Thursday, December 31, 2009

Last Blog of 2009

And so this is it. There is approximately 1 hour and 45 minutes left of 2009. Therefore, I feel it is only fair to do a final blog entry for the year 2009.

I am so glad this year is almost over. Seriously. It was a very fast moving year, and I barely remember it because I was sick half the time and crazy ass busy the rest of it. It's like it's a year that's fuzzy around the edges, and I'm pretty sure that it's okay that it all blurred.

So what am I going to do with 2010? Well, I would make a ton of resolutions (lose weight, stop damaging my hair, cut out chocolate and sweets, etc.), but the truth is that I never keep them. I, like most of the American population as a whole, do amazingly well at keeping my resolutions for about the first week of January. After that, it kind of all goes to hell, and I end up saying that I'll do my stupid resolutions the next year. As you can see, that kind of thing just ends up being a depressing cycle that bums me out, like a really annoying record on repeat.

But I would like 2010 to be my year. I'm not going to make any resolutions. Instead, I'm going to just strive towards making 2010 a year that doesn't blur around the edges. I want to take charge of my life before it's too late. I don't want to be one of those people who look back bitter because they feel they wasted the years of their youth. I want to take my life by the horns and however else the saying goes.

I want to get something pierced, like my cartilidge or my nose. We will see how that goes.

Anyway, I hope that all of you, dear Cyberland readers, have a wonderful new year. Go out and do something ridiculous, and make your year something great. And have fun tonight, for what little is left of it.

And now I leave you to resume my MST3K marathon on youtube. See you next year.

aka Meaghan

And that is my last blog

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Why Hate the Fruit Cake?

Seriously. Everyone seems to be so against the holiday tradition known as fruit cake, and it has honestly never made much sense to me. Yes, it is a rather heavy cake. And yes, it is full of candied fruits and nuts including but certainly not limited to the unidentified green...things. And yes, it does sometimes provide an interesting aftertaste that may or may not be to your liking.

But those things aside, it's really not as bad as it's made out to be. In fact, I find fruit cake to be rather good and don't like the idea of not having it for Christmas. Here are some reasons why I like fruit cake:

1. Flavor Meets Texture

I like the way fruit cake tastes. But even more than that, I like the texture of it. Yes, it is very heavy - hence why you are supposed to only eat small pieces at a time. Heaviness aside, however, the cake has a really interesting texture. You can feel the nuts and candied fruit, but if you really dig far enough, you can tell that the cake batter itself has the texture much like a very firm bread pudding. That's not a very good way to describe it, but it's the only one I can think of right now. Anyway, it's good.

2. Tradition

My dad and I have this tradition where we always get a fruit cake. My mom and little sister don't like fruit cake, so it's just me and dad eating it. It's kinda like when I was younger and dad and I would watch TV and binge on my Halloween candy after the others had gone to bed. It was our way of connecting. Same with the fruit cake: we both eat slices together and discuss the cake and whatever else may be going on at the time. It's nice and routine and ours.

3. The Green Things

I am probably the only person I know who gets a kick out of eating the green cherries on the fruit cake. At least, I think they're cherries. I don't know why I get so amused eating them, but it's a big deal to me for some strange reason. I guess it's how my brain is programed...

So there you have it, my reasons for liking fruit cake. I know that a lot of people still hate it even after reading this, but if you have read this, please, try to give fruit cake a chance. It has a lot of good points and it's a holiday thing.

But if you still don't like it, I understand.

Until the next time, Cyberland.


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Why am I doing this blog thing again...?

I think it started out as a way to get my writing published in some form or another. Then it morphed into a way of reminding myself that I actually do have a life outside of work and family. And then it became a way of proving to myself that I really am a procrastinator at heart. I mean, the last time I updated this thing was back in October and here we are, the end of December. *sigh*

Anywhosit -

Today I am blogging because I have the jitters. No, it's not from an overabundance of caffiene. And no, it's also not because I've been watching a marathon of Star Trek and MST3K since November. (Although, that may be contributing, I don't know..) It's because of a social situation that I am about to be subjected to that I am jittery.

It's the company Christmas party.

I know, I know, it's really not a big deal. It's fun, actually. And I work well with everyone (at least, I think I do for the most part) and I like everyone I work with and I really do enjoy them all. But social situations like this make me so nervous for no apparent reason. I know it's a safe environment, and no one is out to get me, but I'm so afraid of doing something wrong.

Maybe it's just because I'm 19 and I still sometimes feel a little uncomfortable in my own skin, like a woolen sweater that's just a bit too hot and itchy. Or maybe it's because I'm so used to being the quiet shy girl that I haven't gotten my subconcious to understand that I am beyond that. I really don't know.

Maybe I'm afraid I'm the only one not bringing a guest. : (

Anyway, I'll survive. And I'll do it with dignity and my head up high. Or, at least however much dignity I can find. Aw, who am I kidding? Dignity is soo over rated!

On a lighter note, I have been watching an insane amount of MST3K. Let me emphasize INSANE here for a moment. It's gotten to the point where I am wondering what my life was like before Joel and the Bots and how I ever managed through finals without them. Cause really, that's what it started as. My improv group that I play with was horrified that I had no idea of what MST3K was ( as it turns out, I did have memories of a talking gumball machine watching movies - apparently dad watched it when I was little) and so I was encouraged to youtube it.

It is freaking amazing.

No. Seriously. If you have not seen it, go watch it now. Really. I'll wait. If anything, watch for the host segements. And make sure you watch the ones with Joel in them - he's freaking adorable; it's like the Bots are his kids or something.

So the week of finals I was stressed out anyway, so instead of studying, I started watching MST3K. Yes, I said it, and I would say it again. I HAVE NO REGRETS! Haha, okay that was a little melodramatic, but whatever. Anyway, it has sucked me in. Which is good, cause these sort of things always seem to happen when my life is at a time of utter monotony or stress; they give me something else to focus on for a while besides my own mundane routines.

So naturally, my brain is a little loopy now. Not that I really care, but I'm just saying... Come to think of it, I don't actually remember a time when my brain wasn't loopy. Such is the life I suppose.

Anyway, I have a cake I have to go frost for this thing tonight. I do believe this is the longest blog I've done in a very, VERY long time. If you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed it (or at least found it fascinating), and if you haven't, well, too bad.

I'm gonna try to break the spell of procrastination. I mean it this time - college is making me focus more. Sorta. Kinda. Maybe?

Later Cyberland!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Random thoughts on random things

Hello, dear blog readers. It's snowing, which is really no surprise since this is Colorado. Even after four years of living here, it still amazes and delights me to see snow so early on. Granted, I do get sick of snow after about a month of it around, but for now it makes me feel alive and like a little kid.

