I Think I've Found It.

What I want to do with my life, that is.

We had a jazz poetry thing today at school.  Basically, it's poetry read to live jazz music.  Whoever wanted to read could read, plus the wonderful people putting it on read.

It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed and been a part of.  I loved hearing the pieces that were read.  And I read a piece.

I feel like all the emotion I had pent up this week came out in that piece and it was suddenly like I could breathe again.  Like I had been holding a breath I didn't realize I was holding.  I was shaking from the release.  I mean, it was almost like a spiritual experience.

And now I know what I want to do with my life.

I want to write poetry.  And I want to read it live, some with music, some without.  I want my voice - my stupid, shy, obnoxious, quiet voice - to be heard.  Because I have something to say.  I have a lot of somethings to say.  And it's important.

I need to share my life in this way.  I need to write and to read and read live and to write some more.  I need this. 

And to all the voices that tell me I can't, to all the people who have hurt me in the past, to all the things that have piled up until I can't see the sunlight or the moonlight, I have news for you.  It is because of you that I am going to do this.  I have so much that I have bottled up my whole life and it's time. 

It's time to shine.  It's time to share.  And it's time for it to come out.

This is my life and I know now that this is what I want.  So go ahead.  Bring me down.  Because that's the stuff that I will be publishing in the next few years.

~Meaghan