I'm on social network sites, but I'm beginning to think that I don't care what my friends think. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

41. I am a huge nerd.

42. "Star Trek", the one that came out in 2009, is probably one of my favorite movies.

43. "RENT", "The Lord of the Rings" triology, and "Watchmen" are on that list as well.

44. Mystery Science Theater 3000 is awesome.

45. I have yet to watch Dr. Who, even though everyone keeps telling me that I'd really enjoy it.

46. I am classically trained as a violinist, but haven't played "seriously" in over two years.

47. What is the deal with those tiny dogs celebrities carry around, and why am I so bothered by it??

48. I love to knit. I think it's awesome. Get over it.

49. I try to change my nail polish once a week.


50. I got called four eyes in the first grade after I got glasses. Turns out, the kid who did it actually had a crush on me. Go figure.

Ta'da! Lists are fun, and they warm your brain up. I for some reason feel like doing homework now. Huh.

Have a fantastic day, Cyberland Readers, and I will try to blog again tomorrow.


Sometimes, I Like to Play with Fate and Destiny

It's an interesting concept, if you stop and think about it. It's not even real life I'm talking about. I mean, I have these really odd, whacked out dreams, and in them, stuff happens that would never happen in real life.

Like last night's dream. I dreamed about my grandfather and his farm. He had this old fashioned tractor that had these huge 1900's type wheels on them. When he rode down the gravel road on this tractor, he couldn't go very fast. The sun was way too bright, the corn rows were way too green and yellow, and the sky was way too blue. There was traffic lining up behind him, reminding me that it was, in fact, still modern time.

There's a start of a story in there, somewhere. Maybe I'll write it. If I do, for that brief moment, I will control the destiny of the people involved.

See what I mean? As a writer, I can control what happens. But the truth of that is this: the writer's control only goes as far as the character will let it. A strongly developed character will ultimately be the one driving the story. If you, as a writer, want your character to do one thing, but it's not in the character's personality to do it, that character won't do it. Every time you try to, it's going to come out choppy, or messy, or terrible. Characters have to stay true to themselves.

And that is my morning rambling. I have the Beatles stuck in my head; it would normally be ok because I love them, but it's "When I'm 64", and it's like the track in my head is skipping. Not cool, really not cool. I actually got my homework done this week instead of forgetting to turn it in like last week. Brownie points for me, right? And I passed that killer History test with an 88%. A high B is what that comes out to, in case you were wondering; I'll take it.

I don't know how I want to end this blog entry today, but if I don't end it, I'll keep typing until your eyes bleed, if they aren't already in the process of doing so. That being said, I think I'll end by saying this:

Live long, and prosper.

Until we meet again,


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It's Raining!!!

...that is all.

Oh wait. That and I'm about to devour some pizza.

And my hair is once again purple.


New, in depth, deep entry later. K? K.


Wow, Don't Have a Cow, But...

...this is the second blog update in the same number of days.

I repeat: TWO blog updates in TWO days. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.

Ok, moment over.

So, why am I blogging today? Because I'm bored. Actually, I think bored may be an incorrect term to use here. It's more like I'm procrastinating. What else is new?

In my defense, my homework is almost entirely done for tomorrow. This is a good thing, especially considering that I didn't turn anything in last week. Man, last week, I was so freaking spazed. I think it has something to do with having to give a presentation in front of the class right after you've had a massive test in the class before the one with the presentation. (Did that make any sense to you guys? Cause as I typed, it made no sense to me...)

Um, so I need to clean the bathroom and clean the kitchen and write something for my writing class tomorrow so I can at least get in class points for participating. There are other things, too, of course. But what am I doing instead?

Blogging while listening to my Tom Petty Pandora station. I've been having this war with writer's block lately - in case you can't tell from my inability to stay on a single topic for more than a paragraph or two - and so I'm trying to cure myself of it. I mean, having "the block" isn't fun anyway, but when you have writing intensive classes at school...