It's funny to me how many things are different in Colorado than in Missouri. For one, it rains a lot less here than it does in the Midwest. This can be both good and bad. The good thing about it is that there's a lot less humidity during the spring and summer than there is in St. Louis, as well as less tornadoes (I am led to believe that this summer was an exception...). The bad thing is that the rain in Missouri was soothing and familiar - with less of it here, I have this tendency to get restless. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not helpful at times either.

Another thing that I find to be different is the cost of living. I've lived out here for four years now and I still can't get over the fact that everything costs. In St. Louis, the zoo was free, the science museum was free, and the parks and wildlife centers were mostly free. It was easier to do things because they were cheaper or free. It seems to me that Colorado expects people to ooze money, when the majority of us can't.

Restaurants are different too. Back in the Midwest we had Steak-and-Shake, White Castle, and the Sonics had these things called Cheddar Bites that are basically fried cheese curds. Here, we have places like Gunther Toody's and Tokyo Joes (which has really good spicy tuna rolls - if you have not tried them, you really should...). The Sonics out here lack the fried cheese. And there are no White Castles. You can only get them from the frozen food isle at the grocery stores and they are disgusting.

That's another difference here - the grocery chains. In St. Louis there are Deirburgs and Schnucks to supplement Wal-Mart. Here there are King Soopers and Safeway. They are the same basic stores with different names.

Anyway. Dispite all of the changes between here and there, I have come to the realization that I have no desire to move back to Missouri. I like Colorado dispite the crazy weather patterns and the fact there are bears and mountain lions (I will not tent camp here because of that - at least in Missouri all I had to deal with were raccoons.. ( : ). I now see it as my home and as my future home. I can't imagine leaving the mountains for anything.

Well, except maybe the ocean, but that's beside the point.

Until the next time, dear cyber readers...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

When the blue sky rains...

I don't know what to put here, to be honest. It has been so long since I have last updated this blog that I feel like I am out of practice. Granted, I know there is no such thing as a "right way" to blog, but I still have a part of me that needs it to be perfect. It's the part of me that feels I have to be perfect at work, school, and home. And it just doesn't work out that way.

I hate it when I get like this, where I can't articulate how I'm feeling. Who knew a heart could be so full and yet to the point of cracking and breaking? I am content with my life, and yet I feel as if I could cry. I don't understand; I've given up trying to.

But that's okay. I'm a poet and a dreamer, and these muddy feelings are my inspiration for my writing. Even now I am baring my soul to whoever is reading this; even now, you are becoming a part of the story, whether conciously or not. Even now, destinies are being made and dreams are being lost and skies are clearing out and yet the rain is still pouring from them, like a million tears from heaven.

If they are happy or not is entirely up to your own personal interpretation. I'm going to choose sorrow, because it makes a more interesting story. Interesting or not, though, we are all involved in deciding where we go and what we do and how our story is going to play out. Life is like a book of blank pages, after all - we merely choose what words to put on them.

Sometimes I wonder if education really is the correct path for me. I work at a tutoring place and see first hand how obnoxious the teens can be at times. And I know that teaching high school Biology is one of those things where it's going to be difficult. I have these doubts, like are the other teachers going to like me, will I be good with the teens, will I be a good teacher?

But the truth is that I have to tune out the doubts. I know that if I don't, I won't ever go anywhere but down. So I do my best to not self-doubt and keep trying my hardest, which at times doesn't feel good enough, but I do it anyway. And when things go rough, I pray long and hard.

So maybe things will be okay. Maybe the hopeless desperation will vanish. And until it does, I will keep my head up.

So there.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Time for an Update...

I know I keep saying that I am going to update this blog more often, my lovely Cyberspace readers, but the results are saying that I am completely either a habitual liar in that respect or I just really like to procrastinate. I think I'm going to side with the procrastinate option. I mean, that's why I haven't written any fanfiction in about two or three weeks now...

Anyway, there has been pretty much nothing exciting or out of the ordinary going on. So I don't ever feel like I have things to contribute without boring you all to death. Like today I got into a discussion with this guy at Target about Watchmen. And then he followed me to the bike section. And then I bought a Spock action figure from the new Star Trek movie. That's about how exciting my life generally is.

I actually almost perfer it that way. Sometimes I want to be like Pippin from the Lord of the Rings and go on a great adventure, but for the most part I am content at home.

And that is the update for today. If anything totally exciting happens, you guys will definately hear about it. And that is a promise for sure.

- Birdgirl90

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Birthday Conundrum

I know I haven't posted anything here in a very long time, but today I realized something - in exactly two weeks, I'm going to be 19 years old. I do not know how I feel about this. I think that 19 feels a little anti-climatic in a way. You know, at 13 you're a teenager, 16 is "sweet", at 18 you can vote, and at 21 you can drink. But at 19, you're just kind of...there.

I think part of my problem is that the week of my birthday is going to be totally nuts. My birthday is on a Wedensday (did I even spell that right?), I have a major paper due in class on Thursday, and then on Friday I'm having all of my wisdome teeth removed. All of my friends that I would normally celebrate with are out of town and living in different states. And most likely my dad is going to have to work that night. Totally anti-climatic, right?

I almost feel like I'm getting old. I know that I'm not, but I've always been a lot older than most of my peers emotionally. When I hear what they are all doing, it makes me feel like the old lady in the group.

But, I'm actually pretty happy where I am right now, so I guess that it doesn't really matter. I have a pretty good relationship with my family, I'm starting to really take care of myself, and I'm putting myself through school. Granted, I have no idea what I want to do anymore with it, but it's a start. All in all, it's a pretty good place to be.

Four years ago, I was fifteen. I used to write Yu-Gi-Oh! and Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction, I used to never leave the house without black nailpolish and dark clothing, I wanted a boyfriend more than I could express, I hated school, and I used to swear like a sailor. Now, I write Star Trek fanfiction, I change my nailpolish every week or so and have some color in my wardrobe, I could care less about boys, I'm rather enjoying school, and I am much more lady like in my language. It's amazing what can change over time.

Four years from now, I hope to have a degree and a career. I hope to still be writing fanfiction for whatever craze I am in now, and I hope to possibly get married. Well, maybe not in four years, but eventually.

So here's to getting older. Let's hope that it is always an adventure, and that one day it won't be met with dread.


Saturday, May 23, 2009

Saturday Blog

So, my dear readers (whoever you may be), I am attempting to keep good to my word about blog updates. Although, I do have to say that is very quiet right now and there is pretty much nothing of interest to blog about.

Today, I am going to a graduation party. It is the graduation party of a friend of mine who kind of drives me nuts and is responsible for my attitude of never getting involved with a guy, at least not for now. I am terrified that the party is going to be awkward and that I will not feel comfortable there, as I am having trouble feeling comfortable around this person like I once had been. I know that sounds dumb, but it's very true.

So deep breaths and try to act like myself again.

