Battles and Victories

Hello again, my dear readers.

I have just had a whirlwind of a week.  My graduation party was Saturday and was amazing, I might add.  My cousin came in from out of town and we totally hit it off - I see her now as a best friend/family/everything kind of person.  Which is good because a lot of my current friends are AWOL or morons or just unavailable.  (Busy lives makes it hard.)

I'm on the downswing, though.

The current battle is one with my moods and weight.

My moods are in the gutter.  I'm tired and I just feel like crying all the time for not good reason.  I don't feel motivated to do a lot of stuff.  It's the onset of a depression curve and I need to kill it before it pulls me under.

Then there's my weight.  Age 21 and 1/2, 5'5", and 215 lbs.  Not good.  Not good at all.  My new summer goal is to lose 25 of those pounds by August.

I'm scared though.  What if I'm going to be fat forever?  What if I can't win this battle?  What if I die young because I was stupid and kept gaining weight??? 

So those are the battles.

But there are also victories.

Like my cousin being completely awesome.  And the fact that I got a job at JC Penny.  And the writing set I got complete with pens that have to be dipped in jars of ink, a wax seal, and beautiful stationary. 

My boyfriend loves me.  My family loves me.  The few friends I have love me.

These are good things.

So we'll see how the next few weeks and months progress.  I want to be super aggressive about everything.  I want to be healthy and me.

Until next time,

Meaghan