So yeah.

I have not have any coffee or soda today, and but I still feel really hyper from the amount of coffee I drank yesterday. Maybe I need to switch to decaf. Huh. I'll let you know how that goes.

My sister is trying to get me to try this energy drink called "Bing". Both of us get horrible headaches from the main ingredient in energy drinks, aspartame, so I'm a little hesitant to try any. I mean, I can't even chew gum any more because I'm so sensitive to the stuff. But Kate swears by "Bing". I've read the ingredient list, and I can pronounce everything in it, so that's a start, but it brings me to the question of: do I really need an energy drink?

Seeing as I'm still buzzed from yesterdays coffee, I think the answer is a resounding "no". Yeah, seriously need to switch to decaf. Geez...

Alright, I've rambled enough. I said this was the second blog update in two days, but I never said anything about blog quality.

Have a great afternoon, Cyberland Readers.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I'm Bored..

..otherwise known as the "I should be studying but" blog.

Oh there are so many different things I could be doing right now. I could be reading my history text book in an attempt to get (and stay) ahead. I could be writing the short story I've been meaning to write for what feels like forever. I could be doing extra credit homework, getting lunch, talking to random people, walking outside...

Instead, I'm blogging about how I'm slightly tired and slightly bored.

Know a secret? You could be doing all those other things as well, but instead, you're reading this blog.

This is five minutes of your life (and mine, come to think of it) that you will never get back.

Was it worth it? I wonder.

On a positive, bright note, tonight is the night that I audition for an orchestra. I feel so nervous that my stomach is all jumpy like it has dragonflies in it (forget butterflies, those are way to dainty for this problem), and I don't audition for another six and a half hours. This is how it always is for me before I audition for something or perform. I'm usually nervous enough that I could hurl up until I enter the audition room. As soon as I pick up my violin though, it's like my nerves transform me into some kind of super woman fueled by my adrenaline.

Which, of course, means I do great. Most of the time, anyway.

So yeah.

Last night, I dreamed I worked like ten hours a week at a Halloween super store. It was cool, cause that's something I've never done before, and I kind of think it would be fun. I just got out of my old job, so maybe I can apply for an extreme part time position before I get students to teach. We will see. I know for sure that I am ready for Halloween, even though it's only September. I'm thinking I may even attempt going to a haunted house. Again, we shall see. I mean, I'm the girl who screams when toast pops out the toaster, so maybe it's not that great of an idea...

I think I'm going to go now. I really do need to get some lunch and get my day started.

Have a great one, Cyberland readers, and I'll write a better blog when I get home tonight.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Grass is Very Cool This Evening

...or "Why I need to tell you about not being able to feel my toes".

And for the record, my Cyberland Readers, when I refer to grass, I mean the green stuff that covers lawns across the nation and that HOAs make you cut and water religiously. Not the illegal stuff they talk about on C.O.P.S.

Basically, I have just put in a long day at school. I mean, I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically. And it's fells freakishly warm in my family's little apartment. I mean, maybe I'm weird cause I like being chilled or something, but it is super warm in here today. So, being the resourceful writer I am, I decided it would be prudent to go outside with one of my many notebooks and do some writing.

I find that nature is inspiring for me, much like music is, and so I enjoy being able to write outside. I love fall the best. Maybe it's because I always feel seasonally bummed out around this time and that makes my writing better, maybe it's the weather and the sky and the cooler temperatures, but whatever it is, fall is the best time to go outside and sit in the grass and write.

Which is what I meant to do. I really did. I grabbed my notebook, my favorite pentel, my iPod with my various story playlists on it, and my flip-flops and went outside. I wanted to get on paper this idea I came up with in class (creative writing, ironically enough) while the teacher was talking and I was spacing out. It promises to be good, if I ever get it down on paper.

