9:30 AM

The following is what I wrote this morning on my Microsoft Word:

Hello, dear readers.

Yet again, another delay in posting.  I think I don’t have any excuses, except perhaps the fact that I’ve been incredibly lazy this week. 

(No, seriously.  I haven’t made the bed, or done laundery, or really done anything except work, read, and knit. I’m not proud, but it is what it is.)

This morning was strange.  First of all, I decided to get on the scale.  I gained 0.4 pounds, which was a bit disappointing.  I know I can’t win all the time, but I wish I could.  As it stands, I’ve still lost over 14 pounds since April.  I now weigh what I weighed last summer.

Also, I woke up shaking so badly I could barely hold on to anything.  Mom wanted me to help her cut coupons, so I was attempting to use scissors and cut them out, but all of them were pretty rough. 

So naturally, mom thought it was my blood sugar.  I took it and was at 96, which is good for fasting.  I knew it wouldn’t be that.  The truth is, it’s a side effect of my anti anxiety medication.

The side effects have become increasingly worse since I’ve gone back to a full dose of the stuff.  The good news: My panic attacks are all but gone.

The bad news: I’m waking up every morning with shakes, I wake up at least 4 times a night, and I don’t really sleep anymore.

I’m trying to remember the last time I slept the entire night in a fullfilling sleep.  I think it’s been at least a month.  Granted, this week is strained because my boyfriend is out of town visiting friends and family and I’ve had to adjust to him not being here.  But even when he was here, I was still waking up at least twice a night.

It’s like I have to pick the  lesser of two evils.  I can have minimal side effects, but have regular panic attacks again, which is no way to live.  Or I can have major side effects, but be able to function most of the time.

I guess I don’t really need to sleep after all.

So after deducing that it was my meds, my blood sugar really did drop in a single swoop, leaving me with the familiar hot/clammy/jitter infested plummet.  One Coke later, and here I am, typing a pre blog on Microsoft Word because I know I won’t be able to upload it until later this afternoon.

It never ends.

Since my boyfriend has been out of town (it’ll be a week tomorrow, and then an extra week and a couple of days til he returns), I’ve been doing a lot of Meaghan things.  This includes knitting, reading (but not romances, cause those make me miss him more), going to work, meeting with friends, and hanging out with my family.  I’m also in the process of beating both Donkey Kong Country and Batman: Arkham Asylum.  I doubt I’ll have either done before he gets back, but they’re still fun to play.

I’m on chapter two of the novel I’m writing.  I’ve been trying to not be overly critical like I normally am with my writing.  So to achieve this, I haven’t been re-reading what I’ve written.  This means that when I pick it up to add to the next section, I read the last few sentences of the previous section and continue on.  It’s either going to prove to be brilliant (meaning I’ll actually finish my novel before the year is out) or it’s going to crash and burn like the plane in the opening of the Dark Knight Rises (if you haven’t seen it, then I didn’t spoil much – stuff always seems to explode in the beginnings of these movies).

Only time can tell.

And speaking of risks (which we were talking about, believe it or not), I’m taking a leap of faith with my business.  My mom has agreed to work for me.  We’re scouting out consignment places today, and hopefully will have this thing off the ground before the end of the month.  I don’t know how much I want to give away though.  I’m afraid to jinx it.

(Just know I am so thrilled about it that I can hardly contain myself.  With determination, luck, and hard work, I hope to one day open my own store front with this adventure.)

I know this is a long blog, but thank you for bearing with me.  There are so many things I’m trying to muddle through.  I feel like I can’t see straight at times.  But I know there’s a purpose for all of it, even if I can’t see it or understand it.

Thank you for listening, my dear readers.  Have a wonderful Wednesday.

~Meaghan

Weight Loss, the Ravellenics, and More!

Hi again, dear readers!

So the Ravellenics has kicked off and I am so excited to be part of it.  The cowl I started last night for it looks so beautiful so far.  I didn't know I would be so excited by the yarn.  It's Amazing by Lion Brand yarn, in the colorway Ruby.  So awesome.

My weight loss is coming along.  Back in April I weighed by heaviest: a whopping 217 lbs.  That's way too much on a build like mine.  My doctor recommened a few weeks ago that I go on a 1500 calorie diet.  I've been taking her advice and have been using an app on my phone to help me keep track of my calories each day.

It's amazing to me how quick the calories add up when you eat junk, but how much food you can eat if you eat good stuff.  Like, five of the gummy apple rings I love so much are 120 calories.  But for 120 calories, I can have half a cup of cottage cheese and almost half a cup of cantelope.  Mind boggling!

So far it's been working though.  I am happy to report that as of yester day, I weight 207.8 lbs.  My boyfriend has helped by motivating me as well.  As soon as I lose ten more pounds, I'll weigh what I did when we met.  When I get there, he's going to get me all the stuff to make this, somehting I've been wanting to make for a while.  He's also going to take me to a nice dinner. :)

Finally, I'm working on hammering out the kinks starting my own business.  It's got a ways to go, but I think the first step is going to be doing consignment this fall with my mom.  We're going to see about sell our yarn crafts at a consignment store.  I'm starting to stockpile at the moment.  (My cowl for the Ravellenics is going to be one of the things to go in.)

As you can see it's been very busy here.  Couple that with working five days a week, and I just don't have the crazy energy to blog.

