I forgot I need to buy calenders...

Maybe I'm in denial that 2009 starts this week, but I seriously forgot that I need calenders. So unless I go get some within the next two days (not gonna happen), I'm going to have these three open gaps on my walls. Yes, I keep three calenders plus one planner. It gives my room style and keeps me on track.

I think I have bigger concerns, though. Like getting the room my sister and I share clean before my St. Louis friend comes next week. And finally getting my Beatles headshot hung (it's a really cool wall hanging from their later years that's in black and white and framed). So what am I doing right now?

I'm sitting in the library, using the wi-fi to blog while listening to the Bravery Radio on Pandora. Pandora, if you have never used it before, is one of the coolest things on the Internet. What you do is type in a song or group you like and it will create a "radio station" based upon that. It's a great way to get to know lots of little known groups as well as hearing the ones you love. Thanks to it, I have discovered that I really like Franz Ferdinand and other various artists. I have about 7 different stations - the Bravery, Augustana, Coldplay, I Am Ghost, the White Stripes, etc.

My sister is here somewhere; it sounds bad, but we split up. I figure that a) it's the library so nothing is going to happen, and b) I'm 18 and she's 15. We can handle ourselves fairly well. I suspect she is down looking at manga books. I was really into them when I was her age and she is following suit.

And here she is, manga books in hand. She says she's bored here right now, so I think that means that I need to wrap it up. Not sure what we are going to do, but we'll think of something.

Until next time, Cyberspace.

...Blah.

So, I've decided that I really want my writing to be discovered and published, but I just don't know the best way to even start. Plus, I can feel my motivation begining to slip through the cracks again. Not sure why that is, but I think I'm going to work on it.

Maybe.

The next two weeks are going to be really interesting. My friend from college is in town and I'm meeting her boyfriend Sunday. My hair is being dyed purple or black (still haven't decided, though I'm leaning towards purple) on Saturday. And on Monday my friend from St. Louis comes in to live with me for a week.

Like I said, interesting. Plus I still have to juggle work and cleaning my room and everything else that I have to do. I kinda want to pull my hair and scream, and at the same time I want to laugh hysterically. Actually, sleep sounds really good. I keep having these nightmares about one of my friends, which I think must mean I miss him more than I realized even though he hasn't been gone that long.

Pathetic to the highest degree.

Anyway, I think the point of this blog was to tell everyone that I may not be around to writing as much the next two weeks. This week I might at night, but I can almost guarantee that next week it will be dry as dust. Haha, cliche.

I'll write again later; I have to go fight the mess in my room.

My "N" Key is going out...

So it's Christmas day and I have discovered something new - the "n" key on my laptop keyboard seems to be on the brink of going out. It's rather annoying because I use the "n" key quiet frequently and now I have to hit it just right or else it won't go. Blah.

I survived my day of crazyness yesterday. I woke up yesterday morning after having a bad night's sleep (I think I dreamed about spiders because I was blogging about them before bed, but I don't really remember...) and proceded to have a nervous breakdown on the way to work. Which kinda sucks, because I'm one of those people who hate crying in front of other people, especially if they are related to me or know me (like my parents, who were in the front of the car); luckily my face was not overly red at work and I survived my morning.

But then I got attacked by this big, heavy box at work. Basically I had to move this huge stack of boxes from one area to another, which isn't that big of a deal. Except for when the boxes are stacked above your head and you assume they are going to be light. I ended up dropping the box (it was really heavy and I had no grip on it whatsoever) on my head slightly and then, like in slow motion, it scratched my arms as I tried to catch it. I heard it meet the ground and realized that there was glass inside of the box. I'm pretty sure I broke whatever was in the box, but the lady in the room I was in said not to worry about it because they would just blame the UPS guy.

Sorry UPS guy. I am working on learning to be more careful.

