Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What a Week. :P

It has been such a crappy week and it's only Tuesday.  Tuesday, guys.  I don't know if I'm going to make it to Friday, believe it or not.

A huge part of it is my mood.  The doctor is changing my medications and right now, I'm not on squat.  I have been on such a huge roller coaster ride the past week and a half.  This week has been the down slope.

Or rather crash.

I have four weeks of school left; everything massive is due in the next two weeks.  Everything is hitting me wrong.  I started crying Sunday night, cried most of the morning yesterday, and then had to leave school today for the same thing.

I feel like I'm crashing and burning in the solar system, totally alone.

And no, I don't usually feel this way.

I was reading T.S. Elliot today, because I love the man, and these two girls from one of my classes came over and sat with me.  Turns out, both of them do drugs and they decided that that's what they were going to talk about with me.  After a half hour of laughing at the absurdity of the stories I was hearing and standing up for my own values, I decided it was probably time to go.  I had nearly made that decision when the guy that I have a crush on walked by.  That really made my choice up for me - I don't want to be associated as a drug person.

Because I'm not.  Believe me.  I don't drink, do drugs, or party.  I am content staying at home and reading literature.

I went to the fourth floor and sat alone with my book of poetry and realized that there are very few people I've met who actually enjoy that sort of thing.  I've just about given up on finding anyone of the opposite gender who appreciates things like "the Wasteland".

Add to this a headache and a constantly threatening nervous break down and I knew I had to get out of there.  Sorry speech class.  I couldn't breathe.

I haven't felt this way in such a long time.  Such a long time.  I need to breathe, need to breathe, need to breathe.

I feel jumpy, upset, like everything is too much. 

To top it off, it seems like I might be catching strep throat. 

I feel like I can't do it.  I know that I can, but I feel like I can't.

Maybe the rest of the week will look better.


No comments: