Friday, May 28, 2010

Back to Sounding Like an Ass...

I don't understand why, but I apparently sound like an ass online. I'll give you the story, and oh, btw, hi.

Basically, I'm on this community online. I have a really good friend that I've made there, and I started feeling like I was fitting in, but then I said something and apparently I stuck my foot in my mouth. Anyway, the way it sounds is that one or two of the members online now think I'm trying to compete with their top spammer.

Which I'm not.

I just want to fit in somewhere, and I thought maybe this was it. And now I feel like an ass for no reason.

I shouldn't care, I really shouldn't. But I have trouble making friends, and it's really hard for me to fit in. Not that I should want to fit in, but you know. Everyone wants to be accepted in their own right, and I feel like I'm not.

So, now I feel like I sound like an ass on line, and I hate it. But I can't do anything to fix the situation; it would just make it worse. I feel like I'm back to square one, wondering where I actually should be.

Which, for the record, it wasn't just the online community thread thing that made me feel like this. It was just the thing that made it come to a head. It's compounded by the fact that the friends I have here are people I really don't feel like I have anything in common with, the fact that I feel like I'm friends with them out of convience and the feeling is mutal. Maybe it's all in my head, but that's how it feels.

But I'm just whining. Who cares? Right? Being an oddball, feeling like an outcast at times - maybe it will help me grow.

Or maybe it means I'm going to be a hermit living in isolation. I don't know.

All I know is, I feel like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle box. Something's gotta give somewhere, right?

I'm going to go read a book now, and take a break from the online stuff.


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