Rainy Day Post.

It's raining.  Which is good, because otherwise, it would be snowing.  I've said it a million and one times on here at least, but I'll say it again for good measure: rain is good, snow is bad.  Rain reminds me of home.  Snow makes me want to cry.

Unless it's winter, Christmas, or around Christmas.  That's different.  Then it's magical.

I'm trying to decide what to do today.  Should I make it a productive day?  What is the definition of a productive day anyway? 

On the one hand, I could clean.  I have a room that looks like a twister hit it, the bathroom is kind of a mess, and I really should sweep the kitchen.  Maybe redecorate my bedroom walls.

On the other hand, I could just spend the whole day reading the manga my boyfriend (it's going to take a while for me to get used to saying that...in a good way, of course, lol) lent me, catching up on celebrity gossip (I don't know about anyone else, but I need a healthy dose of it from time to time), and knitting my scarves.  If I go with this option, I might even work a bit on the collection of poetry I started at the beginning of the semester when everything felt like it was going to hell.

Hmm.  Yeah, the second option I think has won.  It is a perfect day for doing nothing.

I got a copy of People's Magazine yesterday so that I could catch up on the Royal Wedding stuff.  I know, I know.  It's very hyped up.  But you know what?  Kate got her fairytale and frankly, I think it's romantic.  I'm kind of a sucker for that anyway, so maybe it doesn't count though. 

I just love how in love they are.  You can tell in all of their pictures that he really loves her and that she really loves him.  The fact that she's a commoner is cool too.  It shows that when it's right, no barriers - social, religious, etc. - can hold it back.  Total fairytale.

Plus her dress is beautiful.  I don't think it's something that I would wear, but it looks astounding on her.  Weddings are one of those things that some girls dream about their whole lives; I love watching them when they work out.

My cousin is getting married this summer.  I'm kind of bummed we don't get to go to the wedding.  He's the last of my family to get married; that ultimately means that theoretically, I'm next.  Although, we could end up doing what my cousins did and my sister could get hitched first.  It could happen. 

I like to think of it as not on my time table but rather on God's time table.  It makes me a lot less stressed and takes an insane amount of pressure off of me.  And really, I waited and God brought me the most wonderful guy, so I don't see a problem in my way of thinking.

My job interview with Macy's fell through.  I got an email yesterday telling me that my interview was cancelled because they already filled the position.  I'm not as bummed out as I feel like I should be.  I think it would have been a good place to work, but maybe it means I'm supposed to be somewhere else.  Who knows.

My phone has also been giving me a boatload of trouble.  Last night I plugged it in; it said it was charging, so I went to sleep confident that it would be fully charged when I woke up.  I got up this morning and turned it on, only to be told that the battery was about to die.  So after talking with my dad, I swapped out my memory card with his. 

Now I have two phones with me this morning.  One is my dad's with my memory card in it; the other is mine with his memory card in it.  Oh, and the trouble phone is now saying it has a full battery.

I can't wait until we renew our contract and can get new phones.  Just another few weeks...

Yup, that about sums up my existance at this moment.  Enjoy you're Wednesday, dear readers. =)

~Meaghan

Guess What?

I slept the whole night last night.  No waking up at two and three in the morning, no feelings of anxiety or panic, no horrible nightmares.  I slept the whole night and woke up on my own about twenty minutes before my alarm went off.

I feel great.

This is it.  I am finally getting my life under control again.  I feel like I can take on the world.  It's a very satisfying feeling.
Dog sitting this weekend is exciting.  I swear, that dog is crazy.  This morning she kept wanting to go outside.  So we'd go outside and all she would do was eat the rabbit crap.  So then we'd go back inside.  Repeat the cycle not five minutes later.  Crazy dog.

I've been watching "Say Yes to the Dress" while I'm over there.  I think I am addicted to the show.  I love it.  Now, I'm not a wedding crazy person or anything, but I love the dresses.  (I have an idea of what I want when the time comes for me to get married.  Crazy, yes, but fun anyway.)  And watching the brides - wow.  So many of them break down into tears when they're trying on the dresses. 

When the time comes for me to get married, I want to be a beautiful bride. 

Ok, enough of that.  Moving on.

Today is a loaded day filled with homework, cleaning, writing, and knitting.  Oh, and dog sitting. 

Bring it on world.  I'm ready.

~Meaghan

The Sunday Update Edition

I feel like an editor, putting that title on this post.  Ah well; I may be one soon enough.

