Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Birthday Conundrum

I know I haven't posted anything here in a very long time, but today I realized something - in exactly two weeks, I'm going to be 19 years old. I do not know how I feel about this. I think that 19 feels a little anti-climatic in a way. You know, at 13 you're a teenager, 16 is "sweet", at 18 you can vote, and at 21 you can drink. But at 19, you're just kind of...there.

I think part of my problem is that the week of my birthday is going to be totally nuts. My birthday is on a Wedensday (did I even spell that right?), I have a major paper due in class on Thursday, and then on Friday I'm having all of my wisdome teeth removed. All of my friends that I would normally celebrate with are out of town and living in different states. And most likely my dad is going to have to work that night. Totally anti-climatic, right?

I almost feel like I'm getting old. I know that I'm not, but I've always been a lot older than most of my peers emotionally. When I hear what they are all doing, it makes me feel like the old lady in the group.

But, I'm actually pretty happy where I am right now, so I guess that it doesn't really matter. I have a pretty good relationship with my family, I'm starting to really take care of myself, and I'm putting myself through school. Granted, I have no idea what I want to do anymore with it, but it's a start. All in all, it's a pretty good place to be.

Four years ago, I was fifteen. I used to write Yu-Gi-Oh! and Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction, I used to never leave the house without black nailpolish and dark clothing, I wanted a boyfriend more than I could express, I hated school, and I used to swear like a sailor. Now, I write Star Trek fanfiction, I change my nailpolish every week or so and have some color in my wardrobe, I could care less about boys, I'm rather enjoying school, and I am much more lady like in my language. It's amazing what can change over time.

Four years from now, I hope to have a degree and a career. I hope to still be writing fanfiction for whatever craze I am in now, and I hope to possibly get married. Well, maybe not in four years, but eventually.

So here's to getting older. Let's hope that it is always an adventure, and that one day it won't be met with dread.


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