Thursday, January 20, 2011

I'm Realizing....

...that not everyone pays attention.

People don't pay attention to the words they use.  They don't pay attention to the places around them.  They don't pay attention to the people around them.  They don't pay attention to the 'hows' or 'whys' or 'whats'.

Please be noted: I am not guiltless.  I sometimes go through my life in a daze.  And I put my foot in my mouth nearly all the time, it seems.  But I try.  I try to be careful with the words I use.  I try to see the places and things around me.  I try to remember the people around me.

I've been mulling it over, guys.  I really have.  And I've come to the conclusion today that I can be a better person from my experiences instead of letting them bum me out.  Let's start with things that have happened and go from there:

  I've had friends sound rude through texting because they don't bother with grammar or with how they word things.  I've had friends text me thinking I was one of their local friends, and then just abruptly leave me hanging when the error was brought to their attention, making me feel like they really didn't want to talk to me anyway.  I've had friends use poor juxtaposition in things (saying Colorado is too expensive for a trip but then getting excited about going to Europe should not me done in the same five minutes; just saying...).

 I've had friends tackily ask for my lecture notes from a year ago - after already asking if they could borrow my book - so that they can have them when they take the class now.  I've known people who only call when they want things and then up and leave.  I've had guys tell me that they hadn't noticed that we were taking the same class even though we sat across from each other in the hall nearly every day.

I've had crushes on guys who don't even know that I exist.  (Yup.  Braces boy.  That one's not going anywhere anytime soon, lol.)

But as I sat by myself for an hour and a half in the hall today, I realized something.  They don't define me.  I am my own person.  I can be better.

Instead of letting these things eat at me and make me believe that I am a worthless person (which I'm not, btw; I actually do have a lot going for me at the moment, thanks), I can learn from them.  I think the trick is that I have to remember that everyone is human.  Part of being human is being prone to error.  As my psychology professor said today, we live in a very much 'me' society.  Granted, not everyone is like that, but it's true - many are after their own agendas and will not stop to get there, either conciously or subconciously.

I felt a hundred times better.

I think what I need to do is to forgive the people who have hurt me.  Chances are, they didn't mean to.  And if I really feel like I don't have that much of myself to give, then I need to cut back.  It's self-preservation.

But most of all, I need to not let it taint my views of the world.  I can do that; I think it will make me happier in the long run.

 I write, so I pay more attention to things than the average person.  That doesn't make me any better or worse than the individual next to me.  It merely means I'm more perceptive; there's nothing wrong with it.  If anything, then I can use it to make more love and happiness in the world instead of toe stepping and anger.

I think this psych class is going to be good for my inner self.

And if push comes to shove, I'll get my revenge in short stories.  Bwahaha. XD


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