I will do my best to keep you posted as things continue to work out, though.

~Meaghan

Prayers for Aurora

I know it's been a while, but it's been a crazy couple of weeks, and honestly, I didn't feel like posting.  Colorado has been through so much - I was at a different cinema with my boyfriend when the shooting took place during the Batman movie, but I had a friend who was in theater 8.  She's safe, but it's been pretty rough cause that's all the news talks about, and it did hit so close to home.

Prayers to all the victims and families.  I can't even imagine their loss.  The fact that it could have happened in our cinema makes me shake.  The fact that I had a friend in theater 8, and a friend who would have been in theater 9 had she decided to go (she was on the wall about it the week before), makes me queasy.

I think it shows that no matter what, you aren't safe anywhere.  So why hold back?  The one thing this tragedy should teach us all is that we need to live as if this day is our last.  Love no matter what.  Do the things that we think we can't.  Try what we've always dreamed of. 

And don't fear.  Never fear.  If we are afraid, then the gunmen in the world win.  The bad guys win.  And we can't let that happen.

So live life, my dear readers.  Live it without fear.  And please.  Keep Colorado in your prayers.

~Meaghan

Tired of the News

I'm going to start this blog today, dear readers, with an overview of where I stand.  Bear with me a moment.

Obamacare has been upheld by the Supreme Court.  I for one am thankful for that.  Under Obamacare, my mom and I (who both have pre-existing conditions that the insurance companies would love to deny us for) will always be able to get health insurance, even if my dad lost his job.  Before, we would be denied coverage.  And without insurance, my mom wouldn't be able to get the diabetic meds she needs, thus shortening her life expectancy drastically.

 I need my mom here with me.  And no matter what I do, I'm basically pre-diabetic and will develope it fully anytime in my lifetime.

Immigration makes my head spin.  Why is it so hard to let others come join our freedom?  Why is it so hard to allow those who want to learn and work become citizens?

Abortion shouldn't even be an issue.  It's between a woman, God, and her doctor.  Not the government.  Not the Christians.  Not the men in her life.  It's a private issue that has been blown up out of proportion.  Same with contraception.  The one Republican senator who said "Stick an asprin between your knees" is full of hot air; even if you deny contraception, teens and premarriage couples are still going to experiment and crave the urge to be close.

Gay marriage shouldn't be an issue either.  One friend of mine said that she didn't want the gays to call it marriage because "marriage is a Christian institution."  I have news folks.  Every culture, every religion, every walk of life has marriage.  It is not owned by one group of people.  What is everyone so afraid of?

I'm so tired of turning on the news and hearing one side against another.  I'm worn out from opening my Facebook account and seeing so much fear, anger, and hate towards each other.

When will we find the middle ground?  When will the ones who are afraid learn to open themselves a bit? 

And everyone wonders why I don't associate with a religion or political party.  (For the record, I vote independently - I've been known to vote for both parties based on the kind of job I thought they would do.)

~Meaghan

Everything At Once

I found out yesterday that we have ten days to move to a new apartment.

It's not that we're being evicted.  It's not that we're moving across town.

It's that we're getting a bigger apartment across our complex.

It's very exciting.  Katie will have her own room.  Trevor and I will have our own room, too, in exchange for paying our own rent to my parents.  It's going to be amazing.=D

So here's what's happened in the past week or two:

~Trevor got accepted to the school he wanted to get into
~I'm working 40 hours at JCP
~We're moving

Craziness!

And that's why I've been AWOL and will continue to be AWOL for the rest of June.

Enjoy the month, dear readers. =) Swim in your respective pools for me, please.

~Meaghan

Sleep Time Yet?

I get to go to work at 5 am tomorrow.  Notice the word "get".  Because working is good.

Even if it means I have to wake up at 4 am.

I'm also scheduled to work every day for the next six days.  So if I'm a little more spazed and spurratic than usual, that would be why.

~Meaghan

(PS, can you tell I'm wiped out?)

Reconnecting

I didn't realize how dependent on the internet I was until I lost internet in my home.  Well, technically it's my parent's home, but I'm on the lease too, so there.

I'm trying to reconnect with people on a forum I haven't visited in well over 8 months.  8 months!  And that's after visiting and laughing and posting for like a year straight.  Craziness.

I don't read fanfiction like I used to (don't laugh, we all have guilty pleasures), I don't watch animation like I used to, and I don't look up useless - yet entertaining - things like I used to.  In fact, I'm not even on my laptop that much now that school's over.

What I am doing is knitting and designing more.  I go outside more.  I swim more.  I spend time with people in face time more.  I'm working on bringing back the art of letter writing.

It's strange.  I think I went from one extreme to the other.  There has to be a middle ground, right?  So that's going to be my goal for the next few weeks - find the middle ground.  I'm going to make it a point to blog twice a week at least, check forums once a week, and stay connected to my online people better.  I'm also going to continue going outside, swimming, knitting, writing, and designing.

And working.  Because working three jobs requires mad skill.  I applaud people who do it, now that I know what it's like. Bleh. 

(Thank you, student loans and being an official grown-up.)

I think that sounds like a fair compromise.  Wouldn't you agree? 

Here's to finding the middle ground, dear readers.  Cheers.

~Meaghan