Monday, January 31, 2011

My School is Crazy.

All the other colleges and high schools are closed for tomorrow due to the below freezing temperatures.  Shoot, even some of the federal buildings are on delay.

But not my little community college.  Oh no.  We go to school come hell frozen over.

I think it's because I'm sick.  If I had really wanted to go to school, it would've closed.  But since I want another day to recoup, it's still open.  Which means, I'm taking my cold to school with me.

I have my speech for tomorrow all figured out.  I gave it to my family and they said it sounded good.  It's about my violin and myself, and the parallels between us.  It wasn't my original speech.  What happened was I showed my outline to a guy I know who teaches public speakign at another community college and who also wrote the criteria for the state wide credit.  He helped me come up with this new speech.

I love it.  I don't stammer with it, I get to play snippets on my instrument in front of a group who doesn't know me, and I feel confident.

If only the sniffles and congestion would leave.  I feel so miserable from it.  Today was better than yesterday, but I still didn't have a lot of energy.  Oh well.  It's good for me, I suppose.  I didn't get near the amount of homework done this weekend that I wanted and needed to.  Granted everything for tomorrow is done, but I had it all planned out - I was going to get ahead and enjoy my week.

Yeah, not so much.  Oh well.

So my parents bought a water filtration system.  I love it.  I'm very peculiar about my water.  If it smells odd or tastes weird, I won't drink it.  This system makes it odorless and tasteless. 


Which means I can drink water again.  It makes me so very happy.

I think that about sums it up.  Everyone here is still fighting stuff.  It's not fun.  The weather is icy and snowy.  My nose is red and chapped.  I've been fighting writer's block, but I'm going to take it out.  I swear.

Until the next time, guys.


Sunday, January 30, 2011

Today's Update...

... is this.

We are all sick in this family.  No, seriously, and not in the way that you are thinking.  Fevers, aches, running noses, sore throats, and coughs.

I'm updating to let you know that I am alive.  And to not break my goal of updating everyday this year.

Thrums in my ears.  They are coming.  Thrums.  Thrums in my ears.  They are coming.  There is no escape.  The germs.  They are coming.

(Yeah, I kinda ripped that off Peter Jackson's "Fellowship of the Ring" film.  So sue me.  But not really.)


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Not Again.

Yes, again.

I have, once again, caught some sort of virus.  I think this one's just a cold, though, so it should be gone before Tuesday rolls around.  That's my hope, anyhow.

I have this stack of homework that needs to be done.  I started some this morning and actually got part of it done (the summary has bit the dust), but there's a lot more for this week.  I child sat today, so that's part of why it didn't all get done.

That and everything freaking hurts.  I hate being sick.  It's evil.  It really is.

My mom and sister have had it longer than I, so I don't really have a lot of room to complain.  Kate's been having killer nosebleeds on top of it all.  It sucks all the way around.

No more sick germs!  Weather - make up your mind!  Germs - please just leave!

Ok, I'm done.  I want to go to bed.


Friday, January 28, 2011

I Finished It.

"Love the Hard Way" pulled it out.  I am not sure I loved it, but it picked up enough momentum towards the end makes me need to watch it a second time to analyze it. 

So, I liked it.  Forget my previous whining.  Thank you.


I just registered for the college version of Jeopardy.  I will be taking the test on March 15, 2011.  It's been a dream of mine to at least try out for Jeopardy.  Now, I'm going to.  I'm so excited!

I know that I can do well.  Even if nothing comes from it, I can at least say that I've tried.  It's very exciting and nerve wracking.  Kind of like having to give my speech next week.  So stay tuned, guys.  You never know; you may see me on TV. =D

So far, my list of things I want to do in life goes something like this:

~ Write a best-selling collection of short stories

~ Write a novel

~ Perform a stand-up comedy routine

~ Help with the adaptaion of one of my stories into film

~ Go on Jeopardy!

~ Become a best-selling author and be able to write full time

~ Meet a ton of celebrities (I have a list...)

~ Go on the Rachel Ray show

~ Go to New York City and the rest of the East coast for a trip

~ Go to the West coast for a trip

~ Eventually settle down and get married

~ Write a collection of poetry

~ Drive a convertable

And so on and so forth.

The point being that Jeopardy is on my list.  Once again, I am very excited.

So I started watching that movie "Love the Hard Way".  I was so very excited to see it - it looked fantastic.  I'm about half way done with it and I have mixed feelings about it.  The female lead, Claire, doesn't seem to get it.  She's determined to change the male lead, Jack, into something he's not.  She can't take a hint which is driving me up a wall.  She's supposed to be incredibly smart, but she just comes off as kind of whiny and dumb.  I hate characters like that.

Jack, on the other hand, seems like a well written character.  I like his snarky persona and I can see why he is the way he is.  There's also some humor from him that I enjoy.  But playing off a character like Claire is killing me; it's pretty obvious that he's not really going to change and I feel like he's kind of stringing her along.  Really, I just wish she would take a hint.  It's frustrating to watch.

The beginning started off strong, with promise.  An hour into it and it lost me.  I am going to see it through to the end, just to see if the film makers can pull it out, but so far I'm happy I didn't pay money to see it.  Granted, I am enjoying parts of it.  I really am.  But mostly the main female character is shredding me up.  She grates on me.

I'll review it again when I'm done with it.  It could pull it out.  I don't know.  It's a possibility.

My own writing is slow going.  I have ideas, but I'm hitting that rut point that comes along every once in a while.  I think what I may do is just take a notebook and go outside (it's a beautiful day here) with it.  Write whatever comes into my head, not worring about if it's good or not.  That's my problem.  I want it to be good, so when I feel like it's not, it kills me.  I'm still learning to not judge my own writing as I'm writing it.  After all, that's what the revision process is for.

I think that when I'm writing and publishing, I'm going to try to write young adult literature.  That's what most of my stuff seems to feel like - young adult, for those between maybe 17 and 21.  I don't really want to write adult stuff.  YA is more fun.  Children's books could be fun too, but I think I would go too dark too fast with those.  If you know what I mean.

I mean, some of the stuff I write now, I don't have a clue as to where it comes from.  It's crazy.

I feel like I'm catching a cold.  My mom is getting over a nasty one; my sister is exhibiting signs of it.  There's at least one person in each of my classes that is hacking up a lung.  I was so sick last semester, I want to keep it as far from me as possible.  Thank goodness for vitamin C drops.  Those things are amazing.

And that is today's blog post.  Thank you for your time.


Thursday, January 27, 2011


Today was my Friday.  I'm pretty happy to be home right now. =)

School was more of the same.  The classes were good, the instructors good.  I didn't eat alone today.  I instead ate with a fellow student who I had taken Creative Writing with last semester.  It was pretty good.  I feel like I zoned out a lot today - that's what you get for being tired.

I saw the boy with the braces.  He saw me, but I'm pretty sure he didn't "see" me.  You know how it goes.  Oh well.  I have another character to write about...

I'm giving my first speech in public speaking on Tuesday.  I'm nervous, but confident.  I plan on practicing the heck out of it this weekend.

I think that's about it.  I'm planning on not doing an insane amount of homework tomorrow, but rather to watch movies and knit.  That's the plan. 

My dad put in for vacation time for the summer.  It baffles me that you have to apply for it so early on.  It really does.  But I'm excited.  We're going back to the Midwest for a while.  It's going to be great.

Until the next time, when I'm more coherent.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hey Hey!

I got most of my homework done.  It instantly puts me in a good mood, know what I mean?  All I have left to do is read a bunch of stories for Creative Writing.  I'll do that here in a bit; it shouldn't take me too long.

Today has not been that bad of a day.  I went to the one library and got the movie "the Jacket" to watch again. (It really is a brilliant movie.  Seriously.  I love it.  It's my new favorite.)  I did my homework, ate mushroom pizza for lunch, had part of a Coke with no heartburn (although I think I've been unconditioned because it didn't taste as good as I remembered..), and cleaned a little in the bedroom. 

And then I got an email from the other library.  I had requested that they get this particular movie in (it's called "Love the Hard Way" - people on Rotten Tomatoes hated it, but Ebert and Roeper gave it two thumbs up; I think it looks really good...) and today I got the email telling me that they got it in on loan from another library.  I'm so excited!  Especially since the weekend is nearly here and I'm going to have time to watch it between homework and family.  And it saves me money - I was thinking I was going to have to rent it from Blockbuster or something, and that's not ok with me.

Now if I love it, that's another thing.  I've already decided I want to invest in a copy of "the Jacket".  This may be one of those things too.  But if it's a dud, I didn't waste any of my money.

Don't you love the way I think?

Yeah, I do too.


So I've decided I'm a short story writer.  At least, I am for this semester.  I love short stories.  I love that they are compact and meaningful.  I like that they don't take forever to write like a novel.  It works for me.  I have so many ideas, and this way I can actually get them written.