Tomorrow I go to see Star Trek. I cannot tell you how excited I am by the concept. I have become a huge Star Trek fan just within the past week, and I can't get enough of it. I think that, considering the various other phases I have gone through (Yu-Gi-Oh! and Fruits Basket being the biggest, followed closely by Twilight), this phase will eventually pass. Everything else seems too.

Today, I feel like I am on the edge of forever. I can't explain it, but that's what it is. It's almost like feeling isolated in my own little world, away from the rest of humanity and self contained inside my bubble. It's quiet, tiring, and a bit lonesome sometimes, but it ultimately works.

I feel like that's how I've spent my month of May. I just need things to not affect me as much. Once I can master that, my moods will be better.

Anyway. That's the morning blog. Later, gater.

Friday, May 22, 2009

I swear I haven't died, Cyberland

I just have had a lot on my plate. I swear. I'm going to once again try to update once a week, cause it's been waaaay too long since I've been here. So, Cyberland readers, you are probably wondering what I've been up to that I haven't had time to blog to you. Here we go:

First and formost, there has been work. Which has slowed down considerably, but nonetheless drains me of energy. Especially lately. I'm not sure what the deal is, but work has really been exhausting me.

Then there is the fact that I've been a bit out of it. I've been having soo much trouble sleeping that it's any wonder that I am able to function at all. A lot of people think that it's because college classes start on Tuesday and I'm nervous. In all honesty, I'm not sure. I just haven't been feeling quite right. I don't know if it's depression or anxiety or what, but it's like a very nasty combination of things that leave me feeling hollow. Or maybe lonely. Plus tired. So I haven't wanted to do anything for a while.

And finally - Star Trek. I know, I know - I am a complete nerd. But since the new movie came out (which I am going to see on Sunday, I'll be sure to let you know how it is), I have been obsessing over it. I've seen a ton of the old series episodes (thank you, youtube) and have been going out of my mind with fanfiction. Which I plan on writing some when I am done here. I just love the paring of Spock and Nyota Uhura. I mean, come on - she is soo smart and awesome, and he is...Spock. Which says everything you need to know.

God I love Spock.

Maybe my problem is that romance has been so non-existant in my life. I mean, it's like I'm over here *points to far left* and it's waaay over there *points to far far right*. Maybe that's why I'm so infatuated with the odd pairing. But I just can't help it. I am so turned off by human guys that it's not even funny. All the ones I've met thus far are concerned about being crazy and the way a girl looks. What does it take to find a guy like Spock who actually likes you for your intelligence and personality first and then the way you look?!?!

That is, of course, why his and Uhura's relationship works. She is the emotion to his cold logic, but at the same time is brilliantly bright; both of those are characteristics that Spock respects very much. Likewise, Uhura respects Spock's logic and the way he functions as a human/Vulcan hybrid.

I may be judging human males too harshly, but so far, I am not impressed. It sounds horrible, but it's very true. But, there is time for them to redeem themselves, I suppose.

Until then, it's fanfiction, work, and school for me. I really am sorry Cyberland, I really did have full intention of regularly updating. I'll try to not let things catch me up again.

I have to tell the truth, which is that right now, I'm in the bedroom alone while my sister has two of her friends over to spend the night in the living room. I wouldn't say I'm hiding, but it is fairly nice to have a moment in the quiet by myself.

But I'm not going to let noise stop me from updating again.

Until the next meeting,

Meaghan, aka Birdgirl90

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


So now I'm thinking about getting an Associates degree and then transfering to CSU to study Biology and English so that I can become a high school teacher. Everything seems to be falling into place at this point, which is neat except for the fact that it's like one of those cartoons of a snowball rolling down the mountain, gaining speed and causing an avalanche that sweeps up the unsuspecting skier.

I put myself in the position of the person skiing. Even though I don't ski. Ever.

Um, so that basically means that while everything is happening very quickly for the better and I'm excited about it, the whole thing is also very exhausting and I'm tired. I haven't slept well in over two weeks, just because the change is hitting me like a mac truck and my dreams are really turbulent. I'd be happy with a nice night of good sleep for once - one with not sleeping heavily in one position or the opposite of waking up every few hours to roll over, and one where my dreams are a lot less odd.

I do have to say that odd dreams have a plus side to them, which is that while they drain me of decent sleep, they also give me something to think about during the day and possible story ideas.

However, decent sleep sounds really good right now.

One an entirely different note...

I've been watching a lot of videos on youtube lately. I found these two guys that I just love to pieces now; their videos really make me laugh because of the topics and stuff. I don't know if it's just because I'm like almost 19 and so the humor really hits my age group or if I'm really weird. Anway, the first guy is called Mitchell Davis and you can follow this link to get to his station:

I have to warn you, he is very, very random. Which is what makes him good, in my opinion.

The other person is Shane Dawson, who keeps me in stitches. He is cool and asks for feedback on almost all of his videos. Here's how to get to his station:

That's how I've been spending my free time. Well, that and knitting up a storm and spending waaaay too much time on facebook. Lol. I'm enjoying my freedom before school starts in the next few weeks.

So there you go, blog followers. My life in a nutshell. I'll update again in a bit.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Totally random

So I did it. I went and I registered for my summer class at the community college. And then I paid, for it and the book. Not cheap, neither the book or the class. But I am really excited. It's a start on the road to my future. Tomorrow I'm going to meet with an advisor to discuss what classes I need to take in the fall.

I think I'm going to declare my major as Wildlife Biology (a passion of mine since I was very young) and my minor as English (because I love words). Then I'm going to get a secondary teaching degree so I can teach high school. How cool is that going to be??

Anyway, this was just a random little update. I'll let you guys know how it goes tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Wow, it has been a while...

Hi everyone who reads this blog! My apologies for being away for so long - I can't believe it's been almost a month... I actually have two really good reasons for being away for so very long.

The first is that my laptop, the computer I generally use for this sort of thing and whatnot, broke like a month ago. Before you go flipping out like I did, it didn't entirely break. Actually, the only thing that happened was the piece inside the machine where you plug in the cord to charge the battery shorted out. Like as in completely fried and broke and became unusable. So my dad and I took my laptop apart, found what piece it was, and ordered a new one. Once that came in (it had to come from Canada for some reason...they are the only ones who sell parts for my particular laptop), it was a matter of finding the time when both of us were home to replace it. We did it last night and I am very pleased to say that after almost two hours of work, we got it in and it is working wonderfully.

I would also like to take the time to mention how cool it is that I am doing all the maintence of my computer myself. I bought the computer, I pay for the parts, and I install them myself with my dad. How many teenagers can say that? To date, I have added more memory and replaced the one piece mentioned above. I also know how to take everything apart on it and put it back together again. It's awsome.