The rest of yesterday seems to blur. I know there were three church services I attended, one that I got to watch (the puppets did a great job as did the youth bells and choir) and two that I performed in (Epic Fail the first time on the bells, much better the second service). I came home and ate onion rings from Burger King and went to bed. Apparently, onion rings from Burger King affect sleep patterns cause I had the weirdest dream last night...

Today has been a pretty good day. I got the cutest pink bunny slippers! I'm wearing them with my argile socks right now and think they are the spiffiest things since silver chains. And I got fingerless gloves, which means I can play my violin in the cold without my fingers freezing off. I've also been stuffing my face with food that is not the healthiest in any sense. I'll start my diet after the new year...

In fact, I think the only thing that is not going well today is that we still don't know why my dad's car died on the highway last week. And my "n" key is driving me batty.

I hope all you people in cyberspace have enjoyed this week of lots of updates and that you are enjoying whatever holiday you celebrate. I wanna say that I'm still going to be updating like there is no tomorrow, but I have no guarentees.

Until then, happy holidays.

Things I have learned in 2008

It was a very slow night at work this evening - I started and finished a whole book with a half hour to spare. In that half hour, I got to reflecting about the various things I have learned in the past year. For your enjoyment and because I like writing this sort of thing down for reasons unknown, here is what I have learned:

* If you mix blue and green Kool-Aid flavors to dye your hair with, while it smells nice and looks amazing the first week, it ultimately turns green and stays in place for 6 + months. I still have green in my bang region as proof.

* Therapy is actually not fun. Don't do anything that warrents going back.

* Don't break curfew unless you have a brilliantly good reason to.

* Being "one of the guys" has it's perks as long as they don't forget that you are of the feminine gender - when that happens, you are allowed to smack them on the arm and walk away.

* Never having been kissed at age 18 is not all bad, nor is being single as long.

* Never, ever assume. It really does make an ass out of u and me.

* Temporary hair dye, while it stays amazingly well on your ears, neck, pillowcase, hairbrush, etc., does not actually stay well in your hair.

* Waiting for change does nothing but make you depressed.

* Dances are obnoxiously loud

* Working with little kids is the most satisfying job I have ever had.

* Saying "No" does not make you a bad person, it merely saves you from over commiting yourself.

* Trying to find yourself is the hardest thing in the world, especially if you have no clue where to start looking.

* Books are always better than the movie, such as Twilight. (Sorry, Rob, your lines were just so cheesy that they made Cheez Whiz look like foreign Brie).

* Music makes things better.

* Going outside your comfort zone has advantages and disadvantages, but is worth the risk anyway.

And finally,

* Family is the strongest foundation you will ever have to support you and care for you. They are always there, and they always will be.

So now I feel like maybe I can relax a little tiny bit this Holiday season. After I survive participating in two Christmas Eve church services (I play handbells and sing first soprano in our choir) and watching my sister in two different services (she does bells, sings female tenor, and does puppets), that is.

Happy Holidays.

Things with eight legs are really just unnatural.

I have to admit it - I hate spiders. Ok, it's not really hate, it's more of a scream-when-I-see-one-bordering-hysteria type of thing. My family laughs at me for it, but...ew. Eight legs? Eight eyes? Two horrible vicious fangs ready to bite at a drop of a hat??

Think about it for a moment. Spiders have the creepiest structure know out there. I know they are supposed to be beneficial to nature and humans and blah, blah, blah; really, though, have you ever had one stare you down? They look at you with those beady eyes (all horrid eight of them) and it's like they know exactly what you are thinking and the power they have over you.

I have to say it really is an irrational fear. I mean, I know I'm like a gazillion times bigger than any given spider, and yet... For the record, though, have you seen a Colorado wolf spider? We had one in our apartment shortly after moving from Missouri to here, and I just about went crazy. All I saw were the remains in the trash and that was all I needed - I swear the thing was at least an inch across and that was in death! It was like the godzilla of wild spiders.