Portfolio, guys.  I'm going to have more than one when I'm done with school.  I'm so thrilled I can't express it properly.

Also, not too shabby here.  So far I've updated every day since the new year started.  I plan to keep it up, even if it's just a blurb about something stupid.

I can't really think of anything else to write.  I need to go print out some stuff and start reading for Creative Writing.  I'll be back again tomorrow, though.  I promise.

Until the next time,


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Another Tuesday Down.

I'm blogging from church right now.  It may be a short blog, cause I think I'm running out of time before my sister is done.

Another Tuesday is nearly over.  I am happy to say that I have made it through.  It was not the best day, but it was not the worst day.  It was merely a day.

School wasn't as bad as it could've been.  I ate my food, read some free reading, read some school reading.  I haven't met any new people yet, but I think I'm getting there.  My classes were fine.  My day was fine.  One of my friends said that next week she may come to school to hang out over my off period; that would be cool.

My mom is sick with a cold.  I made soup for dinner.  I'm not sure how it's going to turn out, but I'm betting that it's going to be ok. 

I went to improv for the first time in a very long time.  It felt so good to laugh.  So good to laugh.  I feel like I don't laugh as much as I should any more.  I want to work on that.  I need to work on that.  Otherwise, I think I may go crazy.

(I'm already going crazy, I think, but it's besides the point...)

I have a mountain of homework.  It feels like it might bury me alive.  But it won't.  I'll work on it tomorrow and it will all be ok.  It will get done, class on Thursday will be good, and my weekend will give me time to relax and catch up on things.

In other words, my dear readers, even though I'm feeling a little funky in my mind, I'm ok.  It's not as bad as it once was, and it's not as bad as it could get.  I'm suffering from let down with things.  I'm finding my rhythm. 

I'm living.

(And that statement feels good to write.  Even though it's not entirely what I expected, I'm living.  I'm doing it. )

Another Tuesday down.

Until the next time, my dear readers. 


Monday, January 24, 2011

Monday is Monday.

What are you going to do?

I realized today that the weekend had completely caught up with me.  I was exhausted, I was in tears for no reason; I laid down on my bed only stir nearly two hours later.  It was crazy.

I feel a ton better now, though.  Sleep is an amazing thing.  I don't think people give it nearly enough credit.  Without sleep, I can seriously not function.  I'm already planning which day this week is going to be my sleep in day.  I'm thinking Friday or Wed.  Both look promising.

I have school tomorrow.

It's only the second week of the spring semester and already I'm not sure I want to go.  I like my classes, even if I don't feel like I'm completely prepared for all of them.  I like the subject matter and the professors.  My classmates aren't bad. 

I think the thing I dread is the hour and half that I have between classes.  Normally breaks are good.  But last week my breaks were just lonely.  And they felt long.  Granted, Tuesday wasn't bad - I was having a feud with the bookstore (ask me about it sometime, it's a thrilling story...) and spent most of my break on the phone with my mom.  But Thursday just sucked.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  I'm just not used to having time by myself like that.  I've gotten used to having people around me almost all the time.  Solitude in a place like school isn't a new experience; just one that I have to get used to again.  I can actually get a ton of stuff done during that time if I let myself.  I know that about myself. 

I just have to get used to being alone in the halls again.  At least for a while.  Cause at some point, I'll know someone - anyone - in the halls and will have a friend again.  It just takes time.

I did homework today.  Granted, not all of the reading is going to get done.  But the journaling is caught up, the bulk of the reading for my first class is done, and I think I'll read the speech stuff between classes.  It's a good use of my time.  I need to get my routine back in order.  Last semester, I had it worked out beautifully.  I went to class, I read on the days that I didn't have class, and everything was done with time to spare.  It worked.  I got plenty of sleep, I was able to maintain a somewhat social life (some may not call it that, but I like the one that I have, it works for me), and I was able to enjoy my semester.

The previous week did not have a good routine.  This week I'm going to do better.

I need to, or I'll be buried alive.

My neighbor's dog is doing a ton better.  My neighbor got home last night and was so relieved.  I was happy; one less thing to worry about now.  With any luck, the dog will never die on me.  And I'll still have steady job.  Next month I'm watching my neighbor's dog and son.  It should be ok.  I'm excited.

It's cold today.  I can't wait until the weather becomes more spring-like.  I wanna wear flip flops.

Ok, that's enough blogging for today.  I have another chapter of reading I need to attempt to get read before dinner.

Until next time, my dear readers.  Have a brilliant rest of your Monday. =)


Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Sunday Update Edition

I feel like an editor, putting that title on this post.  Ah well; I may be one soon enough.

So far, the dog is doing better.  I am so relieved you honestly have no idea.  She ate her food last night.  She went to the bathroom this morning.  She's acting more and more like herself.  I am so thankful.  She's going to stay alive.

I feel like I'm slowly but surely conquering the fears in my life.  I rode the elevator at school on Thursday - by myself, I must add - more than once.  I am using the garbage disposal with less paranoia.  (I'm going to end up writing a short story about my fear of the garabage disposal, I just know it...)  Walking by myself is getting less intimidating.  Sitting by myself at school is slowly getting more comfortable.

And I'm not afraid that the dog is going to die before the owner gets home.

I am still freaked out by the dark, spiders, drowning, etc.  It's a process.  We're getting there.

Last night I had this dream where I was out with my mom, my sister, and my friend Cathryn.  We were shopping for wedding dresses.  And not just any wedding dress, guys.  We were shopping for MY wedding dress.  I tried one on and it was perfect; everyone started crying, myself included.

I hardly ever dream about weddings.  It's an even rarer occasion for me to dream about my own.  I think I've had maybe one other dream about my wedding, and that was due to stress years ago.  I mean, I woke up from that dream feeling stressed, too.  Not good.  (I got sick shortly after, if I remember correctly...)

This one was different.  I don't remember what the dress looked like.  I know that it fit perfectly.  I was shopping with the people who matter to me, for something that mattered.  And when I woke up, I felt  hopeful.

Let me repeat that.  I felt hopeful.

It's a rare occasion that a dream makes me feel hopeful.  Normally I'm either freaking out because it was a nightmare or a stress dream, or I'm laughing because it was just plain weird.  Sometimes I'm even contemplative when I wake up.

But I feel full of hope today.  I think, as odd as this may sound, that maybe this was God's way of telling me to not give up on the opposite gender.  Because, if I'm being honest with myself, I was about to.

Now, I feel like I have simple directions to follow.  Do my thing, God will do the rest.  And most of all, keep my head up.

Between this and the fact that I'm getting over my fears a little at a time, I feel like it's going to be ok.  I'm going to be ok.  Life is going to be ok.

And the sun is shining today.  What more could I ask for?

Until the next time, my dear readers,


Saturday, January 22, 2011

It's Morning...

and my neighbor's dog still hasn't touched her dog food.

She was a lot more energetic going outside today.  That was a good thing.  But when we got back inside, she had no interest in food whatsoever.  I gave her a tiny bit of this thing my neighbor calls a "twistie"; that was all she really wanted to eat yesterday, too.

I did get her to eat part of a biscuit last night, which was good.

So I think she's going to be ok.  I really think she's going to be ok.  I'm going to go back and check on her in a few hours - take her outside, try to get her to eat something, let her sleep. 

Make sure she hasn't died.

I don't know what my deal with death is.  I really don't.  No one really close to me has died; I've not had a near death experience or anything.  It's just that death seems to always be one of the things that my thought process seems to always come back to. 

Maybe it's because I realize how mortal I am.  Maybe it's because I realize how short life can be.  Maybe it's because I'm twenty and that's what I'm supposed to be thinking about in some weird, twisted way.  Maybe it's because of where I've been in my life.

Who knows?  I've got nothing.  But it gives me writing material.  And it gives me a way to be morbidly different from my peers, I guess.

Last night, I had the strangest dream.  I dreamed it was Friday.  I was going to go on a trip with my English class to San Diego to do journal studies.  My understanding was that my plane wasn't scheduled to leave until the next day, Saturday.  Instead, it left Friday night.  I didn't get on it.  I had to contact my English professor.  She was very nice about the whole thing; she told me that I was going to have to get on and fly to San Diego the next day by myself.  I had a feeling of forboding about the plane ride and told her.  She told me to do whatever I felt was right; I couldn't go anyway because I was dog-sitting.  It was a good thing.  The plane ended up crashing. 

Then I was like Jack in the movie 'the Jacket'.  They locked me in a body drawer; it was frightening and tight and I couldn't breathe. I was trying to figure out how to time travel like he did so that when I died, I wouldn't be in the box for eternity.  It was hard and I was scared out of my mind.  No one wants to be stuck in a box or drawer for the rest of time.