The other reason I was gone for so long was the production I was in. I believe I mentioned it a few months ago. It was called "Requiem for a Superstar" and was a cross between "Jesus Christ Superstar" and Karl Jenkins "Requiem". I was a member of the chorus (second soprano) and I had a two minute monologue as Jairus' Daughter. I am very pleased to say that the show went incredibly well. I still had a ton of nerves (I don't like to be the center of attention or focus - that's why I wear so much black and generally keep to myself), but I was told I did wonderfully.

I think my favorite parts of the show were the "Jesus Christ Superstar" moments - the music is very catchy and the guys who did Jesus, Judas, and the rest were just amazing. I really was blown away by them and I admire their acting styles; they don't seem to be afraid to hold anything back. Plus, our two directors were incredible. This was my first acting thing since elementary school, and my first big production of this sort. I enjoyed working on it so much that I am planning on auditioning for the next thing, whatever it may be.

And since I'm going to go to community college for two years, I'll have plenty of opportunity.

So that's whats been going on - rehersals out the wazu and a broken PC. But now that the show is over and the computer is fixed, I'm going to try to get back to updating regularly. I'm going to strive for at least once a week, as school is going to start pretty soon for the summer.


Until we meet again, Cyberspace.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I just can't help myself...I'm becoming a total nerd.

So, today I saw the movie "Watchmen". I have to say that it was one of the better movies that I have seen to date. The last time I paid money to see a movie in theaters was last Novemember when I went with a friend to see the movie "Twilight"; the last time I had been to a movie in a theater before then was in the summer of 2007. Needless to say, I only go see movies if I am convinced they are going to be killer.

With the Twilight movie, I was highly disappointed. I am a fan of the books and the movie was far enough off track that I could not get into it. At first I liked it ok, more or less because I was in need of a chick flick, but the more I thought about it, the more I hated it. It's the same thing with the Harry Potter films; I have read and re-read all the books and the movies are just lacking something - it's hard for me to enjoy them.

But the movie "Watchmen" was a whole other ball park. I had never heard of the Watchmen before the movie hype started, but the trailers convinced me that it was worth investigating further. I knew that I wanted to see the movie, I just wasn't sure if I wanted to pay to see it or wait until it came out on DVD.

So I went to the bookstore Friday and bought the graphic novel. Granted, it took me four days to read (I generally have books done within one or two days), but I think the reason behind that was that the book had so much information to take in that I could not read it when I was tired. For those four days, I was so enthralled in the book that last night I started to dream about it.

Because the book was so good, I knew for sure that I wanted to see the movie. I think that I had had my mind made up by about the end of chapter one that it was a movie I was willing to spend money on. So today (as stated above), I went to see it. I was not disappointed.

The movie was incredibly well done. There were a few scenes that were a bit more gory than they probably had to be, but the acting and the emphasis on the characters ( the graphic novel is very much a character story as well as an action story ) blew my mind. In the end, pretty much the only thing that was different from the original story was the end (which I won't spoil), but it ultimately ended on the same note as the book.

My favorite character from the book is a vigilante named Rorschach, who has a strange sense of right and wrong. I was concerned about how he was going to be portrayed in the movie (for some reason, my favorite characters are usually the ones that get screwed up in movie translations), which was a valid fear going into it. However, the actor who played him, Jackie Earle Haley, did an amazing job and completely stole the show for me.

The other actors in the film also did a great job and when put together with the special effects, it was as though the graphic novel came to life.

One thing is for sure: this whole experience has turned me into a die hard Watchmen fan.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I am a writing ninja - fear me.

I am a writing ninja. That's right. A ninja of the computer, a stalker of the blank page. I know kung fu with my pencil, and my ink pen can kick your ink pen's butt any day of the week. It's because I am amazing.

And while that sounds very egotistical, I can assure you that I am writing this blog for my dad, who said that I already am a writing ninja. Thanks, Dad, for the confidence, cause let me tell you, I seriously need that every once in a while.

Since we are on the topic, though, I have no choice but to express my views on the pirate vs. ninja controversy. I am pro ninja. I love ninjas, I think they are awsome. Pirates - not so much.

First of all, there is wardrobe. Ninjas wear black. As I used to dress goth for a while in the past, I respect the color black. It has a level of awe in it that you do not find very often in other clothing. So ninjas wear black all over their whole body. Pirates wear obnoxiously bright outfits including odd hats, peg legs, and eye patches. Eye patches? Really?

Then there it the argument of weapons. Yes, pirates get swords, cannons, and guns, but ninjas get ninja stars, nun chucks, and samuri swords. Not to mention the fact that while the pirate is making horrid noise on his wooden leg, the ninja is steathly and is sneaking up on his oponent. There is a finesse around a ninja.

Finally, pirates have that annoying "Argh" sound they make. Ninjas are dead silent. You don't know a ninja is in the room until you are feeling his blade.

So those are my opinions. I can't help it - sometimes things like this get me worked up. It's like Lord of the Rings vs Harry Potter or the Bravery vs the Killers.... I have opinions that just have to come out every once in a while.

I hope you enjoyed this.

Birdgirl90 aka Meaghan

"How you gonna ever find your place/
Running an artifical pace/
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand/
So what the hell now, we've already been forever damned."
- Gin Blossoms
"Follow You Down"

Friday, February 13, 2009

I have made my choice for college.

I finally decided. After agonizing over a decision that should have been easy to make, I realized last night that I was too concerned about what everyone would think about me depending on what I chose for my higher education. Well, this morning I realized that I don't actually care what anyone thinks, I have to make the decision that works best for me. And as of now, that choice is to go to a community college for two years to get me on track for a teaching degree and then to transfer to a four year college for the last two years.

The pros of community college right now far out weigh those of immediately going to a four year school. First of all, I have been out of high school for almost a year now. Also, I was homeschooled, so I never go the feel of the classroom setting. Going to a community college will get me back into the feel of homework and get me used to the classroom environment.

Another thing is cost. If I go to Arapahoe Community College in the fall, I have enough saved up to pay for my first semester entirely by myself without relying on my parents. I know they have said they would be more than willing to help me with college if they can, but I also know that we are barely scraping by right now. The less I can ask of them, the better I would feel. I also think that I would probably work better and focus harder if I was paying for my own education.

Plus there is my job. I love where I work right now and I want to be able to keep it going for as long as possible.

A lot of people have to told me that they wished they had gone to community college for their first two years, or that they are very happy that they went to a two year school. I think that they have a good point, because going to community college for at least a little while is going to help me keep my student loans and debts to a minimum.

A lot of other people have told me that they fear I won't get the "full college benefit" if I live at home for another two years while I go to school. All I can say to these people is that I am such a dork and bookworm anyway that I probably would spend most of my time studying and not going out, much like I do now. I don't understand why everyone is so concerned about the socializing part of school (it was the same way with a good chunk of people I knew while I was being homeschooled). That's not why I am planning to go to college. I am going to go to college so that I can become a high school teacher of some sort; currently I'm looking at English or lit, but I have not ruled out Biology or American History, either.