Actually I bet it was the king of the spiders and now the spiders have been plotting for three years on the best way to destroy us. I really hope I'm wrong...

Spiders tie with elevators for my number one fear. Elevators are a logically explained fear, though - so many things can go wrong with them (stalling, dropping, shredded cords, power outages, etc...) and I over think things so much that I think that one is to be expected. But spiders...

I do have a theory. My dad (hi dad!) is a channel surfer. He always has been and always will be; he sits on the couch with the remote in hand, flipping until he sees something he deems interesting or until my mom or I take the remote from him. When I was probably about five or six, he did the same thing with me in the room and stopped on the film Arachnaphobia (is that even spelled right?). To this day, I still remember the scene where all the spiders flood out of the sink.

Okay, I'm done. Too much creepy crawliness. My next blog will be more...normal? I just had to get that out though - eight legged things do not float my boat. Ew.

Oh, and the moral of the story is don't scar your kids early on, cause it will scar them for life. I am living proof.

Let's think happy thoughts...

And every breath takes us closer...

Has anyone else thought about it? The irony of breathing - it's like you take in death even as you take in life. Everytime you breathe, you get closer and closer to the end. Our breaths, like our days and hours and minutes and seconds and moments, are all limited; they will not go on forever.

So why am I thinking this now? I'm not actually sure, to be totally honest. This sort of thinking really freaks the people around me out, as they are all afraid I am going to start retracing my steps and falling back into my old habits. I can assure you that while I have had a little bit of trouble getting out of my head this week, ultimately I am not going to do anything. I feel I must say that or else I'm going to get a dozen and one comments on my Facebook page as well as my blogger page about it. Relax, everyone - I am a big girl, I can handle stuff.

Anyway, I got to thinking about how everything is fleeting and time is short and it brings around a ton of questions. Is there really something after this life or is this all we have? Are the ripples I'm leaving throughout my lifetime worth anything or are they causing more grief than help? And why is life so confusing? I mean, I'm only 18 but I still seriously can't stop thinking about the course I'm on and wondering if it's right.

I'm pretty sure I believe in God. I mean, I was raised in the church and I am very active in the music programs there, but sometimes I'm not sure. Sometimes I think it's almost too good to be true, that it's like a fairytale. I do like the concept of having someone or something that's always there and that can take us for who we are unconditionally, but everything in this day and age has a price tag on it. I think that's part of what is hard for me to accept about grace and whatnot - the concept of something for nothing.

Or maybe I'm just seriously too much of a take charge person. The other day my mom told be to stop trying to control everything and to actually act my age for once instead of as a mom. It's the same basic thing she's been telling me off and on since I was tweleve. It's just so hard for me to let go and not be the responsible one. I remember in sixth grade one of my best friends telling me that when we all got old enough to party, I was going to be the designated driver. Of course I moved a few years later so it has yet to come about, but come on. The thing about God is that you have to let go to let Him (or Her, cause it could be either) help. I just can't let go.

So I think that this holiday season, I'm going to be doing a lot of searching, both personal and spiritual. I'm going to college next fall, so I guess that means I should probably be really secure in myself (I put on a good front, but don't let it fool you - there is a reason I do some of the things I do); this is a good time to do it.

Breathe in. Hold....10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...breath out. One breath closer. One breath farther.

But to what?

My poor characters...

I really have not been feeling motivated lately, and it's not just here, either. It seems my creative writing is begining to slip between the cracks. That can't be a good thing. Seriously, I need to just discipline myself to write the story of Dereck and Brie; I should also take all the random poetry I've written over the past few years and put it in a compilation that I can send to an editor.

I still want to be published, I'm just exceptionally non-motivated right now.

Perhaps it's the weather? Cold weather really does kill me. When it snows or anything below a comfy 55 degrees, all I want to do is sleep. I go to bed early and if I could get away with it, I'd be sleeping in really late. Blah.