When I woke up, I was thinking about the movie and it's ending.  It was a good movie and I liked it a lot.  I plan on seeing it again.  But the ending was rather ambiguous.  Jack hits his head and tells them to put him in the jacket so he can go see the future to see if the girl, Jackie, is any better off.  It ends with them in 2007 in her car, much like at the beginning of the movie, only she's a lot better off and her mom's still around and whatnot.  She asks him if he's ok, he says he is now, and the sun comes up.

The end.

Well, so what happened?  When he died - because he died in 1993 on New Year's Day - and was in the jacket, did he get to stay in that future of 2007?  Or did he just vanish from it as soon as he found out that she turned out ok?  Basically, did he stay dead or did he stay in the future? 

Because I liked the character of Jack Starks and because I liked the movie and because I'm a hopeless sucker, I'm choosing to think that he got to stay in 2007 and live a happy life with Jackie.  After all, it's a bit sci-fi anyway, so it's totally possible.  I hate the idea of him dying and vanishing altogether.  It bums me out greatly.

Oh, and just so everyone knows, I failed at my seven movies in seven days thing.  Life has this funny way of catching up when you least expect it.  Before you know it, the movies are due back at the library.  It's crazy how time flies.

Time for a different tangent.

So, I'm trying to decide what angle of writing I want to take for this semester.  I can't remember if I told you guys about this last night or not, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm repeating myself here.  My professor for Creative Writing II has told us that we're supposed to decide what kind of writing we want to do and to focus on it throughout the semester.  I have two different things I want to do: writing memoires/essays, or writing short stories.

It's a toss up.  Part of me doesn't feel like I have enough things in my life to write about, but that's not true.  I can do creative non-fiction and not run out of material.  But short stories are so appealing to me; they're condensed and compact, filled with things both written and implied.  I don't know.  I just don't know.

The beauty of it all is that I only have to choose for this class.  In the working world, it's all interchangable and jumbled together.  For this class I need to pick one so I can work on a portfolio.

I'm leaning towards short stories.  Maybe I can combine short stories and non-fiction.  We shall see.

And that is today's blog post.  Thanks for listening.


Friday, January 21, 2011

Long Story Short...

...I'm exhausted.

It was a bit of a long day.  I'm dog sitting for my neighbor.  Before she left, she gave me a heads up - her dog was throwing up earlier.

This is the dog that I'm terrified is going to randomly die on me while I'm watching her.  So the fact that she's sick and I'm watching her for the weekend freaks me out royally.

So I've been monitoring her; she doesn't want to really eat, move about, or do much.  She seemed much more energetic tonight than she was this morning.  I'm going to take that as a good sign.  All I can do is take care of her to the best of my ability and pray that God takes pity on me and doesn't let her die in my care.  I don't know what I would do if she did.  I think I would cry and feel awful.

I did, however, get the outline for my first speech written while watching her.  I think it's going to be a decent speech - I'm going to talk for three minutes or so about my violin and how it plays into my life.  I feel good about it.

I went to the doctor this morning.  I ended up seeing the RN who shares an office with my doctor.  I have a prescription for an anti-acid medication that is stronger than the over the counter stuff that I'm going to start taking in the morning.  The RNs big concern is that I'm either suffering from acid reflux or an ulcer. 

So if this medication doesn't work, I'm to make an appointment to meet with a G.I. doctor to have a tube stuck down my throat to see if I have an ulcer or not.

Um, yeah.  Tell that to the glasses that I've had for four years and the six cavities I need filled. 

Hopefully the meds will work.

And today my mom got the contact information for where her older brother - I'm pretty sure that makes him my uncle - is.  She contacted the shelter he's at where he's turning his life around; I may get to know a part of that side of the family after all.  It's very surreal.  The only person on that side of the family that I've met is my great-aunt, who's a nun in Kentucky.  I've seen the pictures and heard the stories; but the fact that I may meet someone else is such an odd feeling.

I think it may be ok.  I'm going to pray though.  I don't want my mom to get involved in anything that's going to hurt her; if that's what this is going to do, then I want nothing to do with it.

And now I have homework.  I'm wiped, but I'm supposed to do forty-five minutes of journaling each day for my writing class.  I'm pretty excited about it.

I just need to wake up a bit.

Until the next time, dear readers.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hey Look!

Two posts in one day!

This one is a lot less down as the other, I promise.

Mainly, I just want to say that I love the movie "Predators".  That one that came out last summer; you know what I'm talking about.  It's awesome.

Today was such a long day at school.   My backpack was so freaking heavy I thought I was going to burst a seam or something.  Thank goodness for elevators.  And that's from the girl who normally hates elevators.

I think there was something else I was going to say, but I don't remember.  I'm going to go watch "Predators" right now. 

Until next time, my readers.


I'm Realizing....

...that not everyone pays attention.

People don't pay attention to the words they use.  They don't pay attention to the places around them.  They don't pay attention to the people around them.  They don't pay attention to the 'hows' or 'whys' or 'whats'.

Please be noted: I am not guiltless.  I sometimes go through my life in a daze.  And I put my foot in my mouth nearly all the time, it seems.  But I try.  I try to be careful with the words I use.  I try to see the places and things around me.  I try to remember the people around me.

I've been mulling it over, guys.  I really have.  And I've come to the conclusion today that I can be a better person from my experiences instead of letting them bum me out.  Let's start with things that have happened and go from there:

  I've had friends sound rude through texting because they don't bother with grammar or with how they word things.  I've had friends text me thinking I was one of their local friends, and then just abruptly leave me hanging when the error was brought to their attention, making me feel like they really didn't want to talk to me anyway.  I've had friends use poor juxtaposition in things (saying Colorado is too expensive for a trip but then getting excited about going to Europe should not me done in the same five minutes; just saying...).

 I've had friends tackily ask for my lecture notes from a year ago - after already asking if they could borrow my book - so that they can have them when they take the class now.  I've known people who only call when they want things and then up and leave.  I've had guys tell me that they hadn't noticed that we were taking the same class even though we sat across from each other in the hall nearly every day.

I've had crushes on guys who don't even know that I exist.  (Yup.  Braces boy.  That one's not going anywhere anytime soon, lol.)

But as I sat by myself for an hour and a half in the hall today, I realized something.  They don't define me.  I am my own person.  I can be better.

Instead of letting these things eat at me and make me believe that I am a worthless person (which I'm not, btw; I actually do have a lot going for me at the moment, thanks), I can learn from them.  I think the trick is that I have to remember that everyone is human.  Part of being human is being prone to error.  As my psychology professor said today, we live in a very much 'me' society.  Granted, not everyone is like that, but it's true - many are after their own agendas and will not stop to get there, either conciously or subconciously.

I felt a hundred times better.

I think what I need to do is to forgive the people who have hurt me.  Chances are, they didn't mean to.  And if I really feel like I don't have that much of myself to give, then I need to cut back.  It's self-preservation.

But most of all, I need to not let it taint my views of the world.  I can do that; I think it will make me happier in the long run.

 I write, so I pay more attention to things than the average person.  That doesn't make me any better or worse than the individual next to me.  It merely means I'm more perceptive; there's nothing wrong with it.  If anything, then I can use it to make more love and happiness in the world instead of toe stepping and anger.

I think this psych class is going to be good for my inner self.

And if push comes to shove, I'll get my revenge in short stories.  Bwahaha. XD


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

One Paper Done.

The first paper of the new semester, I might add.

I thought it would feel incredibly exciting, like "oh look, my paper's done, the semester really has started" or something.  No, not really.  It's more along the lines of the "I'm-not-sure-I-liked-how-that-turned-out-but-I'm-not-interested-in-re-writing-it" type of thing.

Oh well.

I am glad to be back in the swing of things.  This week got off to a kind of rough start, but it's already getting better.

I talked to the people at financial aid today.  Turns out, I was right.  I have like a hundred and thirty dollars still to use.  The people in the book store were wrong.  So it's nice knowing that it didn't just magically vanish or something.  I mean, stuff magically vanishes all the time for me - erasers, socks (I blame the sock gnome, but that's just me), books, etc. - but having money vanish is stupid.

It's just wrong, you know?  Just wrong.

Thankfully, it's there.  My head has stopped hurting, my heartburn has calmed slightly (I get that taken care of on Friday), and I'm feeling pretty good.

I'm faced with a choice right now, though.  I can get the rest of my reading done for all my classes today while I have a chance, or I can slack of ceaselessly.

I'm going to get the reading done.  I'll feel better if I do.  I want to finish this blog first, though.

So, it's Wed.  I'm looking forward to school tomorrow.  I'm not actually nervous, which is good.  I know more or less what to expect.  The only thing that seems like it might drive me nuts is the fact that I'm at school from 8 in the morning until after 5 at night.  I think it's going to be okay as long as I pack a book to read and a decent lunch.