I do appreciate everyone's opinion about what I should do with my life, but ultimately this is my choice to make based upon my personal situations and feelings. Therefore, I must make the choice that is going to work for me. I feel I have made that choice.

If anyone has any questions for me, feel free to ask.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I have to let it out

So, if you are expecting a nice little blog about how great everything is and whatever, forget it. This is your warning. I just need to rant like you would not believe, so if it bugs you, don't read it. You have been warned.

First off, let me just say that my life is not bad. Even though my dad works two jobs, my family of four lives in a small two bedroom apartment, and we are struggling in the economy like everyone else, my life is fairly easy and sheltered.

That being said, I am so stressed about what I am going to do with my life that I feel like I am going to explode.

I think part of the problem is not that I don't know what I want to do (I want to eventually be a teacher), but that everyone keeps telling me what I should or should not do. I am actually getting to the point where I want to start screaming at people to leave me alone or to take their opinions and shove them you know where.

I'm not sure I see a point in life, to be honest. You get born, you go to school where you make good grades so you can go to a good college so you can get a good job and get married and have 2.5 kids and then you grow old and die. If you think about it, there really is no good reason for us to be here. Humans as a whole do not benefit anything; rather, we destroy the earth and environment and cause discord and war amidst ourselves. It makes no sense at all to me.

At the same time, I want what everyone else wants - I want to find people who love me for who I am, I want to get married and have that level of closeness with someone, I want to make a difference for whatever it is worth.

And so I am torn as I look at colleges. If I go away, I have the ability to meet new people and try new things. If I stay, I can see how things are going to go with the people I know and the things I know. Change scares me, and yet change is inevitable.

Which brings me to relationships. I have no idea where I stand. No, wait, that's a lie. I know where I stand, I just don't know where everyone else stands. There is a boy that I have known for a few years and even though I know that I shouldn't, I still like him. I have tried everything to get over him, and yet I keep coming back to liking him. I think he likes me, but he is so dense in the arena that I seriously doubt anything is ever going to happen. And yet I want something to happen so badly that I seriously cry about it.

I am so sick of always being the single one in the group, of feeling alone even when surrounded by a million people.

Granted, I could just change my stand. I could try to see the positves of being single. I try so hard to be optimistic about everything, that included, that I feel like I'm not only trying to convince everyone around me of it, but also myself. It feels like a mask and I am so frustrated trying to figure everything out.

But things are going to get better, right? And if they don't, then maybe I'll learn to like the clouds or something. Until then, though, I just want to scream, cry, and throw myself off a cliff.

But I won't.

Because I really do want to see how things are going to play out. But I do need the stress to go away. My hair is so thin right now that I am concerned that it's never going to grow back. I have trouble sleeping, and I am almost always tired.

And that was my rant. I'm not even going to apologize for it, because it's my right to scream every once in a while when I can't handle everything life has dished my way.

Have a nice night.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Outside the Comfort Zone

I did it. I, the usually shy girl who keeps most things to herself, auditioned today for the church spring production. Not only for a role in the chorus, I might add (which the director said I got no matter what), but for an actual main role that will require me to stand in front of everyone to give a two minute monologue.

I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick, but actually doing it and proving that I am amazing at public speaking and drama (a lot of people don't know that because of how quiet I am most of the time; I am actually really good at dramatic readings) gave me the biggest rush and sense of accomplishment. I am so proud of myself for doing that. And there is a very good chance that I am going to get one of the two speaking roles for my age bracket.

More about it later, I have to turn the light out - my sister wants to sleep. I'll write tomorrow!

Meaghan, the incredibly excited drama nerd

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I'm back.

Sorry it's been a while since I've updated, Cyberland. I've been really busy with work and my extra activities, and then earlier this week I had a freak out moment about college (more on that in a bit). But I'm good and I'm back, and other than being slightly tired, I feel pretty good about things.

So here's what's new in my world.

This week I got to looking around the Fort Hays State University website and discovered that not only is it going to cost more than I expected but all sorts of other things like how far from home it is and how I know no one in Kansas began to filter into my brain. My mom was in the other room and she said she could literally feel the panic coming off of me. Plus, my gut instinct began to protest loudly. I usually rely pretty heavily on my intuition and instincts because they are almost eerily accurate (this is how I knew to apply for my current job, how I knew to take the year off from school initially, etc.); I think that when I was applying to college I shut them off because all my instincts have been fairly quiet the last few months, which is not normal. I think I had chosen to ignore/block them.

So because of how I'm feeling with regards to college, I am in chaos. Or at least I was for a while. I suspect that I am probably going to go to a community college for two years and then transfer out to some place like CSU, which is a logical thing. Plus I can keep my job at Sylvan if I do that, and I really like working there.

I have to take this opportunity to say that I have really great friends. I felt like such a failure earlier this week because I hadn't been smart and I had only applied to one college and now it didn't feel right, but my best guy friend (the only one I told what was going on) made me feel so much better about it. I just want to say that I don't know what I would do without friends like that. I think my world would completely cave in.

And now for a complete topic change. Sunday I am auditioning for the church spring production. Every year my church puts on a fall show and a spring show. Up until this point I had never felt like participating. However, since I started participating in this improv group at church (it's like the show "Who's Line is it Anyway?" and is soo much fun to do), I have been feeling like maybe drama is something I want to pursue a little. Obviously I don't want to make a career out of it - I still want to be a high school English teacher or lit teacher - but I'm going to try for it.

I am planning on auditioning for a singing role in the chorus. And my friend who was mentioned above is going to be trying for a part too. Which makes me happy, because I know who else is probably going to audition and while they are completely nice and whatever, I just don't ever really get along with them. Having my friend there (I almost want to use names cause it's easier to type, but I'm not sure I want everyone who reads this to start stalking him or something) is going to make it a lot more enjoyable. He is actually a bit of a veteran compared to me, cause he's been in various plays and musicals before.

So that is my week. As I write this, I am eating peanut butter and jelly from the jar for my breakfast. Yum.

Until next time,


"If this is it/
All we have and ever will/
If this is it/
Time is running out and standing still."
- The Bravery
"Above and Below"

Sunday, February 1, 2009

It's Superbowl time!

I have to be honest. I am one of those people who pretty much never follows sports. I typically do not see the point behind them - why do we want to see a bunch of guys or girls tackle each other on the field in hopes of scoring a point? However, while I don't get it, there are times (like today) where I am actually going to be paying attention.

Ah, the Superbowl. Other than the few high school games I went to at my sisters school, this is pretty much the only time I'm interested in football. It amuses me that people are so serious about who they are pulling for and who is going to win. It is just a game. However, because there are so many playoffs, it is actually one of the better games because both teams are good. There have been exceptions to this general mindset (like when one team is there in body but not in any other form giving the rival team the ablitity to walk all over them), but for the most part both teams are pretty well matched.

