Homesick.

They say home is where the heart is.

Well, my heart is in three separate places right now.

One piece is in Detroit.  My sister - one of my best friends in the world who I love to pieces - is there, on a mission trip.  She's helping make a difference in the lives around her; she's fixing, she building, she's listening, she's growing. She's been gone since Sunday.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  She's coming home to us on Saturday, in the evening on a plane. 

One piece is with my boyfriend who lives half an hour away.  He is going with his family on Friday for their family vacation.  He's going to laugh and joke and relax and play.  He's going to get to reconnect with the loved ones in his life, because the only constant things in this life are God and family.  I'm happy for him, and I know that he needs this.  But at the same time, I'm not going to really get to hear from him for the two weeks he's gone.  Last night was the last time I'll get to see him till he gets back.

And the final piece is here, in the apartment I call home.  It's with my parents who have always been there for me and who always will be there for me.  I'm learning as time progresses the one fundamental truth: no matter what happens, family will always be there to catch you.  They support me, they keep me grounded.  They listen to me gripe, listen to my joys.  And without them, I don't know where I would be.

So as you can see, I'm a little homesick.  I want all three pieces back in the same spot.  It's comforting and familiar and smells like home.

But maybe, just maybe, I have three homes.  And while I still miss pieces, I know they are in safe hands.

~Meaghan

VBS Wears Me Out.

But I'm loving every minute of it.

It is a bit of a struggle.  We have kids who don't want to focus or settle down.  We have kids who don't want to play games or do the songs.  Many don't want to listen.

Today was day two and already I can see improvement.  The little girl who didn't want to play games played today, and had fun.  The group of boys who never listen actually listened part of the time.  The class settled down for prayer and reflection.

And dare I say that they actually learned something.

It's going to be a long week.  But I welcome it with open arms.

~Meaghan

The Great Degree Problem

As many of you know, dear readers, I am a college student.

I attend a local community college where I am working on an Associates of Arts with an emphasis in Creative Writing.  The fall will mark my third year there, earning my two year degree.  Oh yeah. It's awesome. 

I originally started as a Bio major, which many of you may not know.  My passion for the longest time was birds of prey.  Owls, hawks, falcons, kites, eagles - I knew them by sight, some by sound, and I wanted to spend every day working with them. I still love them, and it's hard for me to not identify them as I'm driving down the road.

But things change.

I realized last spring that Biology was not the path for me.  It was technical.  And while I have the brains to handle it, it was more effort than I wanted to put forth.  Instead, I re-discovered my love of words.  I have always been a good writer, and I have always loved writing.  Through a literature class, my love of reading and writing was re-awoken.

And when I took a creative writing class last fall, I realized what I want to do with my life: I want to write.

It probably should have been clear earlier on.  I mean, I can't not write.  It is a part of me.  My favorite part of buying school supplies is getting new notebooks and ink pens.  I love the stimulation of taking characters I know intimately or the beauty of the world around me and putting it onto my computer or in a notebook in a way that others can know, too.

But now, my readers, I'm faced with a problem.

You would think it would be easy now that I know what I want to do.  The truth is, though, that the job market is not very open.  I decided this morning to take a look to see what's available for my A.A. degree.  The answer? Not a whole lot. 

It seems that in order to put my degree to good use, I either need to become a very good freelance writer or I need to get my B.A.  I'm not sure I want my B.A.  I'm successful at college and I enjoy it.  But I don't really enjoy it enough to go for another two or three years.  I really want to get a full time job and taste the world of independence.

See, I live at home with my family.  I don't have my own car.  I rely on my parents for pretty much everything.  And while that's fine, there comes a point where I want to know that I can live on my own.  I need to know that I can provide for myself and that I can live in an environment where I will be able to be safe on my own.

(For anyone wondering about it, that was part of why I didn't got straight to a four year school.  At the time I graduated high school, I wasn't convinced that I could trust myself enough to be safe living away from home.  It's a problem a lot of people don't have to worry about; for me though, I still hear the voice in the back of my brain from time to time.)

My sister and I want to get an apartment together before things change.  I want to do that more than anything.  I want that time with her.  I want that time to grow before the changes progress.

On top of it, I've been having a lot of people tell me that I should got to a four year school or ask me if I've considered going.  Professors, friends, family members, mentors.  It makes me question my path.  And I hate that.  I don't think a lot of them mean to put pressure on me, but that's what ends up happening. 