I think I might get a lot of reading done this week.  I figure that I can take a lunch that doesn't need to be microwaved and just stay on the fourth floor the entire day.  I don't really know anyone who has a break with me (one friend is taking a semester off to explore the world around her, one friend was going to have class on Tuesday/Thursday with me - she's in the nursing program - but ended up having class on Monday/Wed., etc.), so it will give me some time to catch up on things. 

I'm thinking free reading tomorrow, maybe homework next week.  You know, time to be constructive or whatever.  I had the fleeting thought this morning that I could make mini paper cranes and leave them on the tables in the halls when I go to class.  I'm not sure how that would be received, but it's an interesting thought nonetheless...

I have faith that this semester is going to end well. :)

I'm still writing my story, though not as aggressively as I had been.  I'm at just over 3,500 words, which is pretty good.  I still want to see it through to the end; I'm going to try to work on it a little each day until it's done.  It's my relax project.

I think that about sums up my life here.  I'm reading "the Mists of Avalon" which is pretty good, but I'm not sure I'm going to get it finished before it's due back at the library.  I am going to buy a Kindle or a Nook as soon as I have the money together - I think either one will be a good investment for me.  That way I can have all the books I can read at my finger tips without dealing with due dates.  It just seems convient.

Also, I think I'm going to have to watch the "Darjeeling Limited" again.  I thought I didn't like it, but I can't stop thinking about it.  Ultimately I think that means it's grown on me and I need to borrow it from the library again to confirm the theory.

Ok, I've rambled enough.  I have reading for speech and Psychology to have together before tomorrow.

Until the next random update,


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Oh. My. Gosh.

What a day.

Let's start at the beginning, my dear readers, shall we?

School started today.  I was so nervous, but also incredibly excited.  My first class went off without a hitch; English is promising to be a great class.  The instructor is young, enthused, and full of ideas.  I'm completely pumped.  Also, there's a guy from my History class there - no, not the one with braces  - who sat next to me.  He seems nice.  It makes it seem less scary knowing one person, even if it's just by face at first.

So that was good.

My next class, Psychology, was also good.  The instructor is a therapist as well as an instructor.  It shows.  She's already made me squirm.  And I realize that this class is going to make me look at things deeper than I anticipated.  It's going to be incredibly interesting.  The nice thing is that it's just down the hall from my English class - no stress about changing classes.  I like that.

At this point I have an hour and forty-five minutes before my last class for today.  During this time, I anticipate swapping my book at the bookstore.

You see, the bookstore sold me the wrong book for my Speech class.  This is the second semester in a row that they've done that.  This time, though, I was smart; I kept my receipt.  My thinking was that they would let me trade the book for the one that I needed, and have me make up the price difference.  I could do that with the money left from my loan.

Instead, I was told that I could not change the book out.  I had to sell the one back for a full refund on my loan, which won't go into effect for like a week.  Then I had to buy the new book - the one that they should've given me in the first place.

So I sold the one back, then went outside and called my mom.  Several phone calls later and one container of mushy mac-and-cheese later: a solution is reached and I'm in tears.  It was not fun.  Thankfully my mom was so fantastic about the whole thing.  She helped me calm down; she also did some research to find out if the bookstore had the book in stock.  They did.  We came up with the plan that my dad would come and help me pay for it.

I was able to go to Speech class in a huff of relief.  The class was great as well.  The instructor cracked most of the class up multiple times; I feel a lot better about giving speeches.  The work load this semester is going to be ok.  I can feel it.

(I would like it to be known that the boy with braces appears to start his school day the same time I do - I saw him in the hall - and appears to have the same break I do - again, I saw him.  I'm not hoping for much, but seeing as I have no one to hang with between classes and it appears he doesn't either, maybe - MAYBE - I can have someone to sit with.  The plan is that I'm going to take a book and sit where I normally sit before class.  If he comes over, eventually, we'll talk.  Or, I'll actually finish my current book.  It's a win-win plan, I think...)

I get home, I grab my sister, and we go get my dad.  At the bookstore, I find the book I need and take it to the check out.  I tell them I want to pay with my aid. 

And that's when I get told that I have no more financial aid available.


I just finished checking my one account, and I should have about fifty or more dollars in financial aid.  So I get to go spend tomorrow finding out what happened.  Not how I wanted to spend my day.  I mean, I have homework.  This semester should've gone off without a hitch.  Blah.

My dad was cool about it, though.  He bought my book.  Now I can get caught up in the reading. 

Well, on the bright side, it was a really nice day today.  I ate outside, which was kind of nice after the winter stuff.  I saw braces boy in the hall twice, giving me hope that maybe I'll see him again.  My instructors are all friendly and enthusiastic.  The classes are going to be good.  And hey, it can only go up from here. 

Tomorrow is going to be good. 

Thursday is going to be good.

That's what I love about life: there's always a chance for a better day. 

Until next time, guys.


Monday, January 17, 2011

It's Time.

It's official, my dear readers.  The spring semester begins tomorrow.

I'm having rather mixed feelings about it at the moment.  I had a wonderful semester last fall; school is always an adventure of sorts, with new people to meet and new things to learn.  But at the same time, I don't feel like I'm ready.  Normally by now my backpack is organized, I have my class times and room numbers memorized by heart, and I've thumbed through the books.

Instead, my backpack is lying open-mouthed on my bedroom floor.  I know that my first class is at 8:30 in the morning on the fourth floor, but as for room numbers for any of them, I have no idea.  I did look through my books, though.  I get bonus points for that one.

I don't know why I'm worried.  I think it must be the day-before-it-happens feeling.  After all, I know I am capable.  I know I'm friendly, smart, and studious.  I know that I can handle whatever comes my way.

It's like when you're a kid.  Summer break is nearly over and suddenly you have all these things you don't want to let go of: playing outside with your friends, sleeping in, staying out late, etc.  But then when school starts, you realize that you gain new things: you still see your friends, you still play outside, you sleep in on the weekends, you learn stuff you never thought you would like, you gain new friends, etc.

That's how it is for me.  Within this recent winter break I've written more than I've written before, it seems.  I've been able to sleep in almost every day.  I've knitted, I've watched movies, and I've gone out with friends.  I've been able to actually relax.

But even though I'm worried because I don't know my classroom numbers and because I don't have a lot of classes with people I know, I know it's going to be ok.  And even though I love sleeping in and writing all day, I am ready to do something with substance.  The classroom is such a stimulating environment for me.  I don't think I would have it any other way.

So bring it on, spring semester.  I may have butterflies in my stomach, but I'm ready.  Truly I am.  And I'll prove it to you.  You don't scare me.

Until next time, dear readers.


Sunday, January 16, 2011

I Was Thinking...

...once again about monetizing this blog.  (Hang with me, guys and gals - read it through to the end.)  I check the stats about once a week - I'm getting enough hits to make it worth my while, which is something that I never expected to happen.  I could make easy money just by writing whatever I feel like.  As an unemployed college student living at home, that actually sounds rather appealing.

But then I realized that it would be selling out.

I refuse to sell out.

By making it so that I make money off this blog, I am letting marketers control what I do.  I am telling you, the readers, that I do not value you enough to keep the ads away.  And while the blog may still be mine, I can assure you that it's only a few steps away from giving up my creative license.

I refuse to do that.

It's the same concept with the story I'm writing.  I'm at nearly 3000 words, which is a personal best for me, and I'm still trying to figure out the characters.  I like the flaws I'm seeing with them.  I like the way the story line is moving.  I want to try to get it published by the end of the summer.  But if an editor tries to get me to change the fundamental characteristics of each person, forget it.

I don't want to lose the integrity of what I'm doing.

I feel a good example of selling out is Stephanie Meyer.  Now, before everyone starts slamming me or getting defensive, I have nothing against Ms. Meyer.  In fact, I own all four books - in hardback - of her Twilight Saga.  I was 17 when I first read 'Twilight' and I fell in love with it.  My tastes have changed tremendously since then (reading 'Salem's Lot' did a lot for me in that respect), but I still remember the feeling of loving her books.

I was fairly excited when the first movie came out, too.  What appealed to me was that she, the author, was going to be taking a fairly active role in the production of the movie.  To me, that meant that she was going to keep it true to her characters and to her story.

I was so wrong.

The movie killed the Twilight Saga for me.  I was horrified.  They cut some of my favorite - and what I felt to be crucial - scenes.  They had poor dialogue.  The film had major stars for all the roles, and they didn't even really act that well.  And it felt all wrong; everything about it did not feel like the "Twilight" I read as a teenager.

(I have been told the rest are much better done, but I haven't seen them.  Shortly after seeing the movie, I moved on to other things.)