And then there are the commercials. I love superbowl commercials. Granted, some of them are a bit off color, but they are amusing nonetheless.

I do have to admit that I have been rather disappointed by the half time entertainment the past few years. I think they should have someone like My Chemical Romance or the Bravery give the show. That would be awsome.

So who am I rooting for? Being from St. Louis, I'm going to have to say Arizona because Kurt Warner now plays for them and he is an amazing quarter back (I bet the St. Louis Rams are going to regret trading him now...)

Until next time, enjoy the game.


Thursday, January 29, 2009

I went into the Valentine's Day isle at Walmart today...

I have to be honest - I have two very distinct feelings directed towards Valentine's Day.

The first feeling is, depending upon my mood, "aww, that's cute". I think it's sweet that we have a day where everyone can remember their loved ones in life and whatever. It is kind of cute, in an obnoxiously pink sort of way. And the chocolate always goes on sale as it gets closer to the day (as well as for about a week or so after wards), which makes it easier to stock up on it.

The second feeling I have directed towards Valentine's Day is "Oh, my God, that is disgusting". The marketing end of it starts before the New Year even really begins anymore and is loaded with sickeningly sweet pinks, reds, mushy cards, and stuff toys. Like I said before, I like the concept of remembering those we love, but honestly - do we seriously have to make it such a commercialized affair? All it succeeds in doing is making those in a relationship feel obligated to buy over priced things for their partner, and it makes those of us who are single feel like there is something wrong with us for not being in a relationship even though we know there isn't .

Plus I think a lot of people miss the point, which is that St. Valentine's Day is really about the death of a martyr, who probably died in some grotesque manner as a crowd of people watched.

Puts it in a new light, doesn't it?

Anyway, those are my complaints about Valentine's Day. I do have to say, however, that while being bombarded with pink lovey-dovey things today, I felt the over whelming urge to bake cupcakes with little pink hearts on them. Maybe I'll make some on Friday the 13th (how awsome is that, by the way?) and take them into work. We'll see.

Until next time, Cyberland.


"Why are you so far away, she said/
And won't you ever know/
That I'm in love with you/
That I'm in love with you."
- The Cure
"Just Like Heaven"

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Nail polish fumes apparently drive mom crazy

I decided about ten minutes ago to paint my nails purple (my current favorite color) while surfing the internet. So as I write this, I actually have wet nails. I'm pretty sure that is not a smart idea, but I'm also not really sure I care at the moment....

Anyway, mom just walked over here and opened the sliding door. It seems that while I can't tell the amount of fumes my nail polish has given off, she most definately can. The funny thing was that the moment she mentioned it, I began to smell the nail polish fumes. Isn't it funny how the human mind works?

That's about it. I actually got motivated and helped clean around the apartment, but I'll be honest and say that I really don't want to do anything but go back to bed. The fact that I painted my nails says that I'm trying. However, I'm not wearing any makeup, which means that this is the second day in a row that I haven't spent hardly any time with my appearance. See how bad the slump is? But I'll keep pulling on. It's bound to get better.

And that is your blog entry for the day.


"Hollywood hills and suburban thrills/
Hey, who are you kidding?/
I'm not like them, I won't buy it."
- The Academy Is...
"Slow Down"

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Writer's block has attacked again.

Hi. I have no idea what I'm writing about today, as I seem to have developed writer's block for about the millionth time in the past, oh, five months. I know, I know - I hate it too. So I'm doing what a wise man (my dad) once told me to do, which is to write even when I have no inspiration whatsoever.

I always feel really bad when I get writer's block, because I have so many projects that I'm working on and I don't feel like working on any of them. There's Dereck and Brie (that whole story plot has evolved and is going to require a lot of re-planning), my somewhat decent poetry that I'm trying to compile, a bunch of random scrabbles that I've played around with, and this other project I started in the world of Fanfiction for a show called "Jane and the Dragon". (It's a kid's show on Qubo - yes, I realize I'm a nerd, but I also work with little kids, so give me some credit here - about a 12 year old girl who wants to be a knight in the middle ages. She also has a dragon who helps her along the way, as well as some friends who are all very well developed characters. If you haven't watched it, go look it up on youtube or at the library.)

Anyway, with so many projects going on, you would think I would be completely in my element. Well, for the most part I am. But then the writer's block attacks. I always know when it's going to start to rear it's ugly head because it starts with me becoming a giant perfectionist. Some days when I'm writing, I'm able to just sit down and get all of the concepts out of my head onto paper without even thinking about it or being critical of them. But when writer's block starts to show, I begin to get very nit-picky about things (I even go so far as to critic my handwriting or typing style as I go) and I have to stop what I'm doing.

Then comes the not wanting to do anything stage, which is where I basically put things on a shelf and try to not thing about them. Or I think about them - the plots, the settings, the characters, etc. - and get excited but feel the lack of motivation to put the words on paper. I think I used to go through notebooks like you would not believe. Now, though, I have about five completely untouched notebooks and about five partially used notebooks.

The sad thing is that the writer's block is really just part of a bigger problem, which is that I as an individual just get swamped with anxiety and stress. Even as I write this, I'm trying to remember the last time I slept the whole night without nightmares or waking up at odd hours. I think I had a day a few weeks ago where I did, but I slept so heavily that I was tired when I woke up.

The really, really sad thing is that I'm not the only one in my family struggling with things. We are all concerned about my dad's job security and the crashing economy. My sister is in constant stress trying to keep her grades good. Plus we are down to one car, which is crazy; my mom drives all of us everywhere (Katie and I are really busy - school for her, work for me, extra activities for both of us - and dad still works two jobs), which means she has to get up at like 5 and doesn't get to go to bed until after 11 at night. So I really shouldn't complain about being tired.

And the other night I finally crashed, and then woke up at 12:30 not being able to breathe. The funny thing is that my stress chooses to come to the forefront with issues that are so small compared to the rest that if I wasn't so worried, I would laugh about. Like relationships or writer's block or the fact that my room is a mess and my computer always runs slow. Small, insignificant issues. Really, I think that what happens is I get really stressed out about the big things and the only way I can deal is to take it out on the small things.

I have to say that college is right now on my mind. I'm going in March to take a tour of the campus and pre-enroll in classes. I'm very excited about it. I think the only thing that worries me is how much it's going to cost and how we are going to pay for it. If I had been smart and actually applied myself in high school, I could have graduated with close to a 4.0 and would have more opportunites for scholarships. Instead I slacked because I didn't care. It looks like I'm probably going to have to take out student loans...

But enough about it, I have whined more than enough. And I got way off topic. Sorry, folks, I really need to work on that. The good news about this super whiney blog? I think it might have helped cure my writer's block. If you have made it this far in reading, I applaud your dedication and can assure you that the next update will be much more interesting of a read.