Cause here's what happened when I went outside to write tonight:

1. I kicked off my flip-flops so my toes could play with the grass.
2. Upon realizing how nice and cool the grass was and how blue the sky was, I decided laying down was the best option to maximize my writing process.
3. Upon laying down, I got distracted by the light on the tree about three feet away from me and the beat of the song I was listening to.
4. Writing became completely forgotten as I found my "happy place".

Eventually, I got up because I got buzzed by some sort of flying thing and because my feet were freezing. As I got up, my mind slowly made the connection that the grass wasn't just cold. Rather, it was wet as well. Which was exciting. Even now, as I type this disjointed blog for the night, I still feel mild dampness on my back. I'm vaguely wondering if I got grass stains on me, and at the same time, I'm pretty sure I don't particularly care.

It was so totally worth it.

On a completely unrelated note, I work my last 4:30 am shift tomorrow. Thank God. I am so over this job, I can't even begin to describe it. I literally can't breathe while I'm there. Part of that could be my asthma, but I think the bulk of it is that I feel trapped there. The whole place feels like it's compressing on me. Wed is my last day. Trust me, I'm doing victory laps inside. You just can't see it.

I think I would update more, but I'm having trouble getting my brain to connect. I'm going to take that as my cue to stop rambling and get off.

Until we meet again, dear Readers.


Monday, August 30, 2010

The Girl and the Violin

Once upon a time, I played my violin religiously. Well, I actually complained a lot about practicing and didn't do it, and when I did, it was far from religiously. But the point is that when I did practice, I sounded great (the beauty of being musically inclined) and really did enjoy it for the most part. So why am I telling you guys this?

Because I quit my job.

No, no, no. I am not going to pack up my belongings and play on a street corner somewhere in hopes that some random strangers, feeling touched after a Bach sonata, will give me money to live off of. Not at all. Although, buskering (playing on streets and at fairs and stuff for pocket change) is pretty enjoyable. Truth be told, I like performing in groups and in places where no one is really paying attention. It's fun and not stressful like solo performances at a recital are.

Again, not the point. My bad.

I quit my job for a number of reasons, actually, including but not limited to the fact that I hate working 4 am shifts and that my job was threatened over something that was not my fault.

But the main one is that I am sick of answering to the man. That's right. I am tired of having corporate used as a threat above my head, I am tired of working everyone else's hours, and I am tired of having to act like it's ok. Cause it's not. That is not how you lead or manage people, and I know that from my parents and from my years as a Girl Scout.

So I quit my job and next Wed. is my official last day. Great. What the heck am I going to do and what does this have to do with the story of me and my lousy practice habits?

You see, teaching is one my ambitions in life. I know I am never going to make a fortune off of it, and I know that it's a hard job to have. I know that some teachers get very little respect for what they do. But it is a noble thing, teaching the next generation, so to speak. I see the odds, and I also see the rewards, and frankly, if I can make a difference for one student, then I will feel like my time here has been worth it.

Which brings me to what I am going to do after I finish at Bagel Hell. I am going to teach violin.

That's right. I am pulling my beloved instrument out (I really do love it; it's a part of me that I will never be able to get away from) and am going to offer private instruction to beginner students. It's not going to be super profitable (if I wanted profitable, I'd stay where I am and be miserable) and it's going to take some time to get set up, but in the end, I feel it is going to be worth it.

I wouldn't feel I could do this if I didn't live at home, if my college wasn't paid for via a student loan, and if my savings wasn't built up. I have the perfect alignement, it seems, to pull this off.

I have not felt happier. I am going to do something my dad has been trying to get me to do for a while now: I'm going to be my own boss. It's going to rock. And I'm doing something that I love, which is a plus. I seriously do not care if I live off of peanuts as long as I am doing something I love and care about. If you don't care about or enjoy what you do, you shouldn't do it.

On that note, I'm auditioning for an orchestra next Tuesday. I think I'm going to audition with "the Swan" by Saint-Saens. I'm pretty excited; playing in an orchestra is like no other experience. It's fun, it's crazy, the music is usually good, and performing is a blast.