My goal in life is to be a professional writer.  I have already given thought to it, probably more thought than I should.  And I've come up with several principle rules I intend to never break.

1. I will never write something just because I can make money off of it.  In other words, I intend to write the stories that I have always written, exploring the characters the way that they want.  I have no intention of writing something just because there's a market for that particular genre or story.  It's not fair to me or to the characters.

2. I will never give up my creative license or power.  If I do in fact become a best selling author down the road and someone decides to make a film adapation of my book, then I want it to be right.  I want to be part of every step along the way.  I want the characters to have justice done for them.  Truthfully, if we ever get to this point, I want a film producer like Wes Anderson or Peter Jackson to do it.  Not someone like who did the first 'Twilight' movie.

3. I will not produce anything that I would not read myself.  If I don't like how it's turned out and I'm not entirely thrilled with it, then I plan on making it better before I publish it. 

So, in other words, I'm going to be broke for the rest of my life because I'm not going to conform.  Oh well.  At least I'll be happy, right?


In other news, I watched film numer 2 of 7 yesterday with my family.  It was "Fantastic Mr. Fox".  It was fantastic.  It truly was.  I laughed at the humor throughout and the stop motion film style was fascinating to me.  Wes Anderson directed it (the guy who did the "Darjeeling Limited"; gotta say, that one grew on me between blog posts - but that's a story for a different time...) and it was based on the book by Ronald Dahl. 

I need to read the book.  Ronald Dahl wrote "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" as well as "James and the Giant Peach", both of which I've read and loved.  He's a brilliant author for young people.  He really is.

"Fantastic Mr. Fox" had a great cast, too.  George Clooney, who I respect as an actor, was Mr. Fox and was brilliant.  Brilliant I say.  Meryl Streep was his wife, Jason Schwartzman (I remembered his name this time!) was his son, Ash.  I mean, it was great.  The voice acting (which I've heard is actually harder than live acting) was spot on.  My sister and I got such a kick from the movie.  We were still quoting it today, which is awesome.

Go watch it.  It is a great family movie.  Seriously.  There is plenty of humor for everyone in it as well as a meaningful story plot.

I feel like there was something else I was going to blog about, but I can't remember.  Huh.  School starts on Tuesday.  I'm nervous as all get out.  I'm taking more classes this semester than I've taken before and I'm a little intimidated by the potential work load.  But hey, I can handle it.  I know I can.

Also, I typed this whole blog post with wet finger nails.  I get bonus points for that.  Just so you know.

Until we meet again, dear readers,


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Heart Burn and Nerves and Sleep Deprevation...

...Oh My!
Hello again, dear readers.  Yet another blog update.  Aren't you proud of me for not keeping you in the lurch for long, gapping periods of time like I did last year?

(No, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to.  It's perfectly ok.  I promise.)


So I have to be honest for a moment (but really, when am I ever not?): I am exhausted.  I think I got a total of like five hours of sleep last night. 

And before you ask, no, I wasn't writing my awesome story.  I wish I had been. 

Instead, it was my heart burn kicking into over drive.

You see, dear readers, I am the kind of person who takes a lot of stress onto themselves.  I've heard it called the "oldest child syndrom", but really, I just want to take care of everyone.  I want to support my parents and protect my sister and be there when friends need me.  Plus, I have a tendency to stress needlessly about things I really don't have any control over, like final grades in school.  School, as much as I love it, is a huge point of stress for me.  I get nervous before class, especially when a new semester is about to start and I'm not sure I'll know anyone. 

I range from introverted to extroverted, and both come out when I'm at school.  It can be a blessing and a curse, let me tell ya.

I realize that a lot of what I worry about is senseless, and that it's out of my hands most of the time, but I still get anxious.  Granted, I'm getting better about it, but it appears that the damage has already been done.

I get heart burn now on a regular basis; so far, I've had it almost every day for nearly five weeks.  Sometimes it's really mild and I'm able to just drink some water to get it to leave.  Other days, it's much worse and nothing works - not water, not dairy, not Tums.  I've tried vinegar water; I've tried sleeping elevated and on my left side.  It's really bad.  I am actually getting to a point where I can't drink Coke because it causes it to flair up.

It woke me up this morning at about 2 am thinking I was dying.  I was unable to go back to sleep until close to 5 am, only to get up again about 8 am to do laundry. Not okay with me.  Not okay at all.

I'm actually going to start researching tea for this very problem.  I want to see if there is anything I can drink to ail my problems, such as the heart burn and the trouble sleeping; I like tea, so it shouldn't be a hardship.  So far I know that peppermint is good for the stomach.  I just need to know if there are any others that could help.  Then I need to test them.  I promise to report back with any important findings.

(I'm also calling the doctor on Monday.  I kept pushing it off because I hate going to the doctor.  But I don't think I can push it off any longer; my mom and sister both think I've developed an ulcer.  I really hope they're wrong.  I'll keep you guys posted.  And please, don't worry, ok?  I think I may just have acid reflux or something...)

So anyway, I'm kind of tired today.  It leaves me prone to things, like thinking too much about my story.  I can't write if I think too hard about it.  That's not the way I function.  Blah.

On a happy note, I am at over 1300 words now on this new story project.  That's pretty good.  I really want to see it through to the end.  I hardly ever finish any stories; I write them in spurts and leave them to rot.  Or ripen, depending on how you want to look at it.  This one is different; I feel potential.  I feel like it is going to be a good story, and that it will also make a good movie script.

Not to be overly ambitious or anything, but it never hurts to aim high.  I'd rather aim high and fail than not aim at all.

But we shall see.  My goal is to have it done by the end of the summer.  I think I can pull it off.  I really do.

On an entirely different note, I have seven movies to watch before Friday.  That's when they are due to their respective libraries.  I finished one yesterday.  It's called "the Jacket" and was fantastic.  I wasn't really sure I was going to like it, but I loved it.  It's about a war vetern from the gulf war who gets put into this center for delusional criminals for a crime he didn't commit but can't remember.  Through the experimental treatment they perform on him (they basically bind him in a straight jacket, load him with drugs, and then put him in a body drawer - I know, I cringed too...) he discovers he can time travel from the now (it's nearly 1993 at the beginning of the movie) to the future (2007). 

It was amazingly well done.  The script was fantastic;  I am a fan of books and scripts with well written plots and rounded, developed characters who you can watch grow.  The one thing that I thought was going to turn me off of it was the fact that Keira Knightley is in it.  Nothing against her, but the only other thing I had seen her in was "Pirates of the Carribean", and I felt she kind of fell short there. 

Here was a different story.  I felt her acting was spot on and I could really sympathize with her character even though I had mixed feelings about her.  Adrien Brody was also in it as the main character, Jack, as was Kris Kristofferson. (I love pronouncing his name; it almost jingles...)

 I did feel extrememly uncomfortable the first time Jack got shoved in the body drawer, but I'm pretty sure that was what they wanted.  All in all, it was the kind of movie that I could not stop watching and that I would totally watch again.

Which means I have six more movies to watch before Friday.  I want to try to get through all of them before Tuesday, just because I have school on Tuesday.  And no, I probably will not be doing movie reviews of any more of them unless they are over-the-top amazing.

Did this blog make sense?  I'm so tired I don't even remember what we started with.

Time to go look up tea.


Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm Exhauted, but It's Okay.

Know why it's okay, dear readers???

Because I got a new story idea!! I was doing the dishes last night, and it hit me.  I ran out of the room and wrote it down in one of my notebooks.  (All good ideas go in a notebook with a date placed on top for future reference.  It's a good habit to be in.)  I then ended up staying awake until after midnight typing out a brief over view of how the whole story is going to go.

Believe me, it's going to be good.  I feel it.

Sadly, I can't tell you anything about it.  Most works need to be kept very quiet.  The reasons for this are a.) so no one steals your ideas (it happens, unfortunately, and I have no desire to be a victim), b.) so that the idea has time to mature and grow, c.) so that the characters have time to mature and grow, and (in my case) d.) so that the whole story will actually get written.

As I said before,  I think it's going to be great.  I'm very excited and hopeful.

In other news...

Being tired makes me act weird.  I spent the first part of the day being over-the-top hyper, and the second half of the day (now) being exhausted and apathetic.  There is no middle ground, I swear.  It was totally worth it though.

I think I'm going to go watch some movies now.  It's my last free weekend before school starts, bringing with it mountains of homework that I'm going to have to battle.  Might as well enjoy it while I can.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Random Blog is Random.

Hello again, my dear readers.

There are several things I'm going to blog about in this, and I'm hoping it's not going to be too disjointed.  We shall see how that works out.

