Friday, April 8, 2011

It's Not Mono!

Yay!  That makes me very happy.  And my liver enzymes are going back down to where they are supposed to be. 

That is the good news.

Now, here's the interesting/bad news.

The doctor won't put me back on the same medicine I was on.  In fact, she doesn't want to put me back on anything to regulate me because it's killing my liver.  That's all well and good except for the fact that I had a near panic attack at school this week and I've barely held it together.

So I told her that.  And she's decided to try an anti-anxiety pill to see if that's going to help.   It's not necessarily because I'm dealing with depression or anxiety she said, but more or less because my stupid PMS is so bad.  It's one of those things that they prescribe women who deal with it like I do.

I'm just curious as to why there doesn't seem to be middle ground for me.  I feel a lot better today than I have all week, which is definitly an improvement.  But I can't seem to stay in the good vibes for very long.  This week was a prime example of that.

I want to feel things cause that's where all my good writing comes from, but I think there comes a time when you feel too much and become overwhelmed.  I don't know how to regulate that out.

So what I'm going to do is give the medicine a whirl and see if it'll help keep me from panicing at school for the next three weeks.  I'm also doing a thing for psychology that requires me to work out every day for the next four weeks.  My thinking is that I will be able to stop taking the medicine once I get through school and get regulated from the exercise. 

I better not be able to lose my ability to write.  That's the one thing I'm concerned about.  I want to do poetry for the rest of my life.  If there is no feeling, there is no writing. 

We will see how it goes.


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