Well, I guess it's time to start breaking free of the blahness. Bring on the pencil and paper, I think I'm ready.

Until next time,

Meaghan, aka Birdgirl90

I think technology doesn't like me very much

And no, it's not all in my head. Seriously. My little laptop PC is driving me up a wall. Granted, I wasn't exactly shopping around when I got it last summer so the memory capacity really sucks; and to be honest, I think I should have spent more time thinking about what I really wanted. Like lots and lots and lots of memory and the ability to play computer games.

Yes, I am a highly motivated individual.

Now I do have to give my computer credit. It runs iTunes and burns CDs. That is an amazingly awsome feature, especially for someone like me who needs music like oxygen. (It's the honest truth; last year I got grounded and my parents took my radio away from me. I thought I was going to die - I even went so far as to petition for my radio previliges back by doing a 95 Thesis like Martin Luther did. I taped it on their bedroom door; they got a good laugh from it, but did not relinquish my radio until the end of the sentencing...) I also like the fact that my computer plays DVDs. That is another cool feature.

However, after waiting for what seems like ages for it to boot up and get warmed up, I usually am fairly annoyed. Plus it runs really slowly on websites like Facebook and gmail. And when I go to play online games on gamegarage.co.uk and addictinggames.com . Blah.

But, again, for the main purposes like checking my email and typing papers or story plots, it seems to run fine. Just don't run pandora and you'll be fine.

Here's why I think technology hates me, though. My computer will randomly reboot itself in the middle of programs. Sometimes I am able to postpone it, but if I leave the room and the thing pops up, it just goes ahead and does it. Not only that, but it freezes up and has to be manually shut down at least once a month. I almost wonder if it's from the Vista software on it, or if it's just from the lack of memory and the number of things I have running on it.

So there are my technology woes. Apparently I do know something about technology, though - while the computer gives me grief, I can still find my way around the Internet quickly, run this blog, and keep my iPod from exploding. It's a start. Maybe one day I'll get to a point where computers frustrate me less.

And there is your blog update for today. I am starting a new kick where I update more often. We will see how that goes.

Until we meet again.

The Sun and the Moon (Album Review)

Wow, I'm back! Please don't die of enthusiasm. I know it's been a while since I really posted anything of decency on here. I do apologize - it seems that working two jobs is really making me fatigued ( I seriously pass out at night, and caffiene is no good - what am I going to do when I get to college if Dr. Pepper is no longer working? Oh, wait, I know - expresso). But it's worth it -almost every dime goes into my college fund.

Anyway, this blog tonight is going to be me reviewing an album I just fell head over heels in love with. The album, like the name of this blog, is titled The Sun and the Moon by a group called the Bravery. But before we get into the meat of the album, let me tell you how I got into the Bravery.

Basically it started about a month or so ago when iTunes had a free single that I thought looked interesting. I'm one of those people who likes reading what people are saying about a give product before investing in it (even if it is free - I like having security), so I read the various comments people had left. There, amist the praise and criticism, someone made the comment of how the free single reminded them of a cross between the Bravery and the Killers. 'The Bravery,' I thought. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. So I looked up their stuff on iTunes and found "Believe" which was catchy and put it on my iPod.

But then I saw the music video for "An Honest Mistake" and instantly remembered where I had heard of them. Flash back to the end of summer 2005. I, still feeling dazed and whatnot from our move to Denver from St. Louis, was sitting on the couch watching VH1 (screw MTV - not enough music, too much reality TV) when this music video full of dominos and some random guy with weird hair came on. I was sucked in and made a mental note to look the group up because the video was amazing.

Mental notes mean nothing when you are dazed or tired.

So that's how I rediscovered the Bravery. Their first album I got a few weeks ago from the library. Pretty good for the most part, and the videos are really creative. I was hooked; I checked their new CD. I have to be honest - this new album, The Sun and the Moon, blew me out of the water. And I'm not just saying that because I love Sam Endicott, either (although that does add to the effect).