I just spent an awesome day out with one of my friends from school.  It was so much fun.  We went for burgers, looked at the mall, hit Kohl's (no, not literally although that might've been fun), and then got these amazing brownies at a local bakery.  It was nice to be able to step away from my life for a while.  You know, I'm still on winter break and I feel like I'm slowly starting to go crazy.  It was nice to get away from that crazed, bored feeling.  And my friend is awesome; I always feel like I can just relax with her.

So I've been going nuts, right?  Here's how bad it's gotten:

I have been writing every day.  Like, literally, every day.  I update here and then I try to do some free writing.  Well, yesterday, my characters had finally had enough of me.  I think that must've been what happened.  I wrote for two hours straight.  When I was done, I read what I had written and it didn't feel natural at all.  So then I tried this morning to do some character sketches before I left.

Didn't happen.

I don't know if I just ran out of inspiration or what, but nothing is working.  I have snippets here and there of short stories laced with the promises of well rounded characters; I just can not seem to connect the dots.  It's one of those pot holes I mentioned in the previous entry.

I like a challenge, don't get me wrong.  I just also like it when I understand my characters.  They are a piece of me, like my children.  I should know them inside and out.  I should be able to understand their motivation as I write, or at least have it develope as the story developes.

Right now, I just feel like slamming my head upon my key board.

Maybe I need space.  Maybe I just need to walk away from it for a while.  Doing that scares me, though.  What if I never go back to them?  What if they just sit in my notebooks and on my hard drive for an infinite amount of time?  What if school becomes so hard this semester that I don't have time to write??

No.  The last one will never happen.  I will always make time to write.  Always.

I'm ready for school to start.  With school comes stimulation, and with stimulation comes inspiration.  Inspiration breeds motivation.

Moving on...

So, has anyone else heard of this thing called the Slender Man?  And if so, why do I feel like the last person to hear about it?

My basic understanding is that it's an Internet meme gone awry.  I mean, the Internet is loaded with crack pot stuff like this; there are so many memes I can't keep them straight.  Who's to know what's real and what's fake, right?

The Slender Man was created by some guy on a forum for a contest.  From there it's turned into this huge deal.  He is a shape-shifter, wears a suit, has no face, and eats children.  That's my understanding.  There's a thing on that involves him put up by a user called marblehornets.  I personally suspect it's just a piece of fiction fed by the Internet.

Still, it scares the crap out of me.  It's like when I read Stephen King's short story "the Boogey Man" last year and had to sleep with a light on.  It's fake, but there's still a part of the human psyche that sees the potential and is afraid out of instinct. 

Having a very active imagination does not help, either.

Ok, I've freaked myself out again.  Time to enter happy territory again.

So now that I've started playing my violin again, I feel like that's all I want to do.  There's no way I'll make a career out of it - I'm not nearly dedicated enough or want it bad enough - but I am enjoying it more than I thought I would.  I learned through the Suzuki method when I was taking lessons and I've been revisiting the books.  At the time I hated most of it. 

Now is a completely different story. 

It's like I understand the music better.  In the few years that I stopped playing, it's like I've gained a greater appreciation of classical music.  I love that.  I love that it feels new and fresh to me.  I love that I can feel my pent up feelings flow out through my fingers and into the notes.

I love it so much that I've decided to memorize one song from each book.  That way I always have something that I can play, no matter where I am.  I don't know why, but I'm feeling like it could be important somewhere down the road.  Why, I don't know, but I'm not gonna argue.  As I said before, I'm enjoying playing way too much.

One last random thing before I leave you for the night.  I'm listening to Neil Cicierega as I write this.  He is amazing.  He's part of the group Lemon Demon and he's also the creator of Potters Puppet Pals.  (I see the light go on; you know who I'm talking about...)  I love his youtube channel.  He's got this one about Ben Bernake which is a riot; I also enjoy the one titled "Brodyquest" - the songs are both very catchy.

He's the one who got me to look up the Slender Man, btw.  I watched his parody, called the Splendor Man.

So yeah, you should check him out.

You should also check out my sister's account while you're there.  As I am to writing, she is to film making.  She's HisFallenAngel4, and she's very good.  I'm not going to lie.  So you should check her out. =)

Until we meet again, dear readers.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Rick Astley... never gonna give me up.

Or get out of my head, apparently.

Yeah, I have Rick Astley stuck in my head.  You know, I really don't have a lot against the 1980's.  After all, it made tacky clothing acceptable.  It was the era of punk/goth music, bringing one of my favorite groups - the Cure - into existance.  It gave us Blondie and U2 and the Go-Go's and Tom Petty. 

The '80's brought around Pac-Man and Predators, for crying out loud.  MTV.  White-Out.  That song "Tainted Love", which I love.

But I am not sure I can ever forgive the '80's for giving us Rick Astley.

I have been "Rick Rolled" so many times it's not even funny anymore.  The song "Never Gonna Give You Up" is such a freaking earworm.  I even remotely think about it and it gets stuck in my head.

It is a change of pace from what I did have stuck in my head for two days straight this week: "Claire de Lune".

Don't get me wrong, I love Debussy.  I think he was a great composer; I find his music relaxing, and I love "The Girl with the Flaxen Hair".  But having "Claire de Lune" stuck in my head for two days straight was starting to get on my nerves. 

I love classical music, but after a while you just need space from it.

I would listen to Ben Folds; five minutes after the last line of "Late" and the moonlight (that's what it translates into) would be back.  I tried singing with Pink's "Glitter in the Air" multiple times; as soon as my mind drifted, it was back.

I watched the 'Darjeeling Limited' yesterday, and ended up pausing it so I could get up to get something.  As soon as I came back and pushed play, a scene where Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason whatshisname (I can't pronounce nor spell it - I apologize if I offend) are sitting around a campfire in the middle of India.  What's playing in the background?

"Claire de Lune".

I can't escape it.

Speaking of the 'Darjeeling Limited', it was ok.  I loved the trailer.  It looked like it had such potential, it really did.  And Wes Anderson, the guy who wrote and directed it, is a pretty good director.  (He did the 'Fantastic Mr. Fox', which I just put on hold at the library.  I haven't seen it, but I've heard massively good things about it...)

I felt the film fell flat.  It didn't have the movement that I was expecting, and the ending felt unresolved to me.  Owen Wilson's character (Francis) bothered me throughout because of how he kept trying to play the parent (maybe because I could almost-not-quite-relate as I too have the older child syndrom, as I've heard it called), Adrien Brody's character (Peter) annoyed me towards the beginning because he left his pregnant wife to go on this trip, and Jason Whatshisname's character (Jack, I think?) bothered me because he was such a freaking indecisive push over.  Granted, I eventually became ok with both Peter and Jack; I never really warmed up to Francis.

I will give the film some credit.  It had it's moments where it was very good.  I liked when they are at the Indian village after saving two of three children in the nearby river.  (Peter's didn't make it; I cried.)  I felt like it was a turning point in the movie where the characters were finally starting to come into their own.  I like where they met up with their mom and realized that nothing was going to change; you could see the characters grow in themselves, which is exciting to me (because I'm a writer).  Also, they are always running to catch a train.  I feel like this is a great metaphor for life and for the characters, whether Anderson meant it that way or not.

So all in all, it was ok.  I wouldn't pay money to see it.  I probably won't buy a copy of it to watch over and over again (unlike the 'Pianist' or 'Whip It', which are movies I feel like I'll never get tired of), and I may or may not watch it again before I return it to the library. 

But for a film that didn't cost me a dime to watch, it was pretty good.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, so that could be either a good thing or a bad thing.  Maybe I should watch it again; it could be one of those movies that grows on me.  I don't know.

Or maybe I just don't get it.  That's been known to happen to me.  Everyone said the 'Hangover' was brilliant, but when one of my friends made me watch it, I was bored out of my skull. 

In other words, don't listen to my movie reviews, dear readers.  I have no idea what I'm talking about 90% of the time.

I put 'Splice' on hold at the library.  I'm not exactly sure why I did it.  It was one of those films that I saw the trailer when I went to see a movie last year (I don't remember which movie I was seeing, which is kind of sad) and got so freaked out that I had my eyes closed through a good chunk of it.  I like horror films, I like films about experiments gone wrong (the whole principle behind zombie films, which I love), and I like sci-fi to a degree.  But I'm not sure about this one.

I've heard weird reviews about it.  Roeper gave it a D+, but he's been known to miss from time to time.  I think I may be influenced by Jimmy Kimmel on this.  (Long story there best for another blog.)

Oh well.  I'm in postion like 85 for it at the library, so I have time to think about it.  That's what happened with 'Dorien Gray' when it came in.  I just decided I didn't want to see it anymore and cancelled the hold.

That may be how this goes.  We shall see.

School starts in less than a week.  Last night I had this nightmare about forgetting my backpack and not having notebooks (I still need to buy them).  It was awful.  I think it's my equivalent of having dreams where you appear someplace without clothes; I've never had one of those but I have these kind of dreams all the time when I'm anxious, stressed, or nervous.  Go figure.

