Monday, June 27, 2011

Monday Monday Monday.

Monday is date day.  Normally.

Today, it is my hang out at home with my family day.  No date today.  No seeing my sweet boyfriend for lunch and talk and laughter and walking.  Just hanging out at home.

I'm not too upset.  He's out of state with his family, enjoying his time with them.  And he has still called me every night he's been gone, even if just for five minutes to tell me he loves me and misses me.  I miss him tons so it's been good for both of us.

It's just a little weird to have the Monday routine shaken up.  That's all.  But he'll be home in a week and a day. I will be ok.  And when he gets back, the routine will fall naturally  back into place.

The waiting is the hardest part.


Friday, June 24, 2011

I Did It.

I led my class through a week of fun and excitment.  I watched them grow in God and in Christ.  I saw the world through there eyes and relized that sometimes, grown-ups make things too complicated.

This week, I grew as a person.

I came home every day hoarse from having to talk above commotion in several rooms.  I came home exhausted from playing and singing and (when the need arose) separating children.  I came home each day filled with a sense of accomplishment.

I often came home wondering if I had done the best I could.

Today it was confirmed.  I did.  I did.

As the kids stood up on the stage and sang their songs for their parents, I felt a warm feeling.  These were my kids.  And even when I thought they weren't listening to me, they were.  Even when I thought they weren't paying attention, they were.

These were my kids, and they made me proud.  And I told them, as their parents came to pick them up.  While the parents told me that I did a great job, I told their children that I loved having them in my class.

And I did.  I meant it all.

Maybe I'll do this again next year.


Thursday, June 23, 2011

Exhaustion... not always a bad thing.

I'm relearning that I'm pretty good with kids.  And I'm learning that these kids are sharp little cookies.

Granted, we've had our share of ups and downs this week.  Lots of not listening and lots of not wanting to do things.  But the good things outweigh the struggles. 

Today I saw how much my class actually listens.  I learned how they see the world and how they interpret Jesus in their own lives.  And I learned that if they see me dancing, they too will dance.

So I'm exhausted, much like I have been most of the week.  But it is completely worth it.  Because even as they are learning, I am too.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011


They say home is where the heart is.

Well, my heart is in three separate places right now.

One piece is in Detroit.  My sister - one of my best friends in the world who I love to pieces - is there, on a mission trip.  She's helping make a difference in the lives around her; she's fixing, she building, she's listening, she's growing. She's been gone since Sunday.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  She's coming home to us on Saturday, in the evening on a plane. 

One piece is with my boyfriend who lives half an hour away.  He is going with his family on Friday for their family vacation.  He's going to laugh and joke and relax and play.  He's going to get to reconnect with the loved ones in his life, because the only constant things in this life are God and family.  I'm happy for him, and I know that he needs this.  But at the same time, I'm not going to really get to hear from him for the two weeks he's gone.  Last night was the last time I'll get to see him till he gets back.

And the final piece is here, in the apartment I call home.  It's with my parents who have always been there for me and who always will be there for me.  I'm learning as time progresses the one fundamental truth: no matter what happens, family will always be there to catch you.  They support me, they keep me grounded.  They listen to me gripe, listen to my joys.  And without them, I don't know where I would be.

So as you can see, I'm a little homesick.  I want all three pieces back in the same spot.  It's comforting and familiar and smells like home.

But maybe, just maybe, I have three homes.  And while I still miss pieces, I know they are in safe hands.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

VBS Wears Me Out.

But I'm loving every minute of it.

It is a bit of a struggle.  We have kids who don't want to focus or settle down.  We have kids who don't want to play games or do the songs.  Many don't want to listen.

Today was day two and already I can see improvement.  The little girl who didn't want to play games played today, and had fun.  The group of boys who never listen actually listened part of the time.  The class settled down for prayer and reflection.

And dare I say that they actually learned something.

It's going to be a long week.  But I welcome it with open arms.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Great Degree Problem

As many of you know, dear readers, I am a college student.

I attend a local community college where I am working on an Associates of Arts with an emphasis in Creative Writing.  The fall will mark my third year there, earning my two year degree.  Oh yeah. It's awesome. 