Until we meet again,

Birdgirl90 aka Meaghan

"Need a bed to lay my body on/
Deadweight to carry down/
Some static is lulling me to sleep/
Hang your clothes on a chainlink fence/
In a junkyard, say Amen/
Your mouth is full of wordless hymns/
And run on sentences."
- Beck

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I just might have to start wearing my coat...

Well, the weather people kind of hit it and kind of missed it. It did, indeed, give us just enough snow earlier in the week for a "dusting". However, they said it was supposed to be 40 today and instead it never broke 18 degrees.

I have to be honest. I don't wear coats. I have a really warm, heavy coat that I could wear as well as thick, warm gloves, but I unless I am freezing, I won't wear it. Instead, I tend to favor a nice, warm hoodie. Ah, the hoodie - quite possibly one of the best pieces of clothing ever and a staple for every wardrobe. Currently I am wearing a To Write Love On Her Arms hoodie that says "Love is the Movement". I got it at Hot Topic (I love that store) and it is so comfortable that I hate taking it off. And the proceeds went to a good cause (TWLOHA).

Anyway, nothing overly exciting is going on. My life feels like a slight soap opera because of relationships (why do boys have to be so confusing and why do I have to make things more complicated than they already are???), but other than that it's pretty quiet.

I'll keep you guys (whoever actually reads this boring thing I call my blog) in the loop. If anything exciting happens, you'll be one of the first to know.

- Birdgirl90 aka Meaghan

Thursday, January 22, 2009

It's a little random, but you already knew that...

Yesterday, in the Denver, CO. region, it was a beautiful near 70 degrees. The sun was up, the sky was blue, and it was just gorgeous. How often does that happen in the middle of January? I swear, if the weather could stay like that or similar year round, I would be an incredibly happy camper. So what did I do yesterday?

I stayed inside and burned a couple of CDS for my sister and her friend that I was supposed to do around Christmas time, and then I went to work. That's right. I was going to go outside to walk or whatever, but had no energy and ran out of time. And I have no one to blame for that but me.

So what is the weather going to do today? Right now it's overcast. Apparently it's going to snow tonight into tomorrow. My mom said not to worry, the weather guys were all saying that it's only going to be a dusting. Let's think about this for a moment: shortly after moving out here, they all said that we were only going to get like, oh, six inches? We got about two or three feet, got seriously snowed in, had special warnings and stuff from the governor, and made the national news.

A dusting.... We will see what that really means.

I'm sitting here, typing my blog while listening to my iPod ("Youthless" by Beck, if you were curious, followed by "Don't Look Back In Anger" by Oasis) and I just realized something. Earbuds are incredibly loud when you are the only one home and there is no other noise. Now, mom just got home a few minutes ago, but before that I had my iPod set on the lowest sound setting and I felt like it was just pounding in my ears at a deafing volume. Now that there are other noises, it feels better. But still.... That's pretty good.

I have to admit that I typically have to buy new earbuds about once every four months or so, just because I like to hear the bass line sometimes and that usually ends with me blasting one or both ear phones out. I know - I'm going to be deaf by the time I'm forty. But it is so totally worth it. And I don't do it too often.

And that is the very random blog for the day. No idea what when or what I'll be writing about next, but it's sure to be entertaining. My poor diary hasn't been updated since September, I've been putting everything in here....

Birdgirl90 aka Meaghan

Monday, January 19, 2009

I finally found a station on the radio I like again...

I have to be honest - my relationship with the radio has been an interesting one.

When I was younger, I never listened to the radio. Then I discovered the British invasion of the 60s and was glued to the oldies station for the longest time. One day around the time I was 13, I got bored and began what would become a typical thing for me - radio surfing. It was then that I was exposed to the modern music scene and my musical tastes began to expand. I would have about five stations that I listened to, from classic rock to stuff from the 80s to modern rock to alternative.

And then we moved to Colorado and I had to rediscover stations all over again, which was really exciting for me. I found a handful of stations that I enjoyed and could flip between (this way I avoid commercials on the radio). But then I noticed something...

All the radio stations play the same songs by the same artists over and over and over again! Plus, the oldies station is now considering the 80s to be included with the Beatles. Which they hardly ever play, I might add.

So I got bored and stopped listening to the radio for almost all of last year. I listened to and videos on youtube and used iTunes to help me find new stuff (like the Bravery and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs). Plus I began to see what everyone around me was listening to. And I discovered that I enjoy listening to bands that people are like "Huh?" when I ask them if they've heard of the group.

And then the amazing thing. I turned on the radio for the first time in a long time last week. And I heard more of the same on most of the stations, with the exception of one - the independent alternative station, aka the indie station. I have been listening to it almost non-stop.

I have to say, radio and I are now getting along again in a way. I still don't like a lot of the main stream stations except for maybe one or two, but I love this indie station. I think that listening to music by people outside the main or the know is great. It increases your music taste and makes you better for it.

So that is the story of me and the radio and our love/hate relationship.

Until next time,

Friday, January 16, 2009

I forgot to mention somethings...

Sorry, I forgot to add some things...

Better judgement has reached me and I've decided to not go on the ski retreat I was talking about a week or two ago. My hatred of snow has won. I also forgot to add that while I am currently listed as "undecided" for college, I am actually leaning towards an English major with a teaching degree. And finally, (on a really random tangent that may be kind of dumb to some of you) my hair now looks like cherry cola with faint purple in it. I think that when this dye comes completely out, I'm going to go dark red like the lead singer of Paramore. Or I may do this color again (I really like it).

Now, carry on with whatever you were about to go do and I'll write again soon.

I'm soo excited!!

I'm going to start this blog entry by saying that my week has been rather good. For multiple reasons, including but not limited to, college, a new story idea, the fact that my current favorite band did not disband or die over the last year, and some new realizations about myself. Let's start with what made me write this blog.

So I was doing the rounds on various websites I go to on a fairly regular basis and I decided to pop over to the Bravery's website. I hadn't been there in a while,(the last time I was there, it hadn't been updated since July), so I wasn't really expecting anything. Low and behold, to my incredible surprise, it was updated!

And not only updated, I might add, but filled with a blog entry about how the guys are working on album number three! I admit that I didn't discover them until iTunes back in November, but they have quickly become one of my favorite groups since the Beatles. Granted, there are some songs I can't stand by them ("Every Word is a Knife in My Ear" and "Rites of Spring" [which I listen to sometimes because I can't decide if I like it or not] to name some of them), but the majority of the music is good. And I should know this, because I am musically inclined. (After playing the violin for almost ten years, I have some knowledge of the way things flow...) That's what I love about the Bravery - every aspect of rock is given a moment to shine. I especially love the drums and bass. Amazing. One of the best modern groups ever.