I just need to know that it's going to be ok in the end.  I just need to know that my choices aren't going to define me.  I need to know that I'm supported no matter what, and that I'm loved regardless of what I choose.

I think what finally brought this to a head (because I've been quietly struggling with it for some time now) is what's going on with my sweet boyfriend.  I love him more than anything and I want him to be happy, and right now, he's not.  He's not thrilled with what his path is and he's trying to figure out what to do next.  It's hard to be a third party.  I can't make his choices for him, and I know it.  I can't tell him what to do.

All I can do is tell him the truth: that I'll always be there, supporting him no matter what he does.  That I'll love him no matter what he chooses and that I'll follow him anywhere, even if it means leaving all I know behind. 

(If this isn't love, then I don't know what is.  I've never felt so sure of something in my entire life.  And I mean it, too. )

I feel sick to my stomach and now I'm starting to cry.  I don't know what is going on with me, but I feel like I can't handle it right now.  There shouldn't be so much pressure on us, this next generation.  All I want to do is work and write and knit.  Why is that so hard for everyone to understand? 

Why is it all so hard to understand?

~Meaghan

Busy Weekend.

Holy cow, this is going to be a busy weekend.

Today, we are celebrating Father's Day.  I know it's not until Sunday, but we have good reason for celebrating early.  See, my sister is leaving for her mission trip on Sunday at 5 in the morning. 

So we celebrate Father's Day today.  Then tomorrow, we help make sure everything is packed and ready to go, as well as spending time with her before she leaves.  Then on Sunday we take her to the airport.

And then Monday I start teaching Vacation Bible School for a week.  So it's going to lessen the sadness of not having my sister around.  I always get mopey when she's not around.  She's my one of my best friends.  I know she's going to have a great time, but I'm still going to miss her.

Friday, Trevor is leaving.  My second best friend is going to be gone.  So for two days, my two favorite people in the world are going to be gone.  I'm trying not to be bummed.  I've had time with Katie and I'll have more with her before she goes.  Then I'll have several days with Trevor before he goes. 

So it won't be too bad.

Just busy.

~Meaghan

Sometimes, You Just Gotta Eat Some Ice Cream

Last night, I went out with my boyfriend, Trevor.

We had a good time.  He came over and went swimming with my sister and I in the afternoon.  Apart from spotty sunburns - apparently we suck at putting on sunscreen - it was a lot of fun.  Then Trevor and I went out.

We went to the library, then to a bookstore and walked around the mall area, and had dinner.  Then we went to a park and started walking one of the trails; but then we heard a pack of coyotes and decided it was best to turn back.  Especially after a random guy on the street told us that we probably shouldn't bother them. 

Which was just as well.  A huge thunderstorm came in, so we would have been toast any way.  After killing some time, we ended up at a local grocery store.  I found out that Trevor had never had Ben and Jerry's ice cream before.  Obviously this had to change. 

So we got a pint of Cherry Garcia and two spoons, and proceeded to sit outside the store for the next hour, eating the whole thing.  We were on a sugar high, I'm fairly sure of it.  As we talked about Harry Potter, both of us randomly burst out laughing at nothing in particular.  It was so much fun.  I've never done that before, and I'm so glad I did.

It was totally worth the extra calories and pounds. 

If you haven't done it, I highly recommend it.

~Meaghan

Exhaustion...

...or Why You Shouldn't Stay Up Past Midnight Texting.

But really, it's ok.  Sleep is good, and that's where I'm heading.  Plus, it was fun talking with my boyfriend last night.  So it's worth it.

But still.

When 11:00 pm rolls around, put the phone down and go to bed.  Your body will thank you.

~Meaghan

Saturday Already?

I keep thinking today is Friday.

I don't know why this is.  I mean, I like Friday.  I have nothing against Friday.  But why on Earth do I want to backtrack my week? 

My favorite days are typically Monday and Friday/Saturday. 

I love Monday because it's my date day with Trevor.  Every week we go do something fun, be it playing video games, having a nice lunch or dinner, goofing at a toy store or reading at a bookstore, or just chilling at one of our homes.  It's always fun because it's our time.

Friday/Saturday is family dinner night.  The family  - mom, dad, Katie, and myself - pick a food place and go out to eat.  We sit and enjoy each other's company.  Sometimes the talk is serious, sometimes it's reflective, and sometimes it's just fun.  No matter what, though, it's our time together; it's hard to find time any more to spend together, so it's nice to be able to do it.  I love that.

So there you have it. 

I now know why I need school - to help me keep my days straight.

~Meaghan