I originally started as a Bio major, which many of you may not know.  My passion for the longest time was birds of prey.  Owls, hawks, falcons, kites, eagles - I knew them by sight, some by sound, and I wanted to spend every day working with them. I still love them, and it's hard for me to not identify them as I'm driving down the road.

But things change.

I realized last spring that Biology was not the path for me.  It was technical.  And while I have the brains to handle it, it was more effort than I wanted to put forth.  Instead, I re-discovered my love of words.  I have always been a good writer, and I have always loved writing.  Through a literature class, my love of reading and writing was re-awoken.

And when I took a creative writing class last fall, I realized what I want to do with my life: I want to write.

It probably should have been clear earlier on.  I mean, I can't not write.  It is a part of me.  My favorite part of buying school supplies is getting new notebooks and ink pens.  I love the stimulation of taking characters I know intimately or the beauty of the world around me and putting it onto my computer or in a notebook in a way that others can know, too.

But now, my readers, I'm faced with a problem.

You would think it would be easy now that I know what I want to do.  The truth is, though, that the job market is not very open.  I decided this morning to take a look to see what's available for my A.A. degree.  The answer? Not a whole lot. 

It seems that in order to put my degree to good use, I either need to become a very good freelance writer or I need to get my B.A.  I'm not sure I want my B.A.  I'm successful at college and I enjoy it.  But I don't really enjoy it enough to go for another two or three years.  I really want to get a full time job and taste the world of independence.

See, I live at home with my family.  I don't have my own car.  I rely on my parents for pretty much everything.  And while that's fine, there comes a point where I want to know that I can live on my own.  I need to know that I can provide for myself and that I can live in an environment where I will be able to be safe on my own.

(For anyone wondering about it, that was part of why I didn't got straight to a four year school.  At the time I graduated high school, I wasn't convinced that I could trust myself enough to be safe living away from home.  It's a problem a lot of people don't have to worry about; for me though, I still hear the voice in the back of my brain from time to time.)

My sister and I want to get an apartment together before things change.  I want to do that more than anything.  I want that time with her.  I want that time to grow before the changes progress.

On top of it, I've been having a lot of people tell me that I should got to a four year school or ask me if I've considered going.  Professors, friends, family members, mentors.  It makes me question my path.  And I hate that.  I don't think a lot of them mean to put pressure on me, but that's what ends up happening. 

I just need to know that it's going to be ok in the end.  I just need to know that my choices aren't going to define me.  I need to know that I'm supported no matter what, and that I'm loved regardless of what I choose.

I think what finally brought this to a head (because I've been quietly struggling with it for some time now) is what's going on with my sweet boyfriend.  I love him more than anything and I want him to be happy, and right now, he's not.  He's not thrilled with what his path is and he's trying to figure out what to do next.  It's hard to be a third party.  I can't make his choices for him, and I know it.  I can't tell him what to do.

All I can do is tell him the truth: that I'll always be there, supporting him no matter what he does.  That I'll love him no matter what he chooses and that I'll follow him anywhere, even if it means leaving all I know behind. 

(If this isn't love, then I don't know what is.  I've never felt so sure of something in my entire life.  And I mean it, too. )

I feel sick to my stomach and now I'm starting to cry.  I don't know what is going on with me, but I feel like I can't handle it right now.  There shouldn't be so much pressure on us, this next generation.  All I want to do is work and write and knit.  Why is that so hard for everyone to understand? 

Why is it all so hard to understand?


Friday, June 17, 2011

Busy Weekend.

Holy cow, this is going to be a busy weekend.

Today, we are celebrating Father's Day.  I know it's not until Sunday, but we have good reason for celebrating early.  See, my sister is leaving for her mission trip on Sunday at 5 in the morning. 

So we celebrate Father's Day today.  Then tomorrow, we help make sure everything is packed and ready to go, as well as spending time with her before she leaves.  Then on Sunday we take her to the airport.

And then Monday I start teaching Vacation Bible School for a week.  So it's going to lessen the sadness of not having my sister around.  I always get mopey when she's not around.  She's my one of my best friends.  I know she's going to have a great time, but I'm still going to miss her.

Friday, Trevor is leaving.  My second best friend is going to be gone.  So for two days, my two favorite people in the world are going to be gone.  I'm trying not to be bummed.  I've had time with Katie and I'll have more with her before she goes.  Then I'll have several days with Trevor before he goes. 