So the prospect of a new album made my day.

The next thing that I am both very excited about and equally frightened about at the same time involves college. I made my appointment to tour the campus (Fort Hays State University in Hays, Kansas) in March and after seeing the residental halls and various other things of interest on campus, I am going to be meeting with a counselor and someone from admissions to pre-enroll in classes.

I am excited because after staying home an extra year (I graduated high school from homeschool last summer), I am finally at a point in my life where I feel as though I can move out and not have to worry about whether or not I can trust myself to take care of myself. The whole reason I stayed home the extra year and got a job was that I felt like my self-injurious tendencies were still ruling me and I didn't feel like I could live away from home yet. I am pleased to say that I have been very good and haven't done anything since April of 2008. Almost a year - that feels like it deserves a pat on the back. And now I feel like I am in control of who I am and what I want; I am ready to go away from home and spread my wings a bit.

At the same time, I'm a bit nervous and/or scared. College is a really big step and I'm going to a place where I will know absolutely no one. But I think it can be a good thing and I'm not going to let fear stop me...

I find it ironic that I am excited about going to Kansas, seeing as I swore when we moved to Colorado and had to drive across Kansas from Missouri that I was never, ever going to live for any period of time in the great Sunflower state.

You can laugh now. It is rather funny.

I read a really good book the other day. It's called "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath. I have not read anything else by Ms. Plath, but my dad said I would really enjoy her because I sometimes have similar sentiments. So I read "The Bell Jar" and I really liked it. At the same time, however, I was a little disturbed because she voices some of the same things I've been realizing and thinking about over the past three or four years.

Anyway, after reading this book, the story I've been tentatively working on came back into view. Sometimes a good book is all I need to stimulate my mind and get the creative juices flowing. So Brie came to life back in my head as a quiet little voice this week and I'll tell you right now that she has matured. It seems that character development has taken place in my self conciousness and because of that, the story plot has changed. I have to start from scratch, in a way, but it's very satisfying. I can't explain why - it's something you have to do for yourself to understand.

And finally, I realized that high school boys are really way too immature and that I don't want, nor need, a relationship to make me happy. I just need to be in my element and all is good. Granted, I do still want to get married and have kids some day, but I think I'm going to wait until everyone matures a bit before I get involved. And until then, I'm just going to keep on doing what I do. It was a very nice revelation and I could not be happier right now.

Oh! and I almost got hit today. I was driving with my sister and was stuck at a very busy road with no light for me to turn with. For some odd reason (maybe it was coffee I had or the fact that it was a beautiful day, I really don't know) I decided to pull out and gun my engine. Not. Smart. We almost got plowed by a giant SUV. I think I scared Katie, and I know I scared myself. Ultimately, I learned from this - always turn at a light or always make sure the coast is clear. Gunning engine = bad.

And that is your incredibly long blog for the day. I'd like to apologize if you have gotten this far - I'm a little hyper right now.

Until next time, Cyberland.

- Birdgirl90 aka Meaghan

"And I don't know where we belong/
I think we grew under a bad sun."

- The Bravery
"Bad Sun"

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A few things I've been thinking about

So I'm trying to decide if I want to start another blog, one that is set aside just for music and book reviews. At this point in time, I think I am going to pass on it, as I have enough trouble maintaining this blog and updating regularly.

Another thing I've been thinking about is whether or not I'm going to take on another job. Currently I work part time at a Sylvan learning center (my other job finished up). If I were to take on a second job again, it would probably be at someplace like King Soopers (where I worked for a few months in 2007) or Chick-Fil-A. Chick-Fil-A has the benefits of being closed on Sundays and if I could get a schedule worked out where I was working mornings, then it would be ideal. Still, I'm hesitant to take on more than I can chew...

And finally, I'm trying to get a good night's sleep. I can not remember for the life of me the last time I slept a whole night without a nightmare or waking up at least once at some point. Sleep depravation is not good - I am one of those people who need a ton of sleep to make it through. So we will see how the next few weeks pan out.

I have to say, 2009 seems to be going fairly slowly and blurry thus far. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Eww, it snowed.

I really don't like snow. I think snow is probably my arch enemy. I know that sounds crazy, but think about it - it's cold, so you have to bundle into multiple layers; it's wet, so it makes my hair frizz; and it's slick, so the odds of me falling are higher than normal. I like that it's pretty, I will give it that. But if I have to go out into it, forget it.

I have discovered, since living in Colorado, that I like the weather in any other season than that of winter. I like it when it's like 60 or 70 degrees with a slight breeze, shade trees, and nothing but blue skies and some fluffy white clouds. I also like it when it's 50 or 60 degrees - that is fine.

But anything below 50 is not my cup of tea. And so snow is out of the question.

The humor of this situation is that I am going to go on a ski retreat that my church is doing. I, however, will not be skiing. I was told that if I wanted, I could come just to enjoy the retreat portion of it. So that is what I will be doing. While all the other crazies are out on these thin things called skis and freezing while they zip down a tree lined hill, I will be inside (hopefully by a fireplace - that would make my day) catching up on my reading. Which is the only practical thing to do when it's cold.

I shouldn't whine so much about it. At least we have heat in our apartment. Still....I'm looking forward to spring.

And that's today's blog.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I Think I've Procrastinated Enough...

The last week has been kind of crazy. Not only that, but writer's block is killing me. Fanfiction has become of utmost interest (don't laugh, it's fun) and to top it off, I've just been feeling lazy. Sorry for the boatload of excuses, cyberland people, but it's true.

So today I had to drive my dad to work and then drive myself from his job back to church. First of all, I have mixed feelings about driving. This sounds bad, but I like driving by myself more than driving with other people. I think it's because when I'm the only one in the car, I can listen to whatever I want and sing along and not have to worry about making conversation or being rude. That's just the way I am.

We got to the parking lot and dad went off to work and I got in the driver's seat. I put in my awsome CD that I wanted to listen to (the Sun side of the Bravery's CD "The Sun and the Moon Complete") only to have the stupid car spit it out. I tried multiple times to get it to play, but everytime it said there was an error and spewed it back at me. So then I hooked my iPod up to this radio adaptor I have, only to not be able to get a clear sound. Arrgh.

I ended up putting in a mixed CD that I made (I still want to make the perfect mixed CD - it's a hobby of mine) and listening to it. As I left the parking lot, the one true hate of my life began - snow flurries. I'm sorry, I hate the snow, especially if I'm driving. Luckily they did not last and the rest of my car ride was fairly uneventful. Well, except for the coyote that crossed the road in front of me and the guy behind me who basically rode my bumper for half the trip.

That was basically my day. I'm kind of tired because I power walked for almost an hour around our apartment community this afternoon. Totally worth it - I feel really good right now.

Anyway, I'll try to get back into the blogging. Have a good one!