The Sun and the Moon is just over all a good disk. You can tell that the Bravery has matured in musical ability and there is a variety of music styles to prove it. From the acoustic "Tradgedy Bound" to the orchestrated "The Ocean" to the pop-like "Time Won't Let Me Go" to the rock "Believe", this CD has something for everyone. Plus, Sam has done a wonderful job on vocals - there is a good use of tenor and bass ranges and you can hear the emotion in his voice.

What I love about this CD is that it's provocing. The lyrics are all fairly deep, and tackle the ever present human condition of longing and searching for things we can't always see yet know exist. I'm not sure if the guys in the Bravery were thinking about that when they wrote the songs, and it's always open for interpretation, but that's what I got out of it. It makes me feel like I'm a little less alone in the world.

Some of the songs are hard. "Tradgedy Bound" was one that I really wanted to turn off, but I just couldn't. I wanted to cry so badly when I heard it, especially the line about the girl harming herself (I have a history, and so that sort of thing really affects me). And yet the combination of the acoustic guitar and Sam's voice make the misery of abuse almost into a painstaking lullabye.

A song I felt I could really relate to is "The Ocean", where the lyrics talk of the constant comings and goings of those around you and decisions made along the path of life. "So many friends now and none of them mine..." How many times can you give a piece of yourself away and still be you? It's a question I think we have all faced at one point or another, and isn't it true how we always see things perfectly in hindsight? These are things I always find myself doing and now there's a song about it.

Of course there is "Believe" which is very catchy and very addicting. The more you listen to it, the more you seem to gain from it or discover about it. "Time Won't Let Me Go" again reflects upon hindsight, and has that irresistable beat that seems to flow through the Bravery's music.

All in all, I give The Sun and the Moon an A. I think there were only two or three songs I didn't care for, and the rest are on repeat right now on my iPod. My only question now is what happened to the mohawk or whatever that Sam used to have? Also, along with the cleaned up style, the music videos for The Sun and the Moon are now in color while the music videos for the self-titled album The Bravery were all black, white, and yellow. Just an observation; seriously, no complaints. I love these guys. Hopefully they will be working on a new album soon.

And that was my very, very long music review. I have to say, for it being after 9 at night and for me being ready to pass out, that wasn't half bad.

Until next time, Cyberland.

www.thebravery.com

(Just in case you all become as obsessed as I seem to have.)

Something that really, really bugs me (a Facebook blog)

My apologies for the lack of writing, cyberland - I've been so busy I've barely had time to breathe, plus there was nothing for me to write about. And before you say it, yes, I do know that there's always something to write about. I just haven't been motivated.

So I joined Facebook a few months ago. I know I said I was never going to join it, but a lot of people I know are on there, and it actually turned out to be a good idea. There is a ton of stuff you can do on there. I do have to admit, though, the novelty wears off after a while - youtube and albinoblacksheep. com are still my favorite sites. Or maybe Pandora.com . Pandora is good.

Anyway, so about Facebook. No one on there knows how to spell or use proper grammer!!! It drives me up a wall! I am an educated young woman and so I try to reflect that in my emails and blogs and, yes, Facebook comments. I want to come across as polished and whatnot - plus, I am a writer, so that sort of thing is very important in getting points across. It absolutely kills me when I get on Facebook and have an email or whatever it's called from one of my friends and he spells half the words wrong and doesn't use any punctuation. Does anyone else get bugged by this or am I a freak?

No, I am not a freak - I am just very precise.

Well, I guess that sums up my Facebook issues. I just can't stand shortened words (like when people take the vowels out of the words themselves) and lack of punctuation. And spelling; why can no one even come close to correct spelling? It doesn't have to be perfect - just stop dropping letters!

Okay, I'm done. Sorry it wasn't too horribly interesting, I just needed to vent.

Until we meet again.