So it won't be too bad.

Just busy.


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sometimes, You Just Gotta Eat Some Ice Cream

Last night, I went out with my boyfriend, Trevor.

We had a good time.  He came over and went swimming with my sister and I in the afternoon.  Apart from spotty sunburns - apparently we suck at putting on sunscreen - it was a lot of fun.  Then Trevor and I went out.

We went to the library, then to a bookstore and walked around the mall area, and had dinner.  Then we went to a park and started walking one of the trails; but then we heard a pack of coyotes and decided it was best to turn back.  Especially after a random guy on the street told us that we probably shouldn't bother them. 

Which was just as well.  A huge thunderstorm came in, so we would have been toast any way.  After killing some time, we ended up at a local grocery store.  I found out that Trevor had never had Ben and Jerry's ice cream before.  Obviously this had to change. 

So we got a pint of Cherry Garcia and two spoons, and proceeded to sit outside the store for the next hour, eating the whole thing.  We were on a sugar high, I'm fairly sure of it.  As we talked about Harry Potter, both of us randomly burst out laughing at nothing in particular.  It was so much fun.  I've never done that before, and I'm so glad I did.

It was totally worth the extra calories and pounds. 

If you haven't done it, I highly recommend it.


Sunday, June 12, 2011


...or Why You Shouldn't Stay Up Past Midnight Texting.

But really, it's ok.  Sleep is good, and that's where I'm heading.  Plus, it was fun talking with my boyfriend last night.  So it's worth it.

But still.

When 11:00 pm rolls around, put the phone down and go to bed.  Your body will thank you.


Saturday, June 11, 2011

Saturday Already?

I keep thinking today is Friday.

I don't know why this is.  I mean, I like Friday.  I have nothing against Friday.  But why on Earth do I want to backtrack my week? 

My favorite days are typically Monday and Friday/Saturday. 

I love Monday because it's my date day with Trevor.  Every week we go do something fun, be it playing video games, having a nice lunch or dinner, goofing at a toy store or reading at a bookstore, or just chilling at one of our homes.  It's always fun because it's our time.

Friday/Saturday is family dinner night.  The family  - mom, dad, Katie, and myself - pick a food place and go out to eat.  We sit and enjoy each other's company.  Sometimes the talk is serious, sometimes it's reflective, and sometimes it's just fun.  No matter what, though, it's our time together; it's hard to find time any more to spend together, so it's nice to be able to do it.  I love that.

So there you have it. 

I now know why I need school - to help me keep my days straight.


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Friends before Love.

Last night my boyfriend came over for dinner and hang out time.

It was good.  We went for a walk and I was able to talk with him about all the stresses I was feeling this week - friends who don't actually value my friendship, friends going through break ups, etc.  Being able to get that out was so theraputic.

Yeah, I have my family.  And yeah, I have other friends I can talk about it with.  But talking with him and having him tell me it's ok and that I'm ok, that was perfect.  I think it's part of that bonding between individuals. 

Yes, kissing and hand holding is great.  Yes, goofing off is great too.  But being able to have conversations - about anything - is wonderful.  That's the beauty of where we started.  We started as friends, and we will always be friends.  We are boyfriend/girlfriend, and at some point we're probably going to be husband/wife, but we will always be friends. 

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Sunny Days

It's really hot here. 

The sun is up, the sky is hazy, and the temps are around the 80's and 90's.  I personally like more of a breeze myself, but that's just me. 

Still, summer is welcoming me with open arms it seems.  At this rate, I might actually get a slight tan before it's all said and done.

My sister is sick again.  There is nothing worse than being sick during the summer.  Add trouble sleeping and coughing to already hot weather, and it's just asking for discomfort.  I feel for her.

My mom too, actually.  She's also fighting something.  Both of them are just trying to rest as much as they can.  Which is good.  They both need to get well.

I don't want to catch it.  That would suck.

I hope your Tuesday is going well, dear readers.  Enjoy your summer day!


Sunday, June 5, 2011


It's sad.

There's a woman I know up at church who is just fantastic.  She's got kids and grandkids, but refuses to grow up.  She's spunky, sweet, funny, and always up beat.  A little outspoken too, which just adds to her awesomeness in my opinion.  She takes everyone under her wing, listens to your problems, and offers the right advice at the right time.  We all love her. 