And now the homework beast is calling, so I must leave you for now. Until we meet again, dear readers.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

What the Heck is with All These DRAFTS?!?!?

I just realized, I have like five unfinished blog updates in various stages of completion waiting to be posted. There's no way that stuff's relevent now (as if it ever was, right?), so there's no way I'm going to post them.

But just so you know, my Cyberland Readers, based on the draft count, I have been thinking about you.

For whatever that's worth.

And now I'm leaving you, because I am nasty sick and I have to feel somewhat better, because I not only have a full day of classes tomorrow, but I'm also turning in my notice at work.

Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you guys about that. Let's see...

I decided that the bagel shop was not worth the 8 dollars an hour that I make. I mean, I've had my job threatened over something that wasn't my fault, I've had to take abuse from customers, the fear of corporate has been held over me one too many times, and I basically dread going to work. So I'm leaving.

Instead, I'm going to try this thing of violin teaching. As a classically trained violinist, I enjoy my instrument and the craft behind it, and as teaching is my ultimate ideal profession (it's either that or be a professional improv player, but that one is a long way away and pretty unlikely as a career, lol), then teaching violin for pocket cash is ideal.

We shall see how it turns out; wish me luck.

And now I really do have to go. I mean, I can barely focus (again, like I do already?) - it's worse than a freaking hamster, ok? Plus, my throat is so swollen that I can barely swallow, and talking. Don't even get me started on talking - I sound like a drinking, chain smoker from the '70's. Gah.

I'll update again at some point, mark my words.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm hitting the Harry Potter stuff hard again? I think I may be in love with the George/Luna pairing. No, it's not canon; yes, my sister thinks I've lost my mind. But really, when have I ever truly had it? That's right, moot point.

For real, I'm going.

Have a great night, Cyberland Readers, and don't get sick. It's not fun.


Friday, August 13, 2010

Attention Blogger: It's An Update!

I once again have no excuse. But hey, I'm updating now, so that totally counts and nullifies my lack of excuse for updating, right? Right.

So how's it kicking with you guys? Life online good? Excellent.

Alright, enough small talk. Time for the mass fill in of my past few weeks.

The brief end: I tried smoking, resumed improv, cut again, found God again, almost lost my job, came to terms with almost losing said job, start school for fall semester on Tuesday, and am having a friend from the west coast come in next week for a day.

Oh yeah, try to make sense of that. But that's why you have me here, dear Cyberland Readers. So that I can break it down for you. You know you are dying to hear about all of it.

Let's start with smoking. I always said I would never try the stuff, cause it's bad for you and expensive, and a nasty habit. But the truth is, I was curious. And I wanted to get carded. I mean, I'm 20 years old and have never done anything really rebellious, dangerous, or that warrents getting carded. I'm about as exciting as a box of Cracker Jacks without a prize in that respect. So I went to 7 - 11 with my sister, bought a lighter and a peach cigar, and smoked it on the deck.

It was great. I have no shame in admiting that I enjoyed basically every minute of it. Afterwards, my mom threatened to take my lighter, told me I'm never allowed to smoke again while I'm living at home, and told me I needed a shower.

I have no regrets, and I fully plan on doing it again. Yeah, there are health risks. Yeah, it's a bad habit. But I like it, and I think I can get away with being a casual smoker, at least for a while. You only live once, and I'm tired of being scared to do things because of what they may do to me 50 years down the road. And hey, at least it's not pot, cause I know people who do that, and that's one thing I won't do. I have standards.

Next on the agenda: improv.

Improv is off to a great start after a month long hiatus. We are all still funny, it is still fun, and now we're getting my sister into it, which is great. She's a natural, she just doesn't know it yet. :D That's really all there is to say about that one. Hopefully we'll have a competition soon, cause those are brilliant.

Cutting was bad. That's all there is to say about that. Let's move on...