So far, the dog is doing better.  I am so relieved you honestly have no idea.  She ate her food last night.  She went to the bathroom this morning.  She's acting more and more like herself.  I am so thankful.  She's going to stay alive.

I feel like I'm slowly but surely conquering the fears in my life.  I rode the elevator at school on Thursday - by myself, I must add - more than once.  I am using the garbage disposal with less paranoia.  (I'm going to end up writing a short story about my fear of the garabage disposal, I just know it...)  Walking by myself is getting less intimidating.  Sitting by myself at school is slowly getting more comfortable.

And I'm not afraid that the dog is going to die before the owner gets home.

I am still freaked out by the dark, spiders, drowning, etc.  It's a process.  We're getting there.

Last night I had this dream where I was out with my mom, my sister, and my friend Cathryn.  We were shopping for wedding dresses.  And not just any wedding dress, guys.  We were shopping for MY wedding dress.  I tried one on and it was perfect; everyone started crying, myself included.

I hardly ever dream about weddings.  It's an even rarer occasion for me to dream about my own.  I think I've had maybe one other dream about my wedding, and that was due to stress years ago.  I mean, I woke up from that dream feeling stressed, too.  Not good.  (I got sick shortly after, if I remember correctly...)

This one was different.  I don't remember what the dress looked like.  I know that it fit perfectly.  I was shopping with the people who matter to me, for something that mattered.  And when I woke up, I felt  hopeful.

Let me repeat that.  I felt hopeful.

It's a rare occasion that a dream makes me feel hopeful.  Normally I'm either freaking out because it was a nightmare or a stress dream, or I'm laughing because it was just plain weird.  Sometimes I'm even contemplative when I wake up.

But I feel full of hope today.  I think, as odd as this may sound, that maybe this was God's way of telling me to not give up on the opposite gender.  Because, if I'm being honest with myself, I was about to.

Now, I feel like I have simple directions to follow.  Do my thing, God will do the rest.  And most of all, keep my head up.

Between this and the fact that I'm getting over my fears a little at a time, I feel like it's going to be ok.  I'm going to be ok.  Life is going to be ok.

And the sun is shining today.  What more could I ask for?

Until the next time, my dear readers,

~Meaghan

No Title is Fine Here.

My last unmarried cousin just got engaged.  It's a wonderful thing, and he deserves all the happiness that is going to come his way.  I love the woman he proposed to - I can't even get into how awesome she is.

But even amid the happiness, one thought popped into my mind: I'm Next.

It almost feels like a sentence.  Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of getting married.  I would be content to settle down, maybe have a family, the whole nine yards.  It's just...

None of the guys I've known have really impressed me to the point of wanting to date them, let alone marry them.  I still want to finish getting my degree and live on my own for a while.  I want to party, to dance, to submerse myself in books and paper and ink.  I want to have a stand-up comedy routine and publish a novella.  I want to do roller derby, break a bone, start my own yarn line. 

Basically, the idea of being tied down right now scares the heck out of me.

Even more than that, this news has made me realize that I am getting older.  Yeah, twenty isn't ancient or anything, but I still can't wrap my head around the thought of being a responsible adult.  No joke.  It's hard.

I think the only guy I would date right now is the Boy-With-The-Jade-Braces.  And even then I'm not sure.

Time to trust God.  And breathe.  And enjoy whatever comes my way.

Ok, cool.

So in other news, my writing instructor told me I should try to enter a writing contest with a piece I wrote.  I think I'm going to do it.  I'm pleased with how it turned out, and I want to try to get published.  If I win the contest at school, I'll be published in a magazine.  If I don't, I still get some exposure because my piece will be read by the judges.  I don't see a downside to this.

Also, I am thinking about applying for a job at a yarn store.  Knitting has been a lifesaver in more than one way the past few months, and it would be amazing.  The position basically means that I sit in the store and knit.  I'll help people with their knitting problems and get to understand the yarn industry better.  Again, I don't see a downside with this, either.  I sent the email and am waiting to see if I hear back about it.

I can't really think of anything else off the top of my head.  I'm massively allergic to cats, which came to light this week as I was cat sitting for one of my neighbors.  I go into her apartment and not five minutes later, my eyes are burning and I can't breathe out of my nose.  And her apartment is kept clean, too, with no cat hair anywhere.  It bums me out.

Oh well.  I can always knit myself a cat. =D

Have a great night, readers. 

~Meaghan