Her husband is dying from cancer.

They've done all they can do for him.  It started as throat cancer and then tumors in his hips showed up.  He's got three to six months left before he goes home.

And yet, even while this news is staring her down, this woman is still up beat and in good spirits.

I can not imagine.

Now that I've met the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with, I can not imagine not having him around.  Never hearing his laugh or his off the wall puns.  Never having him hold my hand as we walk together.  Never being able to talk to him at night to share the highs and lows of our days. 

Death is something that I know must come.  It is a fact of life.  We do not live forever, at least not in our physical form.  Before, when someone's spouse was dying, I felt sad for the person.  But I never really understood what they must be going through.  Now that I have someone in my life, I think I have a better understanding.

I am amazed that she is not drowning in this.  Completely amazed.  Because I would be a basket case.

That is how amazing this woman is.  She is not overtly sad or upset because her faith is strong and she knows that her husband is going to a better place.  She is truly amazing. 

I would be a wreck. 

Please, dear readers, whatever your faith is, pray for this woman and her family.  Let her strength stay and her faith become stronger.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Value of Reading Signs

So, today was my sister's party. 

We had a lot of people over to help her celebrate her awesome finish to high school, the fun time of turning 18, and her amazing black belt.  There was food, friends, laughter, and a lot of love to spread around.

One of the people to come over was my boyfriend.  Now, after a while at the party, it got very loud and crowded.  So he and I decided to go outside for some down time.  We ended up laying in the grass, me soaking up sun while he tried to figure out the cards in the deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards he got me. 

(That's a story for another time.)

We then went back outside to watch the sunset (in the grass) after the party and after my sister had opened her gifts.

Upon returning, we learned from my mom that there were signs up everywhere, telling residents to stay off the grass.  Apparently the ground was saturated with pesticide. 

(Naturally, I felt itchy after this revelation.)

After my boyfriend left, I showered.  He let me know when he got home, where he also showered.  I'm still not convinced I'm not going to be poisoned. 

And to think.  This could have all been avoided had we just read the yellow signs.

Word to the wise, dear readers.  Always read the signs.


Friday, June 3, 2011

Who's Wearing a Scarf in June?

This girl.

That's ok, though.  Scarves are totally in Vogue right now.


Oh geez, I really hope so...


Thursday, June 2, 2011

Busy Day

But it's going to be a fun day.

The first thing I get to do is hang out with one of my friends who I haven't seen since Christmas.  We're going to go shopping to find her a dress for her cousin's wedding, get lunch, and catch up.  It's been forever, and this is long over due. 

The reason it's been so long is because she goes to school out in California.  Well, she did.  She just graduated and is spending the summer here at home until August.  Then she's moving to the east coast with her boyfriend.

It's amazing how time passes and how we all grow.  I'm happy for her.  I know he takes good care of her and that they are happy together.  So it's a good thing.

But still.  A part of me will miss her.

Then tonight I get to go on date night with my sweet boyfriend.  We're going to go to dinner, see a movie, and just enjoy each other's company.  I love him and I love being around him.  I can let my guard down and be myself without worrying about what he thinks. 

Date night is another thing that is over due.  We had plans to hang out on Monday, but he ended up catching a nasty stomach virus that left him down and out for a few days.  Not good.  I was worried about him; severe stomach pains can be serious.

Thankfully it wasn't.  And now we get to have our night because he's feeling so much better.

I think that about sums up what fun things lay in store for me today.  I hope you guys have a great Thursday!


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

June Already?


May just flew by.  Anyone else feel that way about it?  It's like it was there one minute, then gone the next.  Crazy.

Not that I'm complaining.  I really enjoyed the month of May.  It was a great month here.  School got out, I got a great boyfriend and fell head over heels, my sister graduated high school, then she got her black belt, and then she turned 18. 

Busy but good.

I'm looking forward to June.  I'm going to be teaching a class of 6 or 7 year olds at VBS, my sister is having her graduation party, my friends and I are hanging out, and I get to spend plenty of time with my boyfriend.  It's great.

So summer has turned out to be quite good so far.  Even without a job.

Let's hope it stays that way.

Enjoy the start of June, dear readers.