Man, I've got "Claire de Lune" back in my head.  I need to go get that out.

Until we meet again, dear readers.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Sometimes I Wonder.

I wonder about people.  I wonder about myself too, actually.

Why am I on the road to being a writer?  It's an imposing question, and one that I've tried to answer on multiple occasions.  I think I may finally know the reason.

I have to write.

I go crazy when I don't.  It is such a fundamental part of me that I don't think I could live without it.  And I'm happy doing it.  Truly I am.  Even though I'm unpublished and unknown, I love what I do.  I am always coming up with new ideas and new phrases and new characters.  I love that.  It's like I have my own little world.  It's totally private and however I want it to be; then, when the time is right, I can share it with those around me.


It's not easy.  Being a writer, I mean.  It can be terribly lonely at times.  Because you're always looking at things not just for what they seem to be but for also what they could become, people give you strange looks.  Even my best friends don't understand me at times.  It's almost like a solitary road; you're surrounded by people but it's hard to understand, so they just kind of give you space.

And it's a rough road too, covered with pot holes.  Writer's block, stories with only partial plots at a time, characters who are constantly changing from what you think they should be into what they want to be.  Granted, I love that last one; I love when my characters create a life of their own, even if it means it's more difficult for me to write them. 

The biggest problem is time. 

You have to make a living.  You have to do things with your life.  I have so many ideas and concepts and threads, but I don't have enough time.  Even on break I haven't been able to get them all down even though I write every day.  Sometimes it feels like there aren't enough hours in an already intimidatingly long day.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm not meant for anything else.  I love to write, but I still can't help but wonder nonetheless.  It's part of that human instinct, I think.

I play the violin and I'm so greatful I've started up again.  But I don't have the dedication or drive to become a professional, not on any level.  And Biology was my passion for so long; but I go bored in the lecture halls and felt like ripping my hair out in lab.  Math was actually something I briefly thought about - solving Trig problems has an almost comforting rhythm - but I shot it down because it's not something I want to do every day.  Chemistry got shot down for much of the same reason; it's fun but not something I think I'd be dedicated to.

Acting?  I can do decent improv but I don't want to go to school for it.  Singing? Nope, my voice is unpredictable and sounds scratchy to my own ears.  Teacher?  I thought about it long and hard, I really did.  I have the patience, I'm good with kids.  But I'm already looking at three years of school for an Associates of Arts degree.  I don't want to spend any more than that.

And so everything has come back to writing.  To this thing where there's no guarentee that I'll make a living at it, where there's little to no recognition, where there's isolation and melancholy moods that come and go as the wind.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

What I'm going to do when I graduate school is still a mystery to me.  I will find a job somewhere and work until I can move out; my sister and I are talking of getting an apartment together, but plans can change and I'm prepared should it happen. 

Will I be happy in a job?  Will I get married down the road and have a family?  Will I live alone in the middle of nowhere and watch time pass?

I don't know. 

But of one thing I am completely certain: whatever happens, I will write.  I will always write.

And that makes me happy.

Until we meet again, dear readers.


Monday, January 10, 2011

It Smells like Apples in Here...

..because I found my apple candle.

So today, dear readers, I decided it was time to clean.  I have like five or six boxes that I have yet to go through from when we moved to Colorado over five years ago.  I never wanted to deal with them or see what was inside them.

As far as I was concerned, I could burn them and be totally happy.

But then I got motivated today. 

I brought my violin into the bedroom and organized my music.  Then I decided to organize some boxes while I was at it.  The result?  I found a ton of candles, cleaned off my desk, recovered my incense sticks that I've had for forever, and made a comfier home for my instrument.

And now it smells like apples cause I'm burning my newly found apple candle.  It's a Wal-Mart candle (the front says 'MainStays' which is a Wal-Mart brand) called Warm Apple Pie.

It reminds me how much I love apple candles.  And really, just candles in general.

Mmmm.  I wish you could smell it.

I played my violin today for the first time in over five months.  I will never stop playing again.  As I played, I felt as if my soul were leaving through the notes.  I felt like I was truly breathing for the first time in years.  Even now, I feel great.

I will never be a professional, but I love it.  I forgot how much I love it, how much I need it.  It totally renewed me.

At this point, I feel I must offer you guys an apology for the abrupt blog last night.  I was doing fine until I wasn't, and at that point I was exhausted.  I swear, as soon as I left you guys I went to bed. 

Well, after I placed some movies on hold at the library.

But that's not the point.  The point is that I'm sorry for leaving you hanging.  I will do better in the future.  I promise it.

I'm really excited about the movies I put on hold.  All of them have Adrien Brody in them; he's my current favorite actor.  I had never heard about him until I saw "Predators" last summer (great movie, btw, I highly recommend it) and learned that he was in it. 

I watched "the Pianist" this weekend and it made me love him more as an actor.  The movie was brilliant.  It's about the Holocaust and is based on a real man's fight to survive in the face of opposition.  Another movie I completely recommend.  It was beautifully done.

So I put the new King Kong on hold, a movie called "the Singing Detective" which has a great cast including Robert Downy, Jr. and Katie Holmes and is about a novelist who writes detective novels, a war movie called "the Thin Red Line" which is about WWII from the American Army perspective, a film called "Hollywoodland" which is about the murder/ death of George Reeves, and a comdey with Owen Wilson called "the Darjeeling Limited" which is just going to be good. 

BTW, you should go watch the trailers for all of these or go see them.  They look great.

And that's my day thus far.  Oh, and I broke one of my mom's new mugs she bought before Christmas.  I felt bad about it, but she kind of laughed it off.  So I guess it's ok.

Until the next time, dear readers.


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Snowy Days...

...make me lazy.

I almost didn't update when I realized that I should because I haven't in like two days.  Although, having two blogs perhaps means that I can update less frequently here as long as I'm updating on the other.  But that could be detrimental to the growth of my writing.  But it could also be good...

My brain hurts.

I'm also exhausted from the snow and from dog sitting, so that doesn't help.  As soon as I'm done here, I'm going to bed. 

So, I entered the writing contest this week.  My family has been so supportive.  I really appreciate it.  They are awesome.

Yeah, ok.  My brain just shut down.  Lame, I know, but I'm so tired.  I'll update tomorrow with a better blog, I promise.

Good night, readers.

Friday, January 7, 2011

I Think I Figured It Out

I think I know how to post pictures.  By jove, I hope it works.


This is the frog I made my sister for Christmas.  Enjoy!

More pictures will ensue later.  Promise.


Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Quick and Random Blog

Because, you know, I want to update once a day now. 

I never shared that with you, did I?  Let me fill you in, dear readers..

Part of being a good writer is writing all the time.  In fact, that's actually the bulk of it.  The rest is reading and drabbling and experiencing life in a way that no one else does.  (For example, the winter sky is usually faded like blue jeans are when they've been worn and loved - people look at me funny when I mention it so I keep it to myself.  If that makes sense.)

So I'm trying to update this blog everyday.  It feels incredibly ambitious, especially with school right around the corner, but I am convinced that I can do it.  Today I nearly didn't make it - I have under 45 minutes to get this published.

And I'm also so tired right now that it more than likely is not making any sense at all. 

But at least I'm doing it.  At least I'm holding to these frail convictions of my human mind and soul. 


Ok, that's it for tonight.  If I actually re-read blogs, I'd probably scrap this one out of good natured writer-hood.  But I don't re-read or proof-read.  (Yeah, I know.  It's a writing sin.  Everything on here is published how I write it the first time, with the good faith that it does not have to be perfect.  School papers are a totally different story though...)

Until tomorrow,


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Merits of Sushi

Today, I am going for sushi with one of my friends from school.

Sushi, if you are curious or have never heard of it, is a Japanese thing consisting of fresh, raw fish.  It can be served two ways: traditional rolls wrapped with rice, fish, veggies, and seaweed (I'm pretty sure it's seaweed, but I've also heard it's algea, so I don't actually know...) or as just fish on lumps of rice.

Both are delicious.

A lot of people have funny feelings about sushi.  I think it has something to do with not cooking the fish.  Afterall, we live in a very germphobic society - everything must be cooked or else you will get sick.  I've known people who don't eat raw cookie dough for that very reason.

Take it from me, guys, sushi is great.  I am a complete germaphobe.  If food lands on the ground, I typically will not eat it.  If someone sneezes in the vacinity of me or my food, I have to repress urges to purge and clean.  I carry spray sanitizer and make people use it.  I'm that kind of person.

And I love sushi.

Fresh fish, when prepared properly, has a wonderful flavor.  It's got a nice, smooth texture and is cool to the mouth.  It does not taste "fishy".  It does not smell "fishy".  It usually looks pretty too - tuna is deep red in color, salmon more of a bright red, halibut is white, etc.  Add some veggies like cucumbers and avacado, and you've got some beautiful sushi on your plate.  And some sushi is actually cooked to a degree; tuna can be seared lightly and crab meat for California rolls is always cooked.  So if that's what's weirding you out about it, don't let it.

My favorite sushi is from Tokyo Joe's.  I've only been to two sushi bars before, and I really wasn't impressed with either one.  My goal is to find a really good one that my sister and I can go to this summer; until then, Tokyo Joe's wins on so many levels.  They make the sushi in full view of you.  The fish is all kept on ice so there's no risk of it spoiling.  Their rice is also made differently than other sushi places - it tastes sweeter to me, which is another reason I like it.

 I love the Spicy Tuna Roll.  It's my absolute favorite.  It's seared tuna, a spicy chili sauce (it's delicious and not over powering), cucumber, avacado, and green onion.  They wrap it with rice and the green stuff mentioned before and serve it cut side up.  Mix a little wasabi and soy sauce, and you are good to go.

The first I ever tried was the California Roll.  It's crab, avacado, and cucumber wrapped up like the tuna one.  It's a good beginner one.  Unagi is good too.  I was hesitant to try it, because it's eel (yeah, that's right, eel), but one of my best friends insisted.  I'm really glad she did.  What they do is take eel, egg (don't think too hard), avacado, and cucumber and wrap it up.  Then they top it with this eel sauce that tastes almost like a BBQ sauce.  You wouldn't think it would work, but it does.

And there are so many others out there.  That's about the extent of what Tokyo Joe's serves, but I've had some decent Red Snapper sushi and some good Yellowfin.  You just have to pick and choose where you go.  That's what it amounts to.

And remember: don't over think it while you eat it.  Just enjoy.  That is, afterall, the point.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Things I Found in My Purse...

~ My inhaler

~ A bottle of Summer Vanillas body lotion from Bath and Body Works in Lemon

~ A bottle of Aleve liquid gels

~ A playing card from when I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show last Halloween (five of clubs)

~ My key ring complete with apartment key, library card, King Soopers card, flashlight, and owl jesses/anklets

~ Two caramel apple suckers from last Halloween (I'll eat them later...)

~ A mini lipgloss from Claire's in a shade of gold

~ A tube of Magic Gloss from Fantasy Makers in Just Bitten that I got from K-Mart around Halloween

~ A pair of nail clippers

~ No less than five ball point pens, size medium, with black ink

~ My camera

~ A broken flash drive (why I'm carrying that one when I have a good one is beyond me)

~ My iPod classic 160 GB in silver

~ A partially empty pack of Fruit Stripes gum, each stick wrapped but dumped out of the package

~ HandiBac spray sanitizer from Bath and Body Works in Sea Island Cotton

~ An orange sucker from the bank

~ Two rolls of Butter Rum Lifesavers from Christmas

~ Two rolls of Wild Cherry Lifesavers from Christmas

~ Three rolls of Assorted Lifesavers from Christmas

~ A light blue clicky pen from fall semester

~ The wall charger for my iPod

~ The car charger for my iPod

~ Half a bag of Halls Vitamin C drops from when I had my cold over the week of Christmas

~ My (empty) pink and black coin purse from Hot Topic that I got for the RHPS

~ My (very full) green wallet filled with my license,  my Student I.D., a receipt for my school books that I bought for spring semester, various cards (gift and discount), and a total of seven dollars

~ An AMC movie card with $1.17 left on it

~ Emergency protection of my choice(women, you know what I'm referring to)

~ My pill

~ Innumerable receipts, wrappers, and papers

I think it may be time to clean out my purse.  Yes, I think it may seriously be time.

Monday, January 3, 2011

I'm Doing It.

It's official, my dear readers.  I'm entering my first writing contest. 

I should rephrase that.  Truth be told, it's not actually my first.  When I was nine, I entered a limmerick in an on-line contest through PBS.  Surprisingly, I won (I don't remember what place, it was too long ago) and got my limmerick published online for a brief amount of time.

This time, though, it's different.  This time, there's more on the line than being published on the internet.  Afterall, being published online falls into a similar catagory (I feel like I spelled that wrong) as fanfiction and blogging.  And I do both.

No, this contest means business.  I'll fill you in.

It's actually two contests: one for students of colleges only and one for all residents of Colorado.  There are three genres for each - Creative Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction, and Poetry.  There's an entry fee of ten dollars (seven for students, so I get the lower rate).  You have to mail in three copies of your piece and a coversheet (like you would write if you were to send something to an editor).

Here's what you get if you win.

If you win the student only one, you get $75 for your genre, your piece published in a national writer's magazine, and an invitation to attend the Colorado Literary Festival in April.  That's a pretty sweet deal with great exposure.

If you win the statewide one, you get $250 for your genre, your piece published in the same national writer's magazine as the student only contest, and you get to not only attend the Colorado Literary Festival in April, but you get to read your piece at it.

My hands are clammy just thinking about it.  Yeah the money's cool, but think about it.  Editors and writers and publishers all read this specific magazine.  It's brilliant.

Of course, chances are that you will also get a letter thanking you for participating.  Even that's pretty cool though.

I'm really excited, can you tell?  I'm also a little nervous.  I've never done this before.  But seeing as my aspiration in life is to be a writer, this is a good start.

It's funny.  I don't think I would be entering this contest if it weren't for my writing instructor.  She told me that she felt my final piece last semester was strong enough to be entered into this contest as well as other writing contests across the board.  I think that's the highest praise I could honestly get from her for something I've written.  After all, she's a fantastic teacher and a brilliant writer.

My final piece is the one I'm entering.  I've done a lot of work on it to craft the words the way I want them and to show the characters for who they are, even if it is just for a fleeting moment.  The piece is short and starts right in medias res.  I love stories that do that.  They are fun to write and fun to read.  I'm also thinking it's part of a larger story; I feel like I'm going to end up writing that larger story in the not too distant future.

So anyway, that's it for today's blog.  I'll let you know how this contest goes.  I'm hoping to have my entry in by Friday.

Until we meet again, dear readers.


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Doing the Right Thing.

A week or two ago, I was in Bath and Body Works.  It's one of my favorite stores ever. (Who can resist scented candles, bubblebath, and other goodies?  Not me, that's for sure...)  It's also one that I have cut back going to now that I'm not working and focusing solely on school.  So when I got Christmas money from my grandmother, I knew I was going to spend it there.

And spend I did.  All but three dollars, to be exact.  Most of it on the Sea Island Cotton line, the rest on holiday scents.  (I missed all the peppermint bubblebath, shower gel, and lotion, but got a candle and spray to make up for it.)

I got in line for the check out, my full load in hand.   My total came up.  I handed my money to the lady.  She hands me my change and is going on and on about an upcoming sale.  I wasn't actually listening, because I was too distracted by the change she had put in my hand.

She gave me ten dollars too much.

For a fleeting moment, I was faced with a choice:  to keep the change and let her think I had paid what she thought I did, or to give it back.

To be honest, it wasn't even really a choice.  All my life I have been taught to do the right thing.  I love being honest, I love making things right, and I love spreading it around.  So really, even though it crossed my mind for half a second, the truth was that I had no choice.  I had to do what was right.

So I gave her the change, showed her the receipt, and explained that she thought I paid more than I did.  I was prepared to leave it at that.  What I was not prepared for was her reaction.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much!  You just bought your ticket to heaven sweetheart!"  she exclaimed.  (My ticket to heaven's already been paid for, but I didn't say that.  I think I was too stunned.) 

Then she turned to the cashier next to her, thrilled that someone had done the right thing.  As I left, she thanked me numerous times, over and over.

Which got me thinking:  how sad is it that when someone does the right thing, the others around them are stunned?

I don't understand why people don't do the right thing more often.  I think that if we all did what was right and lived the life that God and Christ wanted us to live, no matter what you believe, then society would be a lot better.  I think that's why young people get such a bad rap.  Many parents try to teach their kids the right thing, but there's that handful who never learn or have the opportunity to learn.  And they are the ones who muck it up for the rest of us.

Just a thought.

On an entirely different note, I started working out yesterday.   As I said in one of my earlier posts, I want to do a half marathon with my sister.  Well, training is brutal.  I am pretty out of shape, so I'm not at the running stage yet.  Just power walking.  Today, Katie taught me how to do crunches and pushups.  Between those and the treadmill and the weight machine, I was a sweaty mess.  But I felt so good.

At this rate, I'll be down a dress size before I know it. :)

Anyway, I hope your New Year's is going well so far.  Please keep praying for those mentioned in the last few blogs, and please keep all those who are less fortunate in your hearts.

Also, keep doing the right thing.  You'll feel better.