I found God again. I started reading my Bible and things finally feel relevant. It's one of those things of belief. I'm very much a head person (i.e. my head is very powerful and I over think things), so it's hard for me to believe just what my heart or soul tells me.

But you know what? I'm doing it. It may be the size of a frickin mustard seed, but I'm going to move mountains with it, even if I don't know how or when or why. I feel very uplifted right now, and I love it. I've had a chronic headache for the past two weeks or more, and it's gone now. It's a good thing.

It's a very good thing.

So, the job thing.

It's a long story and I don't feel like going into great detail, but basically my drawer was short $25 the other day due to the fact that a fellow manager and I couldn't figure out an incident with a gift card. My boss called me yesterday and basically told me that if corporate couldn't figure out what had happened, one or both of us (the other manager and I) would lose our jobs.

So yeah. I've never been fired before, and the idea scared the hell out of me, so I cried when I got off the phone. After making sure that my parents weren't going to be disappointed in me if I was fired (they are awesome, let me tell you), and after figuring out a positive plan for the worst case scenario, I felt better about it.

Today, I went to work and fully expected to be asked to leave. Instead, I found out that my boss had found out yesterday that both of our jobs were secure. Why he didn't bother to tell me yesterday is a mystery, but I'm still employed, so I'm not going to worry about it. Still, the company is bothering me a little.

I'm going to give it until the end of the year, and then decide how I feel. End of story.

School starts Tuesday. I can not wait. This summer felt so long, and I've been working so much. I need something to break it up, and this is it. Plus, since I changed my major, my classes are going to be a lot more fun than before.

It all brings me one step closer to teaching your children. That's right. Your children are going to learn English from me. Are you scared yed?

And finally, my friend from Seattle, GizmonicGirl92, is passing through Denver this week! There's a chance (a pretty good chance, actually) that I'm going to get to see her on Wedensday! She's my friend I met on this forum ( ). We have a lot in common, and she's a lot of fun to talk to. I have yet to meet her face-to-face, though, so I'm excited and a little nervous. It should be fun, though.

And yes, both our moms will be there. :D

Ok, Cyberland Readers, that's enough for now. I'm tired and work basically open to close tomorrow. Until the next go,


Monday, July 26, 2010

Dreams and Pieces

It's 7 a.m. and it's my day off. I should be trying to sleep as late as I humanly can, or I should be reading or laying in bed or something.

Instead, I woke up stiff about fifteen minutes ago and am now debating the merits of showering. You see, I am very peculiar about my hygiene, but I also color my hair and washing it obsessivly like I have been known to do makes it fade faster. So since I showered yesterday and washed my hair and whatnot, I really should just wait until I get off work tomorrow at 1 to wash it again.

I know, that is completely random.

I had such weird dreams last night that I half feel the need to document them and half hope I can scourge them from my mind forever. They were disjointed and random and full of pieces that should not fit together, and yet...

They were full of things that I half think are beautiful. Painful, maybe. Dreams filled with people I haven't heard from in months, filled to over flowing with people who are constantly around me now, their roles changed. Like I said, the pieces should not be together, and yet they are.

I don't know what I want to do now. I don't know if I want to write down the odd, mismatched pieces of my mind and analyze what they are trying to tell me I really am. I don't know if I want to forget them, either, though, because I may never see some of these people again in real life; maybe I should document the dreams to remind me that I never forgot them, even if they forgot me.

Sometimes I feel like people, and time and various other things, fall through my fingers like sand. You know - the harder you try to hold onto them, the faster they go. I'm learning that you can't hold so tight to them, cause it suffocates and smothers. At the same time, though, you have to be able to know that even if they forget you, you always will have the time together that you had. Does that make sense? I'll admit, my mind is not yet completely awake this morning...

I think I will go write down my dream pieces. I want the proof that I do remember, even if I won't look at it again for months down the road.

Have a great day, my Cyberland Readers